How The Narcissist Subtly Chips Away Your Self-Esteem.

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Narcissist Possess an Uncanny ability to make their victims completely lose themselves.

Narcissist laugh at their partners under their breath in a very subtle in cunning way to slowly but surely, chip away their partners self-esteem.

Narcissist are skilled sculptors who carve away at their partners sense of self to mold them into a smaller, co-dependent and insignificant figurine.

The narcissist wants their victim to turn on themselves. They want their partners to lower their expectations, discard their personal boundaries and throw away their values in order to be in a relationship with them.

The only way to defeat a narcissist is to stick with your values and never lower your expectations or boundaries to accommodate the narcissist desires. Narcissist stand no chance with individuals who are grounded in self-love and self-respect.

Believe it or not, the narcissist does not want to destroy you. The narcissist wants you to destroy YOURSELF!

The narcissist highest goal is to be a masterful manipulator to the point where they abuse you in such a subtle way that you have no idea what’s going on. Nor does anybody else around them.

Narcissist are NOT confrontational. They are cowards and they never want to get to the real issues. They revel behind your back and smile in your face by simultaneously complimenting you and low-key insulting you at the same time!

Of course, when they’re with friends and family and their partner is not around, the narcissist will talk very badly about their partner in a joking way to disguise their inner hatred and turmoil they feel toward their partner.

Basically, the narcissist significant other is always the brunt of the narcissist low-key insulting jokes.

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The number one characteristic that narcissist like to attack is their partners level of intelligence.

I dated a narcissist who spoke very badly about his baby mamas. Of course, he had more then one.

His most recent baby momma he would refer to as an airhead with no education. He would joke about things she would do as a new mother that made her appear to lack common sense.

It was alarming how quickly he would say terrible things about her character referring to her as sexually promiscuous, not very intelligent and irresponsible. Then, in the very next instant he would say how much he once loved her and how badly she hurt him.

Nothing the narcissist says makes any sense whatsoever. This is part of the plan to keep the victim stuck in a perpetual state of confusion.

My ex would also constantly put down his ex wife who has a child with him and refer to her as ghetto and weird because of her personal style.

Once his ex wife called, while I was with him and she asked him if he knows anyone who can fix her car and he said to her, “No, that’s not my problem. Why are you calling me?!” Then he hung up on her. Mind you, his best friend is a co-owner at a auto shop.

I thought to myself, how could he be so nice to me and so rude and disrespectful to the mothers of his children? Obviously, he made me feel like I was better than them and he would never talk to me that way. Boy, was I naive!

Of course, with all those glaring red flags, I stuck around because I didn’t want to deal with tending to my own issues which is why I choose to be in a relationship instead of rebuilding my life after divorce.

That’s another blog.

Narcissist will show you how they will treat you after the honeymoon phase by showing you how they treat others around them.

Look at how they treat strangers asking for directions, waiters, their parents, and the mother of their child.

Watch their tone, their body language and the cruel and lifeless look in their eyes.

As I watched my ex talk badly about how stupid his ex girlfriend was, I immediately noticed how he got off on it.

Narcissist need to feel superior to their partners at all times.

First the narcissist indirectly insults their partner with sarcasm disguised as humor.

They will make undermining comments about their partners intelligence, weight, personal style, occupation, family and even their child.

The narcissist will sometimes directly insult their partner but that is very rare. The narcissist wants to plant the seed of self-doubt and insanity within their partner.

It’s far more convincing if the victim starts believing that they are stupid, crazy and irresponsible rather than the narcissist directly telling them to their face.

Narcissist plant seeds. Most narcissist never directly criticize or verbally insult their significant others. However, there is exceptions if or when they go into narcissist rage.

It’s important to understand that the narcissist vets out narcissistic supply by choosing a partner who they feel is “less than” them. Or, by choosing a partner who they believe they can easily break down.

They prefer partners who make less money, are less educated or significantly younger so that they can instill in the younger partner that they are inferior because of their age and/or maturity.

The narcissist will do whatever it takes to feel more significant in the relationship. I found it very difficult to tell my ex about the things that were happening in my life because I feared he would judge and criticize me like he did with his ex girlfriends.

Narcissist judge others harshly while their own life is falling apart.

Of course, narcissist can be hiding assets in storage, avoiding financial ruin, filing bankruptcy and foreclosed on 3 different properties but somehow, they can still muster up the words to judge other people harshly.

You would think because they are so critical, they’re lives must be perfect. That is so far from the truth.

I remember when I first met my narcissistic ex, it seems he could do no wrong and he’d never try to make me feel bad about myself because he constantly swooned me with compliments.

I got a wake up call when suddenly I started waking up in the middle of the night with panic attacks and he had the audacity to tell me, he didn’t want to be with a girl who had panic attacks.

