Juggling Knives

They are too determined in their game to win. Relentless in their pursuit to oppress the oppressed until they are pressed into some block, like a cell… invisible.

I am stretched beyond the yoga of Nirvana locked into scarcity

Trying to make crumbs into a loaf of bread – singled out, single black female…

A tapered loneliness covered in photos on my wall

The other half of me is not here with me

And the substitutes won’t due

Artificial sweeteners never measure up to honey.

The blackness they hate

I

still

love.

By Janell Hihi Copyright@2017

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If It’s Meant to Be it Will Be or If You Want It Go Get It?

well wisher

I believe when people say, “If it’s meant to be it will be,” they use it as a cliche’ cop-out.

It’s a way for people who refuse to grow and admit the truth to rationalize everything in life from break ups, getting fired, not getting a job, not closing a deal, etc.,

They get an easy out without going into depth about why they really left, how they didn’t put in enough work to keep their job or how they failed to close a deal because their weak follow up game.

Not wanting to be the bearer of bad news by just being honest with themselves and others is what keeps passive people spewing out that toxic phrase.

It’s an incredibly rude and insensitive thing to say to people who are going through hard times. No one wants to hear, “Sorry for your lose, he’s in a better place now.” After someone dies.

Like, really? How would you know if it’s a better place? Have you been there? Fuck out my face!

Or when you get divorced or have a miscarriage passive people say, “It just wasn’t meant to be.” Trying to process a loss and hearing those 6 gut wrenching words is not okay.

Instead say something like, “I am so sorry, I am here if you need anything,” Is more socially acceptable.

Saying, “Well, it just wasn’t meant to be” is a positive indication of a person who lacks personal responsibility. Instead of just saying I chose the wrong partner or I was always late to work because I never planned ahead, is being honest with yourself and others.

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It’s not that it wasn’t meant to be, you just didn’t want it bad enough. And that’s okay. Let’s just be adults and keep it real. Miss me with that tired ass phrase lazy people use to dodge responsibility.

Recently, I wrote an article regarding why I hate passive, beta males.

Men who confuse chasing with pursuing, and have major insecurities that give them a timid and hesitant demeanor that most woman I’ve surveyed find very unattractive.

This article is somewhat of a general follow up. I would like to pose this question to my readers:

Are you more likely to say If it’s meant to be it will be?  or Are you more likely to use the phrase, If you want it go get it?”

If you are more likely to say “If it’s meant to be it will be,” You take a more passive and reserved approach to life in general. This is not a bad thing. It just means you believe in the universe, fate, the flow and what is meant to be yours will fall into your lap.

This fate based approach to life has its pros and cons.

You may not be very good in sales. Ambitious people don’t believe if it’s meant to be it will be. They just manifest and make things happen.

Similar to people who complain about being single but don’t take initiative to go out and meet people. They believe the right person will come when it’s meant for them to come and they don’t have to put in any effort.

This doesn’t mean they beat a dead horse. It means they do the work to show interest, build and develop and if it all falls apart they are not discouraged. Go getters get up and try again, improving their approach and technique. They don’t sulk in resentment and self-pity.

A go getter will never be left contemplating the question, “What if I did more?” or “What if I showed her that I cared in more ways?” Nah. Assertive, ambitious people try and exercise all possibilities before giving up.

That’s why when they walk away they are not sad and depressed. They feel good because they did everything they could. A beta male or fateful person walks away before the chapter is finished.

Chasing someone is pursuing someone who is showing you zero interest. They constantly cancel dates, respond to text messages 24 to 48 hours later, and when they finally meet with you they are inattentive, late and mentally absent. Go getters don’t pursue people who show zero interest. They move on.

Go getters want a return on their investment. Go with the flow, passive people want the other person to do all the work. That’s the fundamental difference.

The go getter at work follows up on leads daily, the passive, “If it’s meant to be it will be,” individual calls the lead once, never follows up and doesn’t care.

They don’t “force,” sales. Whatever the hell that is supposed to mean. Their tiny paychecks is proof of their dependence on the Universe to deliver. Sad!

