Number One Tactic to Beat a Narcissist

“We are taught we can redeem them, she said to me once. We are taught it as soon as we can read. We can turn the beast into a prince, if only we love him enough.”

 —Louise Doughty, Apple Tree Yard

The number one tactic to beat a narcissist is to take off your cape. You can’t save them and you damn sure can’t change them!

Wake up sleeping beauties. It’s time to beast. It’s time to fight with every fiber in your being to get out of toxic relationships! To live. To be happy again! This book is a sword. It’s best used to slay anyone who dare challenge your boundaries by mistaking your kindness for weakness.

The eviction date for the narcissist to vacate your headspace is set. In a matter of time, you’ll be back in control of your emotions. The fog will clear and the sun will appear! A new day is coming! I’ve patiently waited to walk you to the other side, where your freedom anxiously awaits you. Feel the weightlessness as the ball chains that bind you begins to fall off. You will  become more YOU than ever before!

Loving a narcissist is baptism by fire. It hurts, but in the end, a stronger and more powerful version of yourself emerges from the ashes of ruin. The bittersweet paradox of pain is that we meet ourselves in it’s shadows. The meetings is so profound, it feels like an encounter with God.

Defeating a narcissist starts with defeating feelings of unworthiness within ourselves.

“The problem is not to find the answer; it’s to face the answer.” Terrence McKenna

Are you ready to heal for real? Get the book today! Click here


Sincerely Your Fellow Soldier…

Janell Hihi @copyright2019


Healing From Narcissistic Abuse Quick Tip#2

While healing from narcissistic abuse you deal with a tsunami of emotions. Just allow them to exist without fighting them. Feel them completely without denying or trying desperately to escape them.

“We “should” be forgiving. We “shouldn’t” be angry. We “should” be loving. We “shouldn’t” be critical. We “should” be generous. We “shouldn’t” be jealous.”


eBook Release! How to Defeat a Narcissist

How to Defeat a Narcissist 

eBook Available Now on Amazon & Barnes & Noble

Audio book & Paperback available April 29, 2019.


It’s time to take back your power.

This book will breakdown narcissistic myths and replace them with raw and unfiltered facts that will arm you with the mental weaponry to take down a narcissist effortlessly. Be prepared to bookmark word for word comebacks that will shut down gaslighting, mental, and verbal abuse. Remember, dealing with a narcissist is a battle that consist of prey and the predator. Are you sick and tired of being helpless prey to narcissistic abuse and toxic relationships? After reading this book you will be well equipped to calculate the narcissist every move and protect yourself against abuse using the tools and techniques formulated by in depth research, personal triumph, proven psychological and spiritual tactics.

This book is different from the rest.

It goes beyond the limits of the psychological aspects of narcissism and explores the narcissist through the perspective of society, culture, spirituality and metaphysics. Also, this book takes a deep dive into the physical symptoms of enduring narcissistic abuse that trigger stress and disease to manifest into the victim’s body. A relationship with a narcissist is very dangerous. This book provides counter techniques that will assist in defeating narcissist on every level. Mind, body and soul.

This book will reveal the glitch in the narcissistic matrix.

It’s your way out! For far too long, victims of narcissistic abuse played checkers while the narcissist was playing chess. It’s time to upgrade your game and play to win! In this book, winning is about regaining your power, values, and boundaries that the narcissist relentlessly tried to strip away from you. It’s about beating them at their own game while at the same time becoming a better and stronger person. Are you ready?

Click here to buy now! 

By Janell Hihi @copyright2019

Zodiac Signs That Refuse to Let Go of Their Ex

I’d rather skip the small talk and get straight to the point. Have you ever met a great guy or gal who stimulated you mentally and physically? The chemistry was great… you had similar goals and interests…?

Only to find out after a few dates that they’re still stuck like glue to their ex months or even years after the break up. If so, you probably were dealing with one of the four zodiac signs below who can’t let go of their ex.



Cancers are ruled by the moon. The moon represents emotions, feelings, memories and nostalgia. It pulls back the oceans tides and often pulls back Cancers who try to move on right back into the arms of their exes.