He said he wanted to be with a “healthy girl.”

I was so hurt and confused because this man was on 3 different anti-depressant medications and I accepted the fact that he would probably be on anti-depressants for the rest of his life to treat his depression.

However, when one little medical issue appeared with me, he was ready to leave the relationship.

Who the narcissist is, and who he thinks he is, remains a stagnating self-delusion. 

It turns out, all the stress of dealing with my ex narcissist from our on and off again relationship activated my Graves Disease which was doormat for years. My hyperthyroid gave me panic attacks in the middle of the night. When I left him, it only took 3 weeks for my panic attacks to completely subside.

I’d rather have a man beat me to a pole, then chip away at my soul like the vampiric narcissist does so well. 

If you stick around long enough without appearing completely destroyed by the narcissist, he will start to beat you down physically and mentally. It’s best to play dead and get out before it get’s to that point.

It’s important to remember the narcissist move in a subtle way to subconsciously manipulate you into destroying yourself so that he doesn’t has to. That way, he can continue to tell everyone, “She’s crazy.”

Listen to that little voice of reason that whispers to you, “Something is NOT right about this person.” Then Run for your life!

By Janell Hihi @Copyright 2018

 

 

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Narcissist Perfect The Act of Sex to Get Their Victim Addicted

Narcissist use everything as a weapon. Spirituality, religion, their family, their children and their friends.

There’s no wonder they use sex as a weapon to ensure their victim is physically addicted to the experience.

Narcissist do everything in bed and they do it with precision and passion. Of course, if their victim is sexually addicted, it will be very difficult for the victim to leave the narcissist.

The narcissist will be very abusive after the honeymoon phase of the relationship and may even withhold sex a punishment right along with the silent treatment.

The narcissist know that the victim is addicted to the sex so the narcissist justifies their abusive behavior by referring to how great the sex is despite all the issues the relationship is plagued with.

The narcissist will use sexual chemistry as a reason the two of you should stay together because the type of chemistry that the two of you have is hard to find.

This is bullshit of course, but it’s an awfully convincing justification when the victim considers the euphoria of great sex in contrast with the abusive, one-sided relationship.

Great sex plus bad relationship equals lack of fulfillment in the end despite how hard the narcissist tries to convince the victim otherwise.

Learn more in my upcoming book How to Defeat a Narcissist Available March 5, 2018

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By Janell HIhi @Copright2018

Do You Love The Narcissist or Are You Addicted to Him?

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Is it love or addiction?

This is the question I often ask myself when I am staring down a dark chocolate truffle before I devour it.

Many singers, poets and writers would say love and addiction is the same thing. However, I highly disagree!

Addiction is an obsession to a desired outcome that is unrealistic. It’s a fantasy-like train of thought that distorts our reality.

According to Psychology Today ” Sex and love addiction are so commonly bonded that there is a 12-step support group for the combination: Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA). Both love addiction and sex addiction are often viewed as disorders of intimacy.”

What we are addicted to is irrelevant but the fact that we may have addictive personality traits is what’s cause for concern.

Loving a narcissist is addictive because the effect they have on the human brain, psyche and soul of their victim fluctuates from the highest of highs and the lowest of lows just as heroine, cocaine and opioids do.

The rollercoaster ride of high adrenaline and the blunt blow of the fall riddled with low serotonin levels which are often attributed to anxiety, depression, panic attacks, insomnia, obesity, fibromyalgia, eating disorders, chronic pain, migraines, and alcohol abuse. Negative thoughts, low self-esteem, obsessive thoughts and behaviors, PMS, and Irritable Bowel Syndrome are also symptoms of low serotonin.

The highs are like no other, it feels like the best love, heaven-sent, breath-taking sex, endless orgasms, charm, compliments, gifts, attention and emotional availability.

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A relationship with a narcissist is like an addiction to a drug because it’s nothing but consecutive highs and lows.

There is never a feeling of calmness, stability and consistency. It’s one drastic extreme to the next.

And just like a drug, it is extremely difficult to get over a narcissist once they discard you! Withdrawal is real. A support group and a team of loving friends and family members is needed to help you get through the struggle of withdrawal without relapsing.

Your body and soul gets so accustomed to the highs and the lows that it can no longer fathom or adapt to stability, calmness and peace of mind.

It can take months or years to re-stabilize after narcissistic abuse. It depends on how long the relationship was and how severe the abuse was.

I suffered from anxiety attacks out of the blue a few years back because I developed minor post traumatic stress disorder for being in two consecutive relationships with narcissist back to back. I left my narcissistic husband only to later get involved in another covert narcissistic relationship.

