Healing From Narcissistic Abuse Quick Tip#2

While healing from narcissistic abuse you deal with a tsunami of emotions. Just allow them to exist without fighting them. Feel them completely without denying or trying desperately to escape them.

“We “should” be forgiving. We “shouldn’t” be angry. We “should” be loving. We “shouldn’t” be critical. We “should” be generous. We “shouldn’t” be jealous.”

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eBook Release! How to Defeat a Narcissist

How to Defeat a Narcissist 

eBook Available Now on Amazon & Barnes & Noble

Audio book & Paperback available April 29, 2019.

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It’s time to take back your power.

This book will breakdown narcissistic myths and replace them with raw and unfiltered facts that will arm you with the mental weaponry to take down a narcissist effortlessly. Be prepared to bookmark word for word comebacks that will shut down gaslighting, mental, and verbal abuse. Remember, dealing with a narcissist is a battle that consist of prey and the predator. Are you sick and tired of being helpless prey to narcissistic abuse and toxic relationships? After reading this book you will be well equipped to calculate the narcissist every move and protect yourself against abuse using the tools and techniques formulated by in depth research, personal triumph, proven psychological and spiritual tactics.

This book is different from the rest.

It goes beyond the limits of the psychological aspects of narcissism and explores the narcissist through the perspective of society, culture, spirituality and metaphysics. Also, this book takes a deep dive into the physical symptoms of enduring narcissistic abuse that trigger stress and disease to manifest into the victim’s body. A relationship with a narcissist is very dangerous. This book provides counter techniques that will assist in defeating narcissist on every level. Mind, body and soul.

This book will reveal the glitch in the narcissistic matrix.

It’s your way out! For far too long, victims of narcissistic abuse played checkers while the narcissist was playing chess. It’s time to upgrade your game and play to win! In this book, winning is about regaining your power, values, and boundaries that the narcissist relentlessly tried to strip away from you. It’s about beating them at their own game while at the same time becoming a better and stronger person. Are you ready?

Click here to buy now! 

By Janell Hihi @copyright2019

20 Quotes To Help You Heal From Narcissistic Abuse

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“Invalidation is about dismissing your experiences, thoughts and above all your emotions. Indeed the intention is to not even allow you to have those thoughts, experiences and emotions. It‟s a way of invading your head and reprogramming it. It‟s psychological abuse (messing with your thoughts) and emotional abuse (messing with your feelings).”
― Danu Morrigan


“Stay away from lazy parasites, who perch on you just to satisfy their needs, they do not come to alleviate your burdens, hence, their mission is to distract, detract and extract, and make you live in abject poverty.”
― Michael Bassey Johnson


“Hate is the complement of fear and narcissists like being feared. It imbues them with an intoxicating sensation of omnipotence.”
― Sam Vaknin, Malignant Self-Love: Narcissism Revisited


“Playing the victim role: Manipulator portrays him- or herself as a victim of circumstance or of someone else’s behavior in order to gain pity, sympathy or evoke compassion and thereby get something from another. Caring and conscientious people cannot stand to see anyone suffering and the manipulator often finds it easy to play on sympathy to get cooperation.”
― George K. Simon Jr., In Sheep’s Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People


“Narcissists are consumed with maintaining a shallow false self to others. They’re emotionally crippled souls that are addicted to attention. Because of this they use a multitude of games, in order to receive adoration. Sadly, they are the most ungodly of God’s creations because they don’t show remorse for their actions, take steps to make amends or have empathy for others. They are morally bankrupt.”
― Shannon L. Alder


“Nobody should be in a position where they are suffering abuse at the hands of another, and if this is the case for you, stopping the abuse by leaving the situation is the only course of action to take.”
― Theresa Jackson


“Gaslighting is a distorted alternate reality.”
― Tracy Malone


“The narcissist is like a bucket with a hole in the bottom: No matter how much you put in, you can never fill it up. The phrase “I never feel like I am enough” is the mantra of the person in the narcissistic relationship. That’s because to your narcissistic partner, you are not. No one is. Nothing is.”
― Ramani DurvasulaShould I Stay or Should I Go?: Surviving a Relationship with a Narcissist


“Every narcissist is a hero and a legend in his own mind.”
― Oscar Auliq-Ice


“Healthy levels of narcissism and self-enhancement are necessary, with a low level of self-enhancement being detrimental to our wellbeing and success.”
― Theresa JacksonHow to Handle a Narcissist: Understanding and Dealing with a Range of Narcissistic Personalities


“Intuition – Once you have had a narcissist in your life, you must develop your intuition and learn to listen to it and act accordingly.”
― Tracy Malone


