Hey, if you’re reading this I know you may be feeling hurt, stuck, and focused on the pain inflicted onto you by narcissistic abuse. From a survivor, I write this article to tell you that… More
Is it love or addiction?
This is the question I often ask myself when I am staring down a dark chocolate truffle before I devour it.
Many singers, poets and writers would say love and addiction is the same thing. However, I highly disagree!
Addiction is an obsession to a desired outcome that is unrealistic. It’s a fantasy-like train of thought that distorts our reality.
According to Psychology Today ” Sex and love addiction are so commonly bonded that there is a 12-step support group for the combination: Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA). Both love addiction and sex addiction are often viewed as disorders of intimacy.”
What we are addicted to is irrelevant but the fact that we may have addictive personality traits is what’s cause for concern.
Loving a narcissist is addictive because the effect they have on the human brain, psyche and soul of their victim fluctuates from the highest of highs and the lowest of lows just as heroine, cocaine and opioids do.
The rollercoaster ride of high adrenaline and the blunt blow of the fall riddled with low serotonin levels which are often attributed to anxiety, depression, panic attacks, insomnia, obesity, fibromyalgia, eating disorders, chronic pain, migraines, and alcohol abuse. Negative thoughts, low self-esteem, obsessive thoughts and behaviors, PMS, and Irritable Bowel Syndrome are also symptoms of low serotonin.
The highs are like no other, it feels like the best love, heaven-sent, breath-taking sex, endless orgasms, charm, compliments, gifts, attention and emotional availability.
A relationship with a narcissist is like an addiction to a drug because it’s nothing but consecutive highs and lows.
There is never a feeling of calmness, stability and consistency. It’s one drastic extreme to the next.
And just like a drug, it is extremely difficult to get over a narcissist once they discard you! Withdrawal is real. A support group and a team of loving friends and family members is needed to help you get through the struggle of withdrawal without relapsing.
Your body and soul gets so accustomed to the highs and the lows that it can no longer fathom or adapt to stability, calmness and peace of mind.
It can take months or years to re-stabilize after narcissistic abuse. It depends on how long the relationship was and how severe the abuse was.
I suffered from anxiety attacks out of the blue a few years back because I developed minor post traumatic stress disorder for being in two consecutive relationships with narcissist back to back. I left my narcissistic husband only to later get involved in another covert narcissistic relationship.
My recovery took years. And that’s okay. At the time I left my ex husband I did not know what the difference between covert and overt narcissist was so I fell prey to an opportunistic, manic-depressive, covert narcissist.
I didn’t know I was addicted to the drastic highs and lows. I left one, just to get a hit of another. My ex would break up with me out of the blue or when he didn’t get his way and it would hurt me to the core.
Then, out of the blue he would get back together with me professing his undying love. It was like he would create a catastrophe then come in out of the blue as a hero and save me from the pain he caused.
This is why the narcissist simultaneously switches from villain to hero. Similar to how drug companies make up illnesses and then create a medication that supposedly cures the illness but the side effects are more deadly then the illness itself.
I would look ridiculous when he would break up with me out of the blue. It would be after we went out with friends or to dinner or days after a minor disagreement. I would plead with him to reconsider. I felt ashamed and embarrassed that suddenly he could switch off his feelings like a light switch and just leave.
I felt like I cared too much. It was confusing and I was often shocked.
The shock is what kept me hooked and coming back for more. I wasn’t in love. I was addicted!
