Here I am standing on the edge, riding on the cusp, chipping away at my art until I approach the threshold and reach the other side. I just want to arrive. What is it about edges, cusps, being on the brink, and standing in between ending and new beginnings that puts us in a space of fear and wonder. I never knew it was possible to feel both emotions so strongly. It’s as if I am in an affair and I need to make a decision. Three is a crowd, and I can’t be in bed with fear, when wonder is calling me to follow my heart and make a commitment to come to other side where my dreams reside.
Fear is so comforting, he doesn’t challenge me to grow, he blankets me in the safety of the status quo. While my other love wonder urges me to leave, explore the unknown and grow. It’s as if we commit to everything but our dreams until we reach a crossroads and a decision has to be made. The cusp is an uncomfortable place. It brings you face to face with your becoming. It challenges you to say farewell to who you were so you can become who you are.
Unfortunately, being on the verge is not being. At some point, we must propel forward with faith followed by precise action. Who or what is your accelerator? Is it the eyes of your child looking up at you everyday? Is it your tired heart unable to beat another day without the rhythm of its truth orchestrating on the grand stage? The world needs you to be who you are, don’t be afraid.
Sometimes, I feel as though we are all cells in one universal body. We all need to go our own way and allow the nucleus of who we are, to take it’s part in healing the conscious body that we all share. If we all lump together and follow the same path, our generic paths become a pathology, a cancerous tumor, blocking the doorway to our self-imposed cage. I don’t give a fuck if you have to jump, dive, or climb, courage and healing is on the other side waiting for you to arrive.
By Janell Hihi