I just wrote an article a few days ago titled An Analysis of Janet Jackson’s Marriage & The Dark Side of Interracial Dating. I pointed out the dark side because it is underwritten and most people don’t consider the cons because they want to focus on the pros.
Positive thinking is great but it doesn’t override reality and the universal law of duality which represents the yin and the yang, the dark and the light of every situation.
I would like to take this time to highlight what initially attracted me to my ex-Arab husband and the Islamic faith.
From the outside looking in, I admired the Islamic faith because women were not objectified as far as I could tell. The women didn’t have the pressure to win validation from strangers every time they walked out the door. This automatically freed her from the pressure and unrealistic standards of the beauty industry that tells women if they don’t have a certain brand of makeup, designer shoes or designer clothes, that they are not beautiful.
The Muslim women is not a slave to consumerism. That is a powerful statement.
The hijab and the Islamic attire covered the women alleviating pressure for her to look a certain way. Muslim women don’t have a need to dress scantily hoping her beauty alone can attract a man.
Being covered on the outside to me signified that the Muslim women commanded respect. Her attire screamed, “Look beyond the surface, I am more than what meets the eye.” She was a gift wrapped up and only those who were willing to see more than the physical would have the opportunity to unveil the story that is in her sacred heart.
I hated the part of my culture that lied to me and told me beauty is defined by how big my ass is. How nice my boobs sat and whether or not I had “Good hair.” I hated the part of my culture that overvalued the physical and undervalued the mental. I despised the part of my culture that contradicted it’s desire to see half naked women walking and twerking about on the streets and in the same breath degrade them for being whores.
I was tired of my heart being disregarded and I wanted a man to see my soul, not my cleavage. This is what attracted me to my ex-Palestinian husband. He was the opposite of what I knew all my life. He shunned the physical and praised the heart.
The shunning was too extreme though. I already subconsciously ingrained the insidious nature of valuing the physical and sometimes I desired to go out in little shorts and a small tank top, not just for the male attention but just because I had the freedom to do so.
I learned that freedom is a balance. Freedom is not too far left or too far right. Most importantly the freedom to choose is higher than love. My ex-husbands shunning of the physical made me desire it even more and I realized I just wanted the choice to choose between the two. I wanted to vacillate back and forth between both worlds, the physical and the spiritual, without being judged.
So here I am, somewhere in the middle. Divorced but free. Embracing that I am both a spiritual and a physical being.
By Janell Hihi