Facebook Asked Me for a Copy of My Driver’s License.

First of all, Zuckerberg looks like a Reptilian, android drone who wishes to colonize and distribute other people’s data like a thirsty, Chicago pimp. His body language at the congressional meeting was detached and non-emotional.

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Like most tech companies. Facebook was created and engineered to be addictive to the users. Facebook is an ethereal drug hooking people and stealing their most valuable asset – TIME.

Like candy, sugar, caffeine, gambling, and Heroine… Anyone creating a product or service to addict people is an imminent threat to humanity.

Zuckerberg has access to 70% of the worlds data at the tip of his fingers. Is Facebook connecting the world? Or is it connecting data to distribute to corporate America and the government?

It’s amazing how these tech companies use algorithisms as a scapegoat for their own deceptive behavior. Algorithisms are created. Therefore the creators of those bias and dangerous algorithisms should be at fault.

I was a victim of the data breach with Cambridge Analytical and Facebook. Below is a screen shot of the generic and impersonal, notification Facebook sent to me.

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Every time I log onto Facebook and begin scrolling, I actually feel less connected to people. Facebook’s business model is a con. It connects you to people artificially.

These Silicon Valley data handlers are soul-less hustlers looking to humanize technology. Unfortunately, there is no substitute for face to face human interaction.

I officially deactivated my Facebook account for several reasons. Not only is it a time-sucking, blackhole of endless scrolling down narcissistic news feeds. It thrives off a business model that sells users information to companies.

Facebook sells your data to anyone willing to buy. 

Don’t take my word for it. Listen to this whistle blowers testimony who is a former data scientist from Cambridge Analytical confessing how he helped them misuse stolen data which comprised our democracy.

Mark Zuckerberg, the Taurus who will attain wealth, power and internet monopoly by any means necessary is fully indoctrinated into the elite class of the world. Therefore, any establishment he is affiliated with should raise their brows in suspicion.

Facebook asked me to send a copy of my Drivers License. They suspended my account until I sent a copy of it. How incredibly invasive is that?

If Facebook is purely a “Social Network” Why would I need to send a copy of my drivers license? They are connected to the government. Facebook founder was just held responsible for selling your data to analytical companies that drastically affected the outcome of the elections.

Facebook is a Monster.

The only way to beat Facebook at it’s own game is to create fake profiles. Use a fake email address, a fake name and use it for business purposes only.

Never like, or comment on anything. Do not add any friends or family. Don’t upload any pictures of yourself, family or friends. Just create a business/fan page with a brand name, not your real name and get your prospective customers to like your page. Post only businesses related articles.

It’s better not to have a newsfeed at all. Otherwise you’ll be overwhelmed with meaningless content, selfies, inspirational quotes and cries for attention from people you barely see in real life.

If they ask you to send a copy of your ID. Create another account instead of sending your ID. Easy enough!

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All we can do is offset Facebook and litter it with fake profiles and fake data. Facebook can sell that fake data to companies and hopefully lose money in the end because that fake data won’t yield capital for the companies buying the information.

Everyone wins right? 

End your social media addiction and unplug from this soul sucking matrix devouring your time and energy. After all, we are all data slaves being bought and sold as we meaninglessly post, like, share and scroll down a black hole.

By Janell Hihi Copyright@2018

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Never Date the Guy Who Doesn’t Believe in Anything

Beware of the guy who doesn’t believe in ANYTHING.

He’s deceiving because he comes off as very liberal, free-thinking and unconcerned with tradition, trends and societal norms.

He’s that guy who will protest for any cause and pose as a champion for equality, human rights, environmental concerns, animal rights, women’s rights and gun control.

However, the extent of his activism never goes beyond holding up signs at protest, wearing hats shaped like vaginas and posting political memes on Facebook that gives him attention so he can waste hours or even days engaged in debates.

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You won’t see him writing bills to present to congress or running for office. That requires real action, conviction, commitment and passion. All of which he lacks!

Basically, the “I don’t believe in anything” guy is a covert narcissist at best who is more concerned with appearing liberal and fair instead of actually being liberal, just, and fair in real life!

He claims he doesn’t believe in religion but his religion, in fact, is Impression Management! He lives to make impressions instead of actually developing his character.

He comes off as a very concerned citizen who cares about the livelihood of everyone and everything. In the beginning it’s attractive, but overtime it’s an incredibly feminine attribute most women will eventually find repulsive.

Unfortunately, all of his free spirited beliefs will limit how far your relationship with him will progress.

If you ask him about marriage. He will tell you he doesn’t believe in marriage. He’ll say the divorce rate is too high, marriage is dead, marriage is bondage, and marriage is reserved strictly for religious purposes.

If you’re lucky he may even reveal that he believes marriage is only for the benefit of women and puts men at risk of losing everything.

Unfortunately, a quick Google search could debunk his irrational fears. Dozens of studies show that married men earn between 10 and 50 percent more than their unmarried peers and accumulate more wealth overtime despite multiple divorces!

U.S. Census Bureau data bear this out. Full-time median income for married men ages 18-64 years old in 2011 was $55,958, as compared to $40,489 for married women, $34,634 for single men and $32,593 for single women, according to the Current Population Survey 2012 Annual Social and Economic Supplement.

Besides, with prenuptial agreements, any man claiming their afraid of marriage because they fear losing everything they worked for is likely just full of shit.

The truth underneath all that hot air is that he does not want to be a provider nor does he want to be responsible for a family or feel pressured under the commitment of marriage.

He’s a proud feminist. He believe women and men are the same, despite the fact that women still don’t make as much money as men in the same professions. He’ll expect a women to provide 50/50 or take care him 100%.

His philosophy is simple. If men can do it, women can do it. If men work, women work. If a man can lift 100 pounds, a women should lift 100 pounds…

Men and women are not the same. Neither gender is better then the other, we are just different. Males and females have different strengths and weaknesses but liberal, beta males put new age theories over the system nature already established simply for their own benefit!

The atheist, liberal, new age, Namaste, hippie is the worst relationship partner.

He will convince a girl to have unprotected sex with him because it feels organic and then when he gets her pregnant he will evade any responsibility. He believes in going with the flow, not going with morals and standards. He thinks values, standards and expectations are conservative. When in fact, standards and values have nothing to do with conservatism or liberalism, it pertains to one’s character.

Since he is pro choice and believes in abortion he will drop his girlfriend or fuck buddy off at the abortion clinic and make her take an Uber back home after he demands her to get an abortion because he’s not ready to have kids.

He will talk about her to his friends and call her irresponsible for allowing herself to get pregnant as if he didn’t contribute his sperm willingly.

He’s always ready to have unprotected sex with any women who is willing. After all, he is a free spirit and shouldn’t have to answer to anyone! Especially a women.

He supports planned parenthood but won’t utilize the free birth control they offer.

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This type of man only believes in ideologies that will allow him to escape responsibility. He’s a closet narcissist. He’s not prochoice because he loves women, he’s pro choice so that he can have unprotected sex and use abortion as a form of birth control instead of putting on a condom.

He doesn’t believe in titles.

He doesn’t want to be a boyfriend or a husband unless there’s a direct tangible benefit. He wants to be absolutely free from commitment because commitment is responsibility. He will expect boyfriend treatment without giving a woman the girlfriend title. It’s always something for nothing with this type of guy.

He believes single mothers are not worthy dating prospects.

This is exactly why he might just have a baby mama that he owes over $10,000 in back pay for child support. If he doesn’t have kids, I assure you if he is not fixed that there is at least 3 ex girlfriends who’ve had multiple abortions for him.

He has no problem creating a single mother by having unprotected sex with a women he has no plans to be with… If she gets pregnant and doesn’t have an abortion he will have no problem ignoring her and the child for the rest of his life.

He’ll often post his check stubs on social media showing how much money child support took out of his check and complain that the money is going towards his baby mama’s hair and nails. It’s really pathetic!