According to an article written by The Ranch, below is a list of all the signs that you may be addicted to love:
Typical signs of love addiction include:
- Mistaking intense sexual experiences and new romantic excitement for love
- Constantly craving and searching for a romantic relationship
- When in a relationship, being desperate to please and fearful of the other’s unhappiness
- When not in a relationship, feeling desperate and alone
- Inability to maintain an intimate relationship once the newness and excitement have worn off
- Finding it unbearable or emotionally difficult to be alone
- When not in a relationship, compulsively using sex and fantasy to fill the loneliness
- Choosing partners who are emotionally unavailable and/or verbally or physically abusive
- Choosing partners who demand a great deal of attention and caretaking but who do not meet, or even try to meet, your emotional or physical needs
- Participating in activities that don’t interest you or go against your personal values in order to keep or please a partner
- Giving up important interests, beliefs, or friendships to maximize time in the relationship or to please a romantic partner
- Using sex, seduction, and manipulation (guilt/shame) to “hook” or hold on to a partner
- Using sex or romantic intensity to tolerate difficult experiences or emotions
- Missing out on important family, career, or social experiences to search for a romantic or sexual relationship
- Using anonymous sex, porn, or compulsive masturbation to avoid “needing” someone, thereby avoiding all relationships
- Finding it difficult or impossible to leave unhealthy or abusive relationships despite repeated promises to oneself or others to do so
- Repeatedly returning to previously unmanageable or painful relationships despite promises to oneself or others to not do so
I can’t stress how important it is to heal from narcissistic abuse before re-entering the dating game otherwise you will attract another narcissist who is more covert, manipulative and deceiving.
Treat your break up with a narcissist like you are entering rehab for drug abuse and I promise you, the healing will be more efficient and expedient.
You don’t love the narcissist. You are addicted. Is addiction stronger than love? Yes, because it disguises itself as love and locks the brain and the heart into a state of perpetual confusion.
Janell Hihi copyright@2018
The short answer is “Yes!”
Narcissist will stay with women who continually accept their abuse by denying it and making excuses for it.
As long as the narcissist is getting a steady source of quality narcissistic supply, he can maintain relationships that last decades.
The ideal victim who the narcissist will choose to be in longterm relationship with must never question him, never criticize him and never, ever call out his false self.
Narcissist need their partners to help them maintain their grandiose sense of self by continually complementing them, obeying them and trusting their every word.
The minute you question, criticize or investigate shady behavior from your narcissistic partner is the moment you are disregarded as longterm relationship material to the narcissist.
If you’re not robotic, overly optimistic, degradingly submissive and compliant, the relationship will last a few months to a year at the longest.
This doesn’t mean you’re not good relationship material.
This means you have a healthy level of self-esteem and self-respect that you leave when love is no longer being served.
As long as you understand that it’s his way or the highway, you can maintain a longterm relationship with a narcissist!
A great way to gauge your level of self-esteem is how fast you are able to recognize narcissistic and toxic relationships and how fast you are able to leave them!
Never look at a relationship and assume because a couple was together 12 years, they must have a very strong bond. It’s safe to assume they’ve been through a lot together. However, it is not okay to assume that relationship is healthy or has allowed each partner to grow into a better person.
It’s important to remember when considering the longevity of narcissistic relationships that it’s the quality of the relationship not the quantity of the years the narcissist stayed in the relationship.
In fact, most narcissist never leave a good source of supply. Usually what happens is the codependent partner realizes they are in an abusive relationship and they finally gather the courage to leave the narcissist for good.
The narcissist will stay in play forever, if the victim allows them to . Narcissist favorite line to manipulate their victims to stay with them is:
“We’ve been together all these years, and we’ve been through so much, and you’re just gonna leave?”
The number of years we are in a relationship is no reason to stay in that relationship. It is the quality of those years that determines whether or not we should stay.
Ten years of being with a man in an off again and on again relationship is not ten years of love, loyalty and respect. Instead, it’s ten years of chaos, instability and inconsistency.
The length of time a man stays with a women does not determine how much he loves her. She could be a safe option, a convenience, a financial resource, or an opportunity for a better life.
She could also be a punching bag he can take out all his frustrations on because she is so lost and codependent, the fear of being alone is worse then being in an abusive relationship.
Narcissist often provoke arguments and fights and then blame the victim for being a nag or a drama queen.
As long as you can live your life constantly being labeled a drama queen and accepting your narcissistic partner as the victim of your alleged paranoia, insecurity and jealousy… you will be able to maintain a longterm relationship with a narcissist.
