How The Narcissist Subtly Chips Away Your Self-Esteem.

3551_10
Narcissist Possess an Uncanny ability to make their victims completely lose themselves.

Narcissist laugh at their partners under their breath in a very subtle in cunning way to slowly but surely, chip away their partners self-esteem.

Narcissist are skilled sculptors who carve away at their partners sense of self to mold them into a smaller, co-dependent and insignificant figurine.

The narcissist wants their victim to turn on themselves. They want their partners to lower their expectations, discard their personal boundaries and throw away their values in order to be in a relationship with them.

The only way to defeat a narcissist is to stick with your values and never lower your expectations or boundaries to accommodate the narcissist desires. Narcissist stand no chance with individuals who are grounded in self-love and self-respect.

Believe it or not, the narcissist does not want to destroy you. The narcissist wants you to destroy YOURSELF!

The narcissist highest goal is to be a masterful manipulator to the point where they abuse you in such a subtle way that you have no idea what’s going on. Nor does anybody else around them.

Narcissist are NOT confrontational. They are cowards and they never want to get to the real issues. They revel behind your back and smile in your face by simultaneously complimenting you and low-key insulting you at the same time!

Of course, when they’re with friends and family and their partner is not around, the narcissist will talk very badly about their partner in a joking way to disguise their inner hatred and turmoil they feel toward their partner.

Basically, the narcissist significant other is always the brunt of the narcissist low-key insulting jokes.

maxresdefault.jpg

The number one characteristic that narcissist like to attack is their partners level of intelligence.

I dated a narcissist who spoke very badly about his baby mamas. Of course, he had more then one.

His most recent baby momma he would refer to as an airhead with no education. He would joke about things she would do as a new mother that made her appear to lack common sense.

It was alarming how quickly he would say terrible things about her character referring to her as sexually promiscuous, not very intelligent and irresponsible. Then, in the very next instant he would say how much he once loved her and how badly she hurt him.

Nothing the narcissist says makes any sense whatsoever. This is part of the plan to keep the victim stuck in a perpetual state of confusion.

My ex would also constantly put down his ex wife who has a child with him and refer to her as ghetto and weird because of her personal style.

Once his ex wife called, while I was with him and she asked him if he knows anyone who can fix her car and he said to her, “No, that’s not my problem. Why are you calling me?!” Then he hung up on her. Mind you, his best friend is a co-owner at a auto shop.

I thought to myself, how could he be so nice to me and so rude and disrespectful to the mothers of his children? Obviously, he made me feel like I was better than them and he would never talk to me that way. Boy, was I naive!

Of course, with all those glaring red flags, I stuck around because I didn’t want to deal with tending to my own issues which is why I choose to be in a relationship instead of rebuilding my life after divorce.

That’s another blog.

Narcissist will show you how they will treat you after the honeymoon phase by showing you how they treat others around them.

Look at how they treat strangers asking for directions, waiters, their parents, and the mother of their child.

Watch their tone, their body language and the cruel and lifeless look in their eyes.

As I watched my ex talk badly about how stupid his ex girlfriend was, I immediately noticed how he got off on it.

Narcissist need to feel superior to their partners at all times.

First the narcissist indirectly insults their partner with sarcasm disguised as humor.

They will make undermining comments about their partners intelligence, weight, personal style, occupation, family and even their child.

The narcissist will sometimes directly insult their partner but that is very rare. The narcissist wants to plant the seed of self-doubt and insanity within their partner.

It’s far more convincing if the victim starts believing that they are stupid, crazy and irresponsible rather than the narcissist directly telling them to their face.

Narcissist plant seeds. Most narcissist never directly criticize or verbally insult their significant others. However, there is exceptions if or when they go into narcissist rage.

It’s important to understand that the narcissist vets out narcissistic supply by choosing a partner who they feel is “less than” them. Or, by choosing a partner who they believe they can easily break down.

They prefer partners who make less money, are less educated or significantly younger so that they can instill in the younger partner that they are inferior because of their age and/or maturity.

The narcissist will do whatever it takes to feel more significant in the relationship. I found it very difficult to tell my ex about the things that were happening in my life because I feared he would judge and criticize me like he did with his ex girlfriends.

Narcissist judge others harshly while their own life is falling apart.

Of course, narcissist can be hiding assets in storage, avoiding financial ruin, filing bankruptcy and foreclosed on 3 different properties but somehow, they can still muster up the words to judge other people harshly.

You would think because they are so critical, they’re lives must be perfect. That is so far from the truth.

I remember when I first met my narcissistic ex, it seems he could do no wrong and he’d never try to make me feel bad about myself because he constantly swooned me with compliments.

I got a wake up call when suddenly I started waking up in the middle of the night with panic attacks and he had the audacity to tell me, he didn’t want to be with a girl who had panic attacks.

He said he wanted to be with a “healthy girl.”