Passive individuals may hold back when they should move forward boldly and confidently. Taking initiative to them makes them feel like they are being pushy and pressuring other people.

Passive people easily go along with other’s agenda’s because other people’s efforts makes them feel secure.

The major issue with this approach is you may base your efforts on the other persons efforts that your involved with.

If they don’t compliment you, then you won’t compliment them. If they don’t text you first, you won’t text them ever again. If they don’t ask you to hang out, you won’t ask them to hang out.

If they don’t go down on you, then you won’t go down on them. Sex with passive people sucks! They are too dependent on what you do and how much you show you care before they make any moves on their own.

It’s borderline codependent. Yet, they think taking a backseat to everything all the time makes them appear strong and confident. Nah, they look like pussies.

If you want it go get it!

The freedom in this phrase is undeniable. Do we get everything we go after? No! But do we learn a ton in the process? Yes!

The fruit of knowledge is in the journey not in the destination.

The number one regret on the death beds of many is that they regret they didn’t follow their dreams and love harder!

Who wants to live their lives everyday knowing that they are pre-destined to a certain fate and they can’t do anything about it but let it play out?

Not me! That’s a delusional way to live. Free will and choice does play a part to a certain extent. The only time it doesn’t is when people are faced with systematic oppression and that’s another blog.

They didn’t pay enough attention, show enough affection and they didn’t risk enough to win! They never reconciled differences, resolved grudges nor did they have the courage to ask those they’ve hurt for forgiveness.

Nothing risked, nothing gained. Is your soul’s bank account drained?

What approach do you take and why? Please comment below, “like” and share.

Namaste

J. Hihi Copyright@2017

14 Reasons why I hate Beta Males

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Generally, I do not get along very well with passive people. Being an alpha female, beta males just don’t do it for me.

Since I have no interest in controlling a man, and I’d much rather let a man be a man, beta males are too passive in nature to ever appeal to my straight forward, and very assertive personality type.

Straight forward people enjoy the company of other straight forward people. If you are too passive, you can pass your ass along to the next female. If a man is waiting for me to pursue him, or be an aggressor in moving a relationship forward, he will be waiting forever.

If he pursues, I respond with excitement and appreciation. If he doesn’t pursue, nothing will happen. This is because my femininity doesn’t have a desire to pursue. I do have a desire to be pursued. That’s about it!

This is partly due to my home environment as a child. My father was an alpha male, and I find it very difficult to look for a man who doesn’t have that alpha, take charge, type of attitude.

For women who grew up with a more passive father, she may have witnessed her mother taking charge and internalized that as a normal relationship dynamic. This is okay too. There is somebody for everybody.

Beta males have an over abundance of female friends they orbit hoping to get lucky with one of them one day.

Beta’s fail to understand that the friendship never turns into romance because they don’t know how to initiate intimacy and properly pursue a woman. In fact, most of them confuse pursuing with chasing. Poor little pea brains!

Most beta males put themselves in the friend zone because they are afraid of a deeper connections.

If you are not sure if a beta male will light your fire or burn it out, check out the 14 most common signs of a beta male below.

1.  – Beta, passive aggressive males tend to be smart but will be condescending if he notices you’re his intellectual equal or superior.

2. Beta males hate to hear you talk about your accomplishments. It’s like hearing nails scrape across a chalk board. Every thing you accomplished in life is a threat to his ego and his existence. He may even mock you in conversation to show in a passive aggressive way that he really doesn’t care.

3. Will sulk in self-pity for being single yet he is so unrealistically picky, for the most trivial reasons, no women measures up to his grandiose idea of what she should be. Although he is very average looking, and tends to be on the shorter side of the male height spectrum, his standards surpass what he is able to give in return.

He lies about his height adding 3-4 inches. When you see him in person it’s almost comical. Like, you didn’t tell me you were 5’5 and balding!

Women aren’t the only one’s manipulating pictures, beta males do it all the time!

4. They expect women to always make the first move and move things forward. Beta males don’t pursue. This is another reason they are ALWAYS single. They want women calling them and chasing them like they’re the prize.

