The Most Common Relationship Fears Men Have

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Top Relationship Fears Men have:

Fear of not being able to provide. Men who are financially unstable can’t make love and marriage a priority. The primary focus is obtaining financial security so he will feel secure in his role as a provider. There is no way around this. It’s not you! It’s his pockets!

Fear of a loss of individual freedom. Men fear losing their identity in relationships. They need to feel secure that the women they are with will let them have a life outside of the relationship without bitching and complaining or accusing him of cheating.

Fear of DRAMA. A tactless women who can’t control her mouth or her urge to get revenge on any perceived threat is the drama queen all men avoid. Sure he’ll sleep with her, but he’ll never wife her.

Why? Because she never turns down. She goes zero to 100 without thinking about how her words and actions can devastate her relationship. She is exhausting! One argument after the next, one complaint after the next, one temper tantrum after the next. She’s literally an inevitable heart attack waiting to happen.

Never date a fearful man.

It’s better to date a man who is eager and naive, not sure how things will turn out in the end, but he is certain he will give it all he has to make it work. The fears listed above are general fears mentally healthy men can overcome when they are with a strong, mentally healthy, trustworthy woman.

However, among all fears men have regarding love, fear of failure is a deal breaker!

Effort trumps knowledge and perceived security when it comes to successful relationships. Millennial love has it’s own unique challenges. My parents have been married for over 55 years and their generation had it’s own set of traditional, economic and societal challenges that they had to get through as a couple to sustain their marriage.

A huge mistake most millennials make is trying to duplicate their parents love. It’s important to recognize our generations unique challenges and re-frame a love that works for us in the present moment instead of trying to resurrect a template of love that is not compatible with today’s operating system.

The number one fear most men and women have today is the fear of unrequited love. We’re afraid to give it all we’ve got because we are obsessed with the outcome. Fear is always associated with outcomes. Courageous people never focused on outcomes, they focused on the big picture and the goal at hand because the outcome was depended on effort.

The outcome of a relationship or marriage is dependent on effort. Any man who speaks of fear of commitment has a deep rooted fear of failure in general.

People who are afraid to fail generally suck at relationships as well as every other endeavor they we’re afraid to take on in their lives because of fear of the outcome.

They’re life is lived off of paranoia and perfection. A fearful man is too safe. He is terrified by risks. He is a control freak and if he can’t guarantee the outcome of any situation he won’t get involved. At least not on a level of deep commitment. He will sleep with you and play house but he won’t marry you.

He needs distance between the two of you to maintain his illusion of control, perfectionism and safety so that he can stay tightly tucked into his cocoon.

Unfortunately, a man that is fearful and afraid to fail is not going to change if you love him harder. In fact, it will push him away even more. Overcoming fear of failure is as intense as overcoming drug addiction and it is something that a fearful man must do on his own.

Do you love a man who has a fear of failure?

Be his friend. Help him get help. Don’t be intimate with him. Just be there as a friend in the distance encouraging him to take small risks. Maybe he’ll overcome his fear, maybe he won’t, but your life keeps moving forward and you wait for a man who believes committing to you is a risk worth taking!

Because even if it doesn’t work out, you were worth the the memories and the lessons.

Nama’Slay – Every day!

By Janell HIhi Copyright@2017

 

 

 

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Can Everyone Be Bought?

What’s your price? How much money will it take for you to betray your so-called values in exchange for a prize you desire?

More importantly, what’s your justification? Is it to support your family, feed your kids or finally get ahead on your bills?

The narcissistic mentality of the individual looks out for his own interests while ignoring that of the collective. In the end, as a society a few win big while the masses continue to lose.

If you accept the hush money and the silent pay off thinking you’ll be better off, it’s your ability to be bought that will chip away at our potential revolution until it will be no more.

Today, ask yourself what have you done to benefit the collective. Ask yourself how many shares of yourself have you sold and to whom. What is left of you that cannot be bought?

Your strongest weapon in a captilistic society is your inability to be bought!

By Janell Hihi copyright @2016

Wholeness is Accomplished When Self-Division is Healed

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What divides you against yourself? Is it out-dated beliefs you picked up along your way throughout your journey in life from people who mis-read you?

Is it the naysayers who don’t see you the way you see you?

Is it those echoes of harsh critics who didn’t accept you, or the gifts you came here in this life to share?

Whatever it is that divides you within, and prevents you from being whole needs to be surrendered and released once in for all.

Believing in yourself is the only belief that counts. Believing you are worthy, capable, lovable, and deserving is the lose end that must be tied to create the wholesome oneness that we all wish to accomplish one day.

To begin your journey in wholeness. Get out a sheet of paper and write honestly and openly how you feel about yourself, and your capabilities in each category below.

When you are finished, write which beliefs were influenced by outside people, events or circumstances.

The objective is to identify what beliefs about yourself are formulated from you and those which were influenced by others. What beliefs are worth holding onto and which beliefs should you let go of?