“Abuse is never contained to a present moment, it lingers across a person’s lifetime and has pervasive long-term ramifications.”
― Lorraine Nilon, Breaking Free From the Chains of Silence: A respectful exploration into the ramifications of Paedophilic abuse


“A narcissist, on the other hand, is the exact opposite of an empath. Emotionally, narcissists are like brick walls who see and hear others but fail to understand or relate to them. As a result of their emotional shallowness, narcissists are essentially devoid of all empathy or compassion for other people. Lacking empathy, a narcissist is a very destructive and dangerous person to be around.”
― Mateo SolAwakened Empath: The Ultimate Guide to Emotional, Psychological and Spiritual Healing


“It is not accidental that the most unsympathetic characters in Austen’s novels are those who are incapable of genuine dialogue with others. They rant. They lecture. They scold. This incapacity for true dialogue implies an incapacity for tolerance, self-reflection and empathy.”
― Azar Nafisi, Reading Lolita in Tehran: A Memoir in Books


“There came a time in my life when I had to admit to myself that I have some very clear narcissistic tendencies. Ironically, it occurred during the writing of my book The Emotionally Abused Woman. As I listed the symptoms of narcissism, I was amazed to find that I recognized myself in the description of the disorder.

It should have been no surprise to me because I come from a long line of narcissists. My mother and several of her brothers suffered from the disorder, as did her mother. For some reason, though, I imagined that I’d escaped our family curse. I should have known that it’s not that easy to.”
― Beverly Engel, Jekyll and Hyde Syndrome


“Don’t ever believe that Narcissists don’t understand they have hurt you. They know exactly what they did and why they did it. The reason they can’t stop their abuse is because the narcissistic supply is their addiction. Unlike, drug addicts that need their fix to feel normal, narcissists need to feel significant. This is their addiction. Even if it takes destructive ways to have this emotional balance they will pursue it. Your feelings don’t count only the supply does. The greater the supply the greater the drama in your life as they pursue it. So, get over believing they don’t understand. They do understand. You just found out and got in the way of their easy access to greater supply than you.”
― Shannon L. Alder


“Maybe, the lesson we can all learn from the inner sadness of a Narcissist is to see through our own fabrications, our own illusions so that we can be set free to be real once more.”
― Shannon L. Alder


“Some people seem like a bright light during your darkest moment… a beautiful refuge… but it’s a trap… there is only more pain there. Now that I think about it… I imagine that’s what bugs feel like when they fly into the zapper.”
― Steve Maraboli


“Since there was nothing at all I was certain of, since I needed to be provided at every instant with a new confirmation of my existence, since nothing was in my very own, undoubted, sole possession, determined unequivocally only by me — in sober truth a disinherited son — naturally I became unsure even of the thing nearest to me, my own body.”
― Franz KafkaLetter to His Father


 

By J. Hihi @Copyright2019

Quick Tip On How to Get Over a Narcissist

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If you want to get over a narcissist don’t spend all your time over analyzing and researching their behavior.

A much more empowering mindset is to simply not settle for what you don’t want (The narcissist) and seek out what you do want(A healthy relationship)… without blame, argument, accusation or attack.

Today, let go of obsessive thoughts. Focus on improving yourself and getting out into the world so you can meet better people and find the love you deserve!

J. HIhi Copyright@2019

Why the Narcissist Says “You’re Too Sensitive!”

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One of the narcissists favorite lines is “You’re too sensitive.”

They often make that statement after passively aggressively or overtly insulting you. The narcissist labels you as too sensitive so that you drop your defenses and accept their abuse without protesting.

The narcissist wishes to dumb down his victim to the point they are so insecure and in need of validation of their own feelings that they judge their own reactions to the abuse narcissist inflict upon them.

If the narcissist says, “You’re too sensitive” repeatedly… he can rewire the victims subconscious mind to accept that false judgement.

The victim will then start to believe they are inadequate and hypersensitive. It’s an insidious form of gaslighting.

The Consequences of accepting Long-term abuse

The danger of accepting long term narcissistic abuse is it has a hypnotic effect on the victim because human beings eventually become what they hear, see and do. It is scientifically proven that our environment has the ability to change our DNA!

Similar to how a verbally abusive parent who calls their child “stupid” can mold the child into having severe learning disabilities by injecting a lack of confidence into the child’s psyche. A very intelligent child can become academically challenged by repeatedly being told they are stupid. Their parents constant banter hunts them like a ghost whispering in their ear You’re Stupid everytime they pick up a book or a pencil and it stops them from trying to learn.