He will make a vow to himself not to ever date a single mother because they are not compliant to abortion demands from their boyfriends. He will berate the single mother for not getting married before she had kids, and in the same breath express his opinion as to why he thinks the institution of marriage is stupid.

He thinks women should be able have children unwed if they want to and he believes there is nothing wrong with single parent households because women can handle raising a family all on their own without a man’s help!

He will often say things like, “Obama was raised by a single mother.” Which isn’t true, his grandparents practically raised him.

Single mothers are the most impoverished women in America. Married women are ten times better off. Not just for financial reasons. We all know two incomes are better then one. Married women have emotional support and assistance in raising their children.

Children from single family homes are more likely to end up in prison. How is raising a child alone a benefit to anyone?

We all end up paying for single parents through taxes because most need help. Beta males who are unwilling to be providers force the government and tax payers to fit the bill.

Ladies, don’t waste your time with that overly liberal guy who doesn’t have a back bone and is allergic to responsibility. If he doesn’t believe in anything but having the free will to have sex with everyone and avoid responsibility, what kind of husband will he make?

Oh wait, he doesn’t believe in marriage. So what type of boyfriend will he be?

He’s designated himself to the title of a fuck boy for life. Date a man who believes in something that benefits the union of men, women, family values, responsibility and commitment.

By Janell Hihi @Copyright 2018

Why Your Relationship Will Fail According to Your Zodiac Sign: Cancer, Virgo & Libra

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Every Zodiac sign has it’s strengths and weaknesses.

This blog explores the potential reasons as to why your relationship may fail according to the dark side of the Zodiac sign Cancer, Virgo and Libra.

Virgo

The number one reason why a Virgo’s relationship will fail is because Virgo’s over analyze the smallest decisions, commitments and arguments. A virgo who is undecided can linger in that indecision for an unreasonable amount of time. The indecision is viewed by their partner as a lack of care, love and commitment. It’s also a turn-off and sign of insecurity and low confidence.

People like people who can make solid decisions in a timely manner. Virgo’s will also fail at relationships because they tend to be overly critical of their partner and everything and everyone else in general. They’ll complain at the restaurant about the smallest details no one else notices. They will complain at work about everything! They will complain to their partner about every little thing they do, wear, say or don’t say!

Virgo will unconsciously make their partner feel inferior and not good enough even if the Virgo loves their partner dearly. Virgo’s can also be too consistent, dry and boring. They may want to do the same things over and over again without exploring new ways to do old things. This allows the relationship to become stale.

Virgo’s can also put their job and ambitious pursuits before their spouse, children and friends which can ruin relationships just because the Virgo’s long hours in the office. Virgo’s who have a career they love will work more then the average person just because it’s what they do. It’s important for Virgo to have a partner who understands that and allows them the time and space to pursue their goals and dreams without feeling neglected.

Cancer

Stop trying to play mommy or daddy and just play your part as an equal partner in your relationships.

Your role is not to be a parental figure. Don’t play wife to a boyfriend or devoted girlfriend to a booty call. Stop baking pies and doing laundry for people who see you sometimes and texts you sometimes.

Basically Cancer, your relationships won’t last because your always doing to much! Pump the breaks, take a deep breathe and hold off on all your nurturing until that level of commitment is reached in your relationships. It’s easy to feel like you’re often used and taken for granted but the truth is no one told you to sacrifice your soul after only being in a relationship for 6 months. No one feels sorry for you. Make better decisions and ration out what your willing to give to your partner over time.

Too emotional and changeable. 

I know your ruled by the moon and it controls your water element like the tides in the ocean but you’ve gotta get a hold of yourself and stop being so deep too fast. You’ll scare people off and your relationships won’t last very long. Be careful won’t you do and say when you’re drunk with emotion because you can hurt people to the core. You have a psychic ability to look into people’s soul effortlessly and calling your loved ones out in hurtful ways can destroy your relationships. When you’re moody ask your partner for space to be alone instead of activating your silent treatment and use that time alone to calm yourself done and mix emotions with logic to ground yourself.

Bad Temper

Cancer’s are overly emotional by nature. When they are triggered, they can go from zero to 100 real quick! Cancer’s are the most booked criminals for passion crimes according to the crime statistics. They may say and do things that are so sadistic out of anger that they chase people away forever. They think they’ll always be forgiven, and when they aren’t forgiven that become victims seeking pity.

Cancer, you need a partner who understands that you need space to workout your moodiness and emotions and they need to respect that. If they smoother you and block you from retreating into your crab shell, there will be hell to be paid. Make your time and space for your sanity be known to your partner other wise your relationship will fail.

Libra

Stop looking for a partner to balance your libra scales. Here’s a better idea, balance out your own damn scales with self-love and self-fulfillment before you get into a relationship demanding your partner to “balance” you out.

Libra is seriously looking for their other half. They can’t be whole alone. They need relationships like normal people need water. This is why they stand for relationships and they are ruled by Venus. It’s all about their addiction to love. It’s not that they have a profound knowledge of love and relationships that other zodiac signs lack. In fact, that’s far from the truth.

Libra’s can be too focused on shallow, surface beauty that they choose a trophy wife or a playboy as a husband/wife instead of a partner that they are truly compatible with. If a Libra’s partner gains weight or looks begins to fade they will criticize and mock them. Libra’s like everything to stay beautiful and it’s an unrealistic expectation. A libra man will pay for his wife to get bigger boobs and a face lift without hesitation.

Libra, your relationship will fail because you think your partner has the responsibility to constantly make you happy and when they don’t you feel justified in acting like a child by enacting the silent treatment and holding petty grudges. in the heat of the moment, revenge is not beneath you either.

The inability to forgive is a huge relationship hurdle many libra’s fail to get over. They can’t let go of the past and better yet it serves as an excuse for them to get away with bad behavior.

Insane Jealousy.

Learn how to be happy for your partner and your friends instead of being envious of them when they get ahead in life. If you would only stop comparing your self worth to their’s you’d be a lot happy and healthier in your relationships. Not everything is a competition. Not everything needs to be discussed and dissected either. Libra you need to learn when to be quiet, back down and let go.  Otherwise your relationship is doomed. Don’t be threatened by your partner’s success or ambition, be focused on your own.

Escapist

Libra’s escape facing themselves through dodging responsibility, reckless relationships, liquor, drugs and SHOPPING. They are blessed with an incredible fashion sense and the debt that comes along with their shopping addiction. This can ruin relationships. Libra face yourself with using escape routes and your life and your relationships will improve drastically.

By Janell Hihi Copyright @2018

Let’s Play it By Ear

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Let’s play it by ear!

No, let’s not!

I got an email from a young lady who is interested in a guy she’s been out on a few dates with.

According to her, they really hit it off. However, according to his actions, he’s just not that into her.

Every time she tries to confirm plans for a third date, he never gives her a definitive answer. Instead he tells her “Let’s play it by ear.” Or my favorite line from guys trying to buy time, “Let’s just go with the flow and see what happens.”

If you’re a woman with a job and a life, playing it by ear just won’t work with your busy schedule unless you cancel all your plans and leave your weekend wide open. That way if he decides to see you then you’ll be available.

Only beta males play these games. They are afraid to straight up tell a women, “Look, I don’t want anything serious, just casual fun. I’m attracted to you but I can’t make definitive plans. Is that okay, are you down for some casual fun?

Alpha males tell a women nicely, upfront that they only want casual fun. This is why they go farther with women and tend to get more “no-strings” attached sex.

A grown women can be honest with an alpha male and accept or decline his low ball offer without playing games. No hard feelings. Just a mutual respect for honesty and assertiveness between two adults.

Respectfully, no adult women has time for these beta male, teenage shenanigans.

Grown people make plans, set dates and make reservations.