  1. Love, relationships and intimacy:
  2. Money
  3. Career
  4. Self-worth
  5. Family
  6. Physical appearance
  7. Behaviors/attitudes

This exercise has helped myself and many of my clients take inventory of our beliefs and release what no longer serves us.

Nama-Slay – Everyday!

By Janell Hihi Copyright@2017

Moon in Cancer: How to Harness Intuitive Awareness

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It’s time to stop hitting the snooze button and wake up!

Drink your cosmic coffee and sit down… its about to get real! Real emotion because the moon is in sensitive Cancer!

On the eve of this moon in Cancer, I had epiphany. I don’t want to be in a relationship.

People who really want to be in relationships are in relationships. I had to swallow the hard truth that I like the feelings that relationships bring… and I’d like to capitalize off the bliss.

I want the privelege of being loved by someone But don’t want to take the risk of being vulnerable.

vulnerability is like oxygen to relationships. I don’t want it bad enough to give into vulnerability just yet. I’ve had amazing people attempt to get close to me and I curved all of them.

I push people away because my soul and my heart doesn’t want to be in a relationship. What do you need to accept regarding the emotional dark side of yourself?

Aug 18th and 19th the moon will be in Cancer before it goes back into Leo on August 21st the Day of the Total Eclipse!

Admitband accept your emotional dark side. I had an emotional epiphany on the eve of this miraculous moon in Cancer

Allow yourself to feel very deeply on these two divine days while the moon hangs out in Cancer.

Deep within our feelings lies hidden potential untapped that can change our view on spiritually forever.

Sit down, close your eyes and allow yourself to activate your intuition and uncover your own intentions and those of others.

Be minful of psychic ties that energetically cling to you and influence you to think, say, eat and do things that will fog your brain and take you off the trail to your destiny.

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So much will be uncovered this weekend. Anger will arise within us if we are not connected on a frequency that allows us to see the picture.

People will reveal their true motives to you energetically before you can logically make sense of it.

Aries and other fire signs… Sagittarius and Leo will get so much insight it from this energy it may make them feel out of touch with reality.

Aries it’s time to step up into your cardinal greatness. The world needs your genius. Use this weekend to remove blocks that hold you back.

Its time we all trust ourselves and our own potential. Stop looking for others to validate your greatness.

Rise up!

This may cause an internal war because this deep pychic knowing will conflict with what you want to be true or real, forcing you to break through illusions.

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Some people will choose to stay sleep and ignore their nagging intuition. You can activate your 6th sense and access to the divine.

However, astrology is free will and if your not ready to see things with your third eye astrology is free will and you can keep snoozing and stay unevolved at your own detriment.

Scorpio in Jupiter is approaching and if your not walking in spirit on a frequency that emits your true purpose, that phase will jolt you into awakening whether you like it or not!

Are you ready to release energetic blocks and rise to you divine power? Let me help! Feel in the form below and I will analyze your birth chart and give you 6 insights on energetic blocks your unique vibration emits and how to overcome the obstacles obscuring your divine path,

Fill in the form below and receive your report within 5 days by email.

Donate Today

Astro therapy is an art I am passionate about. I don’t like to charge for specific services but instead allow you to donate no more than $5.00 in exchange for free reports that I generate for you on the path of your unique & divine journey. Thank you!

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Namaste

By Janell Hihi

 

Mercury Retrograde August 2017: The Unresolved Past of America is Re-emerging.

 

unresolvedThis article is another aspect of the previous Mercury Retrograde article that I posted a few days ago.

The unresolved shadow of America’s dark past is re-emerging forcing all of us to fix what was never resolved: Racism in America!

There is an imbalance of justice hanging over the surface of earth demanding to be acknowledged and resolved once and for all.

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America never paid her debt to those she enslaved, murdered, raped and tortured. In fact, America has just renamed her cruelty to African American by morphing it into discrimination, mass incarceration, gentrification, economic genocide and police brutality.

The scales remain unbalanced. Things are out of order on the Karmic bank ledger and since Mercury Retrograde is in meticulous Virgo, we are forced to look at our account and make what is negative, positive.

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Karma is knocking and ugly racist are emerging to show their true faces. I am grateful that they are bold enough to come out of the closet with their racism because to fix a problem we must acknowledge that it still exist.

Racism still exist. Systematically, socially, economically and in every nook and cranny of America.

What will we do now? Will we continue to try to fix it with old solutions that don’t work. Will we pay the descendants of slaves what they are worth? A huge debt is owed and the Universe will not let it go unpaid any longer. Time to rise up. What side are you on?

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There is no black or white side. There is only the right or the wrong side. America is past due and I want my due. Justice is in reparations and the creation of new laws to protect the vulnerable against racist.

The cruelty of the past persist but will you continue to resist that this race issue, and the debt owed to those whose ancestors were enslaved, must be paid?!

