Is Fear of Failure The Root Cause of Procastination?


After years of self-introspection, I realized I procrastinated and put off my goals and dreams because I suffered from an underlying fear of failure.

Fear of failure is a result of a lack of self-confidence and self-trust.

It’s not about how bad you want it. 

It’s about rather you believe in yourself enough to pursue it and complete it.

Consistency is a product of believing in yourself and trusting that you have the skills, knowledge, and tools to accomplish your dreams.

Consistency is believing in yourself every day and every moment. It’s doing what you said you will do regardless of the fearful thoughts that enter your mind.

If you are constantly asking yourself in the back of your mind, “What if this doesn’t work?” This means you don’t believe in yourself enough to fully execute your plan.

When these toxic and negative thoughts creep up, we procrastinate as a result. Sometimes we procrastinate to review our plan repeatedly for possible errors.

Then we procrastinate by making ourselves busy with other things to avoid executing our plan. We use circumstances as an excuse for lack of confidence and fear or failure.

Procrastination is a sign of mental imbalance. 

Either you are pursuing a dream that you are not truly passionate about or you lack confidence and fear that it will fail.

It takes maturity to admit that you tried something and you were driven by superficial, egoic outcomes.

If you pursue a dream that can only earn you money but not divine happiness, procrastination will manifest in pursuit of a false dream.

So the next time you find yourself procrastinating, ask yourself the 5 questions below:

  1. Am I afraid to fail? If so why?
  2. Am I pursuing a goal or a dream that I am truly passionate about?
  3. Do I believe in myself enough to be consistent?
  4. How can I increase my self-confidence? Will Counseling help? A life coach? or Furthering my education?
  5. What do I expect to achieve mentally and emotionally if I accomplish this goal?


By Janell Hihi Copyright@2017


Chemotherapy Only Has a 2.1% Success Rate in Treating Cancer. Why Are Doctors Still Prescribing it?


Why is it that doctors keep prescribing chemotherapy to Cancer patients when it only has a 2.1% success rate?

This makes no sense. Desperate and very ill patients take the treatment because they are often told it’s their only option.

Even worse, most medical insurance companies won’t cover alternative cancer treatments so they are stuck with a medication that has a very low success rate.

It’s similar to the predatory car dealerships that prey on people with bad credit by selling them old junkers for 7 times the price they are worth because it is the only vehicle their predatory bank will finance.

Chemotherapy is not a cure, it’s not even a viable temporary medication. It’s a profit. Doctors who subscribe Chemotherapy get massive kickbacks and drug companies continue to receive record high profits.

Yes, I understand that drug companies are in business to make a profit. But how much is too much and is it ethical?

In America today, more money is spent to treat cancer than to treat any other disease by far. In fact, according to NBC News, 100 BILLION dollars was spent on cancer drugs just last year alone…

As drug prices continue to fall under ever-increasing scrutiny, spending on cancer medicines has hit a new milestone: $100 billion in 2014.

That’s up more than 10 percent from 2013, and up from $75 billion five years earlier, according to a report published Tuesday from the IMS Institute for Healthcare Informatics.

Exactly how does the transactions for profit through chemotherapy prescriptions work? Watch the video below to find out.

The more research I conduct, the findings get more disturbing. The highest paid doctors who benefit most from chemotherapy is Oncologist.

According to the research of Steven Levitt and Stephen Dubner of Freakonomics fame, “Oncologists are some of the highest paid doctors, their average income is increasing faster than any other specialist in the medical field, and more than half their income comes from selling and administering chemotherapy.”

Yes, you read that right. Oncologists make a huge profit, as much as two-thirds of their income in some cases, from chemotherapy drugs.

Their business model is very different from other doctors because you can’t buy chemotherapy drugs at your local pharmacy.

Oncologists buy these drugs direct at wholesale prices, then they mark them up and bill the insurance companies. This legal profiting on drugs by doctors is unique to the cancer treatment world.

They’re making money off the drugs that they insist you take to save your life. That’s a HUGE conflict of interest. They’re selling you the drugs and charging you for the privilege of putting them in your body. No other doctor can do that.

By Janell Hihi @copyright 2017

30 Days of Gratefulness



Lately, I’d rather sit in front of a computer screen glued to a newsfeed and stay bottled up inside the confines of my head.

I have writer’s block, social block and every other block you can construct within your imagination. The dark side seems more attractive to me and optimism is trickling out of me like a slow leak from a car.

