Committment is an Illusion

Commitment only exist in the present moment.” Janell Hihi

What is commitment?

It is absolute non-sense. The truth is a person has the freedom to do as they wish even after they make a so-called promise to you, they have a right to renege on that promise almost instantly. It is called freedom and there is no love without the freedom to choose. We are all so overtly insecure we need a promise for everything.

Promise me you will love me forever, promise you will never leave, promise me with a promise ring! Blah blah blah and it goes on and on because we can’t handle being unsure,  we can’t handle not knowing what the future holds, we can’t accept that love is unpredictable because we are terrified of losing the other or losing the love. We lose people not love. Love is a constant. Love is God, we are love, how can we lose what we are?


Nothing is absolute, everything is dissected into a trillion perspectives, possibilities and outcomes. We can not even commit to tomorrow, death is a black angel that comes by surprise and we may not be around to deliver on what we committed to…

What are we really committing on when tomorrow is not promised? Love is a vapor that can submerge you and then vanish, so why confine it to a commitment? It is not even logical.” Janell Hihi

The only thing you can commit to is the moment. Be in it, love then and there. Don’t speculate or analyze just be there with your love, with that person you want to share it with.

There is no greater love than the present moment and no form of love more authentic. Promises of future love is so foolish, because the future itself is an illusion that doesn’t even exist yet.

I don’t want your promises, I don’t need a commitment because I welcome what will come as divine order. I do want you here when you are here. Fully present with me, don’t commit to what we don’t know which is the future, commit to this very moment.

I read so much relationshit, yes, I said relationsSHIT not a typo, advice that states if he or she doesn’t commit he doesn’t love you, if he or she doesn’t do this or that they are using you, if, if… and we go one reading it and buying in to it.

The very worst is “He’s just not that into you.” Really? What a way to make someone feel unworthy and small. That false statement is so flawed, so dysfunctional.

Then there is the infamous term “Commitment phobe.” The commitment phoebe is a very smart person. Commitment is not a natural phenomena, so these commitment phoebe’s are just being unapologetically human.

Accepting a commitment is fooling yourself. When someone says they want to commit to you, take it for them loving you in that moment because realistically that is all that is real. 


Change is constant moment to moment, people’s feelings change, so inevitably we must all accept that commitment is an illusion. Why put so much into that word? Why give it so much power? Then when that commitment isn’t fulfilled we are deeply hurt, we feel cheated.

People don’t hurt people, illusions hurt people.” Janell Hihi

Just love me as long as you want to. You see, I want that higher love that gives the ultimate freedom. Love me as intensely or as long as you want to because I don’t want that obligatory love, nor do I need the security of fairytale promises.

Give me all of you right now. Will meet tomorrow when it comes. Love me willingly, could anyone ever ask for anything more precious than a willing love?

A love not tied to the law, not tied to commitments, culture or religion. A love not just there to make me feel secure. A love that is there just because it chooses to be.” Janell Hihi

Let’s examine the facts quickly, traditional committed relationships fail more than they succeed and the definition of insanity is… doing the same thing expecting different results.

So this is the paradox of traditional relationship advice, it tells you to actively seek  out commitment yet then when you obtain it, the man or woman starts pulling away?? We pull away because commitment is unnatural.

Then the relationship expert tells you also to be more aloof and pull away giving the man his space and also to remind him he doesn’t have you wrapped around his fingers?

REALLY? Listen to what they are telling you?! Why is it that being aloof and appearing unattached is more naturally attractive to people, why when you pull away they come closer? Because we intrinsically and biologically WANT freedom. I truly believe being totally free is our natural state.

When people are too close and too entangled in their relationship it fails, 100% of the time!”

My advice, be who you are as a human and remain somewhat aloof and unattached and let the other do so as well.

That space builds intrigue and maximizes attraction. It is sustainable because the space keeps the mystery, the individual growth flourishes. We need that individual space to grow in our relationships. It’s absolutely mandatory, a law of nature.

I always chuckle a little inside when someone says “I want to know everything about you.” I don’t even know everything about me yet, I am not dead, I am a process evolving. I will tell you what is today with the hope you don’t expect that’s who I am tomorrow.

You will never know EVERYTHING about your lover. And trust me if you did, you would fall out of love.

Make the commitment to not make any commitments.” Janell Hihi

Relationships don’t exist in the future, so “I promise to love you forever, til death do us part,” is total and utter bullshit. Just shut up and love me right now!


And how could I hate you if you gave me what you had for as long as you could? I can’t because you didn’t promise me anything but to love me authentically in that moment and that to me was more than enough. That to me was everything, and I thank you for it.

This is an excerpt from a chapter in my upcoming book, “Relationship Reform and The State of our Unions.”

Janell Hihi

Copyright @2016

2 thoughts on “Committment is an Illusion

  1. I am struggling with this one, I know tomorrow is not promised but really? An illusion? So in matters of the heart things should be casual. I will meditate more on this one….


  2. Funny, I dated a guy who was against titles and didn’t like boundaries or commitments, turns out he was just a player… commitment is an illusion for those who want to play the field? I don’t really get it in any other context… explain please!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s