Ladies, Stop Being Afraid To Ask For What You Want!

I am so tired of hearing women repressing their true feelings and intentions just to earn the title of the cool and laid back chick in the eyes of a man. There is a way to assert yourself without being a drama queen. Real women use their grace, femininity and quiet authority to assert what they want from a man. Real women are not concerned with earning the “Cool Chick,” title. She is confident in herself and her needs are asserted with ease and authenticity.

So many women keep quiet in fear of rocking the boat. They are ready to have kids, but their man isn’t so they honor his desire over their own. Woman tip-toe around their man’s ego not knowing that their inability to assert themselves is seen to their man as weakness. He see’s how you abandon your desires and succumbs to his and he resents you for NOT standing up for yourself. Men hate weakness, you think you’re being flexible by conforming to his needs but he doesn’t really see you as an understanding woman, he see’s you as a pushover. When will you start to realize it isn’t always about him. He wants you to realize that, and once you do, he will start honoring and respecting you.


I keep hearing women say, he’s not ready for a commitment “He’s” not ready to move in together, “He’s” not ready to buy a home… and the list goes on and on. Regardless of what “He’s” not ready for, woman are far too eager to oblige and put a man’s interest over her own.

What about what you want? Don’t you have any negotiating power? Most women believe that what they want will push a man away. However, the contrary is true. When a woman allows her own desires to be abandoned and acts like a little lamb, blindly following her man, he actually loses more and more respect for you. Of course, he won’t admit that your lack of will-power and low self-esteem is turning him off because that would be too harsh. Instead, he will continue to be in a relationship with you unchallenged and bored until he meets the woman who quietly makes her demands without compromise and without any apologies.

A man won’t just offer you a seat beside his throne, you have to take the seat and assert your power and your worth. Let it be known that what you want is equally as important as what he wants. Let it be known that you are willing to WALK if your desires are not met. Men are always talking about they want an equal partnership. They want you to fit half the bill or else they will label you a gold digger, they want you to be an understanding winch, patiently waiting for them to “get ready” to give you what you deserve. They want you to deliver all your goods and set your hopes on their “potential” to deliver on their goods, sometime in the near future.


Men keep putting out these dumb ass articles from their jilted male perspectives that the woman who is patient but not pushy will always have a man in the end. That’s all game so they can get what they want from you without having to give you what you want from them. Nice girls finish last! Get what you want or WALK. And make sure you swing your hips and flip your hair while you strut away from the lame who doesn’t have what it takes to give you what YOU want. It’s time you get the life you deserve and stop hiding your desires to win HIS approval. Damn it feels good to walk away knowing you refused to settle for less than what you know you deserve. Ladies, stop playing their game, it is set up so that you lose.

“Men who are afraid to feel must keep women around to do their feeling for them while dismissing us for the same supposedly “inferior” capacity to feel deeply. But in this way also, men deny themselves their own essential humanity, becoming trapped in dependency and fear.”

-Audre Lorde

Do you want to be the cool, laid-back, down to earth, overly understanding chick who never get’s what she wants? Or do you want to be a boss who ALWAYS gets what she wants? Getting what you want out of life means that you have to be assertive. Closed mouths and open legs don’t get fed commitment, they get fed dick. If you really want a relationship, don’t fear being labeled as thirsty, tell him you want a relationship and he will walk if he is unwilling to give it to you. It is that simple.

I know so-called love and relationship experts tell you to act elusive, aloof and ambiguous but acting like you don’t care when you should care about who you give your precious time and your body to is not thinking like a boss. It is definitely not thinking like a powerful, responsible woman. Pretend your cool with casual sex, repress your true feelings and act like nothing a man says or does bother’s you, and watch how you get nowhere fast in regards to relationships and true intimacy. What you will get is a man huffing and puffing on top of you, eeeew!

Ladies, start wearing your superpower ability to feel deeply as a badge of honor and stop hiding it in fear of embarrassment. A man who thinks it is pathetic that you have the capacity to love him doesn’t love himself. Trust me when I say you need to steer clear of that kind of nonsense. He despises your ability to feel because he is numb. Secretly he wants love but he is afraid of its power to consume him. He wants to stay in control but in love, there is no place for control. If he cannot surrender to a relationship based on equality he is not fit to be your man.

If you are feeling hurt and disrespected, honor those feelings. Do not repress them. Stop putting them on the back burner to not appear “Crazy” to a man. Stop editing who you are to fit their unrealistic idea of a woman. Where has this gotten us as women? Men are trumping us with their false charm telling us to numb our feelings and ignore our God-given power of intuition. They keep saying, just be cool. They keep saying the demanding girl is the bitch that will end up alone and sadly we keep believing that lie.

“Our feelings are our most genuine paths to knowledge.”- Audre Lorde.

If you keep repressing your feelings you will continue to lose yourself until you are totally lost. I urge women to get back in touch with their true feelings and femininity to attain knowledge of self. Trust me, men will love you more for honoring yourself and owning your feelings. Asserting what you want is NOT nagging. Weak people nag because they feel a deep sense of powerlessness. Nagging people don’t believe that they have the ability to change their own situation by simply walking away from the man they constantly have to nag to get what they rightfully deserve from him. Basically, if you are constantly nagging, you are unhappy with your partner and a decision needs to be made based solely on what is best for you.

In addition, men speak in action. Long, drawn out temper tantrum and so-called “Heart to Heart,” conversations with men will never get you anywhere. Men communicate in action how they feel about you. What they say is jibberish, what they do is how they communicate the depth of feelings they have for you. That is why everything you say to them comes in one ear and out the other. They are only looking at what you do! You must show a man what you will and will not accept. Wise women know you should only verbalize what you want from a man ONE time. Never, ever repeat yourself in words, but always show your worth in action.

The demanding bitch is the bitch they can’t run their sorry ass game on! The demanding bitch is the woman they can’t manipulate. The demanding bitch is the woman who won’t just lay with them and spread her legs because she respects her body. The demanding woman will walk away from him when he doesn’t give her what she wants. The demanding bitch is the woman he will fall for because she is unwavering in her strength. Men love strength. It is a turn on, it is what they need to balance out their overly masculine energy.

I promise you, if you stop down-playing your desires and start quietly, and authoritatively stating your demands, you will get the love that you deserve. Ladies, stop playing dumb, stop being numb, assert your needs and only entertain those willing to give you what you need.

No more “Acting” like you don’t care. Stun men with your ability to feel deeply and do not be afraid to want what you really want, and if what you really want is love, unapologetically, let that be known.

Done with being dumb.

4 Days until 2017

Live in your truth!


Janell Hihi


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