I’m losing my angst, my push, that little voice that kept telling me to get up is now a faint echo in the background of my complacency. I am learning the truth about my existence and I am exhausted by my awakening.

Nothing is clear or defined, everything is muttered, foggy and uncertain. I suspect this is the perfect moment to rise, redeem and resurrect.

My only viable lifeline left is to recognize what good I still have left. Today, I am starting my journey into gratitude, that I hope will incite within me, a more positive attitude and a rebirth of my motivation that recently died.

Today I am grateful for my beautiful daughter.

In those moments when her laughter breaks through my darkness like a lightning rod and I forget for a moment the mounting bills piling up, my mother’s pain from her arthritis and the routine of my daily grind, I suddenly become alive.

In that moment, when money doesn’t matter, politics are obsolete and anxiety subsides, I see in her emerald eyes my freedom to choose happiness over everything else.

When she challenges me to be better by pointing out my contradictive behavior, her strong will and bravery to point out what is, and what isn’t fair, her existence as a constant reminder that with her, I do have a love that will last an eternity.

I am beyond blessed and very lucky to have a brilliant, beautiful and loving daughter. 

by Janell Hihi Copyright@2017



5 Ted Talks Every Woman Should Watch

Skip the reality show for just one night and watch these thought-provoking, essential Ted Talks that can potentially change your life. Be encouraged, stay open to learn and continue to evolve!

#1) We Should all be feminist.

The first Ted Talk every girl should watch is from Nigerian Author Chimamanda Ngozi. Her thought-provoking, eloquent and unique perspective on the importance of divine feminism will have you in absolute awe. On Beyonce’s album, the song title  “Flawless,” You can hear the beautiful and strong words of Chimamanda in the background breaking the chains of patriarchy. A must watch for all the ladies!


#2) Trust Your Struggle. 

There is beauty in the struggle although it may feel awful, we need the lessons. They shape us and make us even when we feel like they are breaking us. Listen to this heartfelt Ted Talk about this young lady’s struggle and how she used it as a catalyst to fulfill her dreams.


#3) How online abuse of women has spiraled out of control

Actress Ashley Judd shares personal stories of online and offline abuse she has experienced as a woman throughout her life. Online bullying has recently spiraled out of control and it is affecting young woman’s lives in devastating ways. Watch and learn, forward the video to every young woman you know.


#4) The Power of Vulnerability

There is no greater power in the world than to take the risk to love despite knowing it can break your heart. Many women, especially African American, struggle with vulnerability because we are overly-shamed for making human mistakes. Fear of being scolded, not loved in return or being hurt keep us from experiencing true love. This video is necessary for every woman alive to watch now!


#5) Honest Liars — the psychology of self-deception

By providing content, resources, and connections, Dr. Cortney Warren’s goal is to support anyone who is brave enough to live a more conscious life. For when we are honest about who we really are, we have the opportunity to change. Are you lying to yourself? If you are, you are missing out on the experience of an authentic life. A must see!


#6) The Art of Being Yourself.

Caroline McHugh nails this Ted Talks with very useful information about the power of being yourself. It is the only way to experience true fulfillment, happiness, and intimacy. We can never be happy pretending to be someone that we are not. Watch it as soon as you get a chance and remember being yourself will get you closer to the authentic lifestyle you wish for.



By Janell Hihi Copyright@2017

Outcome Anxiety: How to Stop Worrying about What Might Happen


There are several different types of anxiety. Most anxiety revolves around uncontrollable worrying. When we worry, it stems from fear or anxiety regarding how something will turn out in the end.

For example, if you go on a first date with your crush before the date you worry about how you look, what you will wear, how you should do your hair and make-up, etc.,

During the date, you worry about how you are coming across to your date. Most people want to control the impressions others have of them while dating instead of just enjoying the date and going with the flow.

Anxiety is about wanting to always be in control. 

Outcome anxiety is an obsession with outcomes. After the date with your crush, you begin to worry if they like you or not, or when they will call or text you again to ask you on another date.

Outcome anxiety is the inability to just let things be.

The only cure for outcome anxiety is faith, trust in yourself and meditation. I suffered anxiety attacks a few years ago from overwhelming stress from problems in every area of my life. I did not allow myself to heal from my divorce and I got involved with people who took advantage of my weakness and vulnerability.



I started to meditate again. I made it a priority to put myself first! I scheduled meditation time so that I could sit quietly and observe my thoughts. My thoughts were out of control!

What I learned about meditation was that meditation does NOT stop you from thinking. It detaches you from believing every thought that goes through your head.

