Lately, I’d rather sit in front of a computer screen glued to a newsfeed and stay bottled up inside the confines of my head.
I have writer’s block, social block and every other block you can construct within your imagination. The dark side seems more attractive to me and optimism is trickling out of me like a slow leak from a car.
I’m losing my angst, my push, that little voice that kept telling me to get up is now a faint echo in the background of my complacency. I am learning the truth about my existence and I am exhausted by my awakening.
Nothing is clear or defined, everything is muttered, foggy and uncertain. I suspect this is the perfect moment to rise, redeem and resurrect.
My only viable lifeline left is to recognize what good I still have left. Today, I am starting my journey into gratitude, that I hope will incite within me, a more positive attitude and a rebirth of my motivation that recently died.
Today I am grateful for my beautiful daughter.
In those moments when her laughter breaks through my darkness like a lightning rod and I forget for a moment the mounting bills piling up, my mother’s pain from her arthritis and the routine of my daily grind, I suddenly become alive.
In that moment, when money doesn’t matter, politics are obsolete and anxiety subsides, I see in her emerald eyes my freedom to choose happiness over everything else.
When she challenges me to be better by pointing out my contradictive behavior, her strong will and bravery to point out what is, and what isn’t fair, her existence as a constant reminder that with her, I do have a love that will last an eternity.
I am beyond blessed and very lucky to have a brilliant, beautiful and loving daughter.
by Janell Hihi Copyright@2017