Are You a Relationship Addict?

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When was the last time you were single for the sake of being alone to have more time to focus on yourself? If you have to pause and think about that, more than likely you are a relationship addict. Relationship addicts are addicted to the thrill of falling in love. They forever yearn for the whimsical euphoria of the honeymoon phase but get extremely discouraged when things get real. In the brain, romantic love is basically an addiction.

Several scientific theories believe that people who were born with low serotonin levels in the brain, are prone to addictive tendencies. However, there is no solid scientific conclusions as to whether low serotonin causes depression or if depression causes low serotonin. Is it mind over matter?

Or is it a genetic mutation causing low levels of serotonin? Of course, if you have naturally low serotonin, it will be very important for you to seek out people, places and things that will increase your levels of serotonin.

However, there is no solid scientific conclusions as to whether low serotonin causes depression or if depression causes low serotonin. Is it mind over matter? Or is it a genetic mutation causing low levels of serotonin? Of course, if you have naturally low serotonin, it will be very important for you to seek out people, places and things that will increase your levels of serotonin.

However, there is no solid scientific conclusions as to whether low serotonin causes depression or if depression causes low serotonin. Is it mind over matter? Or is it a genetic mutation causing low levels of serotonin? Of course, if you have naturally low serotonin, it will be very important for you to seek out people, places and things that will increase your levels of serotonin.

However, there is no solid scientific conclusions as to whether low serotonin causes depression or if depression causes low serotonin. Is it mind over matter? Or is it a genetic mutation causing low levels of serotonin? Of course, if you have naturally low serotonin, it will be very important for you to seek out people, places and things that will increase your levels of serotonin.

Serotonin is regarded by some researchers as a chemical that is responsible for maintaining mood balance, and that a deficit of serotonin leads to depression. Which leads to the next question, how do you know if you are in love with someone or if you are just trying to raise your serotonin levels? Most of us have no idea of what are serotonin levels are. Perhaps that should be tested annually by our doctors or even monthly for some!

“Might as well face it, your addicted to love!”

You heard the song. Let’s not forget about Rihanna’s latest hit, “Love on the brain,” She speaks like a true love addict.

Some of her lyrics incorporate the painful truth of the addict such as,

“It keeps calling my name, no matter what I do, I’m no good without you and I can’t get enough.”

Rihanna went as far as saying,

“It beats me black and blue but it fucks me so good.”

WHAT? Really?! Unfortunately, this was me several years ago. You might be wondering why I am so well versed on this subject, I was once that girl. Thankfully, through the grace of God I have recovered. So can you! Keep reading…

Here’s what I will do for you. Instead of running to the nearest clinic to get your serotonin levels checked, I have compliled a few tell-tell signs below that will let you know if you, or somebody you know suffers from relationship addiction.

Relationship addicts incorporate a twisted logic of love, often confusing it with fairytales.

Relationship addicts have a pretty twisted logic. A relationship has to be perfect or it has to end. Addicts are natural escapist who cannot deal with obstacles. If your conflict resolution skills consist of leaving a relationship instead of putting in the work to fix it every time an issues arises, more than likely you’re an addict. People who can only deal with highs but run away from the lows are the people who lack relationship endurance.

The cycle of the relationship addict is attraction, bonding, rejection, panic and reconciliation.

I know first hand how this works because I have walked the walked. When I left my abusive husband, I started dating immediately. Instead of giving myself the much-needed time to be alone and heal from the trauma, I jumped into a relationship exhibiting all of the characteristics of a relationship addict.

The funny thing was, the person I attracted into my life was also a relationship addict. Imagine that? Two addicts escaping from the dreaded act of being alone.

Capsules in heart

What often happens with relationship addicts is that the high wears off and one partner finally leaves for good. The relationship addict will then experience intense abandonment anxiety and they are left with a choice on how to deal with that anxiety. I chose to face my fears and be alone to do the work I needed to do. I chose to end the cycle.

If you’re reading this and it resonates with you, I know you have the strength to do the same. I could have chose to jump into another relationship, but what would that prove? Nothing. It would just further perpetuate my addiction and fear of being alone.

Earlier, I mentioned that being alone to be alone is different from being alone while desperately seeking out a partner to start a new relationship with.

Many are not single by choice. They are single because their relationship ended and they want to jump on board to the fastest moving train to get another hint of the thrill of being in love. in my book  It is What You Are: How to Master The Mirror Affect of Love & Relationships, I explain the three phases of being alone. It is important you know which phase you are in and try to get the most growth out of it as possible.