My recovery took years. And that’s okay. At the time I left my ex husband I did not know what the difference between covert and overt narcissist was so I fell prey to an opportunistic, manic-depressive, covert narcissist.

I didn’t know I was addicted to the drastic highs and lows. I left one, just to get a hit of another. My ex would break up with me out of the blue or when he didn’t get his way and it would hurt me to the core.

Then, out of the blue he would get back together with me professing his undying love. It was like he would create a catastrophe then come in out of the blue as a hero and save me from the pain he caused.

This is why the narcissist simultaneously switches from villain to hero. Similar to how drug companies make up illnesses and then create a medication that supposedly cures the illness but the side effects are more deadly then the illness itself.

I would look ridiculous when he would break up with me out of the blue. It would be after we went out with friends or to dinner or days after a minor disagreement. I would plead with him to reconsider. I felt ashamed and embarrassed that suddenly he could switch off his feelings like a light switch and just leave.

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I felt like I cared too much. It was confusing and I was often shocked. 

The shock is what kept me hooked and coming back for more. I wasn’t in love. I was addicted!

Listen to Rihanna and Justin Timberlake song “Rehab” 

According to an article written by The Ranch, below is a list of all the signs that you may be addicted to love:

Typical signs of love addiction include:

  • Mistaking intense sexual experiences and new romantic excitement for love
  • Constantly craving and searching for a romantic relationship
  • When in a relationship, being desperate to please and fearful of the other’s unhappiness
  • When not in a relationship, feeling desperate and alone
  • Inability to maintain an intimate relationship once the newness and excitement have worn off
  • Finding it unbearable or emotionally difficult to be alone
  • When not in a relationship, compulsively using sex and fantasy to fill the loneliness
  • Choosing partners who are emotionally unavailable and/or verbally or physically abusive
  • Choosing partners who demand a great deal of attention and caretaking but who do not meet, or even try to meet, your emotional or physical needs
  • Participating in activities that don’t interest you or go against your personal values in order to keep or please a partner
  • Giving up important interests, beliefs, or friendships to maximize time in the relationship or to please a romantic partner
  • Using sex, seduction, and manipulation (guilt/shame) to “hook” or hold on to a partner
  • Using sex or romantic intensity to tolerate difficult experiences or emotions
  • Missing out on important family, career, or social experiences to search for a romantic or sexual relationship
  • Using anonymous sex, porn, or compulsive masturbation to avoid “needing” someone, thereby avoiding all relationships
  • Finding it difficult or impossible to leave unhealthy or abusive relationships despite repeated promises to oneself or others to do so
  • Repeatedly returning to previously unmanageable or painful relationships despite promises to oneself or others to not do so

I can’t stress how important it is to heal from narcissistic abuse before re-entering the dating game otherwise you will attract another narcissist who is more covert, manipulative and deceiving.

Treat your break up with a narcissist like you are entering rehab for drug abuse and I promise you, the healing will be more efficient and expedient.

You don’t love the narcissist. You are addicted. Is addiction stronger than love? Yes, because it disguises itself as love and locks the brain and the heart into a state of perpetual confusion.

Sincerely,

Janell Hihi copyright@2018

Can Narcissist Stay In Longterm Relationships?

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The short answer is “Yes!”

Narcissist will stay with women who continually accept their abuse by denying it and making excuses for it.

As long as the narcissist is getting a steady source of quality narcissistic supply, he can maintain relationships that last decades.

The ideal victim who the narcissist will choose to be in longterm relationship with must never question him, never criticize him and never, ever call out his false self.

Narcissist need their partners to help them maintain their grandiose sense of self by continually complementing them, obeying them and trusting their every word.

The minute you question, criticize or investigate shady behavior from your narcissistic partner is the moment you are disregarded as longterm relationship material to the narcissist.

If you’re not robotic, overly optimistic, degradingly submissive and compliant, the relationship will last a few months to a year at the longest.

This doesn’t mean you’re not good relationship material.

This means you have a healthy level of self-esteem and self-respect that you leave when love is no longer being served.

As long as you understand that it’s his way or the highway, you can maintain a longterm relationship with a narcissist!

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A great way to gauge your level of self-esteem is how fast you are able to recognize narcissistic and toxic relationships and how fast you are able to leave them!

Never look at a relationship and assume because a couple was together 12 years, they must have a very strong bond. It’s safe to assume they’ve been through a lot together. However, it is not okay to assume that relationship is healthy or has allowed each partner to grow into a better person.

It’s important to remember when considering the longevity of narcissistic relationships that it’s the quality of the relationship not the quantity of the years the narcissist stayed in the relationship.

In fact, most narcissist never leave a good source of supply. Usually what happens is the codependent partner realizes they are in an abusive relationship and they finally gather the courage to leave the narcissist for good.