I was so hurt and confused because this man was on 3 different anti-depressant medications and I accepted the fact that he would probably be on anti-depressants for the rest of his life to treat his depression.

However, when one little medical issue appeared with me, he was ready to leave the relationship.

Who the narcissist is, and who he thinks he is, remains a stagnating self-delusion. 

It turns out, all the stress of dealing with my ex narcissist from our on and off again relationship activated my Graves Disease which was doormat for years. My hyperthyroid gave me panic attacks in the middle of the night. When I left him, it only took 3 weeks for my panic attacks to completely subside.

I’d rather have a man beat me to a pole, then chip away at my soul like the vampiric narcissist does so well. 

If you stick around long enough without appearing completely destroyed by the narcissist, he will start to beat you down physically and mentally. It’s best to play dead and get out before it get’s to that point.

It’s important to remember the narcissist move in a subtle way to subconsciously manipulate you into destroying yourself so that he doesn’t has to. That way, he can continue to tell everyone, “She’s crazy.”

Listen to that little voice of reason that whispers to you, “Something is NOT right about this person.” Then Run for your life!

By Janell Hihi @Copyright 2018

 

 

Advertisements

Do You Love The Narcissist or Are You Addicted to Him?

differences_of_substance_abuse_versus_addiction-500x383

Is it love or addiction?

This is the question I often ask myself when I am staring down a dark chocolate truffle before I devour it.

Many singers, poets and writers would say love and addiction is the same thing. However, I highly disagree!

Addiction is an obsession to a desired outcome that is unrealistic. It’s a fantasy-like train of thought that distorts our reality.

According to Psychology Today ” Sex and love addiction are so commonly bonded that there is a 12-step support group for the combination: Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA). Both love addiction and sex addiction are often viewed as disorders of intimacy.”

What we are addicted to is irrelevant but the fact that we may have addictive personality traits is what’s cause for concern.

Loving a narcissist is addictive because the effect they have on the human brain, psyche and soul of their victim fluctuates from the highest of highs and the lowest of lows just as heroine, cocaine and opioids do.

The rollercoaster ride of high adrenaline and the blunt blow of the fall riddled with low serotonin levels which are often attributed to anxiety, depression, panic attacks, insomnia, obesity, fibromyalgia, eating disorders, chronic pain, migraines, and alcohol abuse. Negative thoughts, low self-esteem, obsessive thoughts and behaviors, PMS, and Irritable Bowel Syndrome are also symptoms of low serotonin.

The highs are like no other, it feels like the best love, heaven-sent, breath-taking sex, endless orgasms, charm, compliments, gifts, attention and emotional availability.

love-addiction-versus-sex-addiction-1

A relationship with a narcissist is like an addiction to a drug because it’s nothing but consecutive highs and lows.

There is never a feeling of calmness, stability and consistency. It’s one drastic extreme to the next.

And just like a drug, it is extremely difficult to get over a narcissist once they discard you! Withdrawal is real. A support group and a team of loving friends and family members is needed to help you get through the struggle of withdrawal without relapsing.

Your body and soul gets so accustomed to the highs and the lows that it can no longer fathom or adapt to stability, calmness and peace of mind.

It can take months or years to re-stabilize after narcissistic abuse. It depends on how long the relationship was and how severe the abuse was.

I suffered from anxiety attacks out of the blue a few years back because I developed minor post traumatic stress disorder for being in two consecutive relationships with narcissist back to back. I left my narcissistic husband only to later get involved in another covert narcissistic relationship.

My recovery took years. And that’s okay. At the time I left my ex husband I did not know what the difference between covert and overt narcissist was so I fell prey to an opportunistic, manic-depressive, covert narcissist.

I didn’t know I was addicted to the drastic highs and lows. I left one, just to get a hit of another. My ex would break up with me out of the blue or when he didn’t get his way and it would hurt me to the core.

Then, out of the blue he would get back together with me professing his undying love. It was like he would create a catastrophe then come in out of the blue as a hero and save me from the pain he caused.

This is why the narcissist simultaneously switches from villain to hero. Similar to how drug companies make up illnesses and then create a medication that supposedly cures the illness but the side effects are more deadly then the illness itself.

I would look ridiculous when he would break up with me out of the blue. It would be after we went out with friends or to dinner or days after a minor disagreement. I would plead with him to reconsider. I felt ashamed and embarrassed that suddenly he could switch off his feelings like a light switch and just leave.

white-drug-addicts

I felt like I cared too much. It was confusing and I was often shocked. 

The shock is what kept me hooked and coming back for more. I wasn’t in love. I was addicted!

