When it comes to losing themselves in relationships, women seem to do that best. Women are more eager to conform to the lifestyle of the man she loves while he maintains a strong sense of self and stays on his routine.
Women who completely lose themselves in relationships are prone to divorce quicker than a woman who lives an authentic lifestyle despite being married. When codependent women divorce, it is very freeing. They typically blame their husband for the inability to be themselves and become even more entrenched in powerlessness and codependency than before.
I have a friend I went to high school with who was amazing when she was single. She was easy going, didn’t have a huge opinion on social issues nor was she interested in politics. However, every time she started dating a man, her entire life would begin to mimic his.
The codependent Hot Mess!
She would lose herself completely. I started to question whether she ever had a strong sense of self, to begin with. Whatever the man’s political views were she would adopt them, his food preferences, hobbies, and music taste.
My friend would literally turn into the man she was in love with. Often, she became a stranger as she adopted to one new lifestyle after the next depending on what type of man she was in love with.
If I could make up a medical diagnosis for her ever-changing personas, I’d call it Relationship Schizophrenia.
She would change from democrat to republican, a country girl to a city girl, a meat lover to a vegan, an airhead to a scholar, a book hater to a book lover, and a close friend to a distant friend.
I realized later, that she was severely codependent and as much as I wanted to continue to be her friend, her recent metamorphosis of becoming a borderline alt-right, neoconservative was the straw that broke the camels back. After scrolling down my Facebook timeline reading a very offensive post that degrades and dehumanize African American people, I officially severed ties.
She was one of those spineless women who eagerly became the man she loved. She has lived many different lives, transforming into different women believing that she can somehow when the ultimate acceptance and validation of a man if she became who he was.
I will always cherish the random pockets of time we spent together when she was single and completely at ease with herself, acting on her own authentic beliefs. She was just a hollow girl waiting to be filled by someone, or something.
There’s a wise saying, “Don’t lose yourself to find someone else.” Every time I read it, I am reminded of how easily she abandoned who she was to become a mirror reflection of a man.
Codependency and attachment issues are the typical, underlying issues that create this dynamic of becoming someone other than yourself in relationships. An inherent fear of losing the man you love if you stay true to who you, are causing codependent women to abandon themselves and literally turn into the man she marries.
Unlike other women who lie about who they are and what they like to do to get a boyfriend, then change back into who they really are after they get comfortable in the relationship, women with Relationship Schizophrenia completely change into another person. They assume another identity permanently, or at least until the relationship ends.
If you have a friend who completely transforms into another entity when she falls in love, please share your story. I am certain you have an off and on again relationship with this friend because when they meet a new man, they drop their goals, routines and girls night out ritual to accommodate their new man’s schedule and preferences. Have you lost yourself in a relationship or know someone who has? Please share your story in the comments below!
This above all: to thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any man.” Polonius (Shakespeare).
By Janell Hihi Copyright@2017 All rights reserved.