5. He will never be direct about what he wants. Regardless if it’s dinner plans, picking a movie to watch, whether or not he likes you, etc., He is indirect, he will tap dance around every little thing and still not say what he means. He has poor communication. Most of his relationships have failed miserably because of it.

He is also very defensive. He’s the type that will tell you something sad then get defensive when you make a supportive statement.

Beta male: “I’m worried about the results of the test.”

Normal woman: “I’m sure you’ll pass, just keep hoping for the best.”

Beta male: Ummm I’m good I always hope for the best. I’m not that worried just slightly concerned. I know I’ll pass the test I was just throwing all possibilities out there. I’ll do just fine, and thanks.

(Notice how he makes 3 contradicting thoughts in one sentence, now that’s how you know a person is not dealing with a full deck.)

Normal woman is thinking: “Why is this 5’5 balding midget getting defensive about a supportive statement I made?

Because he hides his insecurity behind defensiveness. He’s so delusional he takes kind words and morphs them into personal attacks on himself. He also tries too hard to be funny to overcompensate for his loss of hair, height and microscopic penis.

6. He has a weak ass handshake or half-ass hug  upon meeting you.  Like limp wristed, dainty, maybe just slips the tips of his fingers into your hand, handshake. This makes me cringe!

7. He’s scared to touch women. Again, the woman has to lean in and give him a kiss. It’s just awkward. He’s scared of many things, and touching a woman is a huge hurdle for him. Being truly intimate is hard for him, he has been friend-zoned more than the average man. He has tons of female friends, but no girlfriends, ever! Sometimes a woman wants a man to pull her hair gently and give her a passionate kiss, but beta males just don’t get it!

8. He’s too accommodating and generally let woman sail the ship. Everything SHE wants he bends to make it happen. I’d get bored with a beta in 5.2 seconds, like really? Grow some balls and tell me “No!” Even Siri is has more of a back bone than a beta male.

9. Gets hung up over rejection. It takes a beta male every bit of energy he has to ask a girl out and if it doesn’t workout he sulks internally. He literally hates putting himself out there and expressing interest is very hard for him to do because he takes rejection too personally.

10. He’s a neoliberal. Nothing worse than a fake champion for humanity. He believes in justice so people can like him more. He is too liberal about everything! A normal person has some bias. It’s unrealistic not to have a spec of bias. He believes people should be able to marry animals. He’s so far left, I can’t see him. He will never be in my view for a potential partner. Ever!

11. They always ask, “Where do you want to go?” Like damn! Why do I have to decide. Download Yelp and find a restaurant with good reviews and just tell me where were going. As long as we have fun it doesn’t matter anyways. No lady wants to brainstorm about where to go on a date for 20 minutes on the phone. Wow, use Google! The beta is always on social media so he shouldn’t have a problem looking for recommendations.

Alpha males post 40% less than beta males. Since beta males are in their feminine they are always posting selfies, trying to be witty to attention and talk to damn much to be masculine.

They are too damn nonchalant. Like there is no fire in them. They answer most questions like, “I don’t know, whatever you think is best.” Damn, you don’t have an opinion? Yawn.

They are stoic and stiff in passionate moments and happy, humorous and outgoing in moments where silence or serious conversation between adults is required. Stating that beta males are socially awkward is an understatement.

12. Beta males are liars. Telling the truth is an alpha move, it’s a hard thing to do. Of course beta males are incapable of handling anything difficult in life and would rather take the short cut. Be prepared to find out many white lies. Lies that were not even worth lying about. It’s immature, pathetic and unnecessary drama.

13. They panic when something goes wrong. They keep Xanax in their car. They lack rational problem solving skills. When something goes wrong they sweat, pace back and forth, call their female friends to complain, choose someone to blame, act violently against soft targets like woman, children, handicap or elderly. They cry too. More than the average man. They resemble a raging toddler. It’s pretty pathetic and I just can’t!

14. He takes a woman out of her feminine. Beta males want women to be the masculine aggressor. They have everything twisted and confused. Maybe they lacked a father figure. A woman cannot feel like a woman with a beta male because she always has to be in charge, always has to plan everything and she must always try to read between his blurred line. His constant need for validation is exhausting.