By Janell Hihi @copyright2017

13 Signs You’re Fake Woke

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Tag someone who is fake woke!

The fake woke award for the month of July goes to Jay Z. Fact check his lyrics with raw data and you will see.

If you believe that you, or a loved one is suffering from being Fake Woke, please read the top 10 signs below. The first part of awakening is accepting that you’re asleep.

1.  You support Obama unquestionably, despite the fact that he set the black community back 30 years. Furthermore, you support politicians just because they are democrat or republican without reviewing their agenda, budgets, and policies for your community specifically. If you believe that everybody who is brown must be down, you are truly disillusioned.

2. You’re not involved in politics. You say things like, “I stay away from politics,” when in fact, politics is shaping your lifestyle and that of your children whether you make your voice heard or not. Just voting is not enough, researching who to vote for and demanding equality from politicians is what really counts. If you watch Keeping up with the Kardashians more than you read and watch the news, you ain’t woke son!

3. Your idea of a good wife is Black Chyna, Amber Rose or Kim Kardashian. Basically, your value system is based on purely on looks, the size of a woman’s ass or breast. Her character is meaningless to you because you lack character yourself. You like girls who have a lot of likes on social media. You idolize them just because other people do. You have no sense of authentic taste or preference in women. Everything you do and everyone you date is based on what’s trending.

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4. You believe changing your mindset and being more positive will magically make all the corruption in the world disappear. Positive thinking is powerful for self-improvement. However, at some point those positive thoughts need to turn into positive actions. By all means, think positive and be proactive. However, don’t act oblivious to corruption and systems set up to attack you regardless of how much you meditate, do yoga or chant Bhuddist prayers.

You still have an obligation to fight for equality and human rights. If you try to be so positive that if anyone comes to you with facts that may appear negative you label them as “A negative person” you are not woke! You are in a state of oblivion. Learn the difference. Woke people accept the yin and the yang, the sunshine and the rain.

5. You are Loyal to a fault to a religion, political party, or some other cult-like affiliation. Remaining objective, somewhat unattached and skeptical allows you to think critically regarding everything you encounter. Woke people are only committed to the truth, and they won’t ever put loyalty over what is just and what is right!

Fake woke people, deny, defend and stubbornly attack anyone who asks critical questions regarding any associations they are involved with. Vulnerable people who blindly follow institutions are fake woke. Real woke folks will stay open and observant and if they are involved in an association that they once thought was legit but turned out to be a fraud.

6. You never fact check. If you find yourself listening to unsolicited advice from doctors, professionals, co-workers, families and friends without doing research to check to see if it’s actually good advice, you’re fake woke! If you read a book and don’t do a simple Google search on the author, but take every piece of advice in the book to heart, you’re fake woke.

If you vote for a politician just because they are democrat or republican, without reviewing their policies and background thoroughly, you’re fake woke. If you listen to an album like Jay Z’s without fact checking lyrics that offer financial advice, you’re fake woke. If you buy food without reading the labels, carelessly putting anything in your body, you’re fake woke! If you don’t do the research, you are not enlightened enough to engage in critical thinking, fact checking and uncovering hidden truths.

7. You only read books when you are required to. If the only  time you find yourself reading a book is when it’s mandatory for a class or employer, you are fake woke! Reading is the vehicle to awakening. Regardless if it’s history, fiction or non-fiction, books elevate our lives by adding experiences from others to our psyche and understanding of the world. Spiritually awakened people typically keep books in rotation.

Reading a new book every other month or so. It is through books, they travel through time and space, connecting with a world from past, present and future perspectives with each new title they devour. If you don’t read books at all, your not woke. No exceptions!

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8. You are apolitical.  I can’t stress this enough! You just don’t do politics at all. You think you are above politics but politics is what dictates the quality of your life. You cannot be woke and ignore the political climate because being woke makes you more curious about politics, especially those affecting your community, race and economic class.

Being woke makes you aware. You start to gravitate towards everything that will enlighten you. Being aware of politics and understanding your important role in taking part in it to make a change is a sure sign you are wide awake. If you don’t even know who is running in local offices in your city, parish, community, etc., You have a long way to go before you can say you’re woke.

9. You are selling a product that requires you to act like you care about other’s well being. If you are in a multi level marketing company and selling super foods in a canister or a miracle weight loss smoothie, please take several seats. Before you started selling manufactured super foods, perhaps you should of did some research. Super foods can’t be created in a lab, they only grow on trees.

Furthermore, before you started promoting theses products you really never cared about other’s health, only that of your own. Not the collective. If you find yourself suddenly becoming passionate about health after you sign up as a distributor for an MLM company, you are indeed fake woke. Stop acting like you care when your just trying to make a quick commission.

10. Everything you post on social media is a meme/quote about being woke. Everything you post is way to deep. It’s not like it’s links to educational articles or current political events. It’s just fluffy quotes on positive thinking and meditation. It’s unrealistic and most people can’t relate to it because they are too busy dealing with real life, day to day bullshit.