Listen to Rihanna and Justin Timberlake song “Rehab” 

According to an article written by The Ranch, below is a list of all the signs that you may be addicted to love:

Typical signs of love addiction include:

  • Mistaking intense sexual experiences and new romantic excitement for love
  • Constantly craving and searching for a romantic relationship
  • When in a relationship, being desperate to please and fearful of the other’s unhappiness
  • When not in a relationship, feeling desperate and alone
  • Inability to maintain an intimate relationship once the newness and excitement have worn off
  • Finding it unbearable or emotionally difficult to be alone
  • When not in a relationship, compulsively using sex and fantasy to fill the loneliness
  • Choosing partners who are emotionally unavailable and/or verbally or physically abusive
  • Choosing partners who demand a great deal of attention and caretaking but who do not meet, or even try to meet, your emotional or physical needs
  • Participating in activities that don’t interest you or go against your personal values in order to keep or please a partner
  • Giving up important interests, beliefs, or friendships to maximize time in the relationship or to please a romantic partner
  • Using sex, seduction, and manipulation (guilt/shame) to “hook” or hold on to a partner
  • Using sex or romantic intensity to tolerate difficult experiences or emotions
  • Missing out on important family, career, or social experiences to search for a romantic or sexual relationship
  • Using anonymous sex, porn, or compulsive masturbation to avoid “needing” someone, thereby avoiding all relationships
  • Finding it difficult or impossible to leave unhealthy or abusive relationships despite repeated promises to oneself or others to do so
  • Repeatedly returning to previously unmanageable or painful relationships despite promises to oneself or others to not do so

I can’t stress how important it is to heal from narcissistic abuse before re-entering the dating game otherwise you will attract another narcissist who is more covert, manipulative and deceiving.

Treat your break up with a narcissist like you are entering rehab for drug abuse and I promise you, the healing will be more efficient and expedient.

You don’t love the narcissist. You are addicted. Is addiction stronger than love? Yes, because it disguises itself as love and locks the brain and the heart into a state of perpetual confusion.

Sincerely,

Janell Hihi copyright@2018

Can Narcissist Stay In Longterm Relationships?

narc

The short answer is “Yes!”

Narcissist will stay with women who continually accept their abuse by denying it and making excuses for it.

As long as the narcissist is getting a steady source of quality narcissistic supply, he can maintain relationships that last decades.

The ideal victim who the narcissist will choose to be in longterm relationship with must never question him, never criticize him and never, ever call out his false self.

Narcissist need their partners to help them maintain their grandiose sense of self by continually complementing them, obeying them and trusting their every word.

The minute you question, criticize or investigate shady behavior from your narcissistic partner is the moment you are disregarded as longterm relationship material to the narcissist.

If you’re not robotic, overly optimistic, degradingly submissive and compliant, the relationship will last a few months to a year at the longest.

This doesn’t mean you’re not good relationship material.

This means you have a healthy level of self-esteem and self-respect that you leave when love is no longer being served.

As long as you understand that it’s his way or the highway, you can maintain a longterm relationship with a narcissist!

Child-Custody-and-Narcissistic-Parent-in-ArizonaFILEminimizer

A great way to gauge your level of self-esteem is how fast you are able to recognize narcissistic and toxic relationships and how fast you are able to leave them!

Never look at a relationship and assume because a couple was together 12 years, they must have a very strong bond. It’s safe to assume they’ve been through a lot together. However, it is not okay to assume that relationship is healthy or has allowed each partner to grow into a better person.

It’s important to remember when considering the longevity of narcissistic relationships that it’s the quality of the relationship not the quantity of the years the narcissist stayed in the relationship.

In fact, most narcissist never leave a good source of supply. Usually what happens is the codependent partner realizes they are in an abusive relationship and they finally gather the courage to leave the narcissist for good.

The narcissist will stay in play forever, if the victim allows them to . Narcissist favorite line to manipulate their victims to stay with them is:

“We’ve been together all these years, and we’ve been through so much, and you’re just gonna leave?”

The number of years we are in a relationship is no reason to stay in that relationship. It is the quality of those years that determines whether or not we should stay.

Ten years of being with a man in an off again and on again relationship is not ten years of love, loyalty and respect. Instead, it’s ten years of chaos, instability and inconsistency.

The length of time a man stays with a women does not determine how much he loves her. She could be a safe option, a convenience, a financial resource, or an opportunity for a better life.

She could also be a punching bag he can take out all his frustrations on because she is so lost and codependent, the fear of being alone is worse then being in an abusive relationship.

Narcissist often provoke arguments and fights and then blame the victim for being a nag or a drama queen.

As long as you can live your life constantly being labeled a drama queen and accepting your narcissistic partner as the victim of your alleged paranoia, insecurity and jealousy… you will be able to maintain a longterm relationship with a narcissist.

If you’re reading this because you left a narcissist before you could define the relationship as long-term, good for you!

If you’re reading this wondering how your narcissistic ex lover is in a longterm relationship with another women, remember it’s the women who determines how long she will tolerate narcissistic abuse.

Better her then you!

You’re worth is not determined by how long your relationships last. It’s determined by your ability to walk away from abusive and toxic relationships.