Cancers love what’s familiar. This is why they’re such a great match with Taurus. Both Cancer and Taurus hate change and find comfort in what’s familiar. Cancer is a cardinal sign. They lead their water sign tribe (Pisces & Scorpio). However, when it comes to love Cancer’s only appear to move on with their life after a break up. Under the surface, they are usually still very much in love with their exes.

Cancers are the best actors of the zodiac. Some of the greatest actors in Hollywood were born under this sun sign. They can act like they are over their ex but the truth is they have a very hard time letting go of anything that was warm, cozy and familiar to them. Cancers will bring the unresolved issues and baggage they had with their exes into every new relationship they form leaving a trail of broken relationships because they fail to take the time to be alone and heal after heartbreak. Cancers have a problem letting go.

Anyone dating a Cancer will need to understand that they may still have emotional or even physical ties with their exes. Cancers can start new love affairs effortlessly but they have a very difficult time officially ending relationships. They also go on and on talking about their exes to their new girlfriends, their buddies and close family members. Unfortunately, for many Cancers living in the past is more enjoyable than living in the future. Their memories are treasured more than the present moment making them one of those annoying zodiac signs who fail to appreciate new experiences and new people. They love to reflect on how things used to be. YAWN….

I have a Cancer friend who has been in an on again, off again relationship for 10 years with the father of her child. She’s also had 8 new boyfriends in between the break ups with her ex for the last 10 years. Can you imagine the messy travesty she’s put all her new boyfriends through while still having feelings for her ex?

If you’re like me and you prefer to be with someone who keeps the past in the past… you might want to pass on dating Cancer altogether! However, flings and one night stands are highly recommended.



There’s probably nothing more annoying than a Gemini who can’t get over their ex. Gemini’s love to talk. They are ruled by Mercury so verbal communication comes with finesses and ease. The twins are great communicators. Except when all they talk about is how much they hate their ex. FYI whatever Gemini’s hate, they actually love! They are paradoxical creatures… Nothing about them makes sense. Total mind fucks. However, when their heart is broken it stays broke for a very long time.

It’s hard for these gentle souls to get past the pain. Don’t let their amazing eyes and dashing smiles fool you. Beneath the conversation and after the debates… in silence Gemini’s are hurting and typically over an ex who broke their heart 8 years ago. Gemini’s don’t easily give their hearts but when they find someone and are willing to give up their prized freedom and commit… they really give it their all. When it doesn’t work out it crushes the Gemini. They may be a mutable sign but heartache is not something they easily bounce back from.

Sure they’ll date, sleep around and party like rockstars but best believe their heart is under lock and key… it will take a very long time for them to get over their ex from decades ago, open up their heart and give it to you… If you lack patience avoid the Gemini.

Like Cancer, he’s probably still sexing his ex or involved in some way. If I were you I’d stay away! Gemini’s don’t usually break up with people… they keep tabs one way or another to maintain some level of mental, emotional or physical intimacy. Gemini’s will stay friends with their exes and sleep with them a few times a year for 15 years. Be prepared to deal with their past because it ain’t going nowhere fast!

#3 LEO


Leo is the fixed fire sign who is as stubborn as a wildfire… they just won’t let up. It’s hard for Leo’s to give up on someone they truly love. The Leo is that guy or gal who just doesn’t get it when you tell them it’s over. They will stalk, beg, plead, threaten and even stoop so low as to say their going to commit suicide if you leave them. It’s really nauseating just thinking about how they cling like their lives depend on it.

The Leo loves being in love and letting love slip away is very difficult for them. Like Gemini & Cancer, they will move on if they have to but secretly, deep inside their soul, they know they are still in love with their ex simply because they don’t know how to let go.

Instead of dealing with those feelings and being alone, the Leo would rather jump head first into another relationship. All the baggage is carried into your relationship with them and the ex will have more control and power over your Leo partner than you do.

The Leo will shower their new lover who is just serving as a distraction from their obsessive thoughts of their ex but…. as soon as their ex calls or texts they will ghost you and may or may not ever come back. It depends, if they have an on again off again relationship with their lover, they’ll keep your number stored in their phone to use you until they get back together with ex again. Don’t get on the ride. It’s a vicious cycle. Make sure your Leo has no ties to their ex and the relationship is truly over.



Imagine the scene in the movie Titanic when the words where whispered… “I’ll never let go Jack!” Those are the words of a Pisces after every love affair they encounter. Pisces where their exes like tattoos and only an exorcism performed by a seasoned priest could cast out the demons of their ex lovers.