The narcissist will stay in play forever, if the victim allows them to . Narcissist favorite line to manipulate their victims to stay with them is:

“We’ve been together all these years, and we’ve been through so much, and you’re just gonna leave?”

The number of years we are in a relationship is no reason to stay in that relationship. It is the quality of those years that determines whether or not we should stay.

Ten years of being with a man in an off again and on again relationship is not ten years of love, loyalty and respect. Instead, it’s ten years of chaos, instability and inconsistency.

The length of time a man stays with a women does not determine how much he loves her. She could be a safe option, a convenience, a financial resource, or an opportunity for a better life.

She could also be a punching bag he can take out all his frustrations on because she is so lost and codependent, the fear of being alone is worse then being in an abusive relationship.

Narcissist often provoke arguments and fights and then blame the victim for being a nag or a drama queen.

As long as you can live your life constantly being labeled a drama queen and accepting your narcissistic partner as the victim of your alleged paranoia, insecurity and jealousy… you will be able to maintain a longterm relationship with a narcissist.

If you’re reading this because you left a narcissist before you could define the relationship as long-term, good for you!

If you’re reading this wondering how your narcissistic ex lover is in a longterm relationship with another women, remember it’s the women who determines how long she will tolerate narcissistic abuse.

Better her then you!

You’re worth is not determined by how long your relationships last. It’s determined by your ability to walk away from abusive and toxic relationships.

By Janell Hihi @Copyright 2018

Q & A: Narcissism & Love Bombing: Is it Possible a Narcissist Can Skip the love bombing Phase & Go Straight to the devaluation Phase in a Relationship?

I appreciate every comment, question, like and share I receive from my followers. Although I can’t answer every question or reply to every comment, I appreciate everyone taking the time out to reach out, ask questions and share your stories.

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Below I will share a question I received from one of my cherished follower regarding narcissism and love bombing.

I thought this question was particularly interesting because love-bombing styles and time frames in which they exist is different for every narcissist.

“Hello, Janell! Is it possible that the love-bombing phase could be so short as to barely be noticeable and that the devaluation could start almost immediately? Also, could a narcissist actively try to drive us away while pretending to want to continue a relationship with us (then ignoring us, restricting contact, dictating what we can and can’t talk to them about)? I am trying so hard to get to a place where I can heal but these questions are preying on my mind because I don’t know if I should be dealing with Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome or something else. This person displays almost all of the characteristics of a narcissist but confounds me in these two ways.”

Let’s define love bombing:

Love bombing is an attempt to influence a person by demonstrations of attention and affection.
Of course, at the beginning of every relationship, affection, time and attention is abundant. However, what separates love-bombing from early stages of relationship infatuation is the amount of time, attention and affection that comes on too strong and  too fast!

There is no cookie cutter model or exact time-line of how long the narcissist love bombs and when they start to devalue their partner. Typically it’s the first 6 months of the relationship.

However, from my research and personal experience love bombing will last as long as the victim allows the illusion to continue. If for any reason, you begin to assert your boundaries, your expectations and desires, the narcissist will abruptly end the love bombing phase and begin the process of devaluation.

In some instances, love-bombing is part of a long-term pattern of behavior that starts with love bombing and ends in devaluation. As soon as the victim shows signs of leaving the narcissist, he will begin the pattern again. The narcissist will love bomb the victim to pull them back into the relationship, and as soon as they get them back, the devaluation and abuse starts again!

Devaluation is the beginning to the end of your relationship. A narcissist wants a naive’ docile, and passive woman who believes in fairy tales. Most importantly, she must believe everything he says and does without question. The narcissist’s self-esteem is dependent upon whether or not the victim continues to believe in their false self and illusions.

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Was there anything that you did to question the narcissist intentions?

If so, please take heed, devaluation games will begin soon. Yes, the narcissist will dictate when you talk to him, when you can see him and what subjects you are allowed to discuss.

One day he will love bomb you and the next he will treat you like you don’t exist. The narcissist wants his victim in a state of confusion so that her mind is blurry and she can’t think straight.

Confusion tends to consume the human mind and people can literally become obsessed with trying to free themselves from the confusion by cognitive dissonance or constant arguments and nagging.

If the narcissist senses that his victim is extremely co-dependent and in desperate need of love and validation they may cut the love bombing phase off after the first few dates and begin to abuse their victim almost immediately.

If one person in the relationship dictates the pace and the terms of the relationship without any input from the other party that is a sure sign of a narcissist who must maintain control of the flow, pace and parameters of the relationship.

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Unfortunately, the narcissist will never cease his obsession with control. He will play disappearing acts then suddenly appear out of thin air as if he never left at all to establish complete control over his victim and the relationship.

