Sometimes I’m Not There

distracted parenting
Woman with her daughter sitting in a cafe

Sorry for the days I was spent

When I held my tongue and let the TV talk to you

When you played dolls alone because I was sulking in my exhaustion

For those times I was in mommy-zombie mode possessed by routine & chores

or in my sadness perhaps

because I didn’t have a partner to share the load

Oh and it get’s heavy at times

Sometimes I cry just for being alone because of the drudgery of always doing it all on my own

I’m too strong to settle and too lazy to update my online dating profiles

Sorry for

being too tired to listen, for being an oxymoron, a contradiction…

for being too ambitious to realize that poverty is a perception

and because of you I am rich

I’m working hard for some elusive title but to be a mother is the most profound

you are the accomplishment any women could ever hope for

a beautiful, intelligent and creative little girl

Sorry for

being too annoyed to read bedtime stories sometimes

for texting and posting on social media when you were vying for my attention

Sorry for

Counting my coins and going through the bills in my head when I should be calculating the moments

those priceless memories you and I share

sorry for

being unforgiving when you have bad days

Sorry for forgetting you are human too

Sorry for my absence sometimes, sorry for my need for solitude

how I weave in and out of attention just to stay sane

but never ever, will I be sorry for

How much I absolutely, incomprehensibly, love you!

 

By Janell Hihi Copyright@2017

 

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