And you wonder why you don’t get any likes and are frequently unfollowed. You’re annoying because you preach constantly about what people should, and should not be doing or thinking. Too bad people who know you in real life know that you are a walking, talking contradiction that doesn’t take your own advice. Every quote or meme you post has an agenda behind it. You’re either trying to get likes for ego gratification, trying to sell something, or trying to act woke.

11. You believe in individual success over collective success. You are all about the come up and trying to become a millionaire. You believe some people make it and others don’t depending on how hard they work. You never educate yourself on the politics behind what it takes to be successful. You are easily swayed by celebrities and billionaires telling you that you can be whoever you set your mind to without ever doing the research to see all the help they got along the way that aided them in acquiring their wealth. You don’t know what social capital means nor do you know how generational wealth and/or poverty affects your ability to succeed.

12. You have No Chill. EVERYTHING you do online and in person is humorless and extremely, cult like political or esoterically deep. When I say deep I mean the “deep end.” People are usually baffled by your post on social media, not inspired. You are too random and unconnected like a cult ring leader who just drank the Kool-aid. You can bullshit and post funny videos online sometimes, not just all extreme political and positive thinking bullshit non-stop on a continuous loop. Give yourself a break and stop being so damn serious! Online energy vampire!

13. You think everyone has the power to change their own life. No, they don’t!  Sometimes bad things happen to good people and life sucks and it’s not fair! Do you think vision boards will help starving kids in Africa magically manifest food? Thinking positive won’t change that. Being realistic will change that, along with the healing that takes place with time. Depression is real and so it politics. Creating positive change in our lives take work, not just magical thoughts.

13. You don’t watch the Breaking Brown Yvette Carnell Show. If you don’t know who Yvetter Carnell is, you fake woke. Okay, well, I may be promoting my favorite political show on YouTube but the knowledge you can learn on this show can and will change your life. If you’re not woke, you can get woke by watching this show. Please tune in every Monday and Wednesday at 9PM CST. Checkout Irami as well. Follow them on Twitter and Facebook. Watch the show and comment below and tell me how you were ENLIGHTENED.

14. You only eat organic food and you are faithful to your commitment to veganism. However, you drink alcohol every chance you get, pop pills and smoke cigarettes. You are a walking, talking contradiction.

Are you really woke? If not, it’s okay. It’s never too late to change! It takes more than meditation and vision boards. It takes action. By all means use your boards and meditation mats but do the work as well. DO THE WORK! There is no faith without ACTIONS.

You know a “fake woke” friend. Admit it, you thought about them and laughed the whole time you read this blog.

And you’re going to share this on your Facebook page just to see if they like the post and don’t know it’s targeting them!

By Janell Hihi Copyright@2017

Eating Healthy Requires Strategic Preparation.

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Go on a diet they said! Eat healthier foods, 80% of weight loss is what you eat.

Both statements are true. However, no one explains the logistics behind what it takes to implement a healthy lifestyle and diet.

Preparation is they key to success. Being honest with yourself about where you are lacking in regards to Preparation, creating shopping list and budgeting realistically is the first step to a successful weight loss plan.

We ruin our diets because of the lack of planning ahead.

Successful weight loss starts with the following steps:

1. Set weight loss goals: What is your pants size? How much do you weigh? Take your chest, waist and hip measurements. Write this down in your weight loss diary or on a chart to hang up in your home to keep you motivated.

Next, write your weight loss goals beside or underneath your current weight, pants size and measurements. How much weight do you want to lose? What is your desired pants size? What is your desired measurements?

Keep in mind losing 2-3 pounds a week is healthy weight loss. Calculate a realistic timeframe based on those numbers.

How long will it take to get to your desired weight or pants size?

Remember pants size is more important than weight. Water retention, PMS and other factors cause weight to fluctuate 5-8 pounds. If your dropping pants sizes you are losing weight.

Pay attention to how your pants fit instead of the numbers on the scale.

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2. Physical exam: Now that you have your goals in place, make an appointment with your doctor to get a physical.

Get the test taken during the first few days of your cycle (when you have your period), if possible .

Ask your doctor to check your B Vitamin levels, electrolyte levels, Thyroid hormone levels, cholesterol, blood sugar levels and Vitamin D levels.

If you’re a woman ask your doctor to test Vitamin D3, estrogen, progestine, thyroid, FSH and LH levels which are very important in determining the quality of your health. Tell your doctor what to do, more than likely they will tell you the test are unnecessary but remember you are not just a patient, you’re a customer who is paying them!

You can follow up on your blood test by using a home saliva testing kit from DiagnosTechs or Phamasan. Testing your hormone levels over a 30-day period via saliva provides far more accurate results than a blood test taken on a single day and it can help better pinpoint the exact problem.