If you’re reading this because you left a narcissist before you could define the relationship as long-term, good for you!
If you’re reading this wondering how your narcissistic ex lover is in a longterm relationship with another women, remember it’s the women who determines how long she will tolerate narcissistic abuse.
Better her then you!
You’re worth is not determined by how long your relationships last. It’s determined by your ability to walk away from abusive and toxic relationships.
By Janell Hihi @Copyright 2018
Disclaimer:There are white women I love and respect who are on the front lines in black communities giving their time, resources and attention to matters that affect low income black families. This article is not directed towards them. This article is directed towards the pompous, elite, Hollywood trolls.
Oprah Winfrey, a champion for white feminism and the queen of disregarding the assault and rape history specific to African American women spouts a speech to ensure her donors keep contributing to her account.
Oprah Winfrey tying black oppression to white female oppression is a testament to her inherit disrespect to the legacy of African American history.
Sure, all women should be advocated for against sexual assault, rape and domestic violence. But black women have endured the most and our experience is very different then that of white women.
She failed to make that distinction. Unfortunately I will never, ever respect her! Nor will I respect the white privileged women sitting in attendance cheering on Oprah as she stands up for their pity party. It’s unfortunate these women, never ever specifically spoke up for black women and sexual assault from the white community.
when you heard your “paw-paw”, “daddy”, “uncles”, “brothers”, “sons”, “husbands”, “fiancées”, and “boyfriend” laugh and banter about the rape of some nameless, faceless, and defenseless black woman.” James Jones
Would you like to know the history of sexual assault against black women in this country that lasted far beyond slavery and manifested itself well into the 1950’s and 1960’s?
“In the segregated American South, a white man could rape a black woman with little fear of legal or social recourse, and black women lived in a persistent state of apprehension. Rape was used as a weapon of terror in the subjugation of black women, their families and whole communities.”
“In “At the Dark End of the Street,” Danielle L. McGuire writes that white men raped black women and girls “with alarming regularity and stunning uniformity,” with some victims as young as 7. While some readers will rightly be stunned by that assertion, many African American women will recognize a commonly acknowledged danger.”
Read this book! There is no SOLIDARITY with white women in regards to Sexual Assault.
The video below was well timed for me personally because today, when I was picking up my daughter for school, I seen a white man arguing with a black women. Apparently, this black mother had a few words with a white women in the school parking lot for parking too close to her car, to the point where it almost impossible to exit her vehicle.
The white man who had nothing to do with any of the women decided to intervene and he called the black women a bitch. He also gave her very nasty looks. When she got out the car she yelled at him because he called her out of her name.
He got in her face like she was a man in a very physically threatening manner. This was a harsh reminder that the past lives today. These men can still harm us and face little to no criminalization as a result. I stood by her and assured her that I believed her and she should be upset and file a police complaint.
We either stand together or fall together. There is no individualism in the cellular structure of our beings. I encourage you too reader, to stand up when you witness injustice.
Our movement is exclusive because our history and lineage in America is unique, unlike any other group of people who stepped foot in this country. Our voices need to be heard in the light of exclusivity. This is not to deliberately silence others, but to put an emphasis on a specific horror that has devastated black America.
By Janell Hihi @Copyright 2018
I recently wrote a blog inspired by a video I watched on Youtube that was so unbelievably accurate that I have to share this video. Please watch and subscribe to his channel K-Blao HOODX. Great content, truthful, humorous and very accurate!
Mostly what I’ve learned about Cancers comes from this video and of course, my favorit astrologer, Linda Goodman… which explains in great detail the dark side of the zodiac sign Cancer. Be sure to check out his other astrology videos. Well worth the watch! Here’s a link to the Youtube video below!
K-Blao HOODX on Why I hate Cancers.
Below are a few things I learned from this excellent video!