Most conversations with beta males start with the woman in his life asking, “What’s wrong?” He is sulking, giving her the silent treatment and acting like a grown ass kid afraid to tell a grown ass woman what it is. I’ll pass. Masculine women looking for beta males, you’re lucky! There are plenty of them out there waiting for you to take charge!

By Janell Hihi Copyright@2017

The Story of O.J by Jay Z is Not That Deep. A Quick Fact Check Tells You Another Story.

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The Story of O.J or the Story of a Hypocrite?

Jay-Z, the Sagittarius born rapper, and businessman certainly knows how to make the right moves to earn an abundance of revenue. However, just because he knows how to make money doesn’t earn him my devotion or respect.

If you’re praising people based on how much money they make, without fully investigating how they make their money, please check your morals and values at the door!

I have purchased almost all Jay Z’s music in the past, including a recent membership to his music subscription service Tidal just to listen to his newest album 444.

Of course, there was a lot of hype around the album based on its political overtones and unsolicited business advice. But after watching the phenomenal  Yvette Carnell Show on YouTube, my original thought that the album is okay but not great, was confirmed.

I realized that the messages popular artist like Jay-Z put out into the mainstream creeps into the psyche of our youth giving them ideas and beliefs about how the world works. The most popular reaction to Jay Z’s 444 album is, “Jay-Z is giving away million dollar game.” Ummm no! Not really.

Jay-Z tells all the hustlers out there to save the money they make dealing drugs to the people in their community, destroying lives in the process, and then buy the neighborhood and rinse it. When has this ever happened?

So basically the only way to earn capital as a black man is to sell drugs. This is partially true since the average black American has NO access to wealth or capital.

The question is who are these drug dealers selling drugs to? Your cousin, your auntie, and your brother. Destroying the lives of the children and families in their communities in the process.

I guess it’s justifiable because the drug dealer will eventually buy all the property in the community, so the lives destroyed by drugs is a fragment you can charge to the game.

Y’all stay woke. This is buffoonery.

Jay-Z-OJ

However, the chances of getting caught and thrown into a prison that is warehousing millions of black men is very high. And the drug game is dirty you may not make it out alive.

Instead of encouraging us to work hard to change our politics so that we have access to wealth, Jay-Z recommends illegal activity. How is that enlightening?

“You wanna know what’s more important than throwin’ away money at a strip club? Credit
You ever wonder why Jewish people own all the property in America? This how they did it” Jay Z

Jews are mostly white. In addition, Jews received billions of dollars in reparations from Germany for the Holocaust. They moved to the United States and used that money to invest. While investing they received the privilege of being white which gave them access to capital and non-predatory lending from banks.

Oh wait, The United States Federal Reserve is owned by the Jewish Rothschild family. Of course, in a well-knit Jewish community, obtaining credit shouldn’t be a problem. Jay-Z is basically saying that African American, descendants of slaves have the same access to credit and capital as Jews.

We don’t even have communities. We are redlined, gentrified and locked out at every angle. Our neighborhoods are filled with liquor stores, Pay Day Loan shops and Fried fish and chicken joints owned by Arabs. 

How can we compete with Jewish people who have thriving communities?

This couldn’t be further from the truth considering the fact that Jews received over $100 billion dollars in reparations from the German Government. How much in reparations did African American slave survivors and their descendants receive from The United States Government? NOTHING.

Nothing for slavery, and nothing for 100 years of the domestic terrorism of Jim Crow. Comparing blacks to Jews is like comparing Organic Apples to a Processed Twinkie. Not even in the same food group.

That’s how the Jews did it. They received reparations and they are mainly white!

Jay Z please do some research before spewing out lyrical bullshit. It’s an insult to my intelligence and the “woke” African American community as a whole.

Before you internalize a lyric from any rap song, fact check it with data. Just because Jay-Z said it doesn’t mean it’s true.

