When a Narcissist Insults you or Tries to Bait You With An Argument, Do This!


Narcissists don’t talk, or communicate: they fend off, hide and evade” Sam Vaknin

Narcissist are insidious manipulators. They can get under your skin by disguising insults, giving you compliments with sadistic smirks on their face, or suddenly start ignoring you for no reason.

The narcissist craves for you to ask them, “Why are you acting strange, what’s wrong?”

Just so they can reply with, “Nothing!” And a shoulder shrug to dismiss themselves before you start asking more questions.

Narcissist want unsolved problems to exist within their relationships because it fuels the toxic environment that will eventually strip away your virtues, your patience, and inner peace.

The narcissist wishes to keep their victim in an anxious state. They never want you to be able to calculate or predict their next attack on you.

If you are in a state of anxiety with a narcissist and can’t seem to find your way out of the fog, I have a solution.

Everything the narcissist says and does is bait to drag you down further into their inner hell.


Fight back with the 6 proven techniques below:

  1. Remain Unreactive: Act as if you didn’t see what they did or hear what they said. Act completely oblivious. They may try harder to bait you for a reaction but keep acting as if you don’t notice and remain unbothered. To release your pain confide in a close friend or family member. Just don’t give the narc the satisfaction of seeing you sad.
  2. Answer every question with a question: This will annoy anyone, especially a narcissist. If a narcissist asks you a demeaning question, never, ever, answer it. Ask them why they asked that question? Then ask them what answer do they expect? Then ask them what motivated them to ask the question? Then ask them why they are asking so many questions. But never, answer the original question. This way, the narcissist is stuck explaining why they asked you a question and you stay unengaged, and you don’t take the bait.
  3. When the narcissist gives you the silent treatment write them letters. Write the letter very sloppy so they don’t understand a single word written. Leave some of the letters on sticky notes and stick them to the fridge or bathroom mirror. Sooner or later they will ask what the hell you wrote in the letter and shazam! The silent treatment is broken. If you don’t live with them, send them a letter in the mail with sloppy handwriting and keep quiet until they ask you about the letter. This works like a charm! If they still ignore you, ignore them back and focus on yourself. Catch up with your friends, hang out and keep posting all your fun pictures on social media. He will realize sooner rather than later the silent treatment isn’t going to work on you.
  4. When they blatantly insult you reply with “Oh stop, you don’t even believe that.” Say it calmly and with a smile. Walk away from the confrontation or quickly change the topic to something more positive. Throw in a goal you just reached or even compliment them with how great they look. Another tactic to use when they verbally abuse you is to compliment them. Instead of insulting them back, give them a compliment for every insult they hurl at you. This will disarm them and throw them off balance. Say the compliments with a sincere loving tone and watch what happens! The narcissist will try harder or storm off to get away from you.
  5. When the narcissist gaslights you and calls you crazy, respond by saying the most annoying questions of all times… “I know you are, but what am I?” If you follow the steps above, it should never get to the point where the narc is able to successfully gaslight you because you’re no longer taking their bait. You can also respond to them calling you crazy by saying, “You know, you’re right. In fact, I just booked an appointment with a psychologist and may get on some meds.” Then ask him what medications he thinks you should try and what mental conditions he thinks you may have… Manic depression? Bipolar? Extreme paranoia? Keep asking him his expert advice on your so-called mental issues as mockery. But act sincerely like you agree that you are crazy and need professional help. Go as far as really booking an appointment with a psychologist on the terms that he has to go to your appointments with you. Watch the reaction. Suddenly, you won’t be so crazy after all.
  6. Never react and never get defensive. Disengage your emotions and respond to the narcissist with tact, strategy, and deflection. Never defend abuse, never explain yourself, always counterattack with clever techniques.

Try the 6 steps above and comment below to share your success story. This works! I’ve done it time and time again with narcissist family members and co-workers. If the narcissist becomes violent, seek help immediately. Leave and then contact the authorities.