Beta males who aren’t that into you make plans with other women they’re more interested in and tell you they like to play it by ear just in case their plans with their first choice falls through. It’s either that, or he’s in a relationship or married. Or worse, he’s unemployed.

Regardless, it’s not good! If he’s not a Doctor on call or an extremely busy celebrity if you set the bar this low in the beginning of your dating experience with him, you will be setting the tone to be treated like a low value women for the remainder of your relationship with him.

Women will always have to play games when they date beta males.

Eventually, he calls you on a Tuesday afternoon to ask you if you want to come to his place and chill later that evening, maybe watch Netflix…

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Of course, any women with self-esteem will be insulted. It’s best to respond to men like this by remaining emotionally detached and respond like a sassy business women. I would reply to him by stating,

“Oh, I’d love to see you but I already have plans this evening. My schedule doesn’t allow me to make plans on the same day. Would you like to make plans to go out to dinner sometime soon?”

The beta male will say yes and pretend to be okay with that. Alpha male will tell a women straight up he only wants her body.

Women who can’t handle the truth will get insulted and offended. A Women who respects honesty will say yes or no and keep it moving.

When dealing with a fragile beta male, It’s important that your tone is girly and giddy when you recite the above statement. Men have fragile egos and will go on the defensive if you say it with an attitude as if you’re entitled. Even though you are entitled enough for solid plans… it’s important not to crush their souls with sass.

No one likes to be checked and put in their place. Be nice about it ladies!

This response is brilliant because it’s not an emotional response and it changes the narrative from Netflix and chill to a planned dinner date that you suggest needs to be made in advance because you’re too busy to be spontaneous with a guy whose invested nothing in you yet.

Imagine, if he can’t even commit to set a date with you… he won’t commit to much more with you. Maybe a random booty call if he’s in your neighborhood. Ladies, please don’t put too much energy into the “Let’s play it by ear” guy. Make plans with a man who values you enough to prepare for you, or a man who is alpha enough to tell you what it is.

That’s all.

By Janell Hihi Copyright@2018

What Every Women Should Consider Before Having a Child Before Marriage

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Stop feeling bad for wanting to be a wife and have a family. You’re just being a WOMAN.

Personally I believe a women should never, ever, ever, have a child out of wedlock. Statistically, it’s not beneficial to the women or the child. Unfortunately, it’s become a trend and societal has suffered tremendously as a result.

Today 1 in 4 children under the age of 18 — a total of about 17.2 million — are being raised without a father.

Religion has nothing to do with it. In fact, I’m not a religious person at all.

It’s a fact that women are vulnerable in society. Thankfully in America, we have the LAW to assist us to ensure we get what we deserve if a man decides to neglect his responsibilities. However, an unwed women with children misses out on the protection of the law only married women benefit from.

The Law, unlike some of these basic women out here with NO standards… understands that men need to know there are consequences for their actions in order to behave.

It’s human nature. Women are the same. A women would run all over a man if he let her. Real men don’t tolerate nonsense from women and vice versa.

If a man asks a women to have a child for him before asking for her hand in marriage, he wants to trap her and take her off the market.

Even though he has no intentions of staying with her, he knows that once she is labeled a “baby mama” it will be more difficult for quality men to take her seriously. He will also always have access to her.

This type of men most likely goes around collecting baby mama’s ruining women and children’s lives all over the country. It’s a pathetic and narcissistic pathology that is happening because women are allowing it.

Have you noticed lately that you receive more baby shower invitations then you do marriage invitations?

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Nearly 40 percent of babies now born in America are to unmarried women. The birthrate for unmarried women in their 20s is higher than for teens. Sociologists say that these new mothers often assume that the baby will “cement” the relationship. But these arrangements rarely last.

Feminism Promotes Single Motherhood

Don’t let these so-called feminist women tell you that you can do it all on your own and you don’t need a man. You can’t do it alone successfully. Look at the statistics, single mothers are living in poverty and their children are suffering as a result. If their not living in poverty, they’re suffering psychological issues due to a lack of father and stability in their lives.

An ex wife with a child whose father is active in the child’s life is not the same as a baby mama, let’s not get it twisted!

If you had one child out of wedlock, forgive yourself and never repeat the same mistake again. 

Marriage is about security and ensuring you bare children with a man who committed to you and made vows before his friends and family regarding his love and dedication for you.

I don’t care how high the divorce rate is or what these loose millennials are doing out here… Children deserve to be born into a life with two parents who love each other and will at least try to give that child the loving, and committed family it deserves!

Sure, unmarried people stay together for years and have children. But secretly, that women who settles will resent not being a wife, regardless of how much she pretends she doesn’t believe in marriage.

A mama bear protects her cubs and ensures their safety and security. She doesn’t lay down with a boyfriend, have unprotected sex and “Accidentally” have a baby uncertain how her boyfriend will react.

Typically, he’ll be upset. He reminds the girlfriend that she’s just a girlfriend and he’s not ready to have children. Then there’s the abortions, resentment and worst of all, a total waste of time and LIFE.

Single mothers are much more likely to be poor than married couples. The poverty rate for single-mother families in 2016 was 35.6%, nearly five times more than the rate (6.6%) for married-couple families.

Among children living with mother only, 40% lived in poverty. In contrast, only 12% of children in two parent families were counted as poor.

Regardless if we like it or not, every taxpayer in America is paying for men who refuse to get married, provide for their families or pay child support. Its a shame that beta males who go around impregnating women like wild animals with an inability to think before they act is a huge burden on society as a whole!

A majority (59%) of SNAP households with children were single mother households. Only 15% received cash benefits from TANF.22Though a small percentage, they represent more than 90% of all TANF families.

I recommend every lady to get married before you have a child. Secure you’re future. Marriage is a legal protection. It’s not about love or religion. It’s about protecting the investment of your time and the wellbeing of your future children.