He is trying to set the standard that he can come and go as he pleases. He will make excuses stating he needs space, he’s an introvert, he works a lot, he doesn’t want to be smothered, he’s stressed or he’s depressed. All are lies to maintain his freedom to keep his options open for other sources of narcissistic supply.

Another important dynamic you should consider is that narcissist who immediately devalues their victims are usually already in a relationship or married and they are looking for a side chick or what some may call a “lower level” source of a supply to keep on the side.

The side supply is not worthy of the love bombing. Therefore, they receive devalue almost immediately!

Typically when the narcissist is devaluing one source of supply he is love bombing another source of supply. 

Most narcissist need more than one source of supply. They may be in long term relationships or even marriages but they need back up supply to sustain their sense of superiority and feed their incessant insecurities. It’s no surprise, most narcissist are cheaters!

The narcissist who are not in a relationship or married who devalue their victims right away are bachelors and players. They have a harem of women they recycle throughout the years. These type of narcissist boast about being single and non-committed yet they dangle the carrot of hope in their victims face that maybe one day, if you act right, they might commit to you. Indeed, that day will never come!

Some will even play the victim.  Narcissist will go so far that they even cry about how women have hurt them in the past and use that as an excuse not to commit to you and keep you on the back burner to utilize you when they are bored, lonely or horny.

The back and forth, on and off again relationship that’s on his terms is 100% narcissistic. You must ask yourself if you want to continue on interacting with an individual who doesn’t value you enough to allow you to mutually dictate the terms of the relationship.

If you want a partnership this is not the relationship for you. 

I wish you the best of luck and most of all, I wish for you to find a partner who respects, cherishes and appreciates all that you have to offer. When you find that man, please send me a message and a wedding picture because I want to share your success story!

Take care!

By Janell Hihi @copyright 2017

Libra Russell Simmons Accused of Sexual Assault

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In my article, The Top 4 Most Narcissistic Zodiac Signs there’s no question that Libra emerged on the list as one of the most narcissistic, jealous, petty and irrational Zodiac signs.

Russell Simmons has developed a perverted reputation long before these sexual allegations emerged. Power has a way of corrupting individuals and their fetishes are overt and out in the open. It’s unfortunate, that women who come across narcissistic, materialistic, psychotic Libra men must bare the brunt of their inappropriate sexual language and behavior.

Libra men represent two different sides of the same coin with their annoying, and very contradicting behavior. They are serial capitalist but champions for the poor. They fight for the rights of abused children and at the same time abuse children.

It’s not the same as the innocent contradictive behavior of the Gemini. Libra’s are a lot more cunning, manipulative and dangerous then the flip flopping Gemini who can’t pick a side because they see all sides.

Libra picks a side but in the dark they also perpetrate the very behaviors they claim to be activist against.

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Of course, listening to a Libra explain themselves is like listening to a person suffering from multiple personality disorders with a strong case of insecurity and paranoia, argue with themselves to attempt to achieve an inner balance that will never exist.

Essentially, what the Libra tries to accomplish is a Yin and Yang affect as they desperately try to balance scales that will never be balance due to their irrational, self-defeating words that contradict their mischievous and anti-social behavior.

Certainly, the Libra will finesse those naive enough to believe in him with unwavering flattery and charm. However, that seldomly works on people who can see through their Libra’s airy, tyrannical, narcissistic bullshit.

Russell Simmons may be a Hip-Hop mogul who is immersed in the environment of the so-called misogynist rap industry.  However, the whole entire entertainment industry, despite the genre is riddled with perverted, abusive, power hungry, sexist and opportunistic individuals.

When you combine desperate women seeking success and fame with power hungry men holding the pin that can write their checks, you get situation where two individuals are using what they have to get what they want.

Consequently, women usually lose in the end and risk not getting their fair share of the deal they indulged in thinking giving into sexual demands will get them a foot in the door. Instead of getting the gig they were promised, they get the boot, on the corner at 4am where an Uber is waiting to escort them back to their dorm room with bedroom hair, smeared mascara, ruffled up clothing and a smirk on their face.

I know several women who slept with famous men hoping that it may turn into something serious or they may land a gig or money making opportunity. I’ve seen women capitalize, make money and live with a deep seated regret knowing that they sacrificed their body for fame.

On the flip side, I’ve seen women get played and never called again. They also wear regret, shame and resentment.

Why is it that some women fall for the industries sexual sharks and others are completely immune to the bullshit that unfortunately comes with the territory?

Amanda Seales shared a story about Russell Simmons. She said upon first meeting Russell, instead of greeting Amanda with a “Namaste, all things can be great,” Vegan tree hugger greeting, Russell flipped his Libra, Narcissistic switch and instead greeted Amanda with, “Hey, you look familiar have we fucked before?” 