Pisces is the watery sign of imagination, wonder and fantasy. They love to daydream. Perhaps more than Aquarius. Holding on is more beautiful and fantastical then letting go. This is why Pisces often get left. They are seldomly the one to leave unless of course a more dreamy opportunity present itself. Pisces aren’t the most faithful zodiac sign. However, like Cancer and Gemini the Pisces will hold on to old lovers and create new love affairs when they are in the on again, off again stage of their relationship, which is the case most of the time!

Pisces romanticizes failed love affairs well past their expiration date and they miss out on better love prospects by staying somewhat stuck in the past. Pisces has one foot in the door and the other foot outside the door like a timid traveler who loves Paris but wants to see Rome. Can they leave the paradise of Paris without regret to discover a new scenery in Rome? The beautiful Pisces can do both. The Pisces will take pieces of Paris with them to Rome… They are collectors that hoard souvenirs dear to them because Pisces wants to feel and experience everything simultaneously. The future and of course the cherished past. To love a Pisces is to accept that more than likely they still have strong, unresolved feelings for their ex. Most Pisces have an open door policy.

By J. Hihi @copyright 2019

20 Quotes To Help You Heal From Narcissistic Abuse


“Invalidation is about dismissing your experiences, thoughts and above all your emotions. Indeed the intention is to not even allow you to have those thoughts, experiences and emotions. It‟s a way of invading your head and reprogramming it. It‟s psychological abuse (messing with your thoughts) and emotional abuse (messing with your feelings).”
― Danu Morrigan

“Stay away from lazy parasites, who perch on you just to satisfy their needs, they do not come to alleviate your burdens, hence, their mission is to distract, detract and extract, and make you live in abject poverty.”
― Michael Bassey Johnson

“Hate is the complement of fear and narcissists like being feared. It imbues them with an intoxicating sensation of omnipotence.”
― Sam Vaknin, Malignant Self-Love: Narcissism Revisited

“Playing the victim role: Manipulator portrays him- or herself as a victim of circumstance or of someone else’s behavior in order to gain pity, sympathy or evoke compassion and thereby get something from another. Caring and conscientious people cannot stand to see anyone suffering and the manipulator often finds it easy to play on sympathy to get cooperation.”
― George K. Simon Jr., In Sheep’s Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People

“Narcissists are consumed with maintaining a shallow false self to others. They’re emotionally crippled souls that are addicted to attention. Because of this they use a multitude of games, in order to receive adoration. Sadly, they are the most ungodly of God’s creations because they don’t show remorse for their actions, take steps to make amends or have empathy for others. They are morally bankrupt.”
― Shannon L. Alder

“Nobody should be in a position where they are suffering abuse at the hands of another, and if this is the case for you, stopping the abuse by leaving the situation is the only course of action to take.”
― Theresa Jackson

“Gaslighting is a distorted alternate reality.”
― Tracy Malone

“The narcissist is like a bucket with a hole in the bottom: No matter how much you put in, you can never fill it up. The phrase “I never feel like I am enough” is the mantra of the person in the narcissistic relationship. That’s because to your narcissistic partner, you are not. No one is. Nothing is.”
― Ramani DurvasulaShould I Stay or Should I Go?: Surviving a Relationship with a Narcissist

“Every narcissist is a hero and a legend in his own mind.”
― Oscar Auliq-Ice

“Healthy levels of narcissism and self-enhancement are necessary, with a low level of self-enhancement being detrimental to our wellbeing and success.”
― Theresa JacksonHow to Handle a Narcissist: Understanding and Dealing with a Range of Narcissistic Personalities

“Intuition – Once you have had a narcissist in your life, you must develop your intuition and learn to listen to it and act accordingly.”
― Tracy Malone

“Abuse is never contained to a present moment, it lingers across a person’s lifetime and has pervasive long-term ramifications.”
― Lorraine Nilon, Breaking Free From the Chains of Silence: A respectful exploration into the ramifications of Paedophilic abuse