By Janell Hihi @Copyright 2018

Sarah’s Suppression: The Obsession to Not Feel

happy

When things suddenly change and you’re supposed to remain un-bothered. It’s all a part of the defiant act of living. Denying our humaneness to appear emotionally stable. There is no stability in emotions. No solid form, it’s like trying to nail jello to a tree.

They will not submit to the subtle choke of a leash. Untamed. They are erratic and unapologetic. Yet we suppress, deny and act as if they don’t matter. Meanwhile, in our disdain, they seethe and start to seep…

They linger in backgrounds like memories taking me back around that time when he was more consistent. When my insecurity was silenced by his predictability.

But what do we do when patterns die and what is left is a faint whisper, an un-returned text and the toothbrush he left weeks ago, sitting as a reminder that he’s there somewhere in the in-between. He hasn’t arrived and he hasn’t completely left.

The gripping pain of the lingering.

And you better be quiet girl. You better keep cool.

Don’t let your humanness emerge and show him something exist inside you besides an orgasm and a sweaty thrill ride with soaked up sheets and bed hair.

Better not show him you care. He wants to know that you don’t so that your love doesn’t smother him. Since when did love become a sinister sadist roaming the earth looking for victims to torture? After all, isn’t love the giver of life? I can’t breathe air into you if you aren’t willing to be revived.

And after weeks of analyzing his sudden plot twist in my romantic story line, he casually replies to a text I sent 16 days ago…

He said, “I’m just doing me.”

In which I replied, “Oh, so that would imply your no longer doing me.”

He paused for about 30 minutes before responding and replied…

“huh?”

Tidbits with the ignorant conversationalist… More to come.

By Janell Hihi Copyright@2017

Relationship Fatigue: Are You Tired of Togetherness?

 

dis one

What happens when you don’t want to give or receive?

Now more than ever, I find myself saying, “If you ever need nothing, I am totally here for you!”

Are you dealing with someone just to get laid? Are you too lazy to put any effort into anyone but yourself and an occasional booty call to get a break from your daily routine of masturbation?

Instead of finding a boyfriend and making a mental, emotional and time consuming commitment, you’d rather opt for the shorter end of the stick that demands nothing of you but an occasional text consisting of the three letters “WYD” or “I’m on my way.”

You are so far removed from vulnerability, emotions and real intimacy that the title of friends with benefits is too heavy? You’d much rather prefer a more emotionless and robotic title for your situation-ship like “Masturbation Assistant.” That’s a lot more fitting considering the superficial circumstances.

In the past I hated overly sarcastic people. I thought that they were passive aggressive with zero courage to tell someone straight up how they really feel about them. That was until I underwent a mass awakening and I realized people don’t want you to be 100 with them.

Every day I use sarcasm to bury deep emotional issues I have because I am stuck in a matrix with people who celebrate acting like everything is always honky fucking dory.

No one wants you to keep it real. Not at work, not in family conflicts or in intimate entanglements. People who sugarcoat their words and use sly ass jokes to tame their internal rage go further in life in every aspect.

Although the further they go, the less authentic the bonds are that they form with others, it all comes down to playing the game. A game I wanted no part of for so long but I find myself surrendering to the older I become.

Being a realist in a world of bullshit is a glitch in the system that torments my soul. I just updated my software and joined the sunshine and rainbows application hoping that magically I can fit in and reap some of the benefits. Maybe if I act like everything will be okay, and think more on the bright side, I’d feel re-energized enough to enter into a real relationship, once in for all.

So far, it’s not working. So far, I’m just okay with being the way I am and I am completely done with trying to convince myself of being any other way then I am in this very moment which is…

Totally spent, exhausted and fatigued from intimate relationships, emotional entanglements and togetherness.

I wrote this blog because sometimes, in the darkest hour of the night I awaken from my slumber totally okay with my loneliness, relieved that I don’t have to share myself with anyone else, and terrified at my own contentment in this place of celebrated emptiness.

Which brings me to the conclusion that  maybe relationships aren’t for everybody. Certainly not for me. Not right now, at least!

Before I drifted back into my slumber I realize that there’s no one here taking up half the bed, snoring, breathing like a dragon or taking all the sheets. It’s just me, having me, all to myself.

~Bliss

By Janell Hihi Copyright@2017

Wholeness is Accomplished When Self-Division is Healed

absolute-wholeness

What divides you against yourself? Is it out-dated beliefs you picked up along your way throughout your journey in life from people who mis-read you?

Is it the naysayers who don’t see you the way you see you?

Is it those echoes of harsh critics who didn’t accept you, or the gifts you came here in this life to share?

Whatever it is that divides you within, and prevents you from being whole needs to be surrendered and released once in for all.

Believing in yourself is the only belief that counts. Believing you are worthy, capable, lovable, and deserving is the lose end that must be tied to create the wholesome oneness that we all wish to accomplish one day.

