How to Date Legally Married but Separated Men: Don’t.

should-I-date-separated-man

Why do men date while separated from their wives? Short answer: to escape the pain of their failed marriage. Don’t be flattered… It’s not because he likes you for you!

The long answer: It’s Emotion, Not Reason. Getting into a new relationship when you’re separated is going to be more about emotion than reason. Your new relationship will be more like a fantasy vacation than a real, day-to-day relationship.

As long as one is married to one person, he should in no way seek a significant relationship with any other person. Attempting to justify it by saying “I’m separated” denies reality. Separated is married. If one wishes to find another significant relationship, why has he not legally ended his marriage?

If you decide to date a separated man you are the vehicle allowing that escape. If society completely shunned dating separated people – they’d have no other choice but to handle their business by doing the work to save their marriage or filing for divorce to end it.

Prolonging divorce shows a lack of responsibility, denial, and outright laziness. It can also justify the cheaper to keep her mentality.

The divorce may break the bank. This is not fair for the single person on the receiving end dating a separated individual because the end result of the divorce may significantly effect your future plans with your legally married man. He may not be interested in remarrying or have the inability to travel or purchase a home.

People who start new projects without completing the projects they previously started often have an issue finishing what they started. They are baggage handlers.

Here’s the kicker! They expect you to help them sort through that baggage!

They usually have a string of unfinished business and drama they enjoy dragging other people into. Of course, filing divorce proceedings is more work than starting a new relationship. That’s not necessarily true but to an illogical, emotionally unavailable man anything is better than finishing what he started and finalizing his failed marriage.

If your a women willing to date such a hot mess, your self-esteem is non-existent. I’ve done it before. It’s not too late to change!

Isn’t dating already challenging enough? Adding a pending divorcee to the matrix of love is an unsavory recipe for burn out and bitterness.

Personally, I would never seriously date a legally married man. However, I don’t judge women who wouldn’t mind pursuing a serious relationship with a legally married but separated man. To each it’s own.

Notice how I mentioned I would never “seriously” date a separated man.

Basically, that means I would not emotionally or physically invest in him. He would be used as entertainment purposes only when “quality” men I am pursuing are unavailable. If you want a summer fling, go for it! If you want a serious, loving relationship – don’t proceed!

The married but separated guy is only to be considered when you’re bored. If he is willing to pay for dates and offer to assist in paying your bills, giving him a few hours of your non-sexual time is worth the investment possibly every other week.

The issue with obtaining financial assistance from them is they’re usually struggling with money because legally they are still obligated to take care of their wife!

So, not only are they mentally, and emotionally unavailable, their also financially tied. What’s the benefit of dealing with them on any level? Sex? No, absolutely not! Sex can obtained from single men with less baggage.

Under no circumstances do I recommend sleeping with legally married men. They don’t deserve physical intimacy until after they handle their business and get divorced.

If you’re religious, it’s still committing adultery. Bottom line!

It’s essential to make it clear once you find out they’re still married that you don’t sleep with men who are married regardless if they are separated or not. Present it to him as a moral issue.

Be nice about it and explain to them that once their divorced you’ll date them. This gives them something to work towards and automatically raises your value in their eyes.

He may stop contacting you to seek out easier women with low standards after you express your boundaries. Let him go! Once he is divorced (If he ever get’s divorced?) he may return to you because you were unattainable. If he doesn’t return, he never intended to build anything serious with you anyways. However, following these guidelines you win regardless.

Emotionally and physically investing in a man who is either still with his wife or is separated but too lazy to file divorce is a waste of time and energy.

Women gain nothing from dealing with these men except drama. In fact, all these men are looking for is a rebound to help them get through the hard times they are experiencing in their marriage or separation.

They want to feel that feeling of warmth, love, and affection again because they no longer have it with their spouse.

Women need men who handle business. Period.

These men don’t handle business, they are escapist who seek pleasure instead of finalizing a bad marriage, they let it linger and would rather start meaningless relationships outside their broken marriage instead of getting divorced or going to marriage counseling.

All those toxic characteristics represent low quality men a women should never consider dating in the first place!

Under rare circumstances financial situations such as bankruptcy can delay a divorce, if this is the case casually dating them until their divorced is acceptable. However, I would still keep my options wide open.

What’s worse is typically once their legally divorced they will dump you and pursue women who wouldn’t date them while they were still married because those women have higher standards and higher value. Therefore, those women are more desirable.

Nice girls who help men get through their emotional turmoil with other women always finish last!

If they are unwilling to heavily invest in you financially then there is nothing you stand to gain by dealing with them except anxiety, STD’s, drama, and a migraine headache.

There’s a possibility they won’t ever get legally divorced. There’s a possibility they are using you. There’s a possibility he will get divorced and be with you. That’s rare!

Either way you must ask yourself if you are willing to deal with the uncertainty and anxiety.

However, as a divorced women, after a divorce is final being single and having space to process everything soon follows. Therefore, it’s likely you’ll get dumped and his excuse will be “I just need space.”

The bad outweighs the good and forcing them to invest in you requires them to sacrifice on the same level you are sacrificing.

Unfortunately, most of these men want something for nothing so it is unlikely if you are unwilling to give yourself to them freely without any demands or expectations that they would even continue to deal with you.

The irony with these separated men is that they aggressively seek out high quality women although their circumstances can only afford them the hood rat or trailer trash down the street whose desperate enough to deal with the emotional drama and baggage that comes with a man who hasn’t even filed divorce yet.

The same is true for women. A separated women can’t expect to date a high quality, attractive man after she reveals she’s still legally married. The truth is no high quality man or women wants to deal with that kind of drama.

In addition, if you do a background check which is highly recommended, you’ll discover that this type of man has a track record of starting new relationships without finalizing the last.

How his relationships start is how they end!

Now his current wife is dealing with the same drama she accepted when she begin dating him while he was still legally married to his ex. He is now pursuing other women while still being legally attached to her. What goes around comes around and in this life we only get what we ACCEPT from other people.

If you’re separated and dating other people while in limbo regarding whether or not you should get divorced consider this:

Seek the help you need to salvage your marriage. If you date others, admit to yourself the purpose of dating…or at the very least, the destination of dating. If you wish to be free, and are not willing to salvage your marriage, be honest and talk divorce with your spouse. Be honest with yourself, your mate, your children, your church, your relatives, your friends, and your life.

By J. Hihi

Copyright@2018

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