“A narcissist, on the other hand, is the exact opposite of an empath. Emotionally, narcissists are like brick walls who see and hear others but fail to understand or relate to them. As a result of their emotional shallowness, narcissists are essentially devoid of all empathy or compassion for other people. Lacking empathy, a narcissist is a very destructive and dangerous person to be around.”
― Mateo SolAwakened Empath: The Ultimate Guide to Emotional, Psychological and Spiritual Healing

“It is not accidental that the most unsympathetic characters in Austen’s novels are those who are incapable of genuine dialogue with others. They rant. They lecture. They scold. This incapacity for true dialogue implies an incapacity for tolerance, self-reflection and empathy.”
― Azar Nafisi, Reading Lolita in Tehran: A Memoir in Books

“There came a time in my life when I had to admit to myself that I have some very clear narcissistic tendencies. Ironically, it occurred during the writing of my book The Emotionally Abused Woman. As I listed the symptoms of narcissism, I was amazed to find that I recognized myself in the description of the disorder.

It should have been no surprise to me because I come from a long line of narcissists. My mother and several of her brothers suffered from the disorder, as did her mother. For some reason, though, I imagined that I’d escaped our family curse. I should have known that it’s not that easy to.”
― Beverly Engel, Jekyll and Hyde Syndrome

“Don’t ever believe that Narcissists don’t understand they have hurt you. They know exactly what they did and why they did it. The reason they can’t stop their abuse is because the narcissistic supply is their addiction. Unlike, drug addicts that need their fix to feel normal, narcissists need to feel significant. This is their addiction. Even if it takes destructive ways to have this emotional balance they will pursue it. Your feelings don’t count only the supply does. The greater the supply the greater the drama in your life as they pursue it. So, get over believing they don’t understand. They do understand. You just found out and got in the way of their easy access to greater supply than you.”
― Shannon L. Alder

“Maybe, the lesson we can all learn from the inner sadness of a Narcissist is to see through our own fabrications, our own illusions so that we can be set free to be real once more.”
― Shannon L. Alder

“Some people seem like a bright light during your darkest moment… a beautiful refuge… but it’s a trap… there is only more pain there. Now that I think about it… I imagine that’s what bugs feel like when they fly into the zapper.”
― Steve Maraboli

“Since there was nothing at all I was certain of, since I needed to be provided at every instant with a new confirmation of my existence, since nothing was in my very own, undoubted, sole possession, determined unequivocally only by me — in sober truth a disinherited son — naturally I became unsure even of the thing nearest to me, my own body.”
― Franz KafkaLetter to His Father


By J. Hihi @Copyright2019

Quick Tip On How to Get Over a Narcissist


If you want to get over a narcissist don’t spend all your time over analyzing and researching their behavior.

A much more empowering mindset is to simply not settle for what you don’t want (The narcissist) and seek out what you do want(A healthy relationship)… without blame, argument, accusation or attack.

Today, let go of obsessive thoughts. Focus on improving yourself and getting out into the world so you can meet better people and find the love you deserve!

J. HIhi Copyright@2019

Why the Narcissist Says “You’re Too Sensitive!”


One of the narcissists favorite lines is “You’re too sensitive.”

They often make that statement after passively aggressively or overtly insulting you. The narcissist labels you as too sensitive so that you drop your defenses and accept their abuse without protesting.

The narcissist wishes to dumb down his victim to the point they are so insecure and in need of validation of their own feelings that they judge their own reactions to the abuse narcissist inflict upon them.

If the narcissist says, “You’re too sensitive” repeatedly… he can rewire the victims subconscious mind to accept that false judgement.

The victim will then start to believe they are inadequate and hypersensitive. It’s an insidious form of gaslighting.

The Consequences of accepting Long-term abuse

The danger of accepting long term narcissistic abuse is it has a hypnotic effect on the victim because human beings eventually become what they hear, see and do. It is scientifically proven that our environment has the ability to change our DNA!

Similar to how a verbally abusive parent who calls their child “stupid” can mold the child into having severe learning disabilities by injecting a lack of confidence into the child’s psyche. A very intelligent child can become academically challenged by repeatedly being told they are stupid. Their parents constant banter hunts them like a ghost whispering in their ear You’re Stupid everytime they pick up a book or a pencil and it stops them from trying to learn.

Abuse can supercede your talents and gifts and turn you into a numb, dumb and zombie like spectacle of a human being.

What could be worse?