Anxiety takes place when what we think revolves around our fears and we believe those thoughts and let them wreak havoc on our lives. It starts out mental and then it turns physical as our chest tightens, our heart starts beating out of control and our breathing becomes rapid and shallow.

Meditation allows you to watch your thoughts like your watching a movie. It allows you to be detached from your mind. While doing this you realize you are not your mind and everything you think can’t be taken seriously.

Don’t take your thoughts seriously. Do not think that you can stop yourself from thinking either. Your mind is separate from your being and it will never stop thinking. Don’t try to control your mind, just observe it and only take thoughts that serve you well seriously and let the toxic and fear based thoughts go.

Fear cannot be eliminated from our lives. We feel the fear and do what we have to do anyways. People don’t get over fears, they fight through fears. This takes courage but it’s not impossible. People fight through fears every day. Don’t allow fear to take over your mind because if you do, anxiety will be an everyday part of your life.



Faith can move mountains. Literally! Learning how to have faith has been the most difficult task in my life. I am a very cerebral and intellectual individual and faith requires a level of spiritually I did not easily succumb to. This was to my own detriment. I learned the hard way that I must have faith otherwise anxiety would take it’s place.

Faith is believing good will happen despite your current circumstances. 

Faith is trusting the process and believing that despite what happens, it was for the best. Some things are not meant to be and that is okay. Faith is reassurance that regardless if things go left or not, there is a greater plan at work. Faith is looking at the big picture and not allowing the little setbacks we encounter to take us off our mission.

Faith is noticing the negative but not FOCUSING on the negative.

Anxiety outcome requires you to realign your focus to the positive instead of the negative. It doesn’t mean you do not acknowledge negativity as it occurs, it means that you become solution oriented and try to tackle those problems rather than imagining they are bigger than they actually are which induces anxiety.

Self Trust


If you believe you can’t handle pain, uncertainty or disappointment, you will live your entire life within the strong grips of anxiety.

Self-trust is confidence. Confident people believe that despite who rejects them or who leaves them, they are still fabulous and capable of finding love with someone else. Confident people aren’t afraid to role the dice and lose because they don’t focus on loss as an outcome, they focus on winning. If they lose, they shake it off and learn from the experience.

Confident people think positively. They focus on what great things could happen instead of what bad things could happen in any situation.

Do you trust yourself? Do you feel if something goes wrong you will die of despair, heartbreak, and loneliness? Being negative is being dramatic! Somethings just don’t workout, I had to keep repeating this to myself until I believed it.

My life has changed because I make meditation a practice, I have faith good things will happen despite my circumstances and I trust myself enough to know that if the outcome is not as I expected, some things are just not meant to be and something better is coming!

I no longer suffer from anxiety. I let go of the need to control outcomes and whatever shall be, will be. Regardless of any outcome from any situation, I know that I am strong enough to accept it, deal with it and grow from it.


by Janell Hihi Copyright@2017

How I Beat Graves Disease

I stopped fighting myself and my body stopped fighting me!

I beat Graves Disease. I beat it through intuitive healing. I beat it by finally accepting who I am instead of denying and fighting who I am.

Autoimmune disease is just the immune system mocking as dysfunctional self-esteem and disconnection with divine spirituality.


The immune system starts to attack your organs by mocking who you attack yourself. How you attack your gifts, how you dismiss your dreams and disregard your passion.

Although society has a plan for you, your soul also has a divine mission. If you are completely removed from your soul purpose by fighting it, your body will start to fight you!

There is a genetic component to Graves Disease and autoimmune diseases because the environment in which we lived in as a child showed us in so many ways that suppressing who we are to conform to what society wants us to be.

throat chakra

We learn to get a career that pays instead of a career we are passionate about. Our parents teach us this because they have suppressed parts of themselves to conform to the world so they developed a gene within themselves that causes Graves disease and/or autoimmune disease.

A new study has shown that “Trauma” can be passed on to our offspring genetically. First, it was done on Holocaust survivors and their children they had when it was over. These children also showed signs of post-traumatic stress disorder even though they were born after the holocaust was over.

This new breakthrough is called Epigenetics. Although I’d like to see how this affected African descendants of slaves in America, there is no study being done at this time to explain such findings.



  1. the study of changes in organisms caused by modification of gene expression rather than alteration of the genetic code itself.

