Before you met the narcissist you were happy and content with your life. You may have had a few confidence issues, but nothing that stopped you from living your life to the fullest.
However, after the honeymoon phase of your relationship with the narcissist, you experience the toxic, devaluation stage where the love the narcissist once gave is replaced with lies, manipulation and hate.
The 360 Effect
The narcissist shocks their victims into to codependency by changing so abruptly from being Prince Charming to Hellraiser!
The shock creates insecurity, confusion, anxiety, and unrest within the victim. They just want to know why things changed and if it could ever go back to the way it used to be.
The narcissist then throws fuel into the fire by introducing the sadistic mental tactic of Gaslighting.
According to an article by Psychology Today:
“The Oxford Dictionary defines codependency as “excessive emotional or psychological reliance on a partner.” In a gaslighting relationship, the gaslighter elicits constant insecurity and anxiety in the gaslightee, thereby pulling the gaslightee by the strings. The gaslighter has the power to grant acceptance, approval, respect, safety, and security. The gaslighter also has the power (and often threatens to) take them away. A codependent relationship is formed based on fear, vulnerability, and marginalization.”
The narcissist tries to transform his victim into a weakling in desperate need of his love, affection, approval and validation. Why? Because that makes him feel powerful. He is weak without that power. The victim is just a vessel he can extract from.
The narcissist wants a puppet not a partner in his relationship. He wants to be the remote that can push your buttons and control your actions, how you feel and most importantly, your self-confidence.
The narcissist wants his victim to self-sabotage
The narcissist doesn’t necessarily want to outright destroy his victim. He wants the victim to destroy themselves. Gaslighting is the vehicle he uses to employ his twisted desires.
Below is a list of sure fire signs you’re a victim of Gaslighting
- Discrediting you by making other people think that you’re crazy, irrational or unstable.
- Using a mask of confidence, assertiveness, and/or fake compassion to make you believe that you “have it all wrong.” Therefore, eventually, you begin to doubt yourself and believe their version of past events.
- Changing the subject. The gaslighter may divert the topic by asking another question, or making a statement usually directed at your thoughts, e.g. “You’re imagining things—that never happened!” “No, you’re wrong, you didn’t remember right.” “Is that another crazy idea you got from your (family member/friend)?”
- Minimizing. By trivializing how you feel and what you think, the gaslighter gains more and more power over you, e.g. “Why are you being so sensitive?” “You don’t need to get angry over a little thing like that!” “I was just joking around, why are you taking things so seriously?”
- Denial and avoidance. By refusing to acknowledge your feelings and thoughts, the gaslighter causes you to doubt yourself more and more. For example, “I don’t remember that, you must have dreamt it!” “You’re lying, I never said that.” “I don’t know what you’re talking about, you’re changing the subject.”
- Twisting and reframing. When the gaslighter confidently and subtly twists and reframes what was said or done in their favor, they can cause you to second-guess yourself—especially when paired with fake compassion, making you feel as though you are “unstable,” “irrational,” and so forth. For example, “I didn’t say that, I said _____” “I didn’t beat you up Johnny, I just gave you a smack around the head—that’s what all good fathers do.” “If you remember correctly, I was actually trying to help you.”
Be strong. Be committed to your values, morals and boundaries. Do not let the narcissist turn you into a needy, insecure, codependent puppet they can play with.
By J. Hihi @Copyright2019