Accepting long-term narcissistic abuse can actually turn you into an emotional masochist(Someone who is addicted feeling emotional pain). This is deep. Learn more by reading my article Sadomasochism: Are You Subconsciously Addicted to Toxic Relationships?

Is that what you want for yourself? If not, take heed of the long term consequences of choosing to stay in abusive relationships.

Do you find yourself jumping from one abusive relationship to another? I can help. Sign up for 1 on 1, customized coaching today!

By J.Hihi @Copyright 2019

Sadomasochism: Are You Subconsciously Addicted to Toxic Relationships?


“My love is toxic and you’re suicidal.”
― Ahmed Mostafa

Sadomasochism is one of the many pervasive pathologies that plagues narcissistic relationships.

Sadomasochism is about power and control. The sexual context in which it is widely known as only scratches the surface of its complex psychological makeup. In this article as it pertains to narcissistic abuse, emotional sadomasochism is the focus.

Sadism is giving pain and Masochism is receiving pain. The narcissist is considered somewhat of an emotional sadist. The victim of narcissistic abuse is the masochist.

Narcissist are both sadist and masochist.

Narcissist torture with a goal in mind unlike pure sadist who have no goal in mind except pure pleasure. Once the narcissist reaches their goal they leave the target and move on to the next.

The goal is to create the same emotional turmoil within their target that they possess within themselves. Narcissists mentally, verbally and sometimes physically abuse their target to the point that their victim is violent, self-neglecting and chronically depressed. Therefore, the narcissist doesn’t have to inflict those emotions onto them anymore because their victim is now self-sabotaging. It’s as if the narcissist is a virus ready to infect vulnerable software that doesn’t have firewalls.

A firewall is just another word for boundaries. It’s having the ability to detect malignant activity and block it from entering your dominion.

The narcissist makes his victim their own worst enemy.

If a narcissist dumps you (discards you) it means you have now taken the role to hurt yourself so they don’t have to continue hurting you. The narcissist Mission is accomplished! If you’re a masochist, you will gladly take the torch and continue to think and act in a self-defeating manner well after the narcissist leaves you.

You know you’re an emotional masochist if you find caring and loving people less sexually attractive. This falls in line with many women’s desire to lust after the Bad Boy.

Many women I’ve coached hyper focus on sexual chemistry with their narcissistic partner while purposely blinding themselves of the character flaws of their partner. They say mentally weak statements such as “But I can’t leave, the sex is too good!” Unaware that they are making themselves an object of sexual gratification rather than a women worthy of love, respect and fulfilling relationships.

Accepting the sadism and masochism dynamic of narcissistic relationships requires both the victim and the narcissist to recognize their contribution to the dysfunction of their relationship. If I could describe it as a dance it would be The Tango. And we all know… It takes TWO to tangle. 

I’ve had endless consultations in the past with women who claim to be victims of narcissistic abuse but deny their willingness to be in abusive relationships as a pathology. The common narrative most victims of narcissistic abuse believe is the helpless ideology that you cannot help who you fall in love with.

Harley Quinn: Have you ever loved someone you knew was wrong for you? Someone who hurt you over and over again but you could forgive them because losing them would hurt even more?
― Tom Taylor, Injustice: Gods Among Us, Vol. 1

Is constantly feeling pain and anxiety a sense of comfort and familiarity to you?

In most cases, I’ve come to the conclusion that most victims of narcissistic abuse possess a deep subconscious desire to be punished and as a result they subconsciously maintain a lifestyle of perpetual pain, abuse, betrayal and drama. The codependent masochist’s subliminal need to feel pain is an addiction.

A great example is Ike & Tina Turner’s relationship.

Tina was from a small town and grew up with a demanding, cruel and dominant mother who was very controlling and materialistic. That environment of toxicity and control was Tina’s comfort and familiarity. She was accustomed to taking a submissive and subservient role as a child.

When Ike Turner laid eyes on Tina, his pervasive Sadist personality was drawn to her innocent, fragile, demeanor along with her compliance to be controlled. Tina’s mother already trained her to be controlled which made Ike’s job very easy.

Ike and Tina’s mother or (Caregiver) were very much alike and built an alliance together to profit off of Tina’s masochism solely for their benefit.

There’s a saying that narcissist hunt in packs like wolves. Most victims of narcissistic abuse are targeted all at once from narcissistic in their family, at work and school.