By Janell HIhi @Copyright2018

Avoid The 50/50 Guy

00e1c259-b0e4-4b5f-b7c2-f453bd54155bBeware of the guy who believes everything should be split 50/50.
A man who rejects his masculinity refusing to be a provider is a man who will take you out your feminine energy. Sooner, rather then later, you’ll start feeling like “The Man” in the relationship.
The feminine man feels that he shouldn’t have to be head of the household. To me, that in of itself is a major beta male turn off. I grew up in a home with a father who was an alpha male provider. I can’t comprehend the level of bullshit excuses that seep from beta-male, 50/50 men’s mouth. It’s very girly like and cringe worthy.
While dating, the 50/50 guy will also show signs that he lacks leadership skills by never knowing where to take his date.
Lazy planning and a lack of taste and culture, I gaurantee you that he’ll suggest taking you to Applebee’s on your first date.
He will also play games and show a lack of decisiveness and assertiveness. Pussy footing around asking a women out and showing weakness and hesitation. If you’re over the age 30 ladies trust me you don’t have time for that!
The 50/50 guy will give a well rehearsed speech to naive women professing their dire financial situation but highlighting that they are working on getting out of debt, they don’t have much to offer now but their loyalty and their love.
They hope that their honesty about their finances will earn them pity from the women they are targeting.
Beta males want a women’s pity, alpha men want a women’s respect.
Typically, the women who gives pity to grown men who have made devastating financial and personal mistakes, has low self-esteem. Women with high standards won’t accept love based on pity. 
Loyalty and love is not enough to sustain a relationship or a marriage. Especially if the 50/50, beta male is dating out of his league. If he’s dating a girl that has better credit, makes more money, has more assets and drives a better car then him, it’s not about loyalty or love. It’s about dating a women that will help him level up.
The 50/50 guy doesn’t want the women on his level who also have major personal and financial issues. He wants the women who can potentially provide for him and can pay her own way.
He doesn’t want to build with the girl on his financial level, he wants to be taken care of by the women who is out of his league financially. He’s an opportunist at best.
I was watching the Zo Show on Youtube a few days ago and they touched on the type of women who help build up a man and then get left when he levels up by using them.
They called it “Build a Bae Workshop.” Women who like to be the hero and rescuer in a relationship are frequently in attendance at the workshop.
The 50/50 man also wants women to chase him. He lacks bravado and is afraid to pursue women because his ego is so fragile if he gets rejected he will have a mental breakdown.
If the women takes all the risk of pursuing the 50/50 man feels safe in his unnatural femininity knowing that the women is willing to be the pursuer and the provider.
Unfortunately for no fault of their own, most 50/50 did not have a father figure around growing up.
If they did it was a poor example. Mister 50-50 has no idea what he’s doing because no one gave him the blueprint on how to be a man and a provider. They seen their mother struggle and pay for everything herself without a man’s help and they believe women are supposed to contribute if not 50%, then 100%.
So when the 50/50 man meets a women who demands him to step up, be a provider and take leadership and responsibility- she’s a gold digger, user, bitch, etc
But the same man will slut shame a women who is loose, easy and has kids out of wedlock… the contradiction is real! He wouldn’t seriously date a women who had various kids by different baby daddy’s and he doesn’t want a promiscuous women who will sleep with him on the first date.
The 50/50 Man does not really want women who will accept them as they are. They want the type of women who wants the men who have something going for himself. Those are the women the 50/50 guy stares at with secret desire as your standing next to them in public.
If you’re dating a guy in financial trouble whose about to file bankruptcy, still legally married after 8 years of separation from his wife, and has bad credit, etc., He knows the women that he can approach in his current situation and he knows the type of women who won’t give him the time of day.
He will settle for the women who will accept his 50/50 relationship ideology but he won’t respect her and he won’t feel like a man around her. It’s a bad, low value situation where both parties are settling.
Women lose more dealing with men who constantly take inventory on who pays for what and when. I dated a guy who constantly complained about money.  The truth was, he couldn’t afford to court me.
Instead of focusing on me, he should’ve stayed single and focused on getting his finances together. When the pressure was too much, we broke up. I gave him an automaton, either he commits and we move in together with him paying over 50% of the bills or I was going to leave him. I guarantee you the women he is with now is fitting half or 75% of the bill. He knows I am not the one. So the situation ended because it was supposed to.
These men are petty and they’d rather ignore the responsibility of being alone and working on improving their situation. They’d rather improve their lives using a “Pick me!” chick who is just looking for a relationship.
There’s more to a relationship than love. That’s why the majority of marriages fail for financial reasons. Think about it. Life is not a Disney fairytale.
If a man is not dating you to impress you, he see’s you as low value, roommate material. Unfortunately, he doesn’t see you as wife material. Sorry.
The 50/50 guy hates women who have high standards but also hates women with low standards. He wants the good wholesome, loyal, classy women who is overly nice and won’t demand anything from him except feelings.
Feelings that will fade and eventually get you dumped after he’s done using you. Smart women understand feelings fade but values last forever. Values are centered in vows and commitment. Not promises from boyfriends that may never materialize.
They look down on so-called independent women who’ve never been married but they don’t believe in the institution of marriage- interesting huh? Men who are providers have no problem with marriage. They carry the title of “husband” as a badge of honor.
50/50 guys only praise the women that will allow them to extract the most benefit out of them with the least amount of commitment. They’re users. Plain and simple!
Are there exceptions to this rule? Of course, unicorns do exist but the odds are against you due to the rarity.
No man should expect a women to be just like him or have the same responsibilities- we are men and women for a reason. We are created for different things.
Spare me the feminist rhetoric, it’s not femininity, it’s a con game. Women still don’t get paid in America the same wages men get paid in the same industry and career with the same experience. If women don’t get paid the same, why would she pay 50/50?
Ladies, stop allowing yourselves to be used. I had to reiterate because 70% of my emails are from women complaining about money, 50/50 men and the guy who doesn’t want marriage but wants all the benefits of marriage.
Legally, if you’re just a long term girlfriend and not a wife, you have no legal say so on how your man is buried when he dies, his inheritance, the house you lived in with him if he owned it and you were never put on the deed… his next of kin, children or parents will only have access to all of that!
And spare me the big wedding and reception as an excuse. My parents had a house party and my mother married her husband at her sisters house. My niece just married her longterm boyfriend at the courthouse and we all went to Red Lobster afterwards to celebrate.
You don’t need a big wedding to get a marriage license. But you do need to secure your future with a marriage license.
Some men won’t marry you because their already married but separated from their wife and they are too cheap and selfish to get a divorce because they don’t want to split their assets with their ex wife.
You have to extremely low self-esteem to date a man who is separated but not divorced! You’re a filler girl. Make a man come prepared and correct for you! He knows what type of women will accept his dire circumstances and which women won’t. He secretly knows you have low self esteem if you expect less then what you deserve.
I dated a separated guy while I was separated from my ex husband just to occupy myself and have a little fun. I didn’t take him seriously! I knew that was a temporary situation until I was ready to be alone and work on myself, by myself.
Match.com does not accept separated people on their website, they have to submit their divorce papers to be a member. Now you know why! Don’t be like these dusty chicks out here, be like match.com – make sure he is DIVORCED. People who are separated need to be alone to get their lives together.
I knew the type of man I really wanted wouldn’t accept me as a serious prospect because I was recently separated. Not only do I expect a man to come correct, but I will come correct with men I respect who have high standards. I’ll make sure my shit is together before expecting a man of value to take me seriously.
A man who expects a women to pay half of everything and provide financial security should look for another MAN to be in a relationship with. If he’s separated and not divorced he should be looking for booty calls not relationships…
The 50-50 man always says “I want a women who will build with me.” A real man builds by himself and once he’s stable he finds a wife to provide for to start a family and  build a legacy.
50-50 men are allergic to marriage or damaged by it. Because they are feminine men who allow failed past relationships and marriages to dictate their future behavior.
All 50/50 men are overly skeptical. In fact, all they have to offer is excuses! They won’t offer you their name in marriage or anything that will remotely benefit a women.
What’s interesting is 50/50 men always want women to submit to them. But since she’s not a wife and just a women that lives with him that has a vagina, she will never naturally submit. Her submission will be forced.
Would you submit to your boyfriend or your husband? Natural submission happens organically when a man is the head of his household and a provider.
However, 50/50 men have basic jobs and low to medium income in the first Place because they have a fear of failure.
Fear of committing to a goal or a women because they’re scared it won’t work dominates their lives. In fact, their excuse for not doing what they’re supposed to do as men is “What if it doesn’t work?”
Or my favorite, excuse “the divorce rate is too high.” Because they’re not providers they only see the emotional side of marriage. They don’t see how marriages create stability for children, secure finances and combine resources that sustains communities.
Marriage is only 30% about emotions and feelings. 
Never deal with a man who operates out of fear. Fear shrinks the brain. Makes idiots out of men! If he views marriage only as love and feelings, run!
Looks, love and feelings don’t last but 5-7 years. After that, marriage can only survive on family values, friendship and a mutual respect for the union. Feelings are fleeting, I would never bet my marriage on something so trivial and meaningless as emotions.
Avoid the 50-50 man because he is too insecure, too petty and to hell bent on splitting everything in half in constant fear of getting played that he will drain u off all your creative feminine vital energy.
And he wonders why you never feel like having sex and you have an attitude all the time- it’s because u don’t feel like a women, you lack a provider, you have to work like a man and it’s robbing you of your vital, playful and sexual feminine energy. You can’t focus on being a good mother, you’re working two jobs to pay half, or all the bills.
He’s really not happy either. He won’t be happy until he learns how to be a provider – instead he has a girl as a roommate just their existing with him on the daily grind. There’s a 99% chance he’ll cheat with a women who will make him feel like a masculine man again. That women will refuse to go 50/50 and motivate him to step up his game or step off!
Y’all can keep that struggle love, I don’t want it. As soon as a man fixes his mouth to say I believe everything should be 50/50…. I keep it moving! I’m offering more then 50% – It’s all or nothing with me.
 By Janell Hihi @Copyright2018

Interracial Dating & The Fear of Dating an Undercover Racist

First of all, I want to start this article by stating that I am a product of an interracial marriage.