All of the above can significantly effect weight loss results. If you have any deficiencies your doctor will prescribe vitamins to replenish deficits. If you have high blood sugar and high cholesterol- your new diet should address lowering those two numbers.

Test results will take a week or so. In the meantime start easing yourself into exercise by taking long walks outside or on the treadmill for at least an hour a day.

Assessing your test results:

Most hormone-related issues women deal with are the result of too low progesterone, too high estrogen levels and excess androgen. This is what is happening when you have PCOS, endometriosis, PMS, and problematic periods more generally.

Substitute sides like chips and fries with salads. Example have a burger and a side salad. Chicken with a side salad.

Stop drinking sugary drinks asap. No juice or soda. Ease yourself into better eating by doing this!

3. Plan your meals/prep. Before you go shopping, Are you doing Paleo? Low carb? Or just dropping calorie intake? And which supplements you need to take.

Plan 7 days of meals/snacks. I don’t recommend cheat days until after 35 days of starting a new diet.

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Meal Planning Flyer Download and print by clicking here.

Example: day 1. Breakfast, egg omelet with spinach, organic cheeses and veggies.

lunch: chicken breast with 4 cups of salad, low carb dressing.

snack: carrots with peanut butter.

Dinner: beef with broccoli and brown rice.

snack: 1/4 cup of nuts.

Meal planning helps you build your grocery list and budget. Never assume healthy eating is more expensive- it’s not!

However, it is more time consuming, but you need to charge that to the game. It comes with the territory.

Meal planning should include what recipes you want through the week: example what proteins, vegetables, fruits, and grains you need.

If your planning on eating salad everyday buy bulk salad and dressing.

Make sure you have tubawear to make grab and go meals/salads.

Example shopping list:

Proteins: Chicken breast and chicken legs. Turkey bacon, Salmon, ground turkey. Buy organic meat if you can!

Vegetables: Bulk lettuce and spinach. Carrots, onions, broccoli, cilantro, bell peppers and cauliflower and zucchini.

Fruit: Apples, berries, grapefruit and kiwi.

Grains: Brown rice and Almond flower healthy cereal and meal replacement bars.

Condiments: Hot sauce, fat free ranch, Italian dressing. Almond butter or peanut butter and say sauce.

Dairy: Almond milk and organic cheese.

Oils: Olive oil, vinegar, coconut oil ghee or butter.

Storage: tubawear, large glass jars with tops, lunch bag/sack, stainless steel water bottle, smoothie to go bottles, freezer bags, ziplock bags.

4. Find coupons and go shopping: Never forget your list. Spontaneous shopping can sabotage your diet. Try to eat a meal before shopping. I like to shop after dinner or after breakfast during the weekend.

5. Go home, and start prepping meals asap: Cook your proteins, sides and prepare salads and snacks for an entire 5 days! If your using plastic tubaware let food cool to room temp before putting it inside the containers.

6. Stack in the fridge/freezer in a easy and organizational way. Your fridge should be neat and well organized.

Freeze vegetables and fruits you won’t eat to save them from spoiling.

7. Grab and go should make dieting easier. Every 5 days prepare to spend a few hours meal prepping. Make it a priority and a habit.

8. Create a realistic workout plan. Workout according to your schedule. Workout 30 minutes weight training followed by 30 minutes cardio. Muscle speeds up metabolism, don’t just do cardio, do both.

Warm up with stretching before exercising.

Keep it simple at first. Jog/power walk or elliptical for first month. Just do weights on easy to use machines and dumbbells your first month. Then Graduate into push ups, pilates and planks later.

Then join a gym or get a trainer to advance your workouts after 6 weeks. Workout at least 5 days a week for one hour or longer.

Cheat days DON”T DO IT

Have a cheat meal not a cheat day. A cheat day implies you eat whatever you want all day. This can ruin your diet. However, a cheat meal is just cheating on one meal. You can choose whether you want to cheat on breakfast, lunch or dinner is your choice. You cannot cheat on all three meals!

Supplements: Should be based on what vitamin deficiencies you have based on your physical exam with your doctor. Try to eat food that have what you need before taking supplements.

If you are on birth control take B12 asap. Birth control depletes B12 which converts food to energy metabolism, which is why woman on birth control gain weight!

Apple cider vinegar

Flax seed and chia seed for Fiber

B12

B stress complex

Magnesiun

Milk thistle

Vitamin D3

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Co Q10

Calcium especially is you cannot eat dairy!

Probiotic – High quality.

Take your vitamins with meals. I take some during breakfast, others during lunch and the rest during dinner.

Preparation is just the beginning. I really hope this helps someone on their journey to losing weight and eating healthier.

Please like, comment and subscribe!

By Janell Hihi Copyright@2017

 

 

 

Fools Gold: The Unrealistic Oblivion of Positive Thinking

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Break out your vision boards and meditation mats!

I’d like to take you on a journey of realism. A journey that will give you the courage to see a thing exactly as it is, rather than imagining it to be something else. Or something better!