Narcissist target individuals who will allow mistreatment and abuse. They don’t see these individuals as nice, sweet, caring and compassionate. They see them as stupid, naive and weak.

The funny thing is, women in relationships with narcissist always ask “Why doesn’t he respect me? I am loyal and I do everything he asks me to do.” That’s exactly why he doesn’t respect you. Mostly, because you don’t know the difference between being loyal and being a doormat.

Would TinaTurner classify herself as a masochist? No. Her addiction to be controlled is insidious, subconscious and a form of environmental programming. 

We’re programmed for suffering, not joy. The masochism is built in at a very early age. You’re supposed to work and suffer – and the trouble is: you believe it.
― Erica Jong, Fear of Flying

All addicts deny their addiction. Thus, the cycle continues. If you’re reading this shaking your head, it’s okay. I’ve been there, done that! Untreated mental masochism and codependency will take the victim of narcissistic abuse from one toxic relationship to the next. The victim will feel like they are too nice, they love too hard, their an empath that attracts narcissist. Or worse, they are cursed with bad luck in love. Never will they consider that they’re comfortable living in toxicity.

Some people literally cut their wrist to feel pain. However, others enter relationships that they know will bring them pain and suffering despite their being better options available. For example:

1.) Women who decide to date married men hoping one day he will leave his wife.

2.) Women who continue to pursue relationships with men who tell them they are not interested in a committed relationship but the masochist believes she can change his mind.

3.) Women who continue to date men who show blatant signs of mental, physical and emotionally abusive red flags.

4.) Women who agree to friends with benefits relationships but secretly want a committed relationship

5.) Women who willingly over sacrifice despite their partner not requiring them to and get angry when their unwarranted generosity is not reciprocated.

6.) Idealisation of their partner by overlooking their flaws and only focusing on their good qualities.

Each scenario is self-defeating, covert mechanisms of masochism.

“Ana was a perpetual victim in a never-ending search for a victimizer.”
― Travis Luedke, The Nightlife: Las Vegas

Many women I’ve coached say self-defeating statements like “The narcissist destroyed me!” No one can destroy you unless they kill you and if that was the case you wouldn’t be on my phone line complaining.

The truth is, victims of narcissistic abuse subconsciously wish to experience pain and the narcissist wants to give pain. Both are trapped in the pain body vortex and that is the epitome of the relationship dynamic of sadomasochism.

Due to a mentally, emotionally or physically abusive upbringing both narcissist and victims of narcissistic abuse feel comfort and familiarity within relationships that mimic the abusive environment of their childhood. Genetics also play a part but I will emphasize more of the genetic aspect in my upcoming book How to Defeat a Narcissist.

Below is a list of the mental narrative victims of narcissistic abuse have on replay.

NEGATIVE CORE BELIEFS that (Masochist) Victims of Narcissistic Abuse Possess.

– “I will be loved as long as I submit to the will of others.” “If I assert my independence, I will be abandoned”

– “To get love, I must please others.” “I can never say no.”

– “I must never express my negativity.” “I will hurt myself to prevent others from hurting me.”

– “If I feel too much, I will explode.”

– “I am inferior and disgusting because of my negative feelings.”

– “Life is hard and suffering unavoidable.

The victim’s over emphasis of the narcissists abuse while denying their own willingness to participate in the relationship is evident. That in of itself makes them a narcissist too! Victims of narcissist abuse become obsessed with analyzing the narcissist mind without examining their own.

The true definition of the Victim Mentality is not crying over spilled milk. Victims of crimes and abuse should be encouraged to release their pain and testimony without judgement.

However, the victim mentality pertains to individuals who repeatedly enter toxic situations or relationships that will cause them harm. This is due to the fact that the perpetual victim needs to appoint a villain so they can maintain their position as a victim. In addition, they neglect to get the help they need whether it’s traditional therapy or alternative measures to heal their trauma and break the cycle.

All victims of abuse have the responsibility to get the help they need to heal. In fact, if they don’t their victim mentality transforms into a form of narcissism. Afterall, narcissism is the inability to see fault in oneself and take the necessary steps to change.

Masochist have an inability to let go of pain even years after a relationship ends.