I refuse to sugarcoat my experience of being mixed race with sunshine and rainbows. Unfortunately, in my experience being mixed and dating outside my race, the bad aspects far outweigh the good.

The constant micro-aggressions experienced while dating interracially, tend to insidiously eat away at your self-esteem feeding an underlying resentment that will fester and eventually explode later in the relationship.

Being a realist, I must point out the pros and cons of being in an interracial relationship but also the number one Fear black people have when dating outside their race. That fear is…

What if the person I am dating is an undercover racist?

I married interracially and dated interracially. For any black man or women who secretly harbors this fear, you are not alone.

In fact, I wouldn’t even call it a Fear. It’s a valid concern.

The reason for this is understanding the difference between being liked and being respected.

Being liked is surface deep, shallow and is dependent on many factors.

For example, you can be liked for the way you look if you’re generally attractive or have a nice body. You can be liked by your employment status, the amount of money you make or a physical attribute that is fetishized… small feet, full lips, big butt or boobs.

However, being respected is a totally different experience altogether. Being respected is the biggest challenge in an interracial relationship.

Everyone in America has negative stereotypical views that are deeply embedded in their Psyche about African Americans whether they admit it or not.

Your interracial mate may think you are different or special but still look down on the rest of the black community as a whole, overall. Doesn’t that make you feel uncomfortable? It should.

It’s unfortunate that this is not discovered right away while dating them. It comes out in moments you least expect when there’s a back handed comment about your hair, a police shooting or black men in general.

The angry black women card will be used in subtle ways to silence you and lower your Defenses. Don’t let it. This is a manipulative trick. Be angry when the situation warrants anger. Don’t numb your emotions to try to evade stereotypes. Fuck that!

Even the most liberal white men has an inner feud with black men. This is to justify in their heads the way black men are treated in general. I dated a white guy I went to high school with and all he dated was black women.

He admitted he had self esteem issues and thought “other” non black women wouldn’t date him. Go figure!

I thought he couldn’t be racist right? He married a black women and has a mixed kid and grew up around black people. I was gravely stupid and naive’

When I took a closer look at his life, all his close friends were white. He had one distant black male friend who he often talked down about.

He even said, “I don’t know what it is. I just don’t have close male black friends!”

That’s when I realized the vendetta is real. Just because some white men are attracted to, date, and marry black women does not mean they are fond of black men.

Donald Sterling and his Biracial girlfriend is the perfect example. Remember he told her despite the fact that she is half black she doesn’t look like it and he wants the world to perceive her as a DELICATE white or Latino women. He said she can hang around with black people in private but not in public! And she cannot bring black people to his games! How dare she embarrass him like that!

As a reminder of his racism towards his black girlfriend he claimed to love… listen to the video below expressing his blatant disregard & jealousy towards black men.

Of course after he made that statement about black men, I vowed not to let him ever meet my black father. You may think there is no harm in that vague statement he made. However, I read between the lines. I can’t help myself, I’m an intuitive empath. Of course, the statement was followed up with negative interactions he’s had with black men as if he never had negative interactions with white men.

I’d also share with him racist interactions I had to deal with at work and he’d give me the infamous blank stare. You know what I’m referring to. Those white friendships we all have where you can talk to them about anything but race. When you do, it’s silence and the blank stare! As if you’re suddenly speaking them to them in a foreign language.

As if racism never existed and doesn’t exist today. As if you were that stupid to ever call this person a friend.

When they don’t believe what you go through as a black person as if you’re delusional and Crazy. These people are narcissist. Let. Them. Go.

Denying another person’s experiences exist is called gas lighting. It’s mental and emotional abuse, plain and simple!

I shared with my ex white boyfriend ongoing issues about being pulled over all the time (driving while black) being arrested for stupid unpaid fines and how much money and aggravation that caused me, he’d respond as if I was a common criminal with little or no empathy towards my plight.

All the while not a day went by that he didn’t tell me he loved me or how beautiful I was.

It was so conflicting and confusing. You must ask yourself if you really want to go through that?

Imagine wanting to vent to your partner about how racism plagues you and your friends daily who responds in disbelief? Or having a partner you have to tip toe around on race issues to be sure you don’t activate their white fragility.

Imagine having to keep what you go through at work and in the world from the Man or women you share a bed with, just to avoid an argument?

Not being able to say what you need to say to your partner without being labeled too sensitive, a victim or worse yet a nagging complaining b%$#!

Is that the life you want? Walking on eggshells pretending black issues don’t matter to you while at the same time being grossly affected by those issues in your daily life? Can you be happy living in that duplicity?

It is vastly difficult to be pro-black (and pro-black does not mean anti-white, it means doing something to improve the black community) and be in an interracial relationship. Especially if you’re a black women dating a white man.

They simply won’t put up with you loving yourself and fighting for the plight of your people while being married to them. They equate pro-black as being anti-white and their is no way to get around that. Perhaps it is in 3% of interracial relationships. The odds are not in your favor!

My politics and this blog is repellent to most white men. Once they hear my views and realize I won’t tap dance around my blackness to make them feel comfortable… they leave before I can say “Don’t let the door hit your ass on the way out.”

The straw that broke the camels back was when my ex white boyfriend jokingly told me a story about how he got caught driving drunk and the officer just told him to go home. Had that been me I would of got arrested, car towed and charged with a DWI. He laughed and said “White Privilege.”

He thought just because he exclusively dated black women it absolved him from all his racist views that have been instilled in him from society since birth. Little did his narcissistic brain know he still had a lot to learn about race and prejudice.

Some white people think they can escape or pretend not to participate in white privelege. It’s laughable.

You can’t tell white people who date black people ANYTHING about their racism. It’s a loss cause. You’ll have better luck talking to a tea party member or a member of the klan who will at least admit they are biased.

Obviously, I was done with my ex. I mentally clocked out of that relationship. I didn’t attend his best friends destination wedding with him, I criticized his every move and I grew resentful of him daily. I especially felt sorry for his mixed kids.

More recently, I had a white guy online ask me if I prefer white men over black men. I asked him why that matters, he said he likes it when black women prefer white men.

He wanted me to go into detail and tell him why I demean black men and prefer white men. I actually did prefer black men over white men. The black men I liked it never developed into anything serious but I wish it did. I wanted it to. I still want it to! I found that interaction with that white man so repulsive. So divisive.

I thought to myself, that’s it. Even though I’m biologically half white, I may have to write off the prospect of ever dating a white man again! He was getting off on the idea of me disrespecting black men. I find that white women do the same with black men and get off on black men demeaning black women. Sickening!

What’s worst of all, is dating a black man who is racist against black women.

I’ve had black guys date me and say I only think you’re cute because you’re mixed and you have nice hair. I’ve had black guys openly say they hate black features. Dating this type of black man is worse then dating a racist white man. I’d much rather date a klan member rather then date a black man who hates himself and is disgusted by natural African American features.

This happens too often but it needs to be discussed much more. Self hating black men and women are real. Recognizing them is easy. They are quite assertive about their disdain for black features and hold adverse stereotypical views about black men and women, treating themselves as an exception. The lighter you are the better you’ll be treated by these individuals. You might be liked, but they won’t respect you because you reflect back who they are and since they hate themselves they’d rather not deal with you.

I promise, the only good thing about dating interracially is developing the understanding that you can be loved by other races but more than likely you will NOT be respected.

Respect trumps love. This is why it hurts so deeply when the one we love disrespects us.