Fight back against narcissist abuse by ultimately leaving the narcissist for good. Narcissist never change. It’s them, not you! Get out and do it fast!

By Janell Hihi



11 thoughts on “When a Narcissist Insults you or Tries to Bait You With An Argument, Do This!

  1. This article refers to him as most do. In my case, it is her. This article explains my ex to a t. Sadly, she manipulates and bullies the hell out of me because we have children. But reading this article gives me peace of mind because I feel like I’m the only one who sees it.


  2. Janell, super good article obviously from experience. Many of your tactics I’m using now and so affirming. It’s exhausting work dealing with a narc but it’s you or them. I loved your humor, “I know you are but what am I?” And I love your advice to never answer directly an insulting question but instead answer with a question– love it. Yep, very practical article. Thanks.


  3. Janell, your article had me laughing, which is pretty powerful and amazing these days! I’ve been a bit hard on myself and a little depressed when after breaking up with the narcissist and trying to maintain a distant “friendship,” he baited me with a silent treatment and then an attack, and I succumbed to being defensive. I’ve since gone No Contact, and feel empowered after reading the article above, and some of your others. I know it’s normal to get defensive when you’re baited, especially when they pull out all the stops and resort to all of the classic covert aggressive, manipulative go-to’s in one conversation! With your techniques listed above, I will not only have a laugh when I need one, but have the proper armor and techniques if I run into him (we live in a small Oregonian town) and he tries to bait me again, or if I am dealing with a narcissist in the future (and there seem to be MANY where I currently live). Thank you!!!


  4. I do agree and have used a few of tactics in article. Not all of them will work and may put yourself in more danger by escalating their anger! Know the person and what might make it worse. DO NOT ATTEMPT JUST BECAUSE ITS IN AN ARTICLE! Be safe


  5. I loved this!! I needed it to escape the funk I’ve been in for a very long time. Been with a man for about 10 years and I have experienced it all. I almost wish I read this article a long time ago to avoid all the confusion and depression I went through, not to mention the damages it’s left me with. I’ve lost it all…but I’m glad it’s got me to this point because now it all makes sense! It’s been hella hard. I want to heal, and he won’t even let me go to church -_- he makes fun of me coming back home saying I’m “throwing bursts of faith all over the place” lol. Your tips were great, it had me laughing! I couldn’t help but think of his reaction if I did it. Thank you & God Bless!!


  6. Great article, amazing. I have a narc family member who drains all the energy and tries to bait me into an argument. It happens with the whole family and myself however unfortunately due to manipulation etc, my family enables this person and states “Oh this person is family” etc. I have set no contact boundaries as I have to watch my own mental health and protect my kids. This person would scream and fight infront of her children and create chaos. Constant chaos is their way of finding fulfillment in their lives.


  7. I like this article. I’ve dealt with a lot of these people, even my own mother. I may be on the cold side of things, but if a person habitually does these stealthy insults, I’ll cut them off entirety and not associate with them. I don’t feel any person should have to put up with or associate with any person who does these kind of things. Once a person starts this, it tells me what I need to know about that person and their intentions, and I don’t tolerate it for a second.


  8. thanks so much was feeling powerless and stuck on a miserable vacation these are simply brilliant and actually looking forward to seeing the reaction today! the note one is genius ha ha!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Rachel Says: This is a great article! I do have some of these tendencies myself, but recently realized when trying to have an honest conversation about some things my insulting “Narcissist” was really insulting themself. I guess bc I’m usually pretty open to objective advice it was easier to realize that. I’ve also removed myself from the situation. I finally realized I was a pit stop for this person’s work week- possibly of many women. I can still care about them, but obviously this is not a good long term relationship for me at all. I actually thanked them😉 for dumping me Lol.
    And did notice when I wasn’t sad, upset, and off balance the whole next day I was a lot better off!


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