In which Amanda replied surprised, “No!” Then Russell nods in agreement by stating, “You’re right because if we did, I would remember!”

Whatever happened to, “Hello, how are you?”

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Can you imagine what his Yoga studio must feel like? Perhaps his guided meditation goes something like this:

“Close your eyes and take a deep breathe. Now imagine my hands sliding across your breast. Now imagine my d**k gliding down your throat.”

Then after that perverted mediation everyone can gather in the cafeteria and eat some super healthy vegan food.

Is a sexually dominant man, who uses his power to flaunt his perversion a violent rapist or a sex addict?

That is the question we need to be asking. There are many men, I mean even Eric Benet, Halle Berry’s ex husband, who are sexually promiscuous, enthusiasts but not necessarily rapist.

Are the men who approach me on daily basis, complimenting my sexiness, some asking me on dates, others asking me to join them in a threesome with their wife…. are they rapist? No!

Are they disgusting perverts that must be told “NO” and should be avoided at all cost moving forward? YES!

A Libra who pretends to be a goody two shoe Vegan champion of the Namaste, Peace on Earth, meditating, recycling, positive thinkers community had to even out that good boy demeanor by being a complete sexual perversive ass clown in the dark to even out their inner demonic scales.

I’ve always warned the astrological community that Libra’s so-called scales of justice that symbolize their zodiac sign is a fucking curse that must be broken at once!

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Apparently, the above tweet is bullshit because it’s obvious Mr. Simmons needs sex. A variety of sex, from multitudes of women, particularly models and actresses who represent every ethnicity.

Is he the pervert who desires to be a monk one day? A celibate monk? Hmmmm I just can’t with Libras!

The above tweet from Russell Simmons paints a picture far different from what these ladies are alleging against him. Perhaps, like most narcissist, Russell believes he can hide behind Bhuddism and live a double life one in which he is a saint, the other a complete and utter sinner?

Are all promiscuous sex addicts rapist? Is a sex addict more likely to rape a woman then a power taunting narcissistic? Isn’t rape about power? Doesn’t Russell already have enough power? Or is there a such thing?

Russell Simmons approaching Amanda Seales in such a sexual connotation is merely a test to see if she is willing to reciprocate. That meeting they had would of turned into a sex match on in Russell’s office instead of a casual business meeting.

What was it about Amanda Seales that made Russell Simmons back off and not coerce her to go to his apartment or try to force her head down to his crotch?

Was it perhaps Amanda’s strong demeanor and complete disinterest in Russell Simmons that turned him off? I think so. I think Amanda was very clear! I don’t think the other women who are accusing Russell Simmons of rape and sexual misconduct clearly stated their boundaries.

I truly believe that they felt like they would lose something if they didn’t indulge in his sexual demands. 

I’ve been to a Hip-Hop video shoot, I had a choice to stay and be groped in disrespected all for a chance to land on a music video or maintain my self-respect and leave the set immediately.

I worked for a modeling agency where the boss aggressively pursued me sexually. I had a choice. I sacrificed that paycheck for my self-respect and dignity. I left.

Now every night I sleep soundly, not needing drugs or alcohol to put a bandaid over poor choices I’ve made in the past. Not everyone can say that!

The truth of the matter is. Narcissists must be shut down completely. In order to avoid their abuse you must not be willing to work with them or interact with them at all!

A psychopath will pop up out of the bushes and rape a women during her evening run. A narcissist will test the waters and any sign of weakness or uncertainty in a women will encourage him to continue his demands and get his way.

To a narcissist, the victims desperation for fame, money or validation is his green light to abuse his power.

By Janell Hihi @copyright 2017

When The Guy You Friend Zone Becomes a Stalker

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Can male and females just be friends?

I was naive’ enough to believe once that men and women can just be friends without one person eventually catching very strong feelings. Recently, I’ve become aware of a very common phenomenon that test the authenticity of male/female friendships.

Fake Friending

Is a very common phenomenon where either a male or female who has romantic feelings agrees to just be friends. The beginning of a dysfunctional relationship begins because one friend is pretending that they’re not madly in love with the other. Therefore, the friendship is a fraud.

I consider myself a pretty deep thinker but somehow I disregarded the fact that friendship is the strongest form of love. In fact, my parents are coming up on their 56th wedding anniversary and the glue that has kept them together is their strong friendship.

Today, society has us believing that in order to fall in love with another person, sex must be involved. Of course, that’s not always true, especially considering that many men who become friends with women do so because the women is not interested in a relationship.