Your love to a nonblack individual cannot not undue centuries of brainwashing and subconsciously implanted racist views your white or non black partner has embedded in their brain. Love can’t undo psychological programming. It will take centuries of unlearning for white people to get rid of these underlying, implicit racist views.

It’s either you deal with it or you don’t. That’s a personal choice. You will feel disrespected on several occasions as a black person in an interracial relationship. Charge it to the game or simply don’t date outside your race.

Typically, when a man of a different race approaches an African American women, he wants sex.

Don’t be flattered by sexual flirtations. These men look at you as easy access to sex that they can’t get from women in their own culture without proposing marriage or spending some serious cash!

If a man of another race marries a black women he was the reject from his own community, race and culture.

Hispanic, Indian, Asian and Arabs are the biggest non black, non white culprits. You think they’re your allies because they’re minorities too but their not!

They are just as anti black as white people. In fact, in most cases even more so! Travel to their home countries and see for yourself how they treat Africans who live there.

I have an Egyptian friend who only dates black or mixed women because he has a horrible criminal record and he is not employable.

He prefers mixed women over full black women because they have lighter skin and thinner hair. They resemble Arab women who he wishes he could marry but his financial situation won’t allow. Obviously, he won’t come out in say this directly but he will make comments eluding to his views.

No father in the Arab community will give his daughter to this man in marriage. So he is forced to date outside his race. He’s ashamed of you and himself. Same with women in that culture who are no longer virgins… they date and marry outside their race because they are looked upon as unclean and unworthy for marriage.

These rejects date interracially and harbor underlying resentment. They rebel against their family and their culture even more by marrying a black person.

These rejects forever remain the outcast of their family and their mixed children are treated differently by their parents then their full breed grandkids. Do you really want your children in that situation? It’s damaging to their self-esteem. My white grandfather disowned us. I have to live with that. Do you want the same thing for your children?

You better think long and hard about the implications of interracial dating. It’s not just about love and feelings… lots of politics and consequences are involved.

These same rejects forced to date outside their race may say things like love has no color and they married for love… Blah Blah Blah

Then as soon as they have mixed kids, they say and do things to those kids unconsciously that brings forth what was lying beneath the surface all along despite how many Black lives matter rallies they attend and their democratic, liberal views… the racism seeps out in a comment or a racist statement in the heat of an argument. Sometimes in casual conversation.

Did you know they can love you and still be racist? It’s true. I’ve lived this.

This brings me back to my original point about the difference between being liked and respected.

How many people are there that we love but don’t respect? How many grown people do you know that love their parents but are very disrespectful towards them?

In the back of your mind you’ll always ask yourself in an interracial relationship if the bond is authentic. This is because more than likely They married you for convenience. They married their only choice. Not their preferred choice.

Black women being culturally and racially open to be with men of other races are at a huge risk of being taken advantage of by these men who were rejected by their own race.

Women who date interracially are expected to adopt the cultural views of her husband. This expectation kills apart of who she is. This, for me was a life of misery. I couldn’t dismiss my lineage. Tis why I am divorced!

What’s sad is most black women, just wanting to feel loved are okay with being the second choice, the convenience, the easy option…

Black women are the most vulnerable women in the world to be used because of systematic barriers that separated our men from us through slavery, Jim Crow and now mass incarceration and feminist propaganda. We have no brothers to protect us, no fathers to advise us. We are marked easy targets to men of other races.

I’m not saying all of this to feel like a victim, I’m saying this to arm black women with the knowledge to protect their hearts!

Some men run away from their race/culture and date outside of it because they don’t want to be providers, they look down on marriage because they don’t want the responsibility of being a father and husband.

Don’t get it twisted you’re not their first choice. They were either rejected from their race or too lazy to take responsibility and be a husband and provider.

So they run to women that will accept their laziness, their cheating and their abuse.

The next time a man of another race approaches you, don’t be overwhelmed with flattery, be on red alert!

Regardless, interracial dating can be a good and bad thing. The best thing to do is investigate their intentions for being with you and weed out their racism earlier rather then later to see if it’s worth developing into something serious or starting a family with them.

If interracial relationships were a cure to racism, there would no longer be racism. There’s much more work to be done then just marrying each other. As a people, for the sake of our humanity… when will we start the real work and addressing the miseducation and propaganda that keeps us from truly loving one another? Having sex with each other hasn’t changed a thing and your a fool if you think that it will!

Marrying a white person is not a political move toward racial equality nor will it help stop injustice!

I wish I could just say love is blind. That love is love regardless of color. But let’s be real, that’s simply not the world we live in!

In all things, protect your heart.

By Janell Hihi Copyright@2018

Why Men/Women Play Hot & Cold in Relationships

hotcold-gauge

The game of Hot & Cold is a game of control and fear.

Whether it’s done consciously or unconsciously is irrelevant. It’s about maintaining POWER in a relationship.

It’s about getting the man or women to PURSUE.

It could also be due to financial instability but i’ll touch on that later.

Someone wants to be chased to feel validated. Both the hot and the cold phase are dysfunctional. 

The Hot phase obviously feels better then the cold phase. He showers you with text, phone calls, compliments, interesting dates, invites to events, etc.,

The cold phase he can suddenly go MIA for several days/weeks or even months without calling or texting you. It’s really strange and awkward and it stunts the growth from the momentum that was previously achieved within your interactions.

He takes you all the way to square 7 when he’s hot, but then when he’s cold, you’re back at square one. Not sure what grown woman or man has time for that!

By allowing Mister or Misses inconsistent in your space, you create a tolerance for inconsistent and toxic energy that lowers your vibration.

It’s important that we remember we invite toxicity in our etherial field and we all have a choice not to allow the energy of confusion, indecisiveness and low value attraction, into our space.

Most women email me and they decide to play the game with the guy by allowing themselves to be hot and cold to give him a taste of his own medicine.

That usually leads to nothing but a slow fade out of any desire and passion the relationship had potential for to begin with. Sure, in the short term it will definitely let a man know that two can play that game. However, if he’s just inconsistent in general, that won’t change his hard wired character. It’s a waste of time. He’ll continue to be hot and cold.

Giving into a man’s hot and cold whims is giving him validation of the power he seeks over you as a women. He may have trust issues, fear of intimacy or he may just be a player.

Regardless, he is controlling and he needs to be in charge of the momentum of the relationship.

If you enjoy inconsistency and instability stay and play the hot and cold game. By all means, if you’re not here for the shenanigans of a man who has one foot in and one foot out the door be very clear with him that you expect CONSISTENT communication or none at all.

Ignore his excuses. He’ll have many justifications as to why he has to ghost you once every other week. It’s all bullshit.

However, you should be prepared because he may open up to you and be vulnerable and tell you he is afraid of getting too close in fear of being hurt.

Take your cape off, you can’t save the sad guy. He needs to get over that fear of being hurt by himself. Tell him when he’s ready to take a risk and be vulnerable to hit you up. You may or may not be available.

If he shuts down and doesn’t respond as a result of your direct demand for basic communication, consistency and respect, he doesn’t have the skillset to be in a healthy relationship.

If he agrees to stop his hot and cold behavior but continues the hot and cold game after your discussion, cut him off immediately. Trust me, your time is better spent with someone more functional and mentally stable.

By Janell Hihi Copyright@2018

Why He Won’t Commit: Men Respond to Consequences

ConsequencesCover

Men don’t commit when a women gives off the energy that deep inside, she feels she’s not worthy of a commitment. A man’s behavior is a reflection of the women’s subconscious mind.

If you give him the cow for free, he will never buy the milk. Demanding that a man start paying for something that was given to him freely won’t have any value to him.

He won’t buy it. He won’t commit. What’s the incentive?

Better yet, what are the consequences if he doesn’t commit?

You must set the tone in the beginning of the relationship that you will not perform wife duties for a casual boyfriend.