Cancers are crusty crabs in a barrel born in July (May 21-July 21)… July Leo’s born July 21st through the 31st also share many characteristics with Cancers. I know plenty of July born Leo’s who are always one Xanax away from a complete emotional breakdown or crisis.
Grown ass cancer men and women cry every day like raging toddlers for the most minuscule and juvenile things. Real tears, boogers and all! It’s humbling to watch.
I had a Cancer/Leo ex who cried at least twice a week about his ex even years after they broke up despite the fact that he knew she was not the right person for him. Cancers fall in love with emotionally unavailable people so they can feel like the victim.
Cancers are named after a disease. I’ll just leave that there…
This asshole from the show Shark Tank is a Cancer!
Cancers love feeling like victims so they create situations that will make them victims.
Cancer men are Beta males. They are not Alpha. If you want a MASCULINE male, keep it moving. Cancer is not the right man for you unless you appreciate the feminine within a man.
A Cancer man or a Leo born at the end of July will be so sensitive and so emotional that you may often find yourself questioning their sexuality. Cancer men don’t appear heterosexual, at all!
Cancers are emotionally animated. They remind me of cartoon characters, specifically the Looney Tunes. Their emotions are exaggerated, out of control, up and down and negative and positive all within a ten-minute time span.
Cancers think everyone is out to get them. The minute you disagree with them they believe you have it out for them.
Cancers make good actors! They are overly emotional and animated so they are natural actors on stage or behind a camera. They are not natural at anything else. Google famous Cancers and everyone from Tom Cruise to Tom Hanks is on that list!
Cancers never stop worrying! I can almost guarantee every person born under this Sun or Moon sign has generalized anxiety disorder.
The best part of this video pointed out that…
The Cancers ruling planet is not even a planet… it’s the moon. The moon goes through various different phases and changes daily and the changes of the moon reflect the Cancers moods swings.
Cancers are Passion Killers, which means they murder from an emotionally unbalanced place. OJ Simspon is a Cancer – great example!
By Janell Hihi @Copyright 2018
A few days ago one of my dear friends proudly announced she wants to stay single forever!
I was shocked. I totally understand that being single for a few years to get your shit together and mend past heartache and pain is necessary.
However, is it natural to want to be single for the rest of your life?
Isn’t it basic human, instinctual desire to have a life partner? Especially considering the way in which our society operates, having a partner to be there for you emotionally, economically, physically and spiritually is in fact, priceless!
I’ve been single by choice for a few years to work on myself and get to know myself again before thoroughly stepping out into the dating scene again so that I am well equipped.
The thought of being single for the rest of my life almost makes life appear incomplete. What is it that we can hold valuable in our lives without sharing it with another?
Who wants a trail of casual flings and on and off again relationships that carry no value, merit or longevity?
In America, you’re usually single until you get married. I often wondered why that is? What happened to the in-between space? Why isn’t it that being in a non-married relationship is not a valid or legal relationship status?
When filing our taxes we can’t right off the time, money and energy we put into relationships that aren’t marriage.
Relationships are supposed to be a bridge that leads to marriage. Unfortunately, they are becoming a bridge that leads to nowhere.
Having sex regularly with the same person, going out on dates together and spending each weekend together isn’t considered a life together until two people are living together and creating a lasting partnership. When you share bills, love, fears and solve problems together your relationship is a partnership built to last.
There is a huge difference between a relationship and a partnership. I had to learn that the hard way when I constantly entered dead end relationships with people who were just sticking around for a while who had no real intentions on starting a future together.
My parents are coming up on their 57th wedding anniversary and they have endured so much together. Both found the value of loving each other through the storm, practicing forgiveness, tolerance, patience and faith in their union.
This proud single, feminist female propoganda is getting out of control. Sadly, most women who preach that women should raise kids on their own, be independent and never settle for less are the main women who are married over 10, 15 and 20 years!
For me, it’s okay to admit that I need a man. It’s okay to confess that I want a man. I don’t look at myself as less than because I see the value that the right man can bring into my life and I will welcome him with open arms when he arrives.