To begin your journey in wholeness. Get out a sheet of paper and write honestly and openly how you feel about yourself, and your capabilities in each category below.

When you are finished, write which beliefs were influenced by outside people, events or circumstances.

The objective is to identify what beliefs about yourself are formulated from you and those which were influenced by others. What beliefs are worth holding onto and which beliefs should you let go of?

  1. Love, relationships and intimacy:
  2. Money
  3. Career
  4. Self-worth
  5. Family
  6. Physical appearance
  7. Behaviors/attitudes

This exercise has helped myself and many of my clients take inventory of our beliefs and release what no longer serves us.

Nama-Slay – Everyday!

By Janell Hihi Copyright@2017

13 Signs You’re Fake Woke

fake woke

Tag someone who is fake woke!

The fake woke award for the month of July goes to Jay Z. Fact check his lyrics with raw data and you will see.

If you believe that you, or a loved one is suffering from being Fake Woke, please read the top 10 signs below. The first part of awakening is accepting that you’re asleep.

1.  You support Obama unquestionably, despite the fact that he set the black community back 30 years. Furthermore, you support politicians just because they are democrat or republican without reviewing their agenda, budgets, and policies for your community specifically. If you believe that everybody who is brown must be down, you are truly disillusioned.

2. You’re not involved in politics. You say things like, “I stay away from politics,” when in fact, politics is shaping your lifestyle and that of your children whether you make your voice heard or not. Just voting is not enough, researching who to vote for and demanding equality from politicians is what really counts. If you watch Keeping up with the Kardashians more than you read and watch the news, you ain’t woke son!

3. Your idea of a good wife is Black Chyna, Amber Rose or Kim Kardashian. Basically, your value system is based on purely on looks, the size of a woman’s ass or breast. Her character is meaningless to you because you lack character yourself. You like girls who have a lot of likes on social media. You idolize them just because other people do. You have no sense of authentic taste or preference in women. Everything you do and everyone you date is based on what’s trending.

fakewoke1

4. You believe changing your mindset and being more positive will magically make all the corruption in the world disappear. Positive thinking is powerful for self-improvement. However, at some point those positive thoughts need to turn into positive actions. By all means, think positive and be proactive. However, don’t act oblivious to corruption and systems set up to attack you regardless of how much you meditate, do yoga or chant Bhuddist prayers.

You still have an obligation to fight for equality and human rights. If you try to be so positive that if anyone comes to you with facts that may appear negative you label them as “A negative person” you are not woke! You are in a state of oblivion. Learn the difference. Woke people accept the yin and the yang, the sunshine and the rain.

5. You are Loyal to a fault to a religion, political party, or some other cult-like affiliation. Remaining objective, somewhat unattached and skeptical allows you to think critically regarding everything you encounter. Woke people are only committed to the truth, and they won’t ever put loyalty over what is just and what is right!

Fake woke people, deny, defend and stubbornly attack anyone who asks critical questions regarding any associations they are involved with. Vulnerable people who blindly follow institutions are fake woke. Real woke folks will stay open and observant and if they are involved in an association that they once thought was legit but turned out to be a fraud.

6. You never fact check. If you find yourself listening to unsolicited advice from doctors, professionals, co-workers, families and friends without doing research to check to see if it’s actually good advice, you’re fake woke! If you read a book and don’t do a simple Google search on the author, but take every piece of advice in the book to heart, you’re fake woke.

If you vote for a politician just because they are democrat or republican, without reviewing their policies and background thoroughly, you’re fake woke. If you listen to an album like Jay Z’s without fact checking lyrics that offer financial advice, you’re fake woke. If you buy food without reading the labels, carelessly putting anything in your body, you’re fake woke! If you don’t do the research, you are not enlightened enough to engage in critical thinking, fact checking and uncovering hidden truths.

7. You only read books when you are required to. If the only  time you find yourself reading a book is when it’s mandatory for a class or employer, you are fake woke! Reading is the vehicle to awakening. Regardless if it’s history, fiction or non-fiction, books elevate our lives by adding experiences from others to our psyche and understanding of the world. Spiritually awakened people typically keep books in rotation.

Reading a new book every other month or so. It is through books, they travel through time and space, connecting with a world from past, present and future perspectives with each new title they devour. If you don’t read books at all, your not woke. No exceptions!

first-you-learn-to-read-then-you-read-to-learn-17479628

8. You are apolitical.  I can’t stress this enough! You just don’t do politics at all. You think you are above politics but politics is what dictates the quality of your life. You cannot be woke and ignore the political climate because being woke makes you more curious about politics, especially those affecting your community, race and economic class.

Being woke makes you aware. You start to gravitate towards everything that will enlighten you. Being aware of politics and understanding your important role in taking part in it to make a change is a sure sign you are wide awake. If you don’t even know who is running in local offices in your city, parish, community, etc., You have a long way to go before you can say you’re woke.