Positivity is not a solution. Negatively is not productive. However, reality is, above all the best approach when examining any situation. Reality yields successful results.

Don’t get caught up in false hope and the high of positivity without staying grounded in the truth of reality.

Truth has no electrical charge. It is not positive or negative. It just is.

Do not allow the new age hippie movement, positive thinking peddlers, Oprah or her tribe of “Just think positive,” cronies to dope you up with hope when you’re faced with dire circumstances. Instead, face reality head on, dismantle the structures that haven’t worked and rebuild a “realistic” foundation.

A 30-day guided meditation won’t change your life. It won’t make the world a better place but it may help your blood pressure go down temporarily. Meditation and positive thinking is a passive approach to improving the collective. Passivity is not the recipe to feed a world starving from greed and corruption.

Positive actions is better than positive thinking because all the good things have been said already, now they just need to get done!

Action.

The best quote I’ve heard on the fallacy of positive thinking:

“Beware of people who speak more about what individuals should be doing versus what systems that oppress people should be doing.”   – Caller on the Yvette Carnell Show on YouTube.

Individualism is a lie. Just thinking positive yourself does nothing for the collective. We only change when we change with and for the collective. Individualism is isolated success. I find it ironic how many positive thinkers constantly state that everything is connected  but positive thinking alone is isolation not connection.

Connection is rooted in doing for others, which is doing for yourself and thriving as a collective.

Positive and negative thinking is not your downfall or your solution.

Solutions are sprouted from the roots of reality.

By Janell Hihi Copyright@2017

 

If It’s Meant to Be it Will Be? Or If You Want It, Go Get It?

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I believe when people say, “If it’s meant to be it will be,” they use it as a cliche’ cop-out.

It’s a way for people who refuse to grow and admit the truth to rationalize everything in life from break ups, getting fired, not getting a job, not closing a deal, etc.,

They get an easy out without going into depth about why they really left, how they didn’t put in enough work to keep their job or how they failed to close a deal because their weak follow up game.

Not wanting to be the bearer of bad news by just being honest with themselves and others is what keeps passive people spewing out that toxic phrase.

It’s an incredibly rude and insensitive thing to say to people who are going through hard times. No one wants to hear, “Sorry for your loss, he’s in a better place now.” After someone you love dies.

Like, really? How would you know if it’s a better place? Have you been there? Fuck out my face!

Or when you get divorced or have a miscarriage passive people say, “It just wasn’t meant to be.” Trying to process a loss and hearing those 6 gut wrenching words is not okay.

Instead say something like, “I am so sorry, I am here if you need anything,” Is more socially acceptable.

Saying, “Well, it just wasn’t meant to be” is a positive indication of a person who lacks personal responsibility. Instead of just saying I chose the wrong partner or I was always late to work because I never planned ahead, is being honest with yourself and others.

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It’s not that it wasn’t meant to be, you just didn’t want it bad enough. And that’s okay. Let’s just be adults and keep it real. Miss me with that tired ass phrase lazy people use to dodge responsibility.

Recently, I wrote an article regarding why I hate passive, beta males.

Men who confuse chasing with pursuing, and have major insecurities that give them a timid and hesitant demeanor that most woman I’ve surveyed find very unattractive.

This article is somewhat of a general follow up. I would like to pose this question to my readers:

Are you more likely to say If it’s meant to be it will be?  or Are you more likely to use the phrase, If you want it go get it?”

If you are more likely to say “If it’s meant to be it will be,” You take a more passive and reserved approach to life in general. This is not a bad thing. It just means you believe in the universe, fate, the flow and what is meant to be yours will fall into your lap.

This fate based approach to life has its pros and cons.

You may not be very good in sales. Ambitious people don’t believe if it’s meant to be it will be. They just manifest and make things happen.

Similar to people who complain about being single but don’t take initiative to go out and meet people. They believe the right person will come when it’s meant for them to come and they don’t have to put in any effort to get out the house and meet new people.

This doesn’t mean they beat a dead horse. It means they do the work to show interest, build and develop and if it all falls apart they are not discouraged. Go getters get up and try again, improving their approach and technique. They don’t sulk in resentment and self-pity.

A go getter will never be left contemplating the question, “What if I did more?” or “What if I showed her that I cared in more ways?” Nah. Assertive, ambitious people try and exercise all possibilities before giving up.

That’s why when they walk away they are not sad and depressed. They feel good because they did everything they could. A beta male or fateful person walks away before the chapter is finished.

Chasing someone is pursuing someone who is showing you zero interest. They constantly cancel dates, respond to text messages 24 to 48 hours later, and when they finally meet with you they are inattentive, late and mentally absent. Go getters don’t pursue people who show zero interest. They move on.

Go getters want a return on their investment. Go with the flow, passive people want the other person to do all the work. That’s the fundamental difference.