What I’ve learned being single for the last 3 years is that I can be independent, I can do it all on my own and I can thrive if I work very hard to accomplish my goals.
Consequently, when I reach my goals and there is no one to share my success with, a loneliness emerges within me and my human desire to love and be loved by connecting to a man becomes glaringly apparent to me.
My inherit feminism needs to nurture, love and create with divine masculinity. I find that reiterating lies that society wants women to believe such as “I don’t need a man,” is denying a part of myself that really and truly, unapologetically desires companionship.
By Janell Hihi @Copyright 2016
Dear Black women, does #MeToo include you?
I find it ironic that the creator of the original hashtag and movement of #MeToo was founded by a black women named Tara Burke but recently it was adopted by non black women from the dominant society in America.
The movement was hi-jacked by non-black women and now that it is headlined with famous white women it has gone viral and it has taken a life form of it’s own!
Burke launched this “Me Too” movement in order to empower women through empathy. She targeted this grassroots movement in underprivileged communities where survivors of sexual abuse, assault, rape, and exploitation often do not have access to rape crisis centers, counselors or support.
Since young women of color are more likely to experience sexual assault, Burke also created a nonprofit organization called Just Be Inc. in 2006 that “focused on the health, well-being, and wholeness of young women of color.
Interestingly enough, now that the #MeToo movement is the voice for the victimized white female, it is now a valid movement and many men of power are losing their jobs, contracts and endorsements without even being tried in the court of law.
I am not denying that these women were sexually assaulted. I am simply pointing out that a fair trial was not set to prove their allegations. When women less famous and wealthy go through the courts system they face the dire reality that rape convictions are less likely to go in the victims favor.
The MeToo movement is now the He said, She said movement void of an investigation from the law.
What was supposed to be a movement that highlighted sexual assault against black women in it’s current and historical context has now transformed into a movement that emphasizes the victimization of white famous women.
Sexual assault against black women has a long historical account of criminalizing black women for being victims of assault and that was supposed to be the underlying emphasis of the #metoo movement.
The objective of the movement originally was to emphasize how black women are treated when they are sexually assaulted versus how non-black women are treated when they are sexually assaulted.
Unfortunately, black women who are sexually assaulted continue to be ignored, slut shamed and basically told that their allegations aren’t relevant.
Consequently, young women of color under the age of 18 are being sent to prison for fighting back against abusers by defending themselves.
Is it better to wait 25 years to call out sexual assault than it is to defend yourself against sexual assault immediately?
Is the court of opinions higher than the court of law? Obviously, when it comes to the privileged females of the dominant society, their opinion overrides the judicial system and a rush of judgement instantaneously criminalizes the men who are accused.
Meanwhile, most child prostitutes who are sexually exploited and victimized are sent to prison for the crime of prostitution because if your a black female you are not allowed to be a victim.
When your a black female being sexually assaulted, raped, pimped or trafficked you are a sexual deviant and your parents are blamed, your community is blamed and you are forever stamped as a criminal, never given the human decency to receive empathy or be labeled as a victim.
This is not the first time white feminism stole the movement and civil rights black women and black men worked hard to create only to use it for their own advantage by recreating themselves as a victim and piggy backing off her our struggle to funnel out programs like affirmative action to benefit themselves.
After listening to some of these woman’s sexual assault stories I immediately asked myself, “Can I agree to be a side piece to powerful men to get a few movie roles or music gigs, then decades later renege on my willingness to concede to power by participating in sexual acts by saying it was non-consensual?”
Oh hell no. No one will believe me!
Of course, not too long ago in the 1950’s and sixties, white women who willingly flirted with black men and agreed to sexual acts with black men even though it was against the law, would cry rape when they were caught in the act to protect themselves as being labeled as a “ni**er lover and prosecuted by the courts.
Consequently young black males like Emmet Till were lynched just for looking a white woman’s way, whistling or simply saying “hello.” to them.