9. You are selling a product that requires you to act like you care about other’s well being. If you are in a multi level marketing company and selling super foods in a canister or a miracle weight loss smoothie, please take several seats. Before you started selling manufactured super foods, perhaps you should of did some research. Super foods can’t be created in a lab, they only grow on trees.

Furthermore, before you started promoting theses products you really never cared about other’s health, only that of your own. Not the collective. If you find yourself suddenly becoming passionate about health after you sign up as a distributor for an MLM company, you are indeed fake woke. Stop acting like you care when your just trying to make a quick commission.

10. Everything you post on social media is a meme/quote about being woke. Everything you post is way to deep. It’s not like it’s links to educational articles or current political events. It’s just fluffy quotes on positive thinking and meditation. It’s unrealistic and most people can’t relate to it because they are too busy dealing with real life, day to day bullshit.

And you wonder why you don’t get any likes and are frequently unfollowed. You’re annoying because you preach constantly about what people should, and should not be doing or thinking. Too bad people who know you in real life know that you are a walking, talking contradiction that doesn’t take your own advice. Every quote or meme you post has an agenda behind it. You’re either trying to get likes for ego gratification, trying to sell something, or trying to act woke.

11. You believe in individual success over collective success. You are all about the come up and trying to become a millionaire. You believe some people make it and others don’t depending on how hard they work. You never educate yourself on the politics behind what it takes to be successful. You are easily swayed by celebrities and billionaires telling you that you can be whoever you set your mind to without ever doing the research to see all the help they got along the way that aided them in acquiring their wealth. You don’t know what social capital means nor do you know how generational wealth and/or poverty affects your ability to succeed.

12. You have No Chill. EVERYTHING you do online and in person is humorless and extremely, cult like political or esoterically deep. When I say deep I mean the “deep end.” People are usually baffled by your post on social media, not inspired. You are too random and unconnected like a cult ring leader who just drank the Kool-aid. You can bullshit and post funny videos online sometimes, not just all extreme political and positive thinking bullshit non-stop on a continuous loop. Give yourself a break and stop being so damn serious! Online energy vampire!

13. You think everyone has the power to change their own life. No, they don’t!  Sometimes bad things happen to good people and life sucks and it’s not fair! Do you think vision boards will help starving kids in Africa magically manifest food? Thinking positive won’t change that. Being realistic will change that, along with the healing that takes place with time. Depression is real and so it politics. Creating positive change in our lives take work, not just magical thoughts.

13. You don’t watch the Breaking Brown Yvette Carnell Show. If you don’t know who Yvetter Carnell is, you fake woke. Okay, well, I may be promoting my favorite political show on YouTube but the knowledge you can learn on this show can and will change your life. If you’re not woke, you can get woke by watching this show. Please tune in every Monday and Wednesday at 9PM CST. Checkout Irami as well. Follow them on Twitter and Facebook. Watch the show and comment below and tell me how you were ENLIGHTENED.

14. You only eat organic food and you are faithful to your commitment to veganism. However, you drink alcohol every chance you get, pop pills and smoke cigarettes. You are a walking, talking contradiction.

Are you really woke? If not, it’s okay. It’s never too late to change! It takes more than meditation and vision boards. It takes action. By all means use your boards and meditation mats but do the work as well. DO THE WORK! There is no faith without ACTIONS.

You know a “fake woke” friend. Admit it, you thought about them and laughed the whole time you read this blog.

And you’re going to share this on your Facebook page just to see if they like the post and don’t know it’s targeting them!

By Janell Hihi Copyright@2017

Eating Healthy Requires Strategic Preparation.

weekly-meal-planning-700_0

Go on a diet they said! Eat healthier foods, 80% of weight loss is what you eat.

Both statements are true. However, no one explains the logistics behind what it takes to implement a healthy lifestyle and diet.

Preparation is they key to success. Being honest with yourself about where you are lacking in regards to Preparation, creating shopping list and budgeting realistically is the first step to a successful weight loss plan.

We ruin our diets because of the lack of planning ahead.

Successful weight loss starts with the following steps:

1. Set weight loss goals: What is your pants size? How much do you weigh? Take your chest, waist and hip measurements. Write this down in your weight loss diary or on a chart to hang up in your home to keep you motivated.

Next, write your weight loss goals beside or underneath your current weight, pants size and measurements. How much weight do you want to lose? What is your desired pants size? What is your desired measurements?

Keep in mind losing 2-3 pounds a week is healthy weight loss. Calculate a realistic timeframe based on those numbers.

How long will it take to get to your desired weight or pants size?

Remember pants size is more important than weight. Water retention, PMS and other factors cause weight to fluctuate 5-8 pounds. If your dropping pants sizes you are losing weight.

Pay attention to how your pants fit instead of the numbers on the scale.