Abuse can supercede your talents and gifts and turn you into a numb, dumb and zombie like spectacle of a human being.

What could be worse?

Accepting long-term narcissistic abuse can actually turn you into an emotional masochist(Someone who is addicted feeling emotional pain). This is deep. Learn more by reading my article Sadomasochism: Are You Subconsciously Addicted to Toxic Relationships?

Is that what you want for yourself? If not, take heed of the long term consequences of choosing to stay in abusive relationships.

Do you find yourself jumping from one abusive relationship to another? I can help. Sign up for 1 on 1, customized coaching today!

By J.Hihi @Copyright 2019

Sadomasochism: Are You Subconsciously Addicted to Toxic Relationships?

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“My love is toxic and you’re suicidal.”
― Ahmed Mostafa

Sadomasochism is one of the many pervasive pathologies that plagues narcissistic relationships.

Sadomasochism is about power and control. The sexual context in which it is widely known as only scratches the surface of its complex psychological makeup. In this article as it pertains to narcissistic abuse, emotional sadomasochism is the focus.

Sadism is giving pain and Masochism is receiving pain. The narcissist is considered somewhat of an emotional sadist. The victim of narcissistic abuse is the masochist.

Narcissist are both sadist and masochist.

Narcissist torture with a goal in mind unlike pure sadist who have no goal in mind except pure pleasure. Once the narcissist reaches their goal they leave the target and move on to the next.

The goal is to create the same emotional turmoil within their target that they possess within themselves. Narcissists mentally, verbally and sometimes physically abuse their target to the point that their victim is violent, self-neglecting and chronically depressed. Therefore, the narcissist doesn’t have to inflict those emotions onto them anymore because their victim is now self-sabotaging. It’s as if the narcissist is a virus ready to infect vulnerable software that doesn’t have firewalls.

A firewall is just another word for boundaries. It’s having the ability to detect malignant activity and block it from entering your dominion.

The narcissist makes his victim their own worst enemy.

If a narcissist dumps you (discards you) it means you have now taken the role to hurt yourself so they don’t have to continue hurting you. The narcissist Mission is accomplished! If you’re a masochist, you will gladly take the torch and continue to think and act in a self-defeating manner well after the narcissist leaves you.

You know you’re an emotional masochist if you find caring and loving people less sexually attractive. This falls in line with many women’s desire to lust after the Bad Boy.

Many women I’ve coached hyper focus on sexual chemistry with their narcissistic partner while purposely blinding themselves of the character flaws of their partner. They say mentally weak statements such as “But I can’t leave, the sex is too good!” Unaware that they are making themselves an object of sexual gratification rather than a women worthy of love, respect and fulfilling relationships.

Accepting the sadism and masochism dynamic of narcissistic relationships requires both the victim and the narcissist to recognize their contribution to the dysfunction of their relationship. If I could describe it as a dance it would be The Tango. And we all know… It takes TWO to tangle. 

I’ve had endless consultations in the past with women who claim to be victims of narcissistic abuse but deny their willingness to be in abusive relationships as a pathology. The common narrative most victims of narcissistic abuse believe is the helpless ideology that you cannot help who you fall in love with.

Harley Quinn: Have you ever loved someone you knew was wrong for you? Someone who hurt you over and over again but you could forgive them because losing them would hurt even more?
― Tom Taylor, Injustice: Gods Among Us, Vol. 1

Is constantly feeling pain and anxiety a sense of comfort and familiarity to you?

In most cases, I’ve come to the conclusion that most victims of narcissistic abuse possess a deep subconscious desire to be punished and as a result they subconsciously maintain a lifestyle of perpetual pain, abuse, betrayal and drama. The codependent masochist’s subliminal need to feel pain is an addiction.

A great example is Ike & Tina Turner’s relationship.

Tina was from a small town and grew up with a demanding, cruel and dominant mother who was very controlling and materialistic. That environment of toxicity and control was Tina’s comfort and familiarity. She was accustomed to taking a submissive and subservient role as a child.

When Ike Turner laid eyes on Tina, his pervasive Sadist personality was drawn to her innocent, fragile, demeanor along with her compliance to be controlled. Tina’s mother already trained her to be controlled which made Ike’s job very easy.

Ike and Tina’s mother or (Caregiver) were very much alike and built an alliance together to profit off of Tina’s masochism solely for their benefit.

There’s a saying that narcissist hunt in packs like wolves. Most victims of narcissistic abuse are targeted all at once from narcissistic in their family, at work and school.

