Hey, if you’re reading this I know you may be feeling hurt, stuck, and focused on the pain inflicted onto you by narcissistic abuse.
From a survivor, I write this article to tell you that it’s time to let go. It’s time to be grateful, not sad!
The ending of a relationship with a narcissist means that at one point in your life you matched his frequency. A frequency that allowed you to believe that you didn’t deserve real love.
However, now that it’s over, you leveled up. You outgrew the narcissist and a toxic relationship.
You’re smarter. You’re better. It happened and now it’s over!
I’M GIVING YOU PERMISSION TO MOVE ON!
Stop licking your wounds. You greived. You’re healed, and your life is waiting for you to live again.
The best medicine is to push forward and focus on what you want rather then what you think you lost.
Challenge yourself. Do things you’re afraid of. Go on adventures, meet new people, join clubs, organizations, take up a new hobby.
Being brave and trying new things completely renews your spirit. It also places you in the energy frequency of bravery and confidence.
Ultimately, regardless of who hurts us, our lives come to down to what we allow ourselves to experience.
If you continue to greive well after the 6-12 months it typically takes to get over a narcissist, you are choosing to stay stuck in the past and in the pain.
You see, the narcissist knows there are more fish in the sea. They know they can move on and find someone new. You, however, still feel slighted and afraid to love and trust again.
And I know your mad, asking yourself how they could move on so fast? It’s really not that hard if your optimistic about your own future. Victims are narcissistic abuse get angry because they can’t move on but the narcissist can.
It’s not the narcissist fault that you think you can’t do any better.
I urge you to step out of the frequency of pain.
You will continue to attract narcissist and toxic people into your life if you contunously focus on the bad relationship you had with a narcissist.
What you focus on GROWS.
It’s a viscous cycle when a person chooses to stay focused on a narcissist well after the relationship has ended.
It’s obsession. You think, “Oh, the narcissist hurt me so bad it’s going to take me a very long time to recover. I’m traumatized.”
It is what you tell yourself it is! Negative self talk is you doing the narcissist work for him!
No wonder he’s discarded you. He knows you’ll self sabotage and he can move on to new supply now. Obvioulsy his work is done.
Of course you want to blame the narcissist because they did horrible things to you. However, the narcissist doesn’t care if you blame them. You don’t matter to them nor does your hurt or pain.
They move on like you never existed and you need to learn from them in that regard.
The narcissist is not forcing you to stay stuck in pain. They have a new source of supply. Staying stuck is your choice and it means you need to re-adjust your focus.
The narcissist is doing good! They are not looking back. Unless they need a temporary ego boost, then they may send you a late night text or random email looking for an ego stroke.
Regardless if the narcissist is deserving or not. They are going after the life they want and the people who will get them closer to it. Are you?
Narcissist move on because they’re narcissism gives them the confidence to believe that they can get on with their lives and bad relationships will never hold them back!
Victims of narcissistic abuse focuses on how the narcissist is moving forward with their life and the victim perceives his new supply as something he doesn’t deserve. The victim repeatedly thinks to themselves, “It’s not fair!”
The narcissist deserves his new supply because he believes he does. New supply does not mean the narcissist is doing better but it is perceived by the victim that he is.
Our perception of the narcissist moving on and being happier without us is outweighing the reality that the narcissist may not be happy at all.
Carefully observe your own perceptions because you may be deceiving yourself. What we tell ourselves about a narcissist is more damaging then the reality of who the narcissist actually is.
If you find yourself focused on a past relationship with a narcissist there may be codependency issues preventing you from thriving forward and enjoying your life.
That goes beyond the narcissistic abuse you experienced in a relationship. There is an underlying persistent pessimism and an inability to take control of your thoughts, and refocus your life!
Think about other times, before the relationship with the narcissist when you fail to take the wheel and drive. Are you too passive? Do you overly invest in other people and not yourself?
It’s time to confess that you had an unhealthy amount of your happiness invested in the relationship with the narcissist. It’s also time to forgive yourself for that.
Codependnecy and narcisism is two different sides of the same coin. Narcissism and codependcy are both extremes.
To become a balanced individual if a past narcissistic relationship is stopping you from thriving forward in your life, you should become more narcissistic.
There is a such thing as being too empathetic and too concerned with others. It’s a distraction from focusing on yourself. Narcissist focus on themselves. This is how they win. This is why you don’t understand about them. This is why we all hate them.
Hyper focus on yourself and your own needs and desires. Put yourself first. Be selfish. Then observe how what you focus on magically manifests in your life.
Try to accomplish a happy medium between the two extremes of narcissim and codependency. Press forward, dress to kill, approach men you like and ask them out, bungee jump, apply for the job you always wanted, only say yes when you mean it and stay in the present moment.
The past is a prison.
LIVE. YOUR. LIFE.
The narcissist is living his! Learn from him. If you think you didn’t have anything to learn from a narcissist, you may be a narcissist!
Narcissist believe that they know it all and they’re is nothing else left to learn. This is why they’re emotional intelligence is that of a 5 year old.
It’s okay to learn about narcissism and how to recognize abuse. However, it is more essential to learn why you allowed it and how you will heal that deficiency within yourself. That is how you take back your power.
Ask yourself this question: What was the purpose of the relationship with the narcissist? And what was your number 1 lesson?
Make the experience with the narcissist about YOU. Not about the narcissist. Not about what you believe he took from you.
I own my mistakes. Especially when it comes to getting what I want and living a life that serves my purpose.
Focus on what you want in life, not what the narcissist didn’t give you!
My book is coming soon. Stay tuned! This is a game changer. Extensive research coming from my own soul, psychologist, and spiritual leaders. Unique perspective on narcissism from a mind, body and soul perspective!
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By Janell Hihi @copyright 2018