Annual-Physical-Exam-640x640-300x300

2. Physical exam: Now that you have your goals in place, make an appointment with your doctor to get a physical.

Get the test taken during the first few days of your cycle (when you have your period), if possible .

Ask your doctor to check your B Vitamin levels, electrolyte levels, Thyroid hormone levels, cholesterol, blood sugar levels and Vitamin D levels.

If you’re a woman ask your doctor to test Vitamin D3, estrogen, progestine, thyroid, FSH and LH levels which are very important in determining the quality of your health. Tell your doctor what to do, more than likely they will tell you the test are unnecessary but remember you are not just a patient, you’re a customer who is paying them!

You can follow up on your blood test by using a home saliva testing kit from DiagnosTechs or Phamasan. Testing your hormone levels over a 30-day period via saliva provides far more accurate results than a blood test taken on a single day and it can help better pinpoint the exact problem.

All of the above can significantly effect weight loss results. If you have any deficiencies your doctor will prescribe vitamins to replenish deficits. If you have high blood sugar and high cholesterol- your new diet should address lowering those two numbers.

Test results will take a week or so. In the meantime start easing yourself into exercise by taking long walks outside or on the treadmill for at least an hour a day.

Assessing your test results:

Most hormone-related issues women deal with are the result of too low progesterone, too high estrogen levels and excess androgen. This is what is happening when you have PCOS, endometriosis, PMS, and problematic periods more generally.

Substitute sides like chips and fries with salads. Example have a burger and a side salad. Chicken with a side salad.

Stop drinking sugary drinks asap. No juice or soda. Ease yourself into better eating by doing this!

3. Plan your meals/prep. Before you go shopping, Are you doing Paleo? Low carb? Or just dropping calorie intake? And which supplements you need to take.

Plan 7 days of meals/snacks. I don’t recommend cheat days until after 35 days of starting a new diet.

meal ch

Meal Planning Flyer Download and print by clicking here.

Example: day 1. Breakfast, egg omelet with spinach, organic cheeses and veggies.

lunch: chicken breast with 4 cups of salad, low carb dressing.

snack: carrots with peanut butter.

Dinner: beef with broccoli and brown rice.

snack: 1/4 cup of nuts.

Meal planning helps you build your grocery list and budget. Never assume healthy eating is more expensive- it’s not!

However, it is more time consuming, but you need to charge that to the game. It comes with the territory.

Meal planning should include what recipes you want through the week: example what proteins, vegetables, fruits, and grains you need.

If your planning on eating salad everyday buy bulk salad and dressing.

Make sure you have tubawear to make grab and go meals/salads.

Example shopping list:

Proteins: Chicken breast and chicken legs. Turkey bacon, Salmon, ground turkey. Buy organic meat if you can!

Vegetables: Bulk lettuce and spinach. Carrots, onions, broccoli, cilantro, bell peppers and cauliflower and zucchini.

Fruit: Apples, berries, grapefruit and kiwi.

Grains: Brown rice and Almond flower healthy cereal and meal replacement bars.

Condiments: Hot sauce, fat free ranch, Italian dressing. Almond butter or peanut butter and say sauce.

Dairy: Almond milk and organic cheese.

Oils: Olive oil, vinegar, coconut oil ghee or butter.

Storage: tubawear, large glass jars with tops, lunch bag/sack, stainless steel water bottle, smoothie to go bottles, freezer bags, ziplock bags.

4. Find coupons and go shopping: Never forget your list. Spontaneous shopping can sabotage your diet. Try to eat a meal before shopping. I like to shop after dinner or after breakfast during the weekend.

5. Go home, and start prepping meals asap: Cook your proteins, sides and prepare salads and snacks for an entire 5 days! If your using plastic tubaware let food cool to room temp before putting it inside the containers.

6. Stack in the fridge/freezer in a easy and organizational way. Your fridge should be neat and well organized.

Freeze vegetables and fruits you won’t eat to save them from spoiling.

7. Grab and go should make dieting easier. Every 5 days prepare to spend a few hours meal prepping. Make it a priority and a habit.

8. Create a realistic workout plan. Workout according to your schedule. Workout 30 minutes weight training followed by 30 minutes cardio. Muscle speeds up metabolism, don’t just do cardio, do both.

Warm up with stretching before exercising.

Keep it simple at first. Jog/power walk or elliptical for first month. Just do weights on easy to use machines and dumbbells your first month. Then Graduate into push ups, pilates and planks later.

Then join a gym or get a trainer to advance your workouts after 6 weeks. Workout at least 5 days a week for one hour or longer.

Cheat days DON”T DO IT

Have a cheat meal not a cheat day. A cheat day implies you eat whatever you want all day. This can ruin your diet. However, a cheat meal is just cheating on one meal. You can choose whether you want to cheat on breakfast, lunch or dinner is your choice. You cannot cheat on all three meals!

Supplements: Should be based on what vitamin deficiencies you have based on your physical exam with your doctor. Try to eat food that have what you need before taking supplements.