Narcissist target individuals who will allow mistreatment and abuse. They don’t see these individuals as nice, sweet, caring and compassionate. They see them as stupid, naive and weak.

The funny thing is, women in relationships with narcissist always ask “Why doesn’t he respect me? I am loyal and I do everything he asks me to do.” That’s exactly why he doesn’t respect you. Mostly, because you don’t know the difference between being loyal and being a doormat.

Would TinaTurner classify herself as a masochist? No. Her addiction to be controlled is insidious, subconscious and a form of environmental programming. 

We’re programmed for suffering, not joy. The masochism is built in at a very early age. You’re supposed to work and suffer – and the trouble is: you believe it.
― Erica Jong, Fear of Flying

All addicts deny their addiction. Thus, the cycle continues. If you’re reading this shaking your head, it’s okay. I’ve been there, done that! Untreated mental masochism and codependency will take the victim of narcissistic abuse from one toxic relationship to the next. The victim will feel like they are too nice, they love too hard, their an empath that attracts narcissist. Or worse, they are cursed with bad luck in love. Never will they consider that they’re comfortable living in toxicity.

Some people literally cut their wrist to feel pain. However, others enter relationships that they know will bring them pain and suffering despite their being better options available. For example:

1.) Women who decide to date married men hoping one day he will leave his wife.

2.) Women who continue to pursue relationships with men who tell them they are not interested in a committed relationship but the masochist believes she can change his mind.

3.) Women who continue to date men who show blatant signs of mental, physical and emotionally abusive red flags.

4.) Women who agree to friends with benefits relationships but secretly want a committed relationship

5.) Women who willingly over sacrifice despite their partner not requiring them to and get angry when their unwarranted generosity is not reciprocated.

6.) Idealisation of their partner by overlooking their flaws and only focusing on their good qualities.

Each scenario is self-defeating, covert mechanisms of masochism.

“Ana was a perpetual victim in a never-ending search for a victimizer.”
― Travis Luedke, The Nightlife: Las Vegas

Many women I’ve coached say self-defeating statements like “The narcissist destroyed me!” No one can destroy you unless they kill you and if that was the case you wouldn’t be on my phone line complaining.

The truth is, victims of narcissistic abuse subconsciously wish to experience pain and the narcissist wants to give pain. Both are trapped in the pain body vortex and that is the epitome of the relationship dynamic of sadomasochism.

Due to a mentally, emotionally or physically abusive upbringing both narcissist and victims of narcissistic abuse feel comfort and familiarity within relationships that mimic the abusive environment of their childhood. Genetics also play a part but I will emphasize more of the genetic aspect in my upcoming book How to Defeat a Narcissist.

Below is a list of the mental narrative victims of narcissistic abuse have on replay.

NEGATIVE CORE BELIEFS that (Masochist) Victims of Narcissistic Abuse Possess.

– “I will be loved as long as I submit to the will of others.” “If I assert my independence, I will be abandoned”

– “To get love, I must please others.” “I can never say no.”

– “I must never express my negativity.” “I will hurt myself to prevent others from hurting me.”

– “If I feel too much, I will explode.”

– “I am inferior and disgusting because of my negative feelings.”

– “Life is hard and suffering unavoidable.

The victim’s over emphasis of the narcissists abuse while denying their own willingness to participate in the relationship is evident. That in of itself makes them a narcissist too! Victims of narcissist abuse become obsessed with analyzing the narcissist mind without examining their own.

The true definition of the Victim Mentality is not crying over spilled milk. Victims of crimes and abuse should be encouraged to release their pain and testimony without judgement.

However, the victim mentality pertains to individuals who repeatedly enter toxic situations or relationships that will cause them harm. This is due to the fact that the perpetual victim needs to appoint a villain so they can maintain their position as a victim. In addition, they neglect to get the help they need whether it’s traditional therapy or alternative measures to heal their trauma and break the cycle.

All victims of abuse have the responsibility to get the help they need to heal. In fact, if they don’t their victim mentality transforms into a form of narcissism. Afterall, narcissism is the inability to see fault in oneself and take the necessary steps to change.

Masochist have an inability to let go of pain even years after a relationship ends.

Healing to a masochist is counterproductive and will take away their victim card. This is why they hold onto the pain years after their relationship with the narcissist ends. They use words like “He DISCARDED me.” The word Discard is a masochistic word to self-punish and validate their inner feelings of unworthiness.

The psychological community enables healing by injecting such disturbing words when describing narcissism which in of itself is an entirely new blog topic. As a result of repeating self-sabotaging words and phrases they plague themselves with negative, self-defeating thoughts that give them anxiety and depression while blaming it ALL on the narcissist.

