Last month, nearly 24 million Americans went online to look for love. Of course, when updating your profiling and skimming through potential candidates on dating sites, there is no red alert pointing out if someone is a sex offender.
I believe most sexual predators have no past records because of the simple fact that they were not caught yet. Needless to say, it is important to know the signs and take precaution when it comes to letting new people into your child’s life.
There are sick pedophiles lurking on dating sites, looking for vulnerable single mothers with small children they can target and molest. According to the FBI, in most cases, the man appears too good to be true as if he just fell out of heaven.
Statistics also tell us 95% of sexually abused children will know their perpetrator (Child Protection Council, 1993). They will be an immediate family member, a close family friend or some-one the child has regular contact with. Up to 95% of child sexual abusers are male (Bagley, 1995).
He has the “savior” mentality and he makes the single mother believe he is the missing link to her single parent household. He will appear charming, respectful and a great role model to your child on the surface.
He will push to spend time with you and your child sooner rather than later to create a premature family dynamic between the three of you.
He will often play fight and wrestle with your child to establish weak physical barriers so that your child becomes accustomed to being touched. This is how the predator grooms you and your child to let down your walls and let them in. Predators are very skilled con artist, don’t be fooled by their charm. It is important to be well informed as a single mother while dating, check out the link below for more safety tips.
The most vulnerable age for children to be exposed to sexual assault is between 3 and 8 years with the majority of onset happening between these ages. (Browne & Lynch, 1994)
The predator will also offer to drive your kid to events and babysit for you if you need to go shopping or run errands so that he can begin his unthinkable acts. I do not recommend leaving your child alone with your boyfriend under any circumstances until years after a solid relationship or engagement has occurred.
This is why I stress that women should not move fast in relationships and they should definitely not play house with men. Playing house with a boyfriend when you have children is working against your child’s best interest even if your boyfriend is not a predator. Read more here.
The predator will not wait very long to have access to your children and will find a way out of the relationship with you if you withhold access to your child. They will try grooming you to build your trust for about a year. If after a year you still do not give them access to your child, they will wither away.
They will press you to start a family with them, they will also throw it in your face that you do not trust them and there is no relationship without trust. Do not give into any of their pleas to gain access to your child. Single mothers must understand that you can have a successful relationship with a man for several years that does not involve your child. Afterall, you’re looking for companionship, you are not looking for a father for your child.
A few years ago, I became a member on the dating website Singleparentsmeet.com because I wanted to date a guy who was family oriented and already had children like myself. I made an interesting observation. A few men who were members on the site messaged me and they did not have children.
Immediately, I begin to wonder, why the hell are they on this website? I thought it was exclusively for single parents trying to meet other single parents. I did more research and discovered that pedophiles specifically target single mothers. It was eerie. I closed my account on that site.
In the past 10 years, several murders were reported that involved a single mother’s boyfriend killing her children after she left him alone with her kids. Most of the deaths were severely violent. These men beat to death 6-month-old babies, stabbed, strangled, shot and burned them. Please read this very interesting article regarding men who kill their girlfriend’s children – https://tonic.vice.com/en_us/article/why-do-men-kill-their-girlfriends-kids
Child pedophiles who are not convicted of past sexual abuse crimes often work in schools, daycares and community centers where they have direct access to children 24/7.
There were so many cases of rape and molestation in high schools and junior highs last year from sports coaches and teachers that all parents must be on guard and very observant of the staff and educators in daycares and Public and Private Schools that their children attend. Below is a list of pedophile characteristics.
- Molesters tend to seek out playgrounds or other places that kids frequent.
- Molesters entice kids with games, toys, or money.
- Molesters supply alcohol, drugs, and pornography to their victims to lower inhibitions.
- Molesters prey not only on the child’s/teenager’s desire to excel in a sport, they also prey on the child’s/teenager’s parent’s desire.
- Molesters entertain kids and take them on outings.
- Molesters tend to operate or work at businesses that employ teens.
- Molesters seek employment that puts themselves in contact with children.
- Molesters seek out single mothers intending to victimize their innocent children.
The best way to vet out a potential pedophile who is pretending to be interested in you but is targeting your child for abuse is to tell them straight up, “My kid is off limits, your relationship is with me and me only. Is that okay with you?” Step parents are overrated and it should take well over a year or two before a boyfriend or fiance is alone with your kids.
Do not forget to do a background check before even introducing your kids to a boyfriend! It’s better to be preventative and slightly paranoid than to risk the innocence and safety of your child.
Be cautious Momma Bears! You are your child’s first line of defense.
By Janell Hihi