Healing to a masochist is counterproductive and will take away their victim card. This is why they hold onto the pain years after their relationship with the narcissist ends. They use words like “He DISCARDED me.” The word Discard is a masochistic word to self-punish and validate their inner feelings of unworthiness.

The psychological community enables healing by injecting such disturbing words when describing narcissism which in of itself is an entirely new blog topic. As a result of repeating self-sabotaging words and phrases they plague themselves with negative, self-defeating thoughts that give them anxiety and depression while blaming it ALL on the narcissist.

It doesn’t make sense to leave the narcissist if you’re going to take them with you. Carrying pain is masochistic after the grieving process. It doesn’t take years to get over a narcissist. If it does, you’re coddling that pain. You like it!

The key to healing is examining what you tolerate not conducting endless research on why narcissists are abusive.

Knowledge is power, but knowledge of self is the ultimate power because it’s impossible to change a narcissist. Therefore, focusing on changing yourself to prevent entering toxic relationships by acknowledging your own free will is imperative to overcome emotional masochism. It’s an essential step that must be taken to defeat a narcissist.

A mantra I tell most of my clients to write, recite out loud and contemplate is…

“I choose who I love. Why did I choose my partner?”

The above statement followed by the question gives the victim back their power to choose.

If you’re ready to break the cycle of your subconscious addiction to pain I can help! Be sure to read my book to be released on Feb 5, 2019 (How to Defeat a Narcissist – Available on Amazon)

Book a customized coaching session today to get on the path of healing!

Book a Coaching Session Click here

By Janell Hihi Copyright@2019

Stop Using Being an Empath as an Excuse for Accepting Narcissistic Abuse

I noticed a disturbing trend.

Recently, I’ve received a surge of consultations with both women and men using the excuse as being an empath for the reason they attract unhealthy, toxic relationships into their lives.

The definition of an empath has nothing to do with allowing people to walk all over you. Please read the definition of an empath below; If you truly were an empath you’d be able to sniff out a narcissist from a mile away and you’d do everything in your power to avoid them!

  1. (chiefly in science fiction) a person with the paranormal ability to apprehend the mental or emotional state of another individual.


They say things to dodge responsibility for having little to no boundaries when it comes to relationships. A few very common phrases that so-called empaths use is “I love too hard” or “I have a big heart and people take advantage of that.”

These excuses people use who are being abused by narcissist just lead to further abuse because an excuse is self-defeating. Excuses enable us and take away our power to truly take control of our love life.

Accepting narcissistic abuse has nothing to do with having a big heart. However, it has everything to do with having low self-esteem and weak boundaries. 

A lack of a back bone is what led victims of narcissistic abuse into the trap narcissist set out for them. They’re inability to accept the red flags they see glaring in their face and fall head over heels in love without using a grain of logic is the reason they CHOOSE to love narcissists.

Please stop misconstruing the definition of an empath with your inability to stand up for yourself.

Yes, this blog is tough love. If you’re not ready to change and attract healthier relationships into your life… you’ll probably stop reading this article right about now.

Everyone attracts narcissists, not just empaths. However, women who know their worth won’t give a narcissist the time of day because he won’t be able to deliver upon her demands. Narcissist are all talk, no action. Smart, confident women don’t bank on future promises and potential.

In life, you get what you demand from men, not what you deserve!

Imagine a life where everyone got what they deserved just by existing... Maybe that way of life does exist in an alternate reality far off in another galaxy. It certainly doesn’t exist on earth!

The issue with people using being an empath as an excuse for accepting toxic relationships is they never encompassed the power to truly decide what they want for their lives before the narcissist came along. The narcissist took advantage of that kink in their armour.

Do you want to know how to defeat a narcissist? 

Examine what you tolerate. Make the necessary changes. Begin within.

You’ll never be able to save the narcissist, force them to see your worth or reciprocate your love. Narcissist are maladaptive, meaning they CAN’T change.

But there’s good news!

You can change! Self-Responsibility is narcissistic repellant. If you need help regaining your power or assistance leaving a narcissistic relationship – I can help! Book your consultation today! I will come up with a game plan unique to your situation that will help you every step of the way.  Click here to schedule your consultation.

Also, be sure to read my upcoming book… How to Defeat a Narcissist. Available on Amazon Feb. 5, 2019.


By J. Hihi