It doesn’t make sense to leave the narcissist if you’re going to take them with you. Carrying pain is masochistic after the grieving process. It doesn’t take years to get over a narcissist. If it does, you’re coddling that pain. You like it!

The key to healing is examining what you tolerate not conducting endless research on why narcissists are abusive.

Knowledge is power, but knowledge of self is the ultimate power because it’s impossible to change a narcissist. Therefore, focusing on changing yourself to prevent entering toxic relationships by acknowledging your own free will is imperative to overcome emotional masochism. It’s an essential step that must be taken to defeat a narcissist.

A mantra I tell most of my clients to write, recite out loud and contemplate is…

“I choose who I love. Why did I choose my partner?”

The above statement followed by the question gives the victim back their power to choose.

If you’re ready to break the cycle of your subconscious addiction to pain I can help! Be sure to read my book to be released on Feb 5, 2019 (How to Defeat a Narcissist – Available on Amazon)

Book a customized coaching session today to get on the path of healing!

Book a Coaching Session Click here

By Janell Hihi Copyright@2019

Helping Versus Enabling: Knowing the Difference to Avoid Being Used by Others.

No wants to be used. It’s an awful feeling that can trigger thoughts of unworthiness and low self-esteem.

I get this question often from my followers, “Did he/she really love me or was he just using me for XY and Z?” 

Giving without boundaries almost always creates a situation that invites leeches and psychic vampires into our lives.

Psychic vampires are not creatures from the other side hunting humanity in search of blood for survival.

Instead, psychic vampires are ordinary people who suck the life right out of you. Either they overburden others with their victim mentality by sharing sob stories seeking pity for validation. Or worse, they seek out others only to use them for their resources.

#1 Sign an Individual is a Psychic Vampire

A sure sign an individual you may be dealing with is a psychic vampire is that they have absolutely nothing to offer you but their so-called feelings. In dating situations, beware of anyone who can’t bring anything to the table but their heart.

Unfortunately, the number one reason for divorce is financial issues. Feelings are not currency and therefore bills can’t be paid on feelings alone. Relationships that are solely based on feelings usually end bitterly. Morals, values, political affiliations and yes, “Finances” pay a big role in determining the success of a relationship.

Love and feelings only makes up about 25% of relationships sustainability because feelings and emotions fluctuate. Common morals and values is the glue that keeps couples together when feelings inevitably alternate from high to low.

A leech will always suggest that your resources are used for their benefit because perhaps they are not as well off. However, the difference between a person who is not well off and a person who makes horrible financial decisions is huge.

Low income people living within their means won’t be as irresponsible. Leeches and psychic vampires are fiscally irresponsible because they are internal self proclaimed victims who seek out saviors to help them out of there dire situations.

A stay at home wife who takes pride in caring for her children, her home and the family well being is not a leech. Although her contribution is intangible, it is equally as substantial as her husbands who works to provide for the family financially. Relationships are comprised of give and take. Not just take, take, take!

They always need “Your” help. Whether it’s financing a car, buying a house, etc., However, all they can give in return is the three words, “I love you!.” If you couldn’t “help” them they wouldn’t love you. Period.

For example, they don’t have a house so they have to come to your house all the time, use all your necessities and eat all your groceries. They don’t have a car so you always need to pick them up and drop them off. They jokingly tell you what size shoe they wear as if you’ll run to the mall to buy them a pair. You cook really well so there’s no need in ever going out to eat! They offer their company and nothing else! Even worse, they have no plans to improve their lives and become financially independent.

The Ultimate Test to Determine if Someone is a Leech

Call their bluff and use reverse psychology. Tell them “I love you too! I can’t help you financially but I can give you my heart.” Offer to show them how to save money and fix their credit to buy their own house or car. Without a doubt, they will be out of your life quicker than you can blink.

Psychic vampires seek out lonely people who crave companionship over anything else. People are desperate for friendships and relationships who willingly overextend themselves to help grown men and women are prime targets for leeches.

Helping Versus Enabling

There is nothing wrong with helping people. However, we need to define what helping another grown-up means. Helping someone is not doing something for them. Helping an adult is showing them by example how to be successful and pointing them to the right resources to assist them in their endeavors.

How are we truly helping them by doing for them what we can teach them how to do for themselves?

Enabling a leech is giving up your time, energy and resources without teaching them the “how to do it themselves” methods or demanding a return on your investment. There is no reciprocity. The underlying issues which made the individual a leech in the first place remain unresolved and their bad habits are continued.