Interestingly enough, the women who lied about Emmet Till coming on to her, waited until she was on her death bed to confess that she lied about the entire ordeal.
Her lie cost a young man his life!
Recently, Rapper Nelly was falsely accused of rape by a white women and proven innocent in the court of law. Nelly is currently fighting back against the false accuser for making false claims in a lawsuit.
Is False Accusation a Crime? If it is intentional, it is a misdemeanor.
Intentional False Accusations
“Nearly every jurisdiction has some criminal statute that makes it a misdemeanor to knowingly provide a false report to law enforcement. In addition to the misdemeanor, which could land a person in jail for up to one year, intentionally making false accusations to the police results in potential civil liability.
Apart from the emotional distress, and life disruption, caused by a false report, because the act is intentional, the accuser could be on the hook for punitive damages, in addition to compensatory damages. Punitive damages are monetary awards that are designed to punish wrongdoers, rather than compensate victims for their losses.” George Khoury Law Blogger.
I can’t say me too!
I can say “You too?” As in you too are alleging sexual harassment and assault after you’ve benefited from being long associated with these men of power in Hollywood and the music industry while women who work 9 to 5’s who file rape and assault charges are being denied their rights… and real rapist and perverts remain free to harass and violate women everyday!
I can’t wear the victim mask if I was born to be criminalized and shamed.
Will I ever be able to say me too standing beside the most privileged women in America?
Will I ever receive the sympathy she gets by just alleging sexual assault not even proven yet in the court of the law?
Black men being labeled guilty of sexual assault by white women losing contracts, and endorsements while stepping down as CEO’s to their own companies sounds a lot like the re-emergence of Jim Crow.
However, this time around they’re not hanging black men from trees. This form of Jim Crow is now labeled “Jane Crow”and the victims will suffer a financial death and defamation of character.
Guilty until proven innocent.
By Janell Hihi @Copyright 2017
I appreciate every comment, question, like and share I receive from my followers. Although I can’t answer every question or reply to every comment, I appreciate everyone taking the time out to reach out, ask questions and share your stories.
Below I will share a question I received from one of my cherished follower regarding narcissism and love bombing.
I thought this question was particularly interesting because love-bombing styles and time frames in which they exist is different for every narcissist.
“Hello, Janell! Is it possible that the love-bombing phase could be so short as to barely be noticeable and that the devaluation could start almost immediately? Also, could a narcissist actively try to drive us away while pretending to want to continue a relationship with us (then ignoring us, restricting contact, dictating what we can and can’t talk to them about)? I am trying so hard to get to a place where I can heal but these questions are preying on my mind because I don’t know if I should be dealing with Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome or something else. This person displays almost all of the characteristics of a narcissist but confounds me in these two ways.”
Let’s define love bombing:
There is no cookie cutter model or exact time-line of how long the narcissist love bombs and when they start to devalue their partner. Typically it’s the first 6 months of the relationship.
However, from my research and personal experience love bombing will last as long as the victim allows the illusion to continue. If for any reason, you begin to assert your boundaries, your expectations and desires, the narcissist will abruptly end the love bombing phase and begin the process of devaluation.
In some instances, love-bombing is part of a long-term pattern of behavior that starts with love bombing and ends in devaluation. As soon as the victim shows signs of leaving the narcissist, he will begin the pattern again. The narcissist will love bomb the victim to pull them back into the relationship, and as soon as they get them back, the devaluation and abuse starts again!
Devaluation is the beginning to the end of your relationship. A narcissist wants a naive’ docile, and passive woman who believes in fairy tales. Most importantly, she must believe everything he says and does without question. The narcissist’s self-esteem is dependent upon whether or not the victim continues to believe in their false self and illusions.
Was there anything that you did to question the narcissist intentions?
If so, please take heed, devaluation games will begin soon. Yes, the narcissist will dictate when you talk to him, when you can see him and what subjects you are allowed to discuss.
