Zodiac Wars: Why I Hate Cancers

Disclaimer: This is a somewhat true and somewhat a joke so please, don’t waste your time sending me hate mail I am not going to read. The statements below are focused more on the dark side of Cancers.


Cancers are crusty crabs in a barrel born in July  (May 21-July 21)… July Leo’s born July 21st through the 31st also share many characteristics with Cancers. I know plenty of July born Leo’s who are always one Xanax away from a complete emotional breakdown or crisis.

Grown ass cancer men and women cry every day like raging toddlers for the most minuscule and juvenile things. Real tears, boogers and all! It’s humbling to watch. 

I had a Cancer/Leo ex who cried at least twice a week about his ex even years after they broke up despite the fact that he knew she was not the right person for him. Cancers fall in love with emotionally unavailable people so they can feel like the victim.

Cancers are named after a disease. I’ll just leave that there…

This asshole from the show Shark Tank is a Cancer!


Cancers love feeling like victims so they create situations that will make them victims.

Cancer men are Beta males. They are not Alpha. If you want a MASCULINE male, keep it moving. Cancer is not the right man for you unless you appreciate the feminine within a man.

A Cancer man or a Leo born at the end of July will be so sensitive and so emotional that you may often find yourself questioning their sexuality. Cancer men don’t appear heterosexual, at all!

Cancers are emotionally animated. They remind me of cartoon characters, specifically the Looney Tunes. Their emotions are exaggerated, out of control, up and down and negative and positive all within a ten-minute time span.

Cancers think everyone is out to get them. The minute you disagree with them they believe you have it out for them.

Cancers make good actors! They are overly emotional and animated so they are natural actors on stage or behind a camera. They are not natural at anything else. Google famous Cancers and everyone from Tom Cruise to Tom Hanks is on that list!

Cancers never stop worrying! I can almost guarantee every person born under this Sun or Moon sign has generalized anxiety disorder.

The Cancers ruling planet is not even a planet… it’s the moon. The moon goes through various different phases and changes daily and the changes of the moon reflect the Cancers moods swings.

Cancers are Passion Killers, which means they murder from an emotionally unbalanced place. OJ Simspon is a Cancer – great example!


Cancers love to play the “Guess how I’m feeling game?” Then when you try to guess they cry real tears as they run out the room yelling, “You should already know how I feel.”

Cancers are not adventurous. They are crabs hiding in a shell. Introverted sometimes, extroverted when they want to be. Most of the time Cancers are too paranoid to try new things. They don’t like to take risks!

Most Cancers are extreme conspiracy theorist. They believe in the most bizarre things! Jesse Ventura is one of the few Cancers I adore probably because we graduated from the same high school. Regardless, he is a famous conspirarcy theroist.


Most cancers dwell in self-pity, once they get depressed it is very hard for them to come out of it.

Cancers claim to be homemakers but they are really just afraid to leave the house. They claim to be cautious but they’re afraid to take risks, they appear to be intuitive but they are really spying on you, they claim to be imaginative but they are really delusional.

Most Cancers are homebodies because they do not like going outside their shell. Like the Moon that rules them, most Cancers purpose in life is to revolve around someone or something…

Like the moon has no purpose and it has no light of its own. It has to wait to be illuminated by the sun. The Cancer is the most codependent sign of the Zodiac because they have to revolve their life around something or someone else. They need to shine from someone else’s light.

Cancers need to feel needed. They love in a paternal way. They like to wash your clothes, tell you which job to take, cook you dinner, and wake you up in the morning and have your clothes ready!

Cancers smother people because they believe a relationship means you must be joined at the hip. Shower together, take the trash out together, watch every show and movie together. They are so attached it becomes annoying!

They like dating people who are emotionally unavailable so that they can play their favorite role as “The Victim,” later. It’s crazy!

Like their fellow water sign Pisces, they will go as far as hurting themselves to be labeled a martyr. They accept jobs they are overqualified for just to feel superior over fellow employees and be put in a position where they feel like they can tell other people what to do.

Cancer’s believe they are highly intuitive and empathic, but that’s not true. They are introverted, codependent and overly emotional and sensitive to everyone and everything around them. They are annoying as fuck!

Cancers are hoarders. They attach emotion to every little trinket they own. Their garage is full of keepsakes. Of things, normal people would throw out. They kept the movie tickets from their first date 15 years ago when they were 16 years old. They keep stuff they don’t need, their homes are dusty, cluttered and overfilled with unnecessary stuff!

Cancers dedicate certain days of the week to thrift and garage sale shop just to buy more shit to add to their cluttered homes and garages. It’s sad!

Cancers think emotionally, they never think rationally. This is why according to the FBI they are the most booked criminals of the Zodiac.

Most Cancers rebel against the law just because they think they have the wits to outsmart everyone and everything.

Cancers are passive aggressive. I believe passive aggressive people are the worst people in the world. They don’t understand themselves or other people and tons of drama constantly ensues around them.

Cancers don’t trust life, at all! They think the worst and end up in the worst situations because they invite that energy with their constant negative thoughts.

Most Cancers are clinically diagnosed with depression.

Cancers are notorious for on again and off again relationships. They are a water sign like Pisces and Scorpio and you will always find yourself starting over and over again with them. It’s exhausting. It’s like building a home together and a hurricane wipes it out every time you rebuild it.

Cancers dwell on everything and can’t get over ANYTHING. They are that friend who will call you over and over again to talk about their ex. It’s just too much, everything they do is too damn extra!

Cancers look for insults, they need to feel under attack, constantly! If you’re being too nice they will bait you and set the stage for you to come at them with some type of confrontation to feed on their need for drama.

Cancers don’t want a normal relationship dynamic, they’d rather have a therapist/patient relationship dynamic where they can play the therapist or the hero.