Regardless if it’s someone your dating, your child, a sibling, coworker or friend, help them help themselves, so they can grow and never need to ask for help again.

Sincerely yours,

Author J. Hihi

Healing From Narcissistic Abuse

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He hurt you. You grieved, fussed, complained and cried.It’s over. Is it time to let go and move forward?

Are you afraid to let him go or let go of the pain?

Letting go of him is the easy part, letting go of the awful ways in which he hurt you is the difficult part.

Staying attached to the pain is a form of self-punishment. Victims of abuse believe that holding on to pain is them not letting their ex partner off the hook so easily. However, it’s the opposite… Victims of abuse are so accustomed to feeling pain, anxiety and punishment that when the relationship ends with the narcissist they go on continuing to hurt and abuse themselves with thought and behavior patterns that perpetuate self-sabotage.

I’ve coached so many women who are complacent in their pain. Gripped by it’s confines because feeling pain is their new normal.

Feeling pain is their comfort zone. Whether it started in their childhood and resurfaced in their adult relationships, it’s there. It’s palpable.

Their palate is accustomed to the familiar taste of pain. They are afraid to grow past it. To use it for their rise rather than sulking in it.

The best advise I can give to women healing from mental and emotional abuse is to do one thing everyday that scares you.

You’re no longer broken hearted after you’ve grieved… you’re afraid!

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” – deuteronomy 31-6.

Religious or not, call it God, the universe or divine energy. Cling on to whatever you believe in to get you out of your place of fear. You’re not alone!

Practice being more courageous in your own life until bravery becomes a habit.

What can you do today that will take you out of your comfort zone? The more you explore other spaces to be in the faster your heart will learn to love again. We go back, we replay stories in our head and re-experience trauma because walking through a new door is so frightening.

Ask yourself this “Are still in love with your ex or are you just afraid to move forward with your life?”

Remember…

The price of anything is the amount of life we exchange for it.

– Henry David Thoreau

How many more days will you spend reliving the past instead tasting the sweet nectar of the future?

It’s time to…

Let

It

Go!

By Janell Hihi @Copyright2018

The Female Ego Exaggerates The Power of Sex

Unfortunately, society only emphasizes the size of the male ego which distracts from the fact that the female ego is equally inflated, if not more so.

The female ego exaggerates the power of sex. In other words, the ego puts too much emphasis on the quality of sex creating a false equivalency between love and sexual intimacy.

Beyonce’s hit song “Ego” actually praises attributes of the female ego. Often times, the male ego is criticized and looked down upon. Women who work very hard on their appearance confuse an over-emphasis on their looks with self-confidence. The truth is, self confidence is an attitude that eloquently expresses “I accept myself and I am enough as I am.”

Being incredibly physically attractive will draw men in however keeping them is accomplished by a mastery of mentalism.

Mature women understand that their looks is only one third of their total package.

However, all women, regardless of how overly identified they may be with their ego believe that their femininity and sexual prowess give them hypnotic power over a man in the longterm. Instead, the opposite effect occurs because men can see through the smoke screen and the more sexually expressive a women is at the very beginning of a relationship with a man, the more suspicious he will become of her intentions and overall character.

In the short-term seducing a man by engaging in sexual activity with him too soon may appear to have some minuscule affect on him. Unfortunately, the effect is like a sugar rush or a temporary high from a drug. Once he comes down from the high, a women’s so-called sexual power fades rather quickly.

Unfortunately, some women have sex with men too soon because their ego misleads them into thinking their sexual skills will lock down a man and keep him interested.

Regardless of how great the chemistry may be, women look at sex as a way to keep a man and men look at sex as a way to scratch an itch and keep it moving.

Women who are in their masculine energy see sex as a free-will, go with the flow, “If it feels right do it,” mentality instead of seeing herself as a prize to be earned.

The same women who preach they have a “Free will” to haves sex and see what happens next are the same women in my inbox crying because they were ghosted. In one instance they preach going with the flow and letting sex happen naturally without an agenda. In the other instance they get very angry, sad and depressed when they don’t get a call back from the guy they had sex with on the second date.

I noticed these women have hidden expectations that don’t come to the surface until their casual sex expeditions don’t end the way they secretly wanted them too. These women really want love but are too identified in their ego. Instead of having the confidence to be assertive and tell a man that they’re looking for a relationship, they act aloof and indifferent to the idea of having a relationship.

The ego creates passive, aggressive and erratic behavior patterns in women because the ego is the instigator in the fight between her heart and her mind.

The ego makes the women believe all she has to offer is her body and her body is therefore over emphasized in value. She believes once she “Puts it on him” he’ll be hooked on her forever. The audacity!

