Lala & Anthony Carmello Separate: The Importance of Love & The Underrated Power of Lust.

lala

Chris Rock once said. “A man is as faithful as his options.”

Exactly what are we signing up for when we marry a man who has money and power? Is cheating to be expected? If so, how do we react once it actually happens?

It still hurts like hell, the sting of betrayal. Especially when another woman is supposedly pregnant by your husband or boyfriend.

Is there a way to get past the heartbreak if we acknowledge that one of the side effects of dating a star athlete or business mogul is accepting the bitter truth that he may step out on us for the simple fact that so many women are throwing themselves at powerful men every day?

Regardless of how beautiful, smart, talented or successful you are, a man who can easily cheat probably will. The polygamous nature of men, and how they are easily blinded by lust and physical pleasure can lure them into the beds of many women. Sorry ladies, no matter how many Butt implants you get, that won’t stop a man who is capable of swaying from going off and cheating.

Sometimes, a woman has to focus on their health, her children and her careers. We can’t give a man all of us, all the time. However, there is an expectation that we should. All of these expectations rooted in the illusion of commitment exclude the laws of human nature. People want attention but cannot get it all the time and because they are told they are supposed to get it all the time, when they lack it they feel justified in getting it from someone else.

The only thing we should be committed to in a relationship is learning and growing together. We should not be committed to expectations. Instead, we should be committed to working the problems as they arise. I’ve witnessed this, my parents are about to celebrate their 50th anniversary. It wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows.

You either get through or get out! There is no other way. People just don’t become perfect once they get married, they still have flaws so expect them to hurt you and expect them to fuck up. If you can’t grow with them you can’t go with them. What is it going to be? Be a realist, not an optimist and you can grow from love instead of being scared and broken-hearted from the lessons it will inevitably bestow upon you.

If you want a fairytale, wait in line. I might warn you that the knight in shining armour will never arrive and you’ll be waiting in line your whole life.

I don’t know a solution to this problem. I just know that betrayal hurts like hell. The sudden sting of betrayal that sparks within us insecurities. Our thoughts provoke us to ask ourselves, “Am I good enough?” and “What did I do wrong?”

Yet these questions are so off base when we do not consider the desire of some men to languish in variety just because they can.

I hope Lala and Carmello can work it out because of the silent contract they made when their eyes met and they knew subconsciously this day will come. Lust tramples over loyalty every day,  leaving her destitute, stranded and abandoned. Is desire more important than commitment? In some situations, yes! In the heat of the moment, when he can taste something new, that commitment he made to you fades into the dark.

The thirst for men and women to explore is suppressed and people cheat. I am not justifying cheating, I am merely pointing out the fact that we cannot be honest with ourselves or our partners about our dark sides. Instead, we hide in illusions of loyalty that keep us from dealing with our true nature.

You know, that Yin part of the Yang that craves to step out and go play. I personally hate the smothering aspect of marriage and relationships. I am organically detached and despise routine, boredom settles in me almost immediately.

Although I don’t cheat, I need space to ensure I am not losing that child-like curiosity in me who wants to be alone to play. To read, to hang out with friends, to walk in the woods alone, to sleep on the sofa sometimes because I don’t want a warm body next to me. To throw a wrench of color in the mundane gray of everyday schedules, Good morning text and taco’s every Tuesday. Tonight I am not cooking – I’m at the bar chopping it up with the bartender, eat a sandwich and let me be! I’ll be home soon enough.

I need to be able to disappear for days without being held accountable. Freedom is higher than love to me. Freedom is better. Cheating is for cowards who can’t assert their need for exploration. It’s for those who are afraid to say what they really want to say and that is that they are bored, tired and a little unsatisfied.

Imagine if we could have those honest conversations…

Love is stronger than lust. But lust is very powerful in the moment – Lust is a present moment phenomenon that traps us – very little men are strong enough to escape her tantalizing grip.

How do we maintain lust in marriages and relationships? SPACE. Create space – miss each other – never stop being yourself – morph into a new you every year to keep your partner guessing – grow! It’s very attractive.

What can we learn from betrayal?

We can learn that we are not being honest with ourselves or others. We learn that we are imperfect. We learn that lust wins sometimes despite the strength of the love we have for others.

By Janell Hihi

Copyright@2017

 

 

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