The go getter at work follows up on leads daily, the passive, “If it’s meant to be it will be,” individual calls the lead once, never follows up and doesn’t care.

They don’t “force,” sales. Whatever the hell that is supposed to mean. Their tiny paychecks is proof of their dependence on the Universe to deliver. Sad!

Passive individuals may hold back when they should move forward boldly and confidently. Taking initiative to them makes them feel like they are being pushy and pressuring other people.

Passive people easily go along with other’s agenda’s because other people’s efforts makes them feel secure.

The major issue with this approach is you may base your efforts on the other persons efforts that your involved with.

If they don’t compliment you, then you won’t compliment them. If they don’t text you first, you won’t text them ever again. If they don’t ask you to hang out, you won’t ask them to hang out.

If they don’t go down on you, then you won’t go down on them. Sex with passive people sucks! They are too dependent on what you do and how much you show you care before they make any moves on their own.

It’s borderline codependent. Yet, they think taking a backseat to everything all the time makes them appear strong and confident. Nah, they look like pussies.

If you want it go get it!

The freedom in this phrase is undeniable. Do we get everything we go after? No! But do we learn a ton in the process? Yes!

The fruit of knowledge is in the journey not in the destination.

The number one regret on the death beds of many is that they regret they didn’t follow their dreams and love harder!

Who wants to live their lives everyday knowing that they are pre-destined to a certain fate and they can’t do anything about it but let it play out?

Not me! That’s a delusional way to live. Free will and choice does play a part to a certain extent. The only time it doesn’t is when people are faced with systematic oppression and that’s another blog.

They didn’t pay enough attention, show enough affection and they didn’t risk enough to win! They never reconciled differences, resolved grudges nor did they have the courage to ask those they’ve hurt for forgiveness.

Nothing risked, nothing gained. Is your soul’s bank account drained?

What approach do you take and why? Please comment below, “like” and share.

Namaste

J. Hihi Copyright@2017

The Story of O.J by Jay Z is Not That Deep. A Quick Fact Check Tells You Another Story.

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The Story of O.J or the Story of a Hypocrite?

Jay-Z, the Sagittarius born rapper, and businessman certainly knows how to make the right moves to earn an abundance of revenue. However, just because he knows how to make money doesn’t earn him my devotion or respect.

If you’re praising people based on how much money they make, without fully investigating how they make their money, please check your morals and values at the door!

I have purchased almost all Jay Z’s music in the past, including a recent membership to his music subscription service Tidal just to listen to his newest album 444.

Of course, there was a lot of hype around the album based on its political overtones and unsolicited business advice. But after watching the phenomenal  Yvette Carnell Show on YouTube, my original thought that the album is okay but not great, was confirmed.

I realized that the messages popular artist like Jay-Z put out into the mainstream creeps into the psyche of our youth giving them ideas and beliefs about how the world works. The most popular reaction to Jay Z’s 444 album is, “Jay-Z is giving away million dollar game.” Ummm no! Not really.

Jay-Z tells all the hustlers out there to save the money they make dealing drugs to the people in their community, destroying lives in the process, and then buy the neighborhood and rinse it. When has this ever happened?

So basically the only way to earn capital as a black man is to sell drugs. This is partially true since the average black American has NO access to wealth or capital.

The question is who are these drug dealers selling drugs to? Your cousin, your auntie, and your brother. Destroying the lives of the children and families in their communities in the process.

I guess it’s justifiable because the drug dealer will eventually buy all the property in the community, so the lives destroyed by drugs is a fragment you can charge to the game.

Y’all stay woke. This is buffoonery.

Jay-Z-OJ

However, the chances of getting caught and thrown into a prison that is warehousing millions of black men is very high. And the drug game is dirty you may not make it out alive.

Instead of encouraging us to work hard to change our politics so that we have access to wealth, Jay-Z recommends illegal activity. How is that enlightening?

“You wanna know what’s more important than throwin’ away money at a strip club? Credit
You ever wonder why Jewish people own all the property in America? This how they did it” Jay Z

Jews are mostly white. In addition, Jews received billions of dollars in reparations from Germany for the Holocaust. They moved to the United States and used that money to invest. While investing they received the privilege of being white which gave them access to capital and non-predatory lending from banks.

Oh wait, The United States Federal Reserve is owned by the Jewish Rothschild family. Of course, in a well-knit Jewish community, obtaining credit shouldn’t be a problem. Jay-Z is basically saying that African American, descendants of slaves have the same access to credit and capital as Jews.

We don’t even have communities. We are redlined, gentrified and locked out at every angle. Our neighborhoods are filled with liquor stores, Pay Day Loan shops and Fried fish and chicken joints owned by Arabs. 

How can we compete with Jewish people who have thriving communities?

This couldn’t be further from the truth considering the fact that Jews received over $100 billion dollars in reparations from the German Government. How much in reparations did African American slave survivors and their descendants receive from The United States Government? NOTHING.

