Is it Intuition or Fear?

The difference between fear and intuition.

You know it’s intuition when it is a clear and concise message that does not have an emotional context to it. In other words it comes to you out of the blue. You are busy at work and suddenly you get a loud and clear message in your head to call your mother. You act on that instinct and thankfully you called because she fell and hurt her ankle.

Fear is the opposite. It is not clear and concise, it is centered in emotions, past hurt, anxiety and ego. Fear is a thought pattern of negativity that gets out of hand in any given moment. It tells you to do something or not to do something based on a negative emotion or perceived ego injury.

A very clear distinction between intuition versus fear is that fear comes from a place of terror. Intuition comes from a place of no emotions at all, it is a place of just knowing.” Janell Hihi

Growing up highly intuitive, I learned early on how to decipher what is fear and what is instinct. When I was about 11 years old, my parents received a letter in the mail stating a sex offender was released from prison and now lives in our neighborhood. A few weeks later, I saw my dad trying to fix a bad lock on the back door of our home. It was late and the hardware store was closed so he warned us the door would not securely lock so be mindful until he could go to the store in the morning and get a new lock.

That night I also had to sleep in the living room on the sofa because my bedroom was being painted earlier that day the fresh smell of paint and all it’s toxicity was still fresh in the air. I fell into a deep sleep on the sofa fast from a long day of playing outside with friends.

I immediately started dreaming of the devil chasing me, a recurring theme in most of my childhood dreams. This dream seemed to be one of the most frightening and I had to wake up to escape it’s wrath. My heart was beating uncontrollably fast, I was sweating and something told me to Get up! I immediately got up off the sofa and noticed the night light in the kitchen was off, which is very odd. I turned to my left and noticed that the back door with broken lock was half-way open.

The message from my intuition was clear. Someone was in my house. I began to walk down the hallway in my pitch dark home, as if I was guided from a higher power. I fearlessly took every step. Unafraid as I walked down the hall towards my dad’s bedroom. It was the darkest  night in the house I could ever remember, not a single light on.

As I kept walking I almost tripped over something, I calmly scanned the wall in search of the light switch to see what obstacle was in my way. I found the switch flicked it on and in front of me was a tall man, about six foot four, husky with a beard. In his hands was a huge black garbage bag and what it appeared to be a very complex hunting knife and a rope.

I asked him loudly what the hell was he doing in my house, and he looked down at me stuttering in fear, I will never forget how afraid he looked. How could he be afraid of me, a tiny framed, skinny girl who was only 11 years old? I yelled for my dad to come, and in 5 seconds my dad burst out of his room, tackled the man down as my mother called the cops.

If I had not listened to my clear concise intuition, that man who I stopped from entering my 13 year old sisters room may have raped and killed her that night. Turns out he was the released sex offender and it turns out God used me to save a life. May I continue to be a vessel for the greater good for the rest of my life.

In terms of fear, I am most fearful of things that happened in my past that I do not want to happen again. The most common fear is the fear of heartbreak. We have all been hurt in the past by a lover, we remember the painful experience and we do not wish for it to happen again.

When we start dating again we create defenses out of fear to avoid getting close to others.

Typically when you hear a voice telling you to refrain and not “give” your love to another that is fear. Holding back love is fear. The person you are starting to like is just re-awakening your unresolved pain that you need to take care of.

How do you take care of that? You can acknowledge your part in the heartache, accept it as a lesson learned and a step toward your awakened consciousness instead of an injury to your heart or ego. You played a part in the demise of your relationship, you were a participant not a victim, own up and grow up. Unless you want to carry it with you for the rest of your life.” Janell Hihi

The entire westernized way of perceiving relationships ending as “heartbreak” sets the tone for negative feelings and resentment that stick to us and carry over into “new” relationships.

Relationships do not make you happy, they make you conscious.

Dating is like looking into a mirror, you really get to “see” yourself. All the good and all the ugly when relating to another. What an excellent opportunity for growth! It is an adventure into your own self discovery through that person. The other is the “water” you need to bloom. They are not an offender, a culprit or an asshole…


When I enter relationships, situationships, or flirtationships, I begin to see all that is in me that still needs to be healed. It is hard to see, but even more hard to accept!

When you get a glaring clear message about someone you are dating or in a relationship with that is not attached to your past pain, briefly analyze what you are feeling to determine if it is fear or intuition by comparing their actions to what you think your intuition or fear is telling you.


You perceive your potential date as a selfish person. Now to determine if this is a statement based out of fear or intuition, list behaviors this person has displayed to make you feel this way. After you have listed behaviors, now you must list your behaviors as well. Have you displayed any selfishness towards them as well? Is this mirroring? Are you projecting what is in you onto them? Is this thought of the other being selfish a reflection of your being selfish out o f fear of being close to another?

Finding things that are “Wrong” with people justifies your desire to not get too close to them out of fear.

Lots of speculation but well worth it in the end before you let fear ruin something that could be potentially good.

So abolish fear of love and relating by knowing the difference between fear and intuition and knowing that an ending of a relationship or enduring a difficult relationship is a tall stretch of your growth, not a scratch, break or tear on your heart.

Intuition tells you clearly what you need to know while Fear is the light that leads you down that dark hallway. There is a demon at the end of the hall waiting for you. But he is not evil, he wants you to face him and defeat him so you can grow past your pain. Fear is just a symptom that you need to face something that is a hurdle in your path. Don’t get it confused with intuition.

By Janell Hihi


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