State your intentions in a sweet and non threatening way so that he doesn’t become defensive.

By simply saying “no” if he asks you to move in with him or have unprotected sex before marriage, will indirectly let him know that he won’t get very far with you without being fully vested in taking his commitment to the next level.

Women who say marriage is just a piece of paper.

Most women who also say they don’t believe in marriage are either filthy rich or come from wealthy families and simply don’t care. Or. their self-esteem is so low that they secretly believe they don’t deserve marriage or a men won’t look at them as wife material. These women never demand much from men and mostly only participate in struggle love.

Simply telling a man “Moving in together and having unprotected sex is for married couples.” Were not ready for that right?” Will set the tone of the relationship that you have standards.

He’ll be shook. And that’s a good thing. Your value will go up tenfold because you showed him you wouldn’t settle!

If you’ve always wanted or been open to marriage, don’t sell yourself short by convincing yourself that the next best thing is the same thing. It’s not. And you deserve to have the bond you dream about – not the one that’s become convenient or “acceptable” today.

What’s trending on the dating scene is a very pessimistic and far left feminist view that marriage is meaningless because the divorce rate is so high.

Instead of reinventing marriage and carefully choosing partners, millenials choose to throw out the concept altogether.  It’s quite disturbing!

Of course if a man doesn’t want marriage he should have no interest in living with you or having children.

Just think about it. If your boyfriend thinks you’re good enough to move in with, why doesn’t he think you’re good enough to marry?

Many women are fucking up the census data because on paper they are not married but they are shacked up with a longterm boyfriend and has children with him. These women are not able to check the “Married” box on paper because they didn’t value themselves enough to protect their own legal rights.

The issue with dating today is everything is backwards now. Women give and give of themselves before commitment and expect to be matched with their efforts and commitments later. They bet their time, energy, sex and love on a future promise or sheer hope that she can love him enough to change his mind about marriage.

The secret to avoiding men who are allergic to commitment is to be the women a man has to come prepared for. You never want to be the women who accepts the man who is not prepared to commit and make it your mission to help him get prepared.

Don’t be the filler girl helping the recently separated man get through his divorce. Don’t help the unemployed guy look for a job and get on his feet.

Instead better yourself and your own situation and wait for a man who is PREPARED to commit.

He’ll leave you regardless of how much you helped him. What’s worse is after he said he didn’t believe in marriage, he’ll marry the next women he meets within a year!

Don’t believe me, just watch! I’ve seen this scenario play out time and time again.

Tyler Perry’s new movie Acrimony that will be released on March 30th is the perfect example.

She believed all her hard work and sacrifices she’s made to help her man will pay off eventually.

It didn’t pay off. He left her and Married another women at the peak of his career. He left her for the women he had to come correct with.

It is imperative to establish time limits with men. Again, men respond to consequences. If they can take everything you have to give without even calling you their fiancé and suffer no consequences… meaning you stay in the relationship and continue to act like a wife when your nothing more then a girlfriend with NO LEGAL PROTECTION.

It‘s important to check a boyfriend when he is out of his jurisdiction. 

If your boyfriend is helping you decide where to live, where to work, how to discipline kids that aren’t his, etc., He is acting like your husband not your boyfriend.

He needs to be put in his place immediately! Set parameters and boundaries for boyfriends drawing a clear line between what boyfriends influence and what a potential husband influences.

Boyfriends get your time when it’s convenient for you. Husbands get your time everyday. Know the difference, a boyfriend does not have the privilege to see you everyday! He get’s limited access and if he wants more he needs to commit more.

Stay away from men who say “Marriage is just a piece of paper” but he wants you to be EXCLUSIVE with him.

Exclusive for what?

Stay away from men who say they don’t believe in marriage. Ask him what he believes in. Watch him explain away that real love isn’t validated my marriage. Yawn and role your eyes while he banters.

Marriage is a smart business decision that secures the child, mothers and fathers future. According to a article on Pyschology.com “Unearned Privilege: 1,000+ Laws Benefit Only Married People” Married couples benefit in the following ways:

Economic:

Access to a partner’s Social Security benefits

The right to inherit property even if your spouse dies without a will

Tax breaks on estate taxes

Tax breaks on inheritance taxes

Exemptions from penalties on IRAs that unmarried people pay

Spouses can give each other huge monetary gifts ($14,000 a year, as of 2017(link is external)) without paying taxes, and together, they can give twice that amount to a recipient and the recipient won’t have to pay taxes

Income tax breaks (for married couples filing jointly compared to solo single people)

Worker’s compensation benefits

Relevant to children:

Married couples can jointly adopt children

They have claims to custody

Health-related:

Greater access to health insurance

Hospital visitation rights

When people get married in the U.S., they become officially special. With their marriage certificate in hand, they automatically qualify for the benefits and protections of more than 1,000 laws(link is external)—and that’s just counting the ones at the federal level.

People who marry do not have to do anything to earn that special treatment denied to people who are not married. They do not have to have a good marriage or a faithful marriage or a loving marriage. They do not have to have kids. They do not need to be new to marriage; they get access to the outpouring of protections regardless of whether their marriage is their first or their twenty-first.

I have mentioned the 1,000+ federal laws many times over the 10 years I have been blogging here at Psychology Today. I just realized that I never offered PT readers a list of some of the most important examples. I did do that for one of my monthly columns for Unmarried Equality(link is external), back in 2015 when the Supreme Court legalized same-sex marriage with its Obergefell v. Hodges(link is external) decision. The list of laws was relevant in that context because gaining access to those advantages was one of the important goals of those who worked so hard to make marriage equality a reality.

With thanks to Unmarried Equality(link is external) for their permission to adapt what I wrote for them, here is a sampling of some of the federal laws that benefit and protect only people who are officially married:

Economic:

Access to a partner’s Social Security benefits

The right to inherit property even if your spouse dies without a will

Tax breaks on estate taxes

Tax breaks on inheritance taxes

Exemptions from penalties on IRAs that unmarried people pay

Spouses can give each other huge monetary gifts ($14,000 a year, as of 2017(link is external)) without paying taxes, and together, they can give twice that amount to a recipient and the recipient won’t have to pay taxes

Income tax breaks (for married couples filing jointly compared to solo single people)

Worker’s compensation benefits

Relevant to children:

Married couples can jointly adopt children

They have claims to custody

Health-related:

Greater access to health insurance

Hospital visitation rights

Authority to make medical decisions

Others:

Next-of-kinship rights

Immigration rights

Survivors’ rights and benefits

Can get listed on a spouse’s death certificate

The privilege of not having to testify against your spouse in criminalcases

The privilege of having your communications with your spouse protected in criminal and civil cases.

In fact, stay away from any man who express extremism. Meaning, he is totally against commitment and marriage. You want a man who is open to possibilities who didn’t let his parent’s divorce taint his idea of love, commitment and marriage.

The man who says marriage is a piece of paper but he wants you to move in with him, cook, clean and even have his child without proposing marriage is a con man.

He will have every excuse in the book not to commit to get married. The most annoying excuse is “The divorce rate is too high” The newest excuse is “I’m not religious.” 

I wish there was a break up rate/statistic out there as a rebuttal. I would advise to steer clear of men who use statistics and focus on the negative aspect of marriage. They will likely focus on the negative aspect of everything.

He will make you’re life a living hell!

The same guy who uses divorce statistics to justify why he’s not mature enough to make a solid commitment will likely participate in other risky behavior that statistically proves to be bad for his health or his pocketbook.

The contradiction is real. So is his bullshit.

I did manage to find a few statistical statements from Andrew Ekleberry on Quora regarding relationship versus marriage statistics.

“A husband has openly, publicly, pledged with his actions, to spend his life, with a particular woman.

A boyfriend may say a bunch of words that no one else hears, but in reality has promised, and pledged nothing.