One day he will love bomb you and the next he will treat you like you don’t exist. The narcissist wants his victim in a state of confusion so that her mind is blurry and she can’t think straight.
Confusion tends to consume the human mind and people can literally become obsessed with trying to free themselves from the confusion by cognitive dissonance or constant arguments and nagging.
If the narcissist senses that his victim is extremely co-dependent and in desperate need of love and validation they may cut the love bombing phase off after the first few dates and begin to abuse their victim almost immediately.
If one person in the relationship dictates the pace and the terms of the relationship without any input from the other party that is a sure sign of a narcissist who must maintain control of the flow, pace and parameters of the relationship.
Unfortunately, the narcissist will never cease his obsession with control. He will play disappearing acts then suddenly appear out of thin air as if he never left at all to establish complete control over his victim and the relationship.
He is trying to set the standard that he can come and go as he pleases. He will make excuses stating he needs space, he’s an introvert, he works a lot, he doesn’t want to be smothered, he’s stressed or he’s depressed. All are lies to maintain his freedom to keep his options open for other sources of narcissistic supply.
Another important dynamic you should consider is that narcissist who immediately devalues their victims are usually already in a relationship or married and they are looking for a side chick or what some may call a “lower level” source of a supply to keep on the side.
The side supply is not worthy of the love bombing. Therefore, they receive devalue almost immediately!
Typically when the narcissist is devaluing one source of supply he is love bombing another source of supply.
Most narcissist need more than one source of supply. They may be in long term relationships or even marriages but they need back up supply to sustain their sense of superiority and feed their incessant insecurities. It’s no surprise, most narcissist are cheaters!
The narcissist who are not in a relationship or married who devalue their victims right away are bachelors and players. They have a harem of women they recycle throughout the years. These type of narcissist boast about being single and non-committed yet they dangle the carrot of hope in their victims face that maybe one day, if you act right, they might commit to you. Indeed, that day will never come!
Some will even play the victim. Narcissist will go so far that they even cry about how women have hurt them in the past and use that as an excuse not to commit to you and keep you on the back burner to utilize you when they are bored, lonely or horny.
The back and forth, on and off again relationship that’s on his terms is 100% narcissistic. You must ask yourself if you want to continue on interacting with an individual who doesn’t value you enough to allow you to mutually dictate the terms of the relationship.
If you want a partnership this is not the relationship for you.
I wish you the best of luck and most of all, I wish for you to find a partner who respects, cherishes and appreciates all that you have to offer. When you find that man, please send me a message and a wedding picture because I want to share your success story!
By Janell Hihi @copyright 2017
In my article, The Top 4 Most Narcissistic Zodiac Signs there’s no question that Libra emerged on the list as one of the most narcissistic, jealous, petty and irrational Zodiac signs.
Russell Simmons has developed a perverted reputation long before these sexual allegations emerged. Power has a way of corrupting individuals and their fetishes are overt and out in the open. It’s unfortunate, that women who come across narcissistic, materialistic, psychotic Libra men must bare the brunt of their inappropriate sexual language and behavior.
Libra men represent two different sides of the same coin with their annoying, and very contradicting behavior. They are serial capitalist but champions for the poor. They fight for the rights of abused children and at the same time abuse children.
It’s not the same as the innocent contradictive behavior of the Gemini. Libra’s are a lot more cunning, manipulative and dangerous then the flip flopping Gemini who can’t pick a side because they see all sides.
Libra picks a side but in the dark they also perpetrate the very behaviors they claim to be activist against.
Of course, listening to a Libra explain themselves is like listening to a person suffering from multiple personality disorders with a strong case of insecurity and paranoia, argue with themselves to attempt to achieve an inner balance that will never exist.
Essentially, what the Libra tries to accomplish is a Yin and Yang affect as they desperately try to balance scales that will never be balance due to their irrational, self-defeating words that contradict their mischievous and anti-social behavior.
