Recently, I have stressed the importance of balancing male and female energies in an overly masculine society. Today I want to focus primarily on what environment creates an overly masculine woman. It appears as though there are some astounding biases circulating the internet, specifically an array of videos on YouTube that are alleging of all the female ethnicity’s, African-American women are the most masculine woman in the world.
Considering I am bi-racial, I took offense to that because I hate generalizations. I prefer people be judged by their individual character rather than to be lumped into a group somehow exhibiting the exact same mental characteristics.
It takes a special type of ignorance to categorize the content of a women’s character solely by her race.” Janell Hihi
All this superficial surface talk bores me and I’d like to delve deeper into the reasons a certain race of women are judged as more masculine than other women. The stigma of stereotypes is so powerful, it kills people everyday. Stereotypes steal away our individuality and blocks intimacy. We cannot get to know someone we have judged before we met them. We our essentially severing ourselves from each other using stereotypical venom.
So let’s jump right into it. First of all, every woman in the world is most likely not genuinely feminine because she is overly masculine. We live in a world festering in over masculinity which affects both men and woman. For the sake of this blog we will focus on how masculine energy affects woman. The entire world’s ideology comes from a man. Not just any man, more than likely a man with an ego bigger than his heart. The ego driven man is obsessed with power and domination with a highly stubborn mentality that things can only be the way he thinks they should be. He arrogantly passed down roles to society and delegates the tasks and responsibilities of what a woman should be doing.
If she is a wife, he has a list of things she should do in his eyes and for his benefit that qualifies her to be feminine. If for any reason she doesn’t work his female to do list, she is not feminine and therefore not worthy of love. The overly masculine woman is believed to dig her own grave as men become more and more repelled by her, eventually she dies alone and confused.
The birth of The Overly-Masculine Women
More than likely, she grew up in a home that was absent of a father. Her mother, aunts, grandmothers and sisters created a heavy infusion of feminine energy which as a result created a huge masculine energy deficit. Our father’s play a huge role in creating energetic balances within us. Their energy is apparent in our everyday lives so we do not need to reenact it. Overly masculine energy within a woman is a reenactment of a masculine energy deficit that started in her childhood.
Humans have a tendency to want to be what it is that they lack. It is unfortunate but most African American women lack a masculine energy growing up so they become just that. This is mainly due to systematic discrepancies and Black men trying to justify their lack of responsibility in the life of their children. The same goes for white woman, Latino, Asian and Indian. The fatherless child will exhibit exaggerated masculine energy, overcompensated by the lack of it they experienced in childhood.
Therefore, society, which is overly masculine mocks the fatherless woman instead of helping to facilitate change. The titles of some of the video’s are very disturbing to say the least such as, “Why black men don’t date us black women,” and there is more, “Why black women are undateable.” By the way “undateable” is not a word. That just proves my assessment above that people who stereotype typically have a lower IQ.
Furthermore, over masculinity comes with plenty of symptoms unfairly associated with black women. Having an attitude, argumentative, overly opinionated, the desire to take control of people and situations and most of all not letting a man be a man. Let us not forget an overly masculine women actually hates the act of submission. In that since, it is like a man dating another man. However, the root cause, which is the absent black father, is not being focused on, instead people are belittling black women and advising her to change her “manly” ways or black men will continue to find them “undateable” and continue to marry women outside their race.
I am convinced this is a form of autoimmune disease within the black community. Black men attacking black women and vice versa is like the body attacking it’s own organs. Brother’s justifying their disinterest in their own women, father’s justifying the abandonment of their own children. I mean I cannot count the times I’ve heard black men use the excuse that their “baby momma” is the reason they are not in their child’s life. Mainly because of her volatile and aggressive attitude. Who suffers? The kid. When do we look at each other and have the desire to heal one another rather than judge one another?
We must understand that our division is a cruel device and it should drive us to strive to be closer to one another. As women we need to trust that our men will actually be there and take care of us and not hold him to the same expectation of our absent father’s. Daddy wasn’t around so you and mom had to do what you had to do to survive. As as a result, so of us may have become fiercely independent and doubt what any man can do for us that we haven’t already done ourselves.
I find it funny how, the rumor that black men believe black women are “undateable” does not match with the actual facts. The chart above shows that most black men are married to black women. Is the negative press lashing out on black women via social media and Hollywood a device used to divide us? We are in fact loving each other more than we are loving any other race? My parents have been married for 50 years and my dad has always been in my life so in no way am I using the absence of a father as justification. I am using empathy instead, a tool not utilized often.
Women attacking other women is another nasty symptom of an overly-masculine world. We reject our own feminism and that of other’s. Any women who is fatherless will exhibit masculine traits. I emphasized black women in this blog because I am attempting to shatter an unfair stereotype. I know plenty of women who are very argumentative and difficult who just happen to be Asian and White but society gives them more sympathy justifying their behavior by mental illnesses or childhood issues. Well, I want to give all women that same justification. I also want to say that some women, despite their energy imbalances have found love and are happily married. An energy imbalance is only one factor in successful relationships, there are several other issues to be considered obviously.
The answer is forgiveness. First forgive your father’s and then forgive each other.
It’s heartbreaking when the man who shares the same complexion of the father who abandoned you, is also the man who criticizes you telling you that you are too much of everything that is bad for them to be with you. It further internalizes the black woman’s hurt and pain of not having a father and exemplifies a rejection she should’ve never felt in the first place. True love from a willing man will overcome energy imbalances among men and women. The healing is in the love, not in judgement and rejection. Finally, a closing poem below.
My father abandoned me
Then his brethren despised me
In lyric, in song and in the bosom of a women opposite my complexion
I was berated because of my sass
My so called belligerent attitude
I was deemed cruel. Not lady-like, why?
Because the one that chose not to be an active parent in my life
The one who chose not to help mold me into something more desirable
Has the audacity to judge what my mother, sisters, grandmother’s and aunts, has made of me in his absence.
Perhaps I talk too much because there is so much between us that was left unsaid
So many stories you didn’t hear, so many times I needed you near
My trust is limited because I fear you will leave me again and again
Our sons they left and married drug life, thug life, imprisonment, and fell to the desire of women more submissive
Then to judge what you left
Twice bitten, but only now
I am numb to the sting
By Janell Hihi