The paradoxical implication of relationships addicts is that they crave unconditional love, but live in constant fear of abandonment if they don’t live up to their own impossible standards. Basically, the relationship addict craves a savior but often chooses the villain as a relationship partner.

The relationship addict just can’t win because they are truly disillusioned. Addicts usually latch on to anyone willing to be in a relationship with them without ever considering if that person is truly compatible with them. If the sex is good, the addict will assume the relationship will be good. Does this logic sound familiar to you? Yes, I’ve been there too. Sad story!

I believe that the most misleading characteristic of someone who is a relationship addict is they appear to be sacrificial meeting other’s needs first. However, that is not the case. In fact, everything the addict does, even the things that look the most sacrificial, are done to meet their own need to be loved and needed by others constantly.

They are super nice, caring and affectionate to reel you in and ultimately gain power over you in the end.

cure

It’s important to remember that people who suffer from relationship addiction experienced early deprivation of love and affection as children. They were often mentally or physically abused. As a result, they are always in search for what they were missing as a child, and that is love. It’s sad and unfortunate.

If you love an addict, it is easy to fall into the pity trap and stick around because you feel sorry for their early childhood abuse. However, if they are not receiving therapy and making strides towards healing, it is not wise to stay in the relationship if they begin to turn mentally or physically abusive towards you.

In fact, the minute you start to realize their flaws and lovingly point them out, the closer it is to the end of your relationship with the love addict.

Addicts are in love for the thrill. If it ain’t all lollipops and rainbows they won’t stick around for too long. They believe in the fairy-tale. The story of Cinderella is the expectation they hold their lovers too. I love fiction too, but I know how to separate it from reality. God forbid anything bad happens to you. If you suddenly experience a rush of bad luck, the relationship addict will not feel compelled to help you, he/she we be compelled to leave you!

The addict wants nothing to do with issues, obstacles, problems or stress. That is yours to deal with and after he has charmed you into thinking he is God’s gift to a women, he will start to rear his ugly face from beneath his mask. The face that shows you he could care less about you when you go through hard times. Your struggle is a turn off for him. Pretty selfish and unfair right?

Not according to the addict. The relationship addict believes he has already been through enough drama in his life. He has suffered enough in his childhood and in past relationships that he shouldn’t have to suffer anymore. Therefore, he wants nothing to do with your issues. It is inevitable that sooner rather than later you will feel alone in your relationship with the addict.

Relationship Addicts control you by making you feel sorry for them. Your pity is their fuel.

However, the irony is, relationship addicts love to be in control of other people. They subconsciously seek out needy people who they can control and manipulate. This is because something traumatic happened in their childhood that they had no control over. To combat that experience they now feel a strong desire to be in control.

They may not be aggressive about their control. They usually appear submissive but they often have the upper hand. Their charm is their weapon and they get what they want by making you feel sorry for them.

The addict will marry the girl who is the enabling cheerleader who never criticizes them or challenges them to grow. Remember addicts want they fairy-tale and not the friction. Which is why their relationships never work. It is not rooted in reality.

Typically addicts have other addictions in their life that you will painfully become aware of the more you get to know them.

Substance abuse, drug abuse, gambling or some form of OCD. This is a sad truth that I am not inclined to sugar coat by any means. If it is not an illegal substance or drug, then it is prescription meds. Whether anti-depressants, Xani’s or snacks, you better believe the addicts are latching onto something for dear life. I mean, God forbid they ever have to face the reality of their life and the world unmedicated.

storms

Furthermore, addicts will spend a ridiculous amount of time, effort, money and energy trying to determine which relationship patterns and behaviors will yield them the best results. You’re so naive’ you think they are doing this because they are head over heels in love with you. No boo! They are playing their cards to see in which ways they can come at you to get what they want. In most cases, what they want is a slave-like loyalty from you.

Chemically imbalanced.

Last but not least, the relationship addict is often depressed. Their past relationships, abandonment, and rejection put them in really negative moods. They withdraw to solve problems and often sulk in their own inner turmoil. When they are in these moods, you better do your best to make them feel better because they are depending on you to make them happy.

That will be your job if you decide to settle for the relationship addict. It is an impossible job to do because whatever you do you can’t make them happy.

Sooner or later they will fire you. Of course, that is after you spend all your time and energy trying to make them feel loved. This is when you realize they have sucked all the light out of you to brighten up the darkness that eats away at their tortured souls.

When he has taken all of your energy, you will be emptied. This means you will no longer be sufficient supply for his addiction. On to the next one, as he desperately hunts day and night for your replacement only hours after he broke up with you.

Consider yourself lucky you were spared and avoid the relationship addicts moving forward.

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By Janell Hihi

Copyright@2016

 

 

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