Jay-Z is capitalizing off the trend of consciousness to appear awakened. Meanwhile, Rap Artist like Nas and Tupac were talking about the real issues affecting our communities 20 plus years ago. That being said, Jay-Z had to reach the age of 50 to have even a little common sense? He hasn’t even reached the peak of his maturity. Only monetarily he is succeeding and I’m not shallow enough to believe that his ability to make money somehow makes him the enlightened one.

That being said, Jay-Z had to reach the age of 50 to have even a little common sense? He hasn’t even reached the peak of his maturity. Only monetarily he is succeeding and I’m not shallow enough to believe that his ability to make money somehow makes him the enlightened one.

What’s so profound about suggesting we invest in residential and commercial real estate? Every day, millions of people are solicited to go to a real estate investing seminar to learn how to make money investing in properties.

Just because we hear about great investment ideas, doesn’t mean we have the means to cooperate in those opportunities.

Being that I have a background in mortgage and real estate, Jay-Z stating he should have purchased a building but he didn’t, and now he regrets it because it’s 5 times the amount it was worth 10 years ago, is not a profound lyric to me.

Jay-Z has built substantial wealth. He now has the means to buy buildings in impoverished neighborhoods. He can use his capital to restore at least one black community. Why isn’t he? Unless these efforts are underway and I am not aware of it, please enlighten me in the comments below.

Plenty of African Americans have dreams they can’t manifest. Not because they lack the education or work ethic, but because they lack the “access” to capital, social connections and generational wealth, to do so.

In addition, if you’re an optimistic entrepreneur who just happens to be African American and you got hyped up with motivation to finally apply for that SBA business loan, please keep in mind that the SBA only approved 1% of loans submitted by black entrepreneurs in 2016.

Good luck!

Check out an article I wrote a few months ago that explains that black Americans start more businesses than any other race in America but lack the capital to turn them from single sole proprietor firms to larger scale corporations. 

We’ve always had the drive to strive towards entrepreneurship but there are systematic obstacles, Jay-Z fails to acknowledge in this song that hinders our success.

Jay-Z is doing a great job promoting “self-motivation” and entrepreneurship” while he conveniently leaves out the data that totally opposes his so-called profound and enlightening advice.

If you don’t have a million dollars to buy a painting, the lyric about how art appreciates should mean nothing to you in your everyday struggle.

And that poses the next question, what class of people is Jay-Z giving this advice to? Certainly not me, my aunt Lisa who makes only $40,000 a year or my cousin Joe who served his time in prison but can’t find a job with a decent wage to support himself.

It appears Jay-Z is giving advice to other rappers who he criticizes are wasting their money they earned on advances from record labels they will have to pay back. Nothing he says applies to my everyday life. After some investigating, that lyric is contradictory due to the fact that Jay-Z himself gives his own artist advances.

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Y’all out here still takin’ advances, huh?
Me and my niggas takin’ real chances, uh
” Jay-Z

Jay-Z gave Kanye West a very large advance for exclusively putting his album on Tidal to help Tidal gain more subscribers. So Jay-Z is giving out advances to artist but in the same breath, he is criticizing artist who take advances from record labels?

An article on TMZ sums it up perfectly:

“The $20 million Jay-Z  fronted Kanye West was NOT a gift — as Jay insinuated on his album 4:44 — it was all part of Live Nation’s deal with ‘Ye.

Sources with direct knowledge of Jay and Kanye’s business relationship tell TMZ, the $20 million was a payout advance which could also cover expenses — including the floating stage — for Kanye’s “Saint Pablo Tour.”  The money is sometimes used to cover various production costs and staff.

It’s actually standard for artists at Kanye’s level to get such an advance.  It’s part of the deal.

Jay certainly made it sound like he and Roc Nation gifted Kanye the dough.  In the song, “Kill Jay Z” Jay raps …

“But you got hurt because you did cool by ‘Ye // You gave him 20 million without blinkin’ // He gave you 20 minutes on stage, f*** was he thinkin’? // ‘F*** wrong with everybody?’ is what you sayin’ // But if everybody’s crazy, you’re the one that’s insane.”

I find it hard to have high interest in music I can’t relate to that is based on hypocritical and fictitious dialogue. 

As Antonio Moore said, “Data matters!” Check out his excellent analysis on YouTube. He is an Attorney, a writer and a real soldier in the struggle.