If you are on birth control take B12 asap. Birth control depletes B12 which converts food to energy metabolism, which is why woman on birth control gain weight!

Apple cider vinegar

Flax seed and chia seed for Fiber

B12

B stress complex

Magnesiun

Milk thistle

Vitamin D3

omega 3

Co Q10

Calcium especially is you cannot eat dairy!

Probiotic – High quality.

Take your vitamins with meals. I take some during breakfast, others during lunch and the rest during dinner.

Preparation is just the beginning. I really hope this helps someone on their journey to losing weight and eating healthier.

Please like, comment and subscribe!

By Janell Hihi Copyright@2017

 

 

 

Is Fear of Failure The Root Cause of Procastination?

procas1

After years of self-introspection, I realized I procrastinated and put off my goals and dreams because I suffered from an underlying fear of failure.

Fear of failure is a result of a lack of self-confidence and self-trust.

It’s not about how bad you want it. 

It’s about rather you believe in yourself enough to pursue it and complete it.

Consistency is a product of believing in yourself and trusting that you have the skills, knowledge, and tools to accomplish your dreams.

Consistency is believing in yourself every day and every moment. It’s doing what you said you will do regardless of the fearful thoughts that enter your mind.

If you are constantly asking yourself in the back of your mind, “What if this doesn’t work?” This means you don’t believe in yourself enough to fully execute your plan.

When these toxic and negative thoughts creep up, we procrastinate as a result. Sometimes we procrastinate to review our plan repeatedly for possible errors.

Then we procrastinate by making ourselves busy with other things to avoid executing our plan. We use circumstances as an excuse for lack of confidence and fear or failure.

Procrastination is a sign of mental imbalance. 

Either you are pursuing a dream that you are not truly passionate about or you lack confidence and fear that it will fail.

It takes maturity to admit that you tried something and you were driven by superficial, egoic outcomes.

If you pursue a dream that can only earn you money but not divine happiness, procrastination will manifest in pursuit of a false dream.

So the next time you find yourself procrastinating, ask yourself the 5 questions below:

  1. Am I afraid to fail? If so why?
  2. Am I pursuing a goal or a dream that I am truly passionate about?
  3. Do I believe in myself enough to be consistent?
  4. How can I increase my self-confidence? Will Counseling help? A life coach? or Furthering my education?
  5. What do I expect to achieve mentally and emotionally if I accomplish this goal?

 

By Janell Hihi Copyright@2017

Chemotherapy Only Has a 2.1% Success Rate in Treating Cancer. Why Are Doctors Still Prescribing it?

Doctor-Money-2

Why is it that doctors keep prescribing chemotherapy to Cancer patients when it only has a 2.1% success rate?

This makes no sense. Desperate and very ill patients take the treatment because they are often told it’s their only option.

Even worse, most medical insurance companies won’t cover alternative cancer treatments so they are stuck with a medication that has a very low success rate.

It’s similar to the predatory car dealerships that prey on people with bad credit by selling them old junkers for 7 times the price they are worth because it is the only vehicle their predatory bank will finance.

Chemotherapy is not a cure, it’s not even a viable temporary medication. It’s a profit. Doctors who subscribe Chemotherapy get massive kickbacks and drug companies continue to receive record high profits.

Yes, I understand that drug companies are in business to make a profit. But how much is too much and is it ethical?

In America today, more money is spent to treat cancer than to treat any other disease by far. In fact, according to NBC News, 100 BILLION dollars was spent on cancer drugs just last year alone…

As drug prices continue to fall under ever-increasing scrutiny, spending on cancer medicines has hit a new milestone: $100 billion in 2014.

That’s up more than 10 percent from 2013, and up from $75 billion five years earlier, according to a report published Tuesday from the IMS Institute for Healthcare Informatics.

Exactly how does the transactions for profit through chemotherapy prescriptions work? Watch the video below to find out.

The more research I conduct, the findings get more disturbing. The highest paid doctors who benefit most from chemotherapy is Oncologist.

According to the research of Steven Levitt and Stephen Dubner of Freakonomics fame, “Oncologists are some of the highest paid doctors, their average income is increasing faster than any other specialist in the medical field, and more than half their income comes from selling and administering chemotherapy.”

Yes, you read that right. Oncologists make a huge profit, as much as two-thirds of their income in some cases, from chemotherapy drugs.

Their business model is very different from other doctors because you can’t buy chemotherapy drugs at your local pharmacy.

Oncologists buy these drugs direct at wholesale prices, then they mark them up and bill the insurance companies. This legal profiting on drugs by doctors is unique to the cancer treatment world.

They’re making money off the drugs that they insist you take to save your life. That’s a HUGE conflict of interest. They’re selling you the drugs and charging you for the privilege of putting them in your body. No other doctor can do that.

By Janell Hihi @copyright 2017