As if casual sex isn’t as easy for a man as it for a women in today’s society. For every “free will, go with the flow, ride or die chick” willingly participating in casual sex with no strings attached, there’s a women who is not identified with her ego who will make a man invest in her before she sleeps with him. This is the women he is secretly and eagerly pursing.

How do you know if you’re too identified with your ego?

  1. You hate to lose more than you love to win. Being ghosted hurts your ego more than it hurts your heart if you say to yourself things like “But the sex was so good I had him calling out my name, how could he ghost me?”
  2. You let compliments get to your head. If you find yourself extra giddy and happy when you receive a compliment from your crush it’s your ego receiving validation and gratification. If you’re blind-sighted to the games men play because you’re infatuated by his flattery you’ll fail to see his true intentions.
  3. You talk about yourself for 10 minutes before asking another how they are.  An unwillingness to engage in a mutual conversation is the ego’s fight to be heard. If your partner know more about you than you know about them it’s not that their less willing to share. It’s that your unwilling to listen and ask inquisitive questions due to a preoccupation with yourself and your own thoughts and interests.
  4. You’re too defensive. If you easily feel attacked by other people it’s a sign of insecurity and an inflated ego. It’s easy to take it personally when people simply differ in opinion. Constructive criticism is more insulting than destructive criticism and you have a laundry list of excuses for all of your actions.
  5. You stopped learning. If you don’t read books because you think you already know everything, you’re too identified with your ego. Trying new things is nonsense to you and the only activities that interest you are superficial and material.
  6. A Sense of Entitlement. You think you’re more special than most people. Everyone is special in their own right but you believe that God gave you a better gift than everyone else. You’ve been anointed like a prophet therefore people should automatically see your worth and treat you like a queen because like Jesus, there’s just something powerful about you and you only!
  7. You can’t comprehend rejection. It takes women with huge egos forever to get over a break up. Why? Because they think they’re so special that no man in his right mind would ever leave them. If they see their ex with another women that they deem less attractive than them, they won’t be able to get over the fact that he “downgraded” not understanding that a women has much more than looks to offer a man. She is unable to comprehend that there are other great women in the world besides herself. Instead of focusing on her own life the women with an inflated ego obsessively compares herself to other women.
  8. You competes with everyone. The ego wants to compare itself with everyone both male and female. The comparison leads to competition. Women with big egos feel a  need to appear better than everyone else. This is why she is intolerable to be around. She constantly needs attention to feed her ego and validation from others that she is as great as she believes herself to be.

Listen, you’re not Rihanna, Sex with you i s not amazing (Listen to that song) and it won’t show a man your value. He won’t get hooked on you because there’s good chemistry. Sex is good most of the time, but it’s best between two people who took the time to get to know each other and love each other.

So get your head out of your vagina and work on being his main course not just dessert.

By Janell Hihi @Copyright2018

Never Date the Guy Who Doesn’t Believe in Anything

Beware of the guy who doesn’t believe in ANYTHING.

He’s deceiving because he comes off as very liberal, free-thinking and unconcerned with tradition, trends and societal norms.

He’s that guy who will protest for any cause and pose as a champion for equality, human rights, environmental concerns, animal rights, women’s rights and gun control.

However, the extent of his activism never goes beyond holding up signs at protest, wearing hats shaped like vaginas and posting political memes on Facebook that gives him attention so he can waste hours or even days engaged in debates.

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You won’t see him writing bills to present to congress or running for office. That requires real action, conviction, commitment and passion. All of which he lacks!

Basically, the “I don’t believe in anything” guy is a covert narcissist at best who is more concerned with appearing liberal and fair instead of actually being liberal, just, and fair in real life!

He claims he doesn’t believe in religion but his religion, in fact, is Impression Management! He lives to make impressions instead of actually developing his character.

He comes off as a very concerned citizen who cares about the livelihood of everyone and everything. In the beginning it’s attractive, but overtime it’s an incredibly feminine attribute most women will eventually find repulsive.

Unfortunately, all of his free spirited beliefs will limit how far your relationship with him will progress.

If you ask him about marriage. He will tell you he doesn’t believe in marriage. He’ll say the divorce rate is too high, marriage is dead, marriage is bondage, and marriage is reserved strictly for religious purposes.

If you’re lucky he may even reveal that he believes marriage is only for the benefit of women and puts men at risk of losing everything.

Unfortunately, a quick Google search could debunk his irrational fears. Dozens of studies show that married men earn between 10 and 50 percent more than their unmarried peers and accumulate more wealth overtime despite multiple divorces!

