Emotionally Unavailable


Like consciousness attracts like consciousness.

Have you ever felt amazing Chemistry with a man or woman and believed that the butterflies in your stomach signify some majestic connection was just made between you and this other person?

Did you know that who you are most attracted to and feel that intense chemistry towards is someone who is about to show to you what area you need to improve in your life to grow in consciousness?

They are about to mirror you, and if you are unavailable in this life in any way, you will meet and attract others who are also unavailable, specifically emotionally unavailable towards you.

My upcoming book will further explain the connection between chemistry and consciousness.


Who you attract into your life intimately is entirely dependent upon where you need to grow into higher consciousness in your life. What you are attracted to is a reflection of yourself. However, most people live in a state of denial.

We believe we have it all figured out and the other is always the one to blame. We are driven by a culture of blame. A culture that I would like to assist in shifting to start looking inwards instead of outward regarding the quality of people we attract in our life.

A relationship is a mirror of where you need to grow.”Janell Hihi

I keep hearing small talk amongst women specifically talking about how they meet Mr. Unavailable and It’s become a pattern in their life. I keep meeting Mr. Unavailable. Why?   Because YOU are unavailable. Yes, you are and that is your level of consciousness that is why Mr. unavailable is so irresistible to you. The attraction you really feel is the law of attraction. In regards to relationships the law of attraction dictates that a situation is what you are.

It is what you are.

Why are people emotionally unavailable?

Emotional unavailability is much deeper than a person who is just not into you. They are just not into themselves. Unavailable means they are not open to vulnerability at this particular time in their lives. Staying unavailable is there way of avoiding vulnerability and true intimacy. Instead of judging them look inward to see how you are also behaving in an unavailable manner which attracted the two of you in the first place.

The reason your attracted to them is because you are also afraid of vulnerability and true intimacy. You want it but fear is blocking it by attracting others into your life who reinforce your fear.

The link between attracting emotionally unavailable partners & Codependency

In this life you get what you are. Codependents who do not understand the spiritual meaning of codependency do not understand that codependency means you are so enthralled with how the “other” is behaving, what they are saying, doing even eating… That you neglect your own emotional needs.

Codependency happens when you neglect your own feelings and become obsessed with what your partner is thinking and feeling.” Janell Hihi

This is a spiritual warning you are unavailable to yourself, perhaps in more than one way.

You need to be more available to yourself and your own feelings. Essentially you are attracting Mr. Unavailable because you are unavailable to yourself. You are unavailable to your own feelings, unavailable to your dreams, unavailable to your life!

In our dating culture we need to focus more on why a particular person came into our life rather than continuing to be obsessed with their behavior.

Ask yourself this, “What area within me is requiring me to grow?” Remember Mr. or Mrs. Unavailable is just mirroring the distance you have with yourself… If you want Mr. available be available to yourself.” Janell Hihi

How do you become more available to yourself?

My upcoming book will explain how. Relationship Reform: It Is What You Are.

If you want next level, be next level.” Janell Hihi

You meet people where you are spiritually. People serve 2 purposes in your journey, they mirror you so that attention is drawn to the places you need to grow spiritually. The second purpose is they call you to grow by being what you aren’t. Their strength is your weakness. Accept both as a gift because they truly are.

Today, be available to yourself.


Janell Hihi



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