Let’s Play it By Ear


Let’s play it by ear!

No, let’s not!

I got an email from a young lady who is interested in a guy she’s been out on a few dates with.

According to her, they really hit it off. However, according to his actions, he’s just not that into her.

Every time she tries to confirm plans for a third date, he never gives her a definitive answer. Instead he tells her “Let’s play it by ear.” Or my favorite line from guys trying to buy time, “Let’s just go with the flow and see what happens.”

If you’re a woman with a job and a life, playing it by ear just won’t work with your busy schedule unless you cancel all your plans and leave your weekend wide open. That way if he decides to see you then you’ll be available.

Only beta males play these games. They are afraid to straight up tell a women, “Look, I don’t want anything serious, just casual fun. I’m attracted to you but I can’t make definitive plans. Is that okay, are you down for some casual fun?

Alpha males tell a women nicely, upfront that they only want casual fun. This is why they go farther with women and tend to get more “no-strings” attached sex.

A grown women can be honest with an alpha male and accept or decline his low ball offer without playing games. No hard feelings. Just a mutual respect for honesty and assertiveness between two adults.

Respectfully, no adult women has time for these beta male, teenage shenanigans.

Grown people make plans, set dates and make reservations.

Beta males who aren’t that into you make plans with other women they’re more interested in and tell you they like to play it by ear just in case their plans with their first choice falls through. It’s either that, or he’s in a relationship or married. Or worse, he’s unemployed.

Regardless, it’s not good! If he’s not a Doctor on call or an extremely busy celebrity if you set the bar this low in the beginning of your dating experience with him, you will be setting the tone to be treated like a low value women for the remainder of your relationship with him.

Women will always have to play games when they date beta males.

Eventually, he calls you on a Tuesday afternoon to ask you if you want to come to his place and chill later that evening, maybe watch Netflix…


Of course, any women with self-esteem will be insulted. It’s best to respond to men like this by remaining emotionally detached and respond like a sassy business women. I would reply to him by stating,

“Oh, I’d love to see you but I already have plans this evening. My schedule doesn’t allow me to make plans on the same day. Would you like to make plans to go out to dinner sometime soon?”

The beta male will say yes and pretend to be okay with that. Alpha male will tell a women straight up he only wants her body.

Women who can’t handle the truth will get insulted and offended. A Women who respects honesty will say yes or no and keep it moving.

When dealing with a fragile beta male, It’s important that your tone is girly and giddy when you recite the above statement. Men have fragile egos and will go on the defensive if you say it with an attitude as if you’re entitled. Even though you are entitled enough for solid plans… it’s important not to crush their souls with sass.

No one likes to be checked and put in their place. Be nice about it ladies!

This response is brilliant because it’s not an emotional response and it changes the narrative from Netflix and chill to a planned dinner date that you suggest needs to be made in advance because you’re too busy to be spontaneous with a guy whose invested nothing in you yet.

Imagine, if he can’t even commit to set a date with you… he won’t commit to much more with you. Maybe a random booty call if he’s in your neighborhood. Ladies, please don’t put too much energy into the “Let’s play it by ear” guy. Make plans with a man who values you enough to prepare for you, or a man who is alpha enough to tell you what it is.

That’s all.

By Janell Hihi Copyright@2018


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