“I was hurt, feelings matter bruh!” Now I admit, initially when I heard the latest Kanye rant I was on the floor laughing out loud. A day later, I heard on the news Kanye was cuffed to the stretcher and rushed to the hospital because he was mentally distraught and out of control. Of course, listening to Kanye’s rants for years across various different platforms such as the Ellen DeGeneres show, Sway and the Morning on XM Radio and of course the unforgettable scene he put on, embarrassing Taylor Swift at the MTV Awards, Kanye’s rants were no longer alarming they were becoming a part of his brand.
So what made the latest incident in Sacramento, CA standout? Kanye was actually admitted to the hospital and I believe he has stayed in the hospital for over 5 days. I thought about how society shuns men for speaking out about their feelings and there I was making a mockery of this man by laughing at him, at what seems to be a low point in his life. After I realized what I was doing, I immediately gained sympathy for Kanye West. It was my call to say he went to the hospital just to get out of the world-wide tour he had scheduled because I am not sure if that is the truth.
However, it is my call to say that this man is mentally exhausted and obviously he is hurt by a few relationships he has with friends. Of course venting feelings at a concert is not the appropriate place but when is it ever appropriate for a man to vent his feelings? Society makes it very difficult for men to admit hurt, pain and vulnerability. Thankfully I no longer want to be a part of the myth that perpetuates that problem.
In my latest book, It is What You Are: How to Master the Mirror Effect of Love & Relationships, I explain the most popular misconceptions and stereotypes of men and during my research, I stumbled across interesting discoveries. Below is an excerpt from by book:
Common Misconceptions of Men: Men are insensitive & don’t take anything personally.
This is a dangerous myth that needs to be put to rest once in for all. Men may want to believe that they are made of steel and don’t take anything personally but that is far from the truth. Men internalize their pain. Women release pain. Internalizing pain is spiritually and physically detrimental to human beings. It affects our psyche and our organs. Stress alters DNA and your body becomes a haven for disease. It can be physical or mental disease that manifest. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, men commit suicide four times as much as women, and suicide currently ranks as the seventh leading cause of death for men.
A man is good at acting like an overly masculine tough guy. On the surface, he appears unaffected, but inside he is dying. This alone proves men are in fact sensitive and they do take certain things personally. So be mindful of their feelings too, even when they are hell bent on trying to hide them. Encourage your man to release his feelings, sadness or anger in a healthy way. Receive it with love and not defensiveness. Never berate your man for spilling out his feelings to you in an emotional way.
Men have the equal right to be emotional without women having the audacity to question their manhood because of it. Most women want men to tell us how they feel, but can we handle it without thinking less of them? When a man tells you how he feels, it’s a test. Your reaction to that test determines whether or not you passed and your man will either continue to share his feelings with you or refrain altogether if you failed. Society shames a man for being emotional, but will you?
It is What You Are: How to Master the Mirror Effect of Love & Relationships by Janell Hihi
It is important to understand that many people bury their feelings in their work. Men are especially guilty of this and women are unfortunately picking up this trend. Whenever we do not allow ourselves to feel our emotions thoroughly, we allow them to grow and fester. The build up of toxic emotions that are not being released is like a time bomb waiting to explode. Once they are released, they are released irrationally, and sometimes dangerously. Many people who hide their emotions and their true feelings believe they are doing a good job hiding them. Little do they know they are showing the world they have pent up pain that they do not know how to handle. People who hide their pain, show it in different ways. Usually with their body language, lack of eye contact and socially awkward behavior. Trained psychologist study this extensively.
Therefore, if your significant other is on the verge of exploding, try to get them to open up to you about what is bothering them. Establish yourself as the person they can vent to without judging them. Always reward them for sharing their feelings and encourage them to keep doing so. The greatest gift we can give our significant others is to be their soundboard and lend our ears when they are internally screaming and just want to be heard without being judged.
by Janell Hihi