U.S. Census Bureau data bear this out. Full-time median income for married men ages 18-64 years old in 2011 was $55,958, as compared to $40,489 for married women, $34,634 for single men and $32,593 for single women, according to the Current Population Survey 2012 Annual Social and Economic Supplement.

Besides, with prenuptial agreements, any man claiming their afraid of marriage because they fear losing everything they worked for is likely just full of shit.

The truth underneath all that hot air is that he does not want to be a provider nor does he want to be responsible for a family or feel pressured under the commitment of marriage.

He’s a proud feminist. He believe women and men are the same, despite the fact that women still don’t make as much money as men in the same professions. He’ll expect a women to provide 50/50 or take care him 100%.

His philosophy is simple. If men can do it, women can do it. If men work, women work. If a man can lift 100 pounds, a women should lift 100 pounds…

Men and women are not the same. Neither gender is better than the other, we are just different. Males and females have different strengths and weaknesses but liberal, beta males put new age theories over the system nature already established simply for their own benefit!

The atheist, liberal, new age, Namaste, hippie is the worst relationship partner.

He will convince a girl to have unprotected sex with him because it feels organic and then when he gets her pregnant he will evade any responsibility. He believes in going with the flow, not going with morals and standards. He thinks values, standards and expectations are conservative. When in fact, standards and values have nothing to do with conservatism or liberalism, it pertains to one’s character.

Since he is pro choice and believes in abortion he will drop his girlfriend or fuck buddy off at the abortion clinic and make her take an Uber back home after he demands her to get an abortion because he’s not ready to have kids. He wants all the benefits of unprotected and uncommitted sex but wants to pay none of the consequences.

He will talk about her to his friends and call her irresponsible for allowing herself to get pregnant as if he didn’t contribute his sperm willingly.

He’s always ready to have unprotected sex with any women who is willing. After all, he is a free spirit and shouldn’t have to answer to anyone! Especially a women.

He supports planned parenthood but won’t utilize the free birth control they offer.

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This type of man only believes in ideologies that will allow him to escape responsibility. He’s a closet narcissist. He’s not pro choice because he loves women, he’s pro choice so that he can have unprotected sex and use abortion as a form of birth control instead of putting on a condom.

He doesn’t believe in titles.

He doesn’t want to be a boyfriend or a husband unless there’s a direct tangible benefit. He wants to be absolutely free from commitment because commitment is responsibility. He will expect boyfriend treatment without giving a woman the girlfriend title. It’s always something for nothing with this type of guy.

He believes single mothers are not worthy dating prospects yet he creates baby mamas by refusing to wear condoms and refusing to get married. Contradictory to say the least.

This is exactly why he might just have a baby mama that he owes over $10,000 in back pay for child support. If he doesn’t have kids, I assure you if he is not fixed that there is at least 3 ex girlfriends who’ve had multiple abortions for him.

He has no problem creating a single mother by having unprotected sex with a women he has no plans to be with… If she gets pregnant and doesn’t have an abortion he will have no problem ignoring her and the child for the rest of his life.

He’ll often post his check stubs on social media showing how much money child support took out of his check and complain that the money is going towards his baby mama’s hair and nails. It’s really pathetic!

He will make a vow to himself not to ever date a single mother because they are not compliant to abortion demands from their boyfriends. He will berate the single mother for not getting married before she had kids, and in the same breath express his opinion as to why he thinks the institution of marriage is stupid.

He thinks women should be able have children unwed if they want to and he believes there is nothing wrong with single parent households because women can handle raising a family all on their own without a man’s help!

He will often say things like, “Obama was raised by a single mother.” Which isn’t true, his grandparents practically raised him.

Single mothers are the most impoverished women in America. Married women are ten times better off. Not just for financial reasons. We all know two incomes is better than one. Married women have emotional support and assistance in raising their children.

Children from single family homes are more likely to end up in prison. How is raising a child alone a benefit to anyone?

We all end up paying for single parents through taxes because most need help. Beta males who are unwilling to be providers force the government and tax payers to fit the bill.

Ladies, don’t waste your time with that overly liberal guy who doesn’t have a backbone and is allergic to responsibility. If he doesn’t believe in anything but having the free will to have sex with everyone and avoid responsibility, what kind of husband will he make?

Oh wait, he doesn’t believe in marriage. So what type of boyfriend will he be?

He’s designated himself to the title of a fuck boy for life. Date a man who believes in something that benefits the union of men, women, family values, responsibility and commitment.

By Janell Hihi @Copyright 2018