Who are you trying to save?
You loved me when I was a monster, and I am not grateful for it. In fact, I despise how you love black, how you treat the dark like the day lit by a July sun. I wasn’t light – You were either blind or oblivious
Oh how I wish you would have just left me alone, to wither like a raisin and shrivel up so that every broken part of me would crumble off my soul like dust – but instead you allowed me to cover it up – like a pill suppresses symptoms only leaving the disease to persist.
Enabling is not a cure. You have cursed me with the energy of stagnation. Sold me a hope of escape. I long to be my own hero since I am my own villain. But you wanted to say you freed me so you could feed me to your unrelenting ego. How many of us linger in the belly of the beast? How many of us did you swallow whole?
You thought you liberated me, you destroyed what would have been a journey in healing What good is a cheap band-aid over a gaping wound?
You wanted to be the light in the tunnel but that’s not how my becoming was supposed to be. I needed to crawl in the dark for a while, with the night creatures.
I wanted to find my own way out. But then you emerged with your torch and an ego as vivid as my nightmares trying to deliver me.
Don’t love us
For your love is an interruption – a frustrating halt.
Your love is not the key that will open our hearts.
It won’t spark our evolution.
It only delays.
Don’t want to feel.
We want to rage what was left unraged
Light every fire within us ablaze
To burn is to bathe in the soothing effect of pain
It is my only deliverance.
By Janell Hihi