I’d like to share a fascinating snippet from an epigentic article that perfectly explains how psychological trauma is passed on genetically which can result in physical or mental disease:

“According to the new insights of behavioral epigenetics, traumatic experiences in our past, or in our recent ancestors’ past, leave molecular scars adhering to our DNA. Jews whose great-grandparents were chased from their Russian shtetls; Chinese whose grandparents lived through the ravages of the Cultural Revolution; young immigrants from Africa whose parents survived massacres; adults of every ethnicity who grew up with alcoholic or abusive parents — all carry with them more than just memories.

Like silt deposited on the cogs of a finely tuned machine after the seawater of a tsunami recedes, our experiences, and those of our forebears, are never gone, even if they have been forgotten. They become a part of us, a molecular residue holding fast to our genetic scaffolding. The DNA remains the same, but psychological and behavioral tendencies are inherited. You might have inherited not just your grandmother’s knobby knees, but also her predisposition toward depression caused by the neglect she suffered as a newborn.

Or not. If your grandmother was adopted by nurturing parents, you might be enjoying the boost she received thanks to their love and support. The mechanisms of behavioral epigenetics underlie not only deficits and weaknesses but strengths and resiliencies, too. And for those unlucky enough to descend from miserable or withholding grandparents, emerging drug treatments could reset not just mood, but the epigenetic changes themselves. Like grandmother’s vintage dress, you could wear it or have it altered. The genome has long been known as the blueprint of life, but the epigenome is life’s Etch A Sketch: Shake it hard enough, and you can wipe clean the family curse.”

Source: Discover Magazine – Article author Dan Hurley Link:

There are so many people who are living silently and blindly following a template that clashes with their purpose. In addition to that, they are carrying the belief in their DNA that suppression of self and soul is a normal way to live. Yet we wonder why disease stays in families haunting every sibling, aunt, grandma, uncle, and cousin.

I stopped the cycle. I faced my demons and accepted my authentic self. I followed my whims, my passion, and my soul. As a result, my intuition heightened. I listened to my heart and trusted myself and I was guided and healed without the help of capitalistic western medicine only looking to profit from my sickness.

I can’t tell you how to heal you! I can only tell you that the unique answers lie within the dark corners of yourself that you hide. Rediscover your truth and you will find the anecdote to your own healing. I am writing a book about my journey of healing. How I fought my demons and listened to my inner voice, and how you can too!

I changed my diet intuitively.

I changed my mind. My thoughts and debunked false beliefs.

I balanced my throat Chakra because my thyroid was hyper.

I left a marriage that was toxic.

I became a passionate vegan.

I started writing again – My suppressed passion.

I told fear to “Fuck off!”


I rejected Liquid Iodine because I know the pharmaceutical hustle. I know the game.

I am excited to share my journey with you. Book to be published July 2017 as well as My personal autoimmune disease coaching services.

Register for my mailing list to keep up to date with book releases and helpful Information.


By Janell Hihi


Oprah Stars in Henrietta Lacks Movie – The African American Woman Who Unknowingly Contributed to Vital Medical Research

I read Henrietta Lacks book and was astounded by this amazing story. It’s a story inextricably connected to the dark history of medical experimentation on African Americans. It shed light on my challenging views on the medical industry in America and played a huge role in my decision not to attend medical school.


Oprah Winfrey will star in an upcoming film, I am very excited to see, The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks. This film depicts the life of Henrietta, an African American women with cancer whose cancerous cells were used without her permission.

Her name was Henrietta Lacks, but scientists know her as HeLa. She was a poor black tobacco farmer whose cells were taken without her knowledge. In 1951 she became one of the most important tools in medicine, vital for developing the polio vaccine, cloning, gene mapping, in vitro fertilization, and more.

Henrietta’s cells have been bought and sold by the billions, yet she remains virtually unknown, and her family can’t afford health insurance.

Lacks’ story has previously been the subject of an award-winning documentary, The Way of All Flesh, directed by Adam Curtis.

Duplicating cells is a form of immortality and a serious medical ethics violation. Who knows how many untold stories similar to Henrietta’s still remain. Perhaps your cells are being used, unknowingly to create clones, manufactured organs and God only knows what else they can do without our knowing.

Interestingly enough, companies like have made a lucrative business out of getting consumers to send their DNA by way of cheek swabs to their lab for ethnic analysis. However, one must consider other ways their DNA can be used after reading phenomenal books like The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks and the Medical Apartheid by author Harriet Washington.


Just think about it for a second. Most people who are interested in learning their ethnic background and where their ancestors come from are African American, for the simple fact that we were brought here as slaves and lost connections to our ancestors and the specific countries in Africa they were stolen from.

