First of all, I want to thank all my followers who send me emails for advice which gives me great blog topics to write! I thank you several times over…
If I haven’t answered you by writing a blog, I will reply to your email within 7-10 days. Please, keep the emails coming!
A common theme in recent emails I’ve noticed is women dating men who come on way too strong in the beginning.
It’s an eerie, stalker-like, artificial feeling that emerges in our guts when we date a guy who is just doing way too much!
We get this feeling in our guts because the high level of emotion and attention they are giving us is unrealistic in proportion to how little they know us and how little time they’ve actually spent with us.
The man who comes on too strong has an agenda. The agenda does not benefit you. Sorry. The agenda is to come quickly and go quickly. They turn up the heat to the max in a very short time and then turn it off in a very short time.
This is because they got too excited too fast and then crashed and burned. Unfortunately, when they crash and burn they get bored and ghost you. Moving to the next fast thrill.
They are kind of like sprint runners or adrenaline junkies. They reach the climax way too fast then stop abruptly when the thrill is over.
The guy who is coming on too strong is not connected to you or your emotions. He is selfish, he needs to fill a void within himself and he is obsessed with getting his own needs met.
The man who comes on too strong is NOT interested in investing into a long-term connection with you. Investing is not gambling, it’s a long drawn out process of getting to know someone.
He won’t truly open up to you and you will notice this in his frequent, yet shallow phone calls and text messages. He communicates way too much, most of the time his text/ voicemail messages sound more like a personal monolog than a genuine interest in getting to know you. Example:
“Hey babe just got off work, now I’m heading to my Yoga class, then I’m meeting my friends for drinks.”
“Man, I’m busy, this day just won’t let up.”
“I’m glad the cafeteria here at work added chicken breast to the salad bar.”
If he is calling you Babe, baby, boo or boo thang within only 2-3 weeks of knowing you. He is not in this for you, he is in this for himself.
Most guys realize that telling the new chick they just met that they just broke up with their girlfriend like a week or two ago is an instant dealbreaker. So most men like to say, “I broke up with my ex 3-6 months ago.” This gives you, who is the unsuspecting victim, a false idea that he is well over his ex while in reality, he is still very much in love.
A little digging will reveal the truth if you can spare 15 minutes on the internet you are bound to find the truth. And for those of you who think that is stalker-like behavior, you obviously don’t mind being played. To each it’s own, but I prefer the proactive approach. Reactivity is for weak B****’s
A guy who is rebounding will be completely emotionally distant or unavailable, OR he will come on too strong! He will be so desperately trying to ignore the pain of his recent breakup, that he will smother you with text, phone calls, dates, attention and unwarranted affection. It’s a huge turn off if you have self-esteem. If you are low on self-love and desperate for affection, you are fish in the net for this asshole.
The guy who is rebounding will try to seamlessly slip you right into the role their ex played. His ex that he was with for over a year or so and this is why it seems unreal and superficial. He is trying to make an entry level employee a CEO after a week on the job.
What comes fast, goes fast! This is spiritual and physical law. This means you have to pump the breaks, slow things down and take the wheel and drive at a speed that is comfortable for you. He can ride along or get off at the next stop, either way, you stay in control.
So, what are the signs a man is coming on too strong?
- He calls you Babe, Bae, Girlfriend, Boo or Honey way too soon. Like within a week of knowing you.
- He is way too physical, way too fast. He touches you like he’s known you for years and you are creeped out.
- He always wants to know WYD. Like really? Tell that boy you are grown, and there is no need for him to know everything that goes on in your day. Geesh (The Pressure… in my Jhene’ Aiko Voice)
- He talks a lot, about shallow and vague topics. He talks just to talk. You start to feel like your a sounding board and not a real love interest.
- You find out he lied about how long ago he broke up with his ex by doing a little social media research. However, you don’t feel it’s worth it to bring it up and it’s better to just move on and leave him on the back burner just in case one day in the future you’re really desperate… and need some attention or an ego stroke. Besides, that is what he is doing to you!
- He is a serial monogamist. He has never taken a break from relationships. One girl after the next, back to back… This is scary. People who can’t be alone scare the living shit out of me!
Well, there you have it. So be on the watch and if you are dating a guy who does the most, pump the breaks. Don’t allow yourself to be used.
By Janell Hihi