Nothing for slavery, and nothing for 100 years of the domestic terrorism of Jim Crow. Comparing blacks to Jews is like comparing Organic Apples to a Processed Twinkie. Not even in the same food group.

That’s how the Jews did it. They received reparations and they are mainly white!

Jay Z please do some research before spewing out lyrical bullshit. It’s an insult to my intelligence and the “woke” African American community as a whole.

Before you internalize a lyric from any rap song, fact check it with data. Just because Jay-Z said it doesn’t mean it’s true.

Jay-Z is capitalizing off the trend of consciousness to appear awakened. Meanwhile, Rap Artist like Nas and Tupac were talking about the real issues affecting our communities 20 plus years ago. That being said, Jay-Z had to reach the age of 50 to have even a little common sense? He hasn’t even reached the peak of his maturity. Only monetarily he is succeeding and I’m not shallow enough to believe that his ability to make money somehow makes him the enlightened one.

That being said, Jay-Z had to reach the age of 50 to have even a little common sense? He hasn’t even reached the peak of his maturity. Only monetarily he is succeeding and I’m not shallow enough to believe that his ability to make money somehow makes him the enlightened one.

What’s so profound about suggesting we invest in residential and commercial real estate? Every day, millions of people are solicited to go to a real estate investing seminar to learn how to make money investing in properties.

Just because we hear about great investment ideas, doesn’t mean we have the means to cooperate in those opportunities.

Being that I have a background in mortgage and real estate, Jay-Z stating he should have purchased a building but he didn’t, and now he regrets it because it’s 5 times the amount it was worth 10 years ago, is not a profound lyric to me.

Jay-Z has built substantial wealth. He now has the means to buy buildings in impoverished neighborhoods. He can use his capital to restore at least one black community. Why isn’t he? Unless these efforts are underway and I am not aware of it, please enlighten me in the comments below.

Plenty of African Americans have dreams they can’t manifest. Not because they lack the education or work ethic, but because they lack the “access” to capital, social connections and generational wealth, to do so.

In addition, if you’re an optimistic entrepreneur who just happens to be African American and you got hyped up with motivation to finally apply for that SBA business loan, please keep in mind that the SBA only approved 1% of loans submitted by black entrepreneurs in 2016.

Good luck!

Check out an article I wrote a few months ago that explains that black Americans start more businesses than any other race in America but lack the capital to turn them from single sole proprietor firms to larger scale corporations. 

We’ve always had the drive to strive towards entrepreneurship but there are systematic obstacles, Jay-Z fails to acknowledge in this song that hinders our success.

Jay-Z is doing a great job promoting “self-motivation” and entrepreneurship” while he conveniently leaves out the data that totally opposes his so-called profound and enlightening advice.

If you don’t have a million dollars to buy a painting, the lyric about how art appreciates should mean nothing to you in your everyday struggle.

And that poses the next question, what class of people is Jay-Z giving this advice to? Certainly not me, my aunt Lisa who makes only $40,000 a year or my cousin Joe who served his time in prison but can’t find a job with a decent wage to support himself.

It appears Jay-Z is giving advice to other rappers who he criticizes are wasting their money they earned on advances from record labels they will have to pay back. Nothing he says applies to my everyday life. After some investigating, that lyric is contradictory due to the fact that Jay-Z himself gives his own artist advances.

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Y’all out here still takin’ advances, huh?
Me and my niggas takin’ real chances, uh
” Jay-Z

Jay-Z gave Kanye West a very large advance for exclusively putting his album on Tidal to help Tidal gain more subscribers. So Jay-Z is giving out advances to artist but in the same breath, he is criticizing artist who take advances from record labels?

An article on TMZ sums it up perfectly:

“The $20 million Jay-Z  fronted Kanye West was NOT a gift — as Jay insinuated on his album 4:44 — it was all part of Live Nation’s deal with ‘Ye.

Sources with direct knowledge of Jay and Kanye’s business relationship tell TMZ, the $20 million was a payout advance which could also cover expenses — including the floating stage — for Kanye’s “Saint Pablo Tour.”  The money is sometimes used to cover various production costs and staff.

It’s actually standard for artists at Kanye’s level to get such an advance.  It’s part of the deal.

Jay certainly made it sound like he and Roc Nation gifted Kanye the dough.  In the song, “Kill Jay Z” Jay raps …

“But you got hurt because you did cool by ‘Ye // You gave him 20 million without blinkin’ // He gave you 20 minutes on stage, f*** was he thinkin’? // ‘F*** wrong with everybody?’ is what you sayin’ // But if everybody’s crazy, you’re the one that’s insane.”

I find it hard to have high interest in music I can’t relate to that is based on hypocritical and fictitious dialogue. 

As Antonio Moore said, “Data matters!” Check out his excellent analysis on YouTube. He is an Attorney, a writer and a real soldier in the struggle.

By Janell Hihi Copyright@2017