I’d like to quickly go over the top four reasons you cannot keep a man! I’ve incorporated the ideology from my latest book available now on Amazon Kindle and available in Paperback on Amazon.com Dec 6th, 2016.
Reason #1 Subconsciously, you do NOT want a Man.
We can only keep people in our lives that we truly want. If for any reason subconsciously, you do not want a man, situations will manifest that will cause you to eventually question the validity of the relationship and break up.
Most women believe that on the surface they really want a man but deep down inside that is not the case. It is unfortunate that many women enter relationships solely out of convenience and not for reasons that include the heart.
I know plenty of women who would rather be in a relationship than be alone. The fear of being alone is real.
In fact, to avoid being alone women who secretly want to be single but lack the courage to listen to their hearts, often settle for men who also do not want to be in a relationship.
The women who really doesn’t want to be tied down in a relationship will subconsciously attract emotionally unavailable men into her life, yet continue to wonder why.
We attract who we are. If you have a string of broken relationships maybe consider the possibility that on a subconscious level you do not want to be in a relationship. Overcome your fear of being alone and enjoy the many miracles that solitude will bring to your life.
Reason #2 You have UNREALISTIC Expectations.
In my book, I explain extensively why expectations should be replaced with boundaries in regards to relationships.
First of all, expectations ruin relationships. A relationship only works when both partners are grounded in the present moment.
Expectations have a tricky way of taking us out of the present moment and into the future. The future is an illusion that doesn’t exist. Therefore, expectations are illusions. Because expectations are derived from an illusion of fantasy, culture, out-dated traditions, and beliefs, past down to us from our parents and TV shows.
Drop expectations and create boundaries. Boundaries bring clarity to relationships. Self-knowledge is critical when creating boundaries.
It is important to know yourself and communicate what you will and will not tolerate to your partner instead of relaying a bunch of demanding expectations.
For observational purposes, I recently conducted an experiment where I had women talk to their men specifically regarding their expectations of the relationships.
Immediately I noticed the men tense up and become very uncomfortable with the conversation.
The men did not react this way because they are emotionally unavailable, nor did they act this way because they are just not that into their girlfriends. They reacted that way because men do not want to be asked to live up to UNREALISTIC expectations grounded in fairytales.
Reason #3 You Are Drama Orientated.
There are two types of people in the world. Solution oriented people and drama oriented people. Drama orientated individuals turn a molehill into a mountain. When a problem arises in a relationship, the drama orientated women will pour gasoline on it and make it tens times worse than what it actually is.
Drama orientated people are allergic to solutions. If you are that chick with ample complaints, and can nag for hours on in without offering one solution that could end the entire ordeal, sadly you thrive on drama and get off on pettiness.
Here is an example of a drama oriented individual. Sally and Lisa are friends because they have husbands who work for the same company. Unfortunately, both of their husbands were laid off today. Lisa responded to the news in a very negative way. She began to call her family members and her girlfriends to nag and complain about the bad news.
She also went as far as accusing her husband as being a bad employee who probably deserved to be laid off. As soon as her husband who just got laid off walks into the doors, she starts an argument that ends with him leaving to spend the night over his friend’s house.
Meanwhile, when Sally heard the news regarding her husband’s lay off she immediately felt sorry for him. Instead of whining, she decided to be proactive and take a solution-oriented approach. She updated his resume’ and printed off job ads that he may be interested in applying for.
She also rearranged their budget to and cut some spending to get through the month until her hubby finds a new job. She cooked his favorite meal and greeted him with a hug and a smile when he walked through the door.
As a result, Sally and her husband created a deeper bond of love, trust, and respect for one another. Remember, relationships require a team dynamic and a positive attitude.
Reason #4 You Are Co-Dependent.
People who are co-dependent are people who put all their eggs into one basket. Co-dependent people expect their partners to make them happy! Unfortunately, relationships make people conscious, not happy. So to believe for one minute a relationship is supposed to make you happy just means that you are truly disillusioned.
As mentioned in my Book It is What you Are, Relationships give you the opportunity to experience yourself through your partner. If you are putting unrealistic demands and responsibilities on your partner, you will not be able to keep a man.
If you spend 99% of your time and energy focusing on your partner’s thoughts, feelings and every move that they make, you are indeed co-dependent.
I find it interesting that co-dependents are literally obsessed with their partners to the point where they exhaust themselves in the process. Co-dependents have no self-esteem and they expect their partners to give them the love that they will not give themselves.
According to the laws of the mirror effect discussed in my book, you cannot demand someone to give you what you cannot give to yourself.
Instead of focusing on what their partner is and is not doing, the co-dependent always fails to look in the mirror and point the fingers at themselves.
When a man realizes he is dealing with a co-dependent woman he will run for the hills. Nothing frightens a man more than taking on the responsibility of making a woman feel complete by trying to get her to love herself as much as she loves him.
Remember, a relationship is, what you are! Be great and your relationships will also be amazing. If you liked the article, please comment and follow me here on WordPress.
By Janell Hihi