Staying Single Forever is an Unnatural Human Aspiration


A few days ago one of my dear friends proudly announced she wants to stay single forever!

I was shocked. I totally understand that being single for a few years to get your shit together and mend past heartache and pain is necessary.

However, is it natural to want to be single for the rest of your life?

Isn’t it basic human, instinctual desire to have a life partner? Especially considering the way in which our society operates, having a partner to be there for you emotionally, economically, physically and spiritually is in fact, priceless!

I’ve been single by choice for a few years to work on myself and get to know myself again before thoroughly stepping out into the dating scene again so that I am well equipped.

The thought of being single for the rest of my life almost makes life appear incomplete. What is it that we can hold valuable in our lives without sharing it with another?

Who wants a trail of casual flings and on and off again relationships that carry no value, merit or longevity?

In America, you’re usually single until you get married. I often wondered why that is? What happened to the in-between space? Why isn’t it that being in a non-married relationship is not a valid or legal relationship status?

When filing our taxes we can’t right off the time, money and energy we put into relationships that aren’t marriage.

Relationships are supposed to be a bridge that leads to marriage. Unfortunately, they are becoming a bridge that leads to nowhere. 

Having sex regularly with the same person, going out on dates together and spending each weekend together isn’t considered a life together until two people are living together and creating a lasting partnership. When you share bills, love, fears and solve problems together your relationship is a partnership built to last.

There is a huge difference between a relationship and a partnership. I had to learn that the hard way when I constantly entered dead end relationships with people who were just sticking around for a while who had no real intentions on starting a future together.

My parents are coming up on their 57th wedding anniversary and they have endured so much together. Both found the value of loving each other through the storm, practicing forgiveness, tolerance, patience and faith in their union.

This proud single, feminist female propoganda is getting out of control. Sadly, most women who preach that women should raise kids on their own, be independent and never settle for less are the main women who are married over 10, 15 and 20 years!

For me, it’s okay to admit that I need a man. It’s okay to confess that I want a man. I don’t look at myself as less than because I see the value that the right man can bring into my life and I will welcome him with open arms when he arrives.

What I’ve learned being single for the last 3 years is that I can be independent, I can do it all on my own and I can thrive if I work very hard to accomplish my goals.

Consequently, when I reach my goals and there is no one to share my success with, a loneliness emerges within me and my human desire to love and be loved by connecting to a man becomes glaringly apparent to me.

My inherit feminism needs to nurture, love and create with divine masculinity. I find that reiterating lies that society wants women to believe such as “I don’t need a man,” is denying a part of myself that really and truly, unapologetically desires companionship.

By Janell Hihi @Copyright 2016




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