The friendship is a way for the male to still keep one foot in the door in hopes that the  female changes her mind. The male usually goes out of his way to get out of the friend zone by trying to impress the female by being there for her when she needs him, buying her expensive gifts, loaning her money and always lending an ear when she needs to vent.

The female then lowers her defenses and spends more time with her male friend believing that his friendship is genuine and there’s no motive behind it.

The female may slip on one night while hanging out with her male friend, drinking and partying and human biology takes over and they have accidental, drunk sex.

The male friend will automatically assume after the accidental act of sex that he is now in a relationship with the female. He will become clingy, call her his girlfriend and will want to be around her 24/7.

The female will get annoyed and eventually tell the pestering, fake male friend, who had a hidden agenda all along that she only wants to be friends and she’s sorry about what happened.

The male friend won’t understand or he’ll act as if he does for a few weeks until his rage, jealousy and delusion takes over him.

At that point, the female will come to the conclusion that her male friend wants to be more then just friends and it’s best to cut the entire relationship off.

Personally, I’ve had to break up with male friends. They didn’t take it very well. I believe it is out of narcissism and delusion that indicate a severe personality disorder that makes a platonic friend pursue someone who clearly indicates repeatedly that they are not romantically interested.

The Obsessed Male Friend Plays it Cool but They use Generosity to Mask their ill will.

True kindness comes from the heart. Not the ego. The male friend who is generous with hidden strings attached is the beta male who does not have the courage to admit to himself that the rejection he is experiencing from his idolized love interest is real.

He ignores reality and lives in denial and pursues a fantasy in his head he has with you. Unfortunately, when you cut him off because he won’t just be your friend, he will stalk you.

The illusion of you being his girlfriend will remain a constant, obsessive, fantasy that he’ll cling to. He may call you from blocked numbers, slash your tires, follow you in his friends cars, set up fake social media accounts to spy on you. He may go as far as trying to sue you in court for all the gifts he’s given you as a friend.

Some women can end up hurt or even killed by obsessed platonic friends.

Every women should strongly consider being friends with a male that is attracted to them because he may be using the friendship to pursue a delusional relationship with her that can potentially turn dangerous.

I always strongly advise against being friends with men who women have had flings with or even long-term relationships with. I personally only prefer friendships with homosexual men based on the drama I experience with male friends in the past who have fallen in love with me.

Unrequited love hurts.

Some men can’t handle rejection. I’ve heard horror stories of some women even being raped by their so-called male friends. Predators pretend to be understanding, helpful angels disguise but that is all an act just to lower the victims defenses. Once you let them in, they won’t let go.

How to Protect Yourself

Set up surveillance.

I found an inexpensive car monitoring devices/video cameras to protect my vehicle. The first thing a psycho stalker will do is tamper with your car.

Purchase a highly sensitive car alarm. It’s worth the investment. It will call your phone as well when your vehicle is even grazed by a bystander it will go off very loud and obnoxiously.

95% of victims know their stalkers. Most are disgruntled friend zoned men, rejected men, and ex-boyfriends that have mental disorders.

Alert your neighbors.

I put a sign up on my apartments bulletin board advising all residents to look out for a vandalizer. I put a picture of him along with the make, model and plate number of his vehicle on the flyer along with my email address. I asked if anyone seen this person to call 911 immediately.

I always make your neighbors aware of what is going on despite your fears of being looked down upon by them. There is no need to feel embarrassed.  People are usually very alert and willing to listen to their neighbors when it comes to possible crime and vandalism.

Take pictures and file police reports.

Regardless of how little damage they did to your car or other property take pictures and report it to the police immediately.

Get a restraining order.

If you don’t act fast, they will continue to level up on the stalking techniques. Try your best to get a free restraining order. However, if you have to pay for it, It’s worth it in the end especially if you have a child to protect. Eventually, the stalker will understand you are quick to act and establish strict boundaries.

21% of stalking victims end up getting hurt or even killed by their stalkers. This is not a game. Ladies be careful out there and act swiftly and accordingly.

By Janell Hihi @copyright@2017

 

 

 

 

 

 

Why You Can’t Stop Thinking About the Narcissist

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Why can’t you get the narcissist out of your mind?

Narcissist operate from the ego. The ego is of the mind. Narcissist spin a web of illusion so intricate they create a matrix, also known as a mental prison that they’re victims can’t escape from.

The narcissist will literally take full possession of the victims mind. Since most narcissist prey on your subconscious mind, thinking of them and why they do what they do becomes a habitual obsession that is extremely hard to break.

In my upcoming book How to Defeat a Narcissist, I explain how narcissist are like hackers who hack into your mind, corrupt your software and implant a virus that takes over your entire operating system.

Getting a narcissist out of your mind takes reprogramming that is explained in great detail in my upcoming book.