Cancers have lots of strays sleeping on the sofa in their home. They pick up stray animals and allow stray people to stay at their house for days and weeks on in. Divorcees, crackheads, people who just got evicted and whoever else needs a place to stay will be at the Cancer’s home hanging out.

Allowing these people to stay and eat all their food and hang out rent free gives the Cancer something to complain about! This is what they live for.

Cancers are mama’s boys. Have you ever seen the movie Baby Boy starring Tyrese? Baby boy is the epitome of everything a Cancer is. Watch the movie!

Cancers will date someone with major issues just so they can save that person from their issues. They really believe they have the power to change an alcoholic, a cheater, a gambler or a drug addict into a normal, loving and compassionate person.

Cancer’s favorite line:

“I did all this for you and this is how you treat me?”

I can’t deal with water signs in general because I am an Aquarius. Cancers are emotionally dramatic and Aquarius are emotionally detached. I am sure by now, you know why Cancers irritate me to no end!

By Janell Hihi Copyright@2016



19 thoughts on “Zodiac Wars: Why I Hate Cancers

  1. You freakin nailed it!!!! they love playing the victim yesss oh my goodness I read this whole passage lol literally. Not to mention a broke Cancer with no car, cancers will keep asking for Help and Money. I noticed the cancers born in June will go out and make stuff happen little more than July cancers, those July cancers are helpless, feel intitled for help, and love to talk bout everybody business, gossip people. That’s why wendy Williams july cancer is most hated but people luv to here what they got to say bout gossip. I had a cancer july cousin she was so messy and selfish. She always had ppl after her because she owed them money, live for drama, I’m a Virgo I just had enough, I let so much slide that I couldn’t anymore. Omg I thought I was the only one who felt like cancers are ____ if there where enough words for them. Smh lol


    1. The dark side of a Cancer is a disaster. The positive side is damn near genius. I hope in the future you and I both are able to meet Cancers who are living their best lives. Thank you for reading and commenting!


      1. You so nailed it..this had me cracking up for some strange reason even the mamas boy part..I always told this cancer dude to man up n this cancer girl that be after my nighha Won’t leave him alone,and calls him 24/7 n always saying she onced helped him..they always want to help so that they van get praise..annoying nerdy assholes!!but guess they kind n that makes them vulnerable.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Omg! You nailed this.
    A was in a long term relationship with a Cancer male for 10 years. He said he needed space, met someone new and still gives me crap about how I pushed him into this. He throws guilt trips and is a master manipulator. I would never date a cancer again. They are a nightmare.


  3. I’m a Cancer/Leo (cusp) so I understand the gripes about certain Cancer traits. I think my Leo traits keep me from playing the victim role, but I am highly intuitive. My intuition has never failed me yet. However, most true Cancers irritate me because they tend to be pessimistic and clingy. As a Cancer female, no one has ever described me as clingy or pessimistic, so it leads me to believe that I might be pulling from other signs within my chart. I have witnessed the dark side of Cancer through other Cancers. I guess I must dwell on the lighter side. People love to be around me, yet I often crave solitude because I’m very sensitive to other people’s energy and it can be draining at times. The one negative that I have noticed as a Cancer is that I tend to attract narcissistic people. Thankfully, I know how to disarm them immediately Lol


  4. Can you make an article about Aquarius? I have noticed that no Aquarius makes an article about themselves but of everyone else. For example Auset Mcchristion-Thomas and YOU.


  5. Lmao 😂 can’t you say one thing good bout cancer? I’m a cancer moon and I have to say that every Aquarius I know well exaggerate a lot lol cuz we aren’t that bad and I’m not taking in strays and a lot of what you said I find untrue, and my chart is all water literally……so although I laughed really hard I still have to disagree. I think you overexposed, you did too much there honestly and you failed to say pretty much anything nice about them 😖😰

    Not good.


  6. What you say does not describe me at all. I am very laid back and level headed most of the time. Choose rationality over emotionalism anytime. Not moody though just can feel the emotional environment of people around me which drives me nuts sometimes and I have to be in solitude to read and meditate or dont feel like being around people. I feel can peoples scattered brained-ness and negativity and its more prevalent than you may think. I may be more level head because I have a Taurus Moon and Taurus Ascendant. But i dont butst into tears i have a mammoth like war like tendancy when people try to attack verbally or threaten my safety. And am very upfront and confrontational. Feel sorry for those cancers you met because they are crazy.


  7. O to the muthaf’n M-G! I know you put a disclaimer on your blog but everything in it is pure truth! I died laughing because everything you mentioned is 100% verbatim or how my partner acts! Too funny!


  8. I agree with your post. .so true.. I had one cancer gf . it was an off on relationship… We managed to get back tgether again.. N again.. She rejects me n kept distance over non sense reasons. I m a gemini.. I think so rationally n she very emotionally. She wanted me to detach from her.. N when i did..she pulled me back in. We r 7 years difference.. Shes the older one.. But i found it quite hillarious that shes the immature one. She loved playing victim.. Being hurt by her ex husb. N one time she told everone at our office how hurt she was by me. She literally said that i was the playboy..the reason she decided to leave me. What the F.. N even if we r apart..i really cant find a way..to get rid of her.. She keeps stalking..n sent chats n emails.(which i already told not to n just leave me).. N she insisted me to love her back..she even wanted me to impregnant her if she got tgether again with her ex husband..


  9. I dated a cancer man for 6 months …and I was crazy about him . He was sweet and dependable ,he also threw me mixed messages in the end I broke up with him because he said our relationship was not going to go any further. I now realize he wanted a bitch ….someone he had to jump through hoops for …sad….
    I cared sooo much for him


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