I can tell you from personal experience, I’ve experienced inequality in the doctor’s office. For what reasons you might ask? My multi-racial ethnic make-up and my low-income economic status as a child.

Intuitively, I’ve always felt that there is a catch-22 with anything in America that is labeled free. My mother had medical assistance as a child and the downside to that is those with low-income are at the mercy of doctors or should I say the interns who flood clinics in Urban and low-income areas.

Medical research is constantly underway. The medical apartheid still remains a fresh aspect of history that has me constantly on red alert every time I enter a medical facility. Now that I have a child, that fear is amplified.

Below is an excellent video from the author of Medical Apartheid Harriet Washington. She gives you an overview of the history and current context of medical inequality and experimentation against African Americans.

What happened to Henrietta Lacks is not just a story to reflect in a historical context, it is a reminder that we have to be smart and critical regarding the medical care we are offered today, for ourselves, our communities and our children. Raising awareness is key and asking doctors and medical professionals the right questions along with conducting our own research is imperative to receiving the best medical care.

In addition, what is our rights if we find out we were unknowingly violated in a medical facility? 

Intuitive healing is a technique that I have used throughout my life to help me navigate through the scandalous terrain of the medical industry. In my upcoming book, When My Body Turned Against Me: How I beat Graves Disease. I go into great detail regarding how my instincts strongly facilitated my healing.

Intuition can tell you what questions to ask your doctor. It can lead you to research in great depth what you are being diagnosed before accepting treatment and medication.

Doctor with patient

A few tips and tricks to ensure you’re not being discriminated against in the doctor’s office:

1. Learn your family history before going to the doctor for a visit. Knowledge is power. Ask your mother and father questions regarding their health history. Ask them any symptoms they’ve had and past diagnosis. Also, ask them what treatment they received and how their body responded to that treatment. Write all this down in a journal to pass along to your kids and keep records. This is critical. Do the same with your

Write all this down in a journal to pass along to your kids and keep records. This is critical. Do the same with your siblings, it is very important you understand the genetic component of disease, diet, and lifestyle within your own family.

**Ask your doctor for their credentials. What is their official title? Are they an actual doctor, a physician assistant? An intern? A nurse?’** You want a doctor, not anything less. Reschedule if you have to with a real doctor.**

**Ask your doctor how long they have been practicing. Do not be afraid to ask your doctor questions, they are a paid service, you have the right!**

2. Get a second opinionAny major disease that you are being diagnosed with needs a second opinion. Make sure the second opinion you receive is from a doctor in a different city and different healthcare facility.

Every time a doctor takes blood or collects fluids for test ask them what the purpose of the test is for and if you can get a copy of the results. File the results in a folder for your own records. This also ensures the doctor is not taking cells or fluids from you for reasons you are not aware of.

**Until you get the second opinion, do not move forward on a plan for treatment. 

3. Research what the doctor diagnosed you with. Is it a new disease? An old disease? Are the symptoms consistent with the disease and what you’re actually experiencing? Has all the testing been done or ordered to determine the diagnosis is accurate?

If symptoms are inconsistent, Google on credible websites like the symptoms that you are experiencing and write down the diseases or conditions most consistent with those symptoms. Compare that list to your journal that has your medical history of your family members and look for consistencies.

Next, bring the conditions you researched along with family medical history to your doctor and demand that test be done to rule out those diseases.


4. After all, the test is completed by your doctor, a proper diagnosis should be made. The next step is determining which treatment option is best for you. Do your research on treatment options.

5. Look on the Mayo Clinics website regarding the disease you’ve been diagnosed with and look at all treatment options. Write down those treatment options and Google them. Are they effective? What are the alternatives? Most importantly, what are the risks and side effects?

6. Make an intuitive and informed decision on what treatment option you feel will work best for your and proceed with that. Pray about it, meditate on, connect with your higher power for validation.

7. If after taking medication you feel the side effects are too much for your to handle, schedule an appointment right away and chose a different treatment plan.

8. If your doctor is giving you bad vibes, switch doctors immediately!

I hope you read the book or check out the upcoming movie airing on HBO soon! Knowledge is power and intuitive and well-researched decisions can decrease your chances of medical discrimination and ethical abuse.

If you have a story you would like to share regarding recent medical discrimination, unauthorized experimentation or inequality in medical care, please send your story below. I will be publishing a book in the near future to share these stories. You can choose to remain anonymous and your name and doctors name will not be cited. Thank you!

By Janell Hihi