For every negative, toxic thought they implant in your mind by their antisocial, psychotic, selfish and hurtful behavior, a positive affirmation must be repeated daily by the victim to refill the mind with empowering and positive thoughts and beliefs. This takes time, but it’s extremely helpful and almost guaranteed to work every time.

12 Most Manipulative Narcissistic Traits

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Narcissist have a special way of making the victim feel crazy for being hurt and appalled by the narcissist’s abuse. They call it gas lighting, I call it soul murdering, mind fuckery.

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I was married to a narcissist for 6 years and then dated a narcissist for almost two years after that. It’s embarrassing I stayed that long in a toxic marriage only to leave one narcissist just to move on to the next.

Below is a list of the most manipulative, soul sucking, sadistic traits narcissist play on their unsuspecting victims.

#1. Narcissist will make you apologize a thousand time for being angry for something they did to hurt you, but they won’t apologize once for what they did to hurt you and make you angry in the first place.

#2. Narcissist have a way of just turning off love as if it’s a light switch! They can turn off love just as easily as they turn on love because they only loved you as a tool to use you.

#3. Narcissist attack the things you value most because those are things you will defend the most passionately. They will hit below the belt without hesitation. They need a highly charged emotional reaction from you to feed their drone-like, empty existence.

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#4. Narcissist don’t really want friends. What they want is followers, fans and worshippers who never question or criticize them.

#5. Narcissist deny reality. If you call them out on something they did or said they deny it ever happened as if you’re a complete lunatic. The denial game is real with the narcissist.

Acting as if they truly don’t remember what they said or what they did in such a way you feel sorry for them.

The issue is, what they did or said was probably based on a lie or an illusion and lies are hard to remember. Narcissist act so much they forget the scenes they played.

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#6. Narcissist are either racist, sexist, homophobic or openly express some kind of bias against certain people but they don’t call it what it is, they justify their bias with alternative facts. Facts that may be valid in an alternate or parallel universe.

#7. Narcissist don’t want your love, they want your complete submission and obedience. You are not an equal partner to them, your a servant only there to serve their needs while abandoning your own.

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#8. If your not always thinking positive about them, they will perceive that as a major relationship infraction and justification for leaving you. There shall be no arguments, no confrontations, no complaints and no negativity.

#9. Their relationship conflict management skills consist of breaking up as solution to every issue that arises. This is why their relationship consist of a roller coaster ride of make ups and break ups. They love the adrenaline rush of breaking up and making up. Normal people find it exhausting, narcissist find it exciting!

#10. Just remember his “crazy” ex girlfriend was just as amazing to him as you are now, despite how much he demonizes her. Everyone that does not completely obey the narcissist is labeled as crazy.

#11. There’s a price to pay for the narcissist kindness. Everything he does for you comes with undisclosed strings attached. He loves from his ego and he’s taking inventory. You’ll receive a bill soon that you will pay for with your tears.

#12. Narcissist think lying and hiding things are not the same. They often justify their lies by saying they didn’t feel it was the right time to tell you. Then they say they didn’t trust you enough to tell you the truth. Then suddenly they are asking you to apologize for their lies. Besides, it’s because you’re so untrustworthy they couldn’t trust you with the truth!

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There you have it! The games narcissist play that can truly effect your life in a profound way. Please subscribe to my mailing list to be notified when my book drops, How to Defeat a Narcissist: Proven Techniques to Shut Down a Narcissist. 

By Janell Hihi Copyright@2017

 

The Reason I Haven’t Written in a while

Hey everyone!

Just checking in! To say I’m overwhelmed is an understatement! I’m trying to finish my book, How to Defeat  Narcissist: Proven Techniques to Shut Down Narcissistic Abuse.

I’m almost done! It’s going to be epic. I’ve done extensive research on narcissism and I’ve developed a few theories of my own. The book is full of knowledge, much needed humor, and most importantly techniques on how to shut Down narcissistic abuse.

Here’s What’s New!

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For all my astrology fans, checkout my new YouTube channel Zodiac Wars. Fun astrology facts, studies, shit talking, forecast, horoscopes, compatibility videos and much more!!

I was thinking about changing the name of the channel to Zero Fucks Astrology. Comment below and tell me what you think. Zodiac Wars or Zero Fucks Astrology? Help me! Your feedback is priceless and means everything to me!

Checkout a few of my entertaining and informative Astrology videos below!

Why I hate Taurus & You Should Too! Part 1

Why I hate Taurus & You Should Too! Part 2 – Part 3 Coming soon video cut short.

Besides that, I’m just juggling being a mom and a million other things while not totally losing my shit. I appreciate you stopping by reading, commenting, following and sharing!

By Janell Hihi