By Janell Hihi Copyright@2017

 

 

 

Keepers of The Light

 

Final Shots for Manipulated Light and Power Series
Final Shots for Manipulated Light and Power Series

The suppression of light denies it’s existential right to shine upon what hides in fear of being highlighted by that blazing, neon fury of getting to the bottom of surfaces masked with theory, conditioning.

Slow absorbing particles of articles that lurk in the darkness, making my cocoa into chocolate, as unpure as the hormone filled milk mixed to make your Milk Way so delicious. Is good really good?

She plays hide in seek behinds systems, cloaked in robes, sending men to warehouses to be tucked away into that oblivion which perverts my black into something sinister.

She lies naked in soiled beds with me, baptizing in my sweat but she won’t draw her weaponry of privilege to gain me even a spectacle of opportunity.

Her supremacy comes before her God, but she goes to church faithfully. I get superficial light from her that feeds my ego and rapes my soul.

I craved solar light infused with fire, youthfully riding the earth to reach the g-spot of my equator. Not the dim light she emitted like a dying bulb in a musty basement bathroom.

Her real light is given through her vote only to her own tribe despite the fact that I make her sing in orgasm and smile from genuine giggles only a belly laugh has the nourishment to invoke.

I hoped my kindness would provoke reciprocation but she dangled my climax like a carrot in my face – and like a silly rabbit, I chase. A race without a finish line. Running in the dark without light.

Nothing about what corrupts the dark is fictitious. My black was non-mythical until they wrote the stories, attached the records and gentrified it’s habitats at the peak of it’s thriving.

Blinding light is what has us all in a chokehold, gasping for air and fighting blindly because we can’t see.

Are you among them? The keepers of the light. Who swallow it just so they don’t have to share it with others. Who sells it for shares? Who manipulates it into other knock-off forms, bootlegging life?

Who won’t use it to look beneath the 50 shades of black stacked with generations of pain plagued in each membrane of the DNA passed along like a bucket of chicken at Ray Ray’s family picnic?

What has been passed along to me is suffrage uncorrected by those who inflicted it. Point the light into the depth of my dark and swim in it until you get the nucleus of truth oceans deep, where your ancestors hid it. Truth is the treasure that awaits you to create the bridge to unification. Where you can replenish all that you have taken away from us.

By Janell Hihi @Copyright 2017

When a Narcissist Insults you or Tries to Bait You With An Argument, Do This!

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Narcissist are insidious manipulators. They can get under your skin by disguising insults, giving you compliments with sadistic smirks on their face, or suddenly start ignoring for no reason.

The narcissist craves for you to ask them, “Why are you acting strange, what’s wrong?”

Just so they can reply with, “Nothing!” And a shoulder shrug to dismiss themselves before you start asking more questions.

Narcissist want unsolved problems to exist within their relationships because it fuels the toxic environment that will eventually strip away your virtues, your patience, and inner peace.

The narcissist wishes to keep their victim in an anxious state. They never want you to be able to calculate or predict their next attack on you.

If you are in a state of anxiety with a narcissist and can’t seem to find your way out of the fog, I have a solution.

Everything the narcissist says and does is bait to drag you down further into their inner hell.

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Fight back with the 6 proven techniques below:

  1. Remain Unreactive: Act as if you didn’t see what they did or hear what they said. Act completely oblivious. They may try harder to bait you for a reaction but keep acting as if you don’t notice and remain unbothered. To release your pain confide in a close friend or family member. Just don’t give the narc the satisfaction of seeing you sad.
  2. Answer every question with a question: This will annoy anyone, especially a narcissist. If a narcissist asks you a demeaning question, never, ever, answer it. Ask them why they asked that question? Then ask them what answer do they expect? Then ask them what motivated them to ask the question? Then ask them why they are asking so many questions. But never, answer the original question. This way, the narcissist is stuck explaining why they asked you a question and you stay unengaged, and you don’t take the bait.
  3. When the narcissist gives you the silent treatment write them letters. Write the letter very sloppy so they don’t understand a single word written. Leave some of the letters on sticky notes and stick them to the fridge or bathroom mirror. Sooner or later they will ask what the hell you wrote in the letter and shazam! The silent treatment is broken. If you don’t live with them, send them a letter in the mail with sloppy handwriting and keep quiet until they ask you about the letter. This works like a charm! If they still ignore you, ignore them back and focus on yourself. Catch up with your friends, hang out and keep posting all your fun pictures on social media. He will realize sooner rather than later the silent treatment isn’t going to work on you.
  4. When they blatantly insult you reply with “Oh stop, you don’t even believe that.” Say it calmly and with a smile. Walk away from the confrontation or quickly change the topic to something more positive. Throw in a goal you just reached or even compliment them with how great they look. Another tactic to use when they verbally abuse you is to compliment them. Instead of insulting them back, give them a compliment for every insult they hurl at you. This will disarm them and throw them off balance. Say the compliments with a sincere loving tone and watch what happens! The narcissist will try harder or storm off to get away from you.
  5. When the narcissist gaslights you and calls you crazy, respond by saying the most annoying questions of all times… “I know you are, but what am I?” If you follow the steps above, it should never get to the point where the narc is able to successfully gaslight you because you’re no longer taking their bait. You can also respond to them calling you crazy by saying, “You know, you’re right. In fact, I just booked an appointment with a psychologist and may get on some meds.” Then ask him what medications he thinks you should try and what mental conditions he thinks you may have… Manic depression? Bipolar? Extreme paranoia? Keep asking him his expert advice on your so-called mental issues as mockery. But act sincerely like you agree that you are crazy and need professional help. Go as far as really booking an appointment with a psychologist on the terms that he has to go to your appointments with you. Watch the reaction. Suddenly, you won’t be so crazy after all.
  6. Never react and never get defensive. Disengage your emotions and respond to the narcissist with tact, strategy, and deflection. Never defend abuse, never explain yourself, always counterattack with clever techniques.

Try the 6 steps above and comment below to share your success story. This works! I’ve done it time and time again with narcissist family members and co-workers. If the narcissist becomes violent, seek help immediately. Leave and then contact the authorities.

Fight back against narcissist abuse by ultimately leaving the narcissist for good. Narcissist never change. It’s them, not you! Get out and do it fast!

By Janell Hihi

Copyright@2017

Is Fear of Failure The Root Cause of Procastination?

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After years of self-introspection, I realized I procrastinated and put off my goals and dreams because I suffered from an underlying fear of failure.

Fear of failure is a result of a lack of self-confidence and self-trust.

It’s not about how bad you want it. 

It’s about rather you believe in yourself enough to pursue it and complete it.

Consistency is a product of believing in yourself and trusting that you have the skills, knowledge, and tools to accomplish your dreams.

Consistency is believing in yourself every day and every moment. It’s doing what you said you will do regardless of the fearful thoughts that enter your mind.

If you are constantly asking yourself in the back of your mind, “What if this doesn’t work?” This means you don’t believe in yourself enough to fully execute your plan.

When these toxic and negative thoughts creep up, we procrastinate as a result. Sometimes we procrastinate to review our plan repeatedly for possible errors.

Then we procrastinate by making ourselves busy with other things to avoid executing our plan. We use circumstances as an excuse for lack of confidence and fear or failure.

Procrastination is a sign of mental imbalance. 

Either you are pursuing a dream that you are not truly passionate about or you lack confidence and fear that it will fail.

It takes maturity to admit that you tried something and you were driven by superficial, egoic outcomes.

If you pursue a dream that can only earn you money but not divine happiness, procrastination will manifest in pursuit of a false dream.

So the next time you find yourself procrastinating, ask yourself the 5 questions below:

  1. Am I afraid to fail? If so why?
  2. Am I pursuing a goal or a dream that I am truly passionate about?
  3. Do I believe in myself enough to be consistent?
  4. How can I increase my self-confidence? Will Counseling help? A life coach? or Furthering my education?
  5. What do I expect to achieve mentally and emotionally if I accomplish this goal?

 

By Janell Hihi Copyright@2017