Statistically, a boyfriend relationship will last on average, about 3 years. Whereas a husband will for the most part spend the rest of his life with someone.

Legally, a wife has protections under the law, when married. A girlfriend has zero protection, and will end up completely on their own, if anything happens.

I’ve even seen where a husband passed away, and the girlfriend, that he had been living with for over 15 years, got zero, while the estranged wife, that the husband was still married too, got the house, the car, everything.

A husband is a moral, legal, and religiously affirmed real relationship.

A boyfriend… is basically nothing. A boy…. that’s a friend. That’s what “boy…. friend….” means.”

Furthermore, if a man truly doesn’t want marriage, he will reject the benefits that come with marriage. He will not move in with a women, he will not have children with her and he will not share his finances or resources. He will date and court her only, and he will not expect her to cook, clean or have his children. He won’t expect his girlfriend to have his back like a wife would. Therefore, the relationship should be casual, free and unbinding.

Imagine you’re a sales person at a car dealership and a potential buyer proposes a deal. He would like to drive a car and use it for any purpose he chooses with the option to put as many miles as he would like to on the car. Once he’s done using it, he wants to bring it back to the dealership and trade it in for a newer model.

You offer the customer a deal to buy the car. However, he declines because he doesn’t want the commitment of buying the vehicle but he wants all the benefits that comes with buying a vehicle. You rebuttal the customer by offering him to lease the vehicle but he doesn’t want to lease because he doesn’t want a cap on how many miles he can put on the vehicle without being charged extra.

What would you propose to such a difficult customer? They don’t want to buy the vehicle, however, they want to get over on you. What he wants versus what he’s willing to give is substantially out of balance.

The type of man that seriously does not want marriage will be upfront and should not expect marriage benefits. If he expects marriage benefits but doesn’t believe in a piece of paper, he’s full of shit. He will use you and bend you over every which way until he gets bored and disposes of you.

You offer him NOTHING to look forward to, and nothing to work towards. And the relationship is void of life force and excitement. Your over-giving killed it. May the bond you never let happen rest in peace.

The women who obliges to these foolish demands that men make without demanding any solid commitment of marriage in return are creating monsters for the rest of the women in the dating pool.

If he’s uncertain you’re the one, his uncertainty should cut off all his benefits. Until he becomes certain he shouldn’t be laying up under you and asking you whose texting you. Furthermore, you shouldn’t feel obligated to answer any of his questions.

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When he leaves you after using you up, he believes all women should drain themselves of their resources for a man who doesn’t believe in marriage but does believe in playing house.

When a women gives a man husband privileges without even being engaged she puts a dagger in the progress of the relationship that will forever stunt it’s growth and kill the excitement.

The man who wants you to answer to him, is the man who wants you as his wife. I believe an exclusive relationship is a marriage and a women should never commit until a ring is on her finger.

Boyfriends and exclusivity is like oil and water, they don’t mix. When did women start believing boyfriends have some type of ownership over them with the power to take them off the market?

if you’re both over the age 32… Within 2 years a man should know if you’re the one or not. No exceptions!

If you’re okay with the arrangement of being a girlfriend performing wifey duties, to each it’s own. However, if you’re just pretending to be that type of women to keep a man, stop lying to yourself.

I had a client I coached who dated a guy for 3 years. Finally after 3 years he asked her to move in with him into the house he owned.

He was paying a mortgage. He wanted her to pay half without making her his wife of putting her on the deed. She lived with him for an additional 5 years helping him pay off his house. He never married her. They eventually broke up and she moved out. Basically, he had a roommate with no legal stakes on a mortgage she helped pay. Did she get an equity check from him? NO.

Speaking of equity. Marriage and commitment is your equity. The so-called “Building together” only starts after the marriage license is secured. Everything before that either built up to marriage or was a total waste of time.

Ladies, don’t do it. This something for nothing nonsense with men must stop!

Every good negotiator ensures they get something out of the deal. Stop being weak pushovers!

Stop apologizing for what you want. It’s perfectly okay to want to be a wife. It’s not old school, it’s not old fashioned and it doesn’t make you less of an independent women. It makes you human!

What if your manager at work wanted to give you management responsibilities but refused to promote you, raise your pay or give you the title of a manager? Would you accept that? I hope not, but some of you #%€#! Basic women will.

It’s not about a piece of paper, its about how much he can get from you without giving anything in return! 

If you want more of a commitment but you’re not getting it, pull back.

When he asks you why you’re acting distant and different, tell him nicely and respectfully his inability to commit to you is a clear indication that he does not want you. Let him know you’re going to do you for now and you really don’t believe you need to give him an in depth explanation…

After all, the two of you are not committed. You’re friends! Make sure it is clear the relationship is relabeled as a friendship. The consequence should be clear, no marriage, no marriage benefits! Period, dot com!

By Janell Hihi Copyright@2018

Narcissist Will Bring Out the Worst in You.

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Narcissist will bring out the absolute worst qualities within their victims.

By constantly poking at their victims using overt and covert manipulative tactics, the victim will eventually react negatively in anger, rage and sometimes violence.

“Don’t push me cause I’m close to the edge…”

Narcissist desire to drive their victims to the edge only to push him off  so they fall into that sunken place of chronic negatively, reactivity, and self-sabotage.

An effective way to determine if a relationship is healthy is to ask yourself if your partner brings out the best in you, or the worst in you?

I had a neighbor who was 9 months pregnant and living with her narcissitic boyfriend at the time. He inflicted so much mental and emotional abuse upon her that one argument they had, changed her life forever!

She lost control during an argument with the narcissist and it turned physical. She was so angry she lost sight of the fact that she was pregnant and endangered herself and her unborn child.

The narcissist left the house as she was trying to explain how his actions and harsh words hurt her. Instead of listening, he abruptly left the house, jumped in his car and sped off. Typically, she would let him leave and cry herself into a slumber. However, this time. She felt like she had enough!

She got in her car and proceeded to chase him down a residential street going 90mph in a 30 mph zone.

She hit a car and killed the driver. She went to prison for several years after be charged with vehicular manslaughter. This is why narcissistic abuse is so dangerous!

You cannot live with, sleep with, eat with, and spend all your time with a narcissist and not absorb their toxic energy and behavior.

There’s a saying that we are the average of the top 5 people that we spend the most time with.

Unfortunately, victims of narcissistic abuse begin to manifest anger, negativity, toxicity, irresponsibility and recklessness by simply being in proximity of a narcissist for long periods of time.

You are what you eat and you become who you sleep with. Most narcissistic abuse victims don’t become full fledge narcissist but they do start to exhibit highly negative qualities that they tried to overcome at one point in their life, but the narcissist conjures up and brings those qualities back to the surface.

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For example, if you were once a cigarette smoker and had an unhealthy diet, being with a narcissist will make you want to go back to bad habits you overcame. You may begin eating unhealthy foods again, smoking cigarettes and neglecting your gym membership because the narcissist will stress you out to the point of depression and hopelessness.

Most victims of narcissistic abuse will cling to any form of comfort they can to cope with their abuse regardless of how unhealthy that source of comfort may be. 

Depression takes individuals away from the hobbies and activities that once made them happy.  From there on out, the victim of narcissistic abuse will begin to see their life spiral downward into hopelessness and despair.

The narcissist will mock your weaknesses. If they find a chink in your armor they will continually poke at it until you snap and lose control.

When the narcissist can provoke the victim into reacting angrily and emotionally, they begin to play the victim like a puppet on a string.

The narcissist wishes to strip the victim of their good qualities and virtues so that they can bring out the absolute worst in their partner. Once that is accomplished and the victim is an emotionally reactive, angry and out of control… the narcissist will begin a smear campaign painting his partner as the crazy villain while they play the victim role.

Don’t let it go that far. Get Out!

By Janell Hihi Copyright@2018