Certainly, the Libra will finesse those naive enough to believe in him with unwavering flattery and charm. However, that seldomly works on people who can see through their Libra’s airy, tyrannical, narcissistic bullshit.
Russell Simmons may be a Hip-Hop mogul who is immersed in the environment of the so-called misogynist rap industry. However, the whole entire entertainment industry, despite the genre is riddled with perverted, abusive, power hungry, sexist and opportunistic individuals.
When you combine desperate women seeking success and fame with power hungry men holding the pin that can write their checks, you get situation where two individuals are using what they have to get what they want.
Consequently, women usually lose in the end and risk not getting their fair share of the deal they indulged in thinking giving into sexual demands will get them a foot in the door. Instead of getting the gig they were promised, they get the boot, on the corner at 4am where an Uber is waiting to escort them back to their dorm room with bedroom hair, smeared mascara, ruffled up clothing and a smirk on their face.
I know several women who slept with famous men hoping that it may turn into something serious or they may land a gig or money making opportunity. I’ve seen women capitalize, make money and live with a deep seated regret knowing that they sacrificed their body for fame.
On the flip side, I’ve seen women get played and never called again. They also wear regret, shame and resentment.
Why is it that some women fall for the industries sexual sharks and others are completely immune to the bullshit that unfortunately comes with the territory?
Amanda Seales shared a story about Russell Simmons. She said upon first meeting Russell, instead of greeting Amanda with a “Namaste, all things can be great,” Vegan tree hugger greeting, Russell flipped his Libra, Narcissistic switch and instead greeted Amanda with, “Hey, you look familiar have we fucked before?”
In which Amanda replied surprised, “No!” Then Russell nods in agreement by stating, “You’re right because if we did, I would remember!”
Whatever happened to, “Hello, how are you?”
Can you imagine what his Yoga studio must feel like? Perhaps his guided meditation goes something like this:
“Close your eyes and take a deep breathe. Now imagine my hands sliding across your breast. Now imagine my d**k gliding down your throat.”
Then after that perverted mediation everyone can gather in the cafeteria and eat some super healthy vegan food.
Is a sexually dominant man, who uses his power to flaunt his perversion a violent rapist or a sex addict?
That is the question we need to be asking. There are many men, I mean even Eric Benet, Halle Berry’s ex husband, who are sexually promiscuous, enthusiasts but not necessarily rapist.
Are the men who approach me on daily basis, complimenting my sexiness, some asking me on dates, others asking me to join them in a threesome with their wife…. are they rapist? No!
Are they disgusting perverts that must be told “NO” and should be avoided at all cost moving forward? YES!
A Libra who pretends to be a goody two shoe Vegan champion of the Namaste, Peace on Earth, meditating, recycling, positive thinkers community had to even out that good boy demeanor by being a complete sexual perversive ass clown in the dark to even out their inner demonic scales.
I’ve always warned the astrological community that Libra’s so-called scales of justice that symbolize their zodiac sign is a fucking curse that must be broken at once!
Apparently, the above tweet is bullshit because it’s obvious Mr. Simmons needs sex. A variety of sex, from multitudes of women, particularly models and actresses who represent every ethnicity.
Is he the pervert who desires to be a monk one day? A celibate monk? Hmmmm I just can’t with Libras!
The above tweet from Russell Simmons paints a picture far different from what these ladies are alleging against him. Perhaps, like most narcissist, Russell believes he can hide behind Bhuddism and live a double life one in which he is a saint, the other a complete and utter sinner?
Are all promiscuous sex addicts rapist? Is a sex addict more likely to rape a woman then a power taunting narcissistic? Isn’t rape about power? Doesn’t Russell already have enough power? Or is there a such thing?
Russell Simmons approaching Amanda Seales in such a sexual connotation is merely a test to see if she is willing to reciprocate. That meeting they had would of turned into a sex match on in Russell’s office instead of a casual business meeting.
What was it about Amanda Seales that made Russell Simmons back off and not coerce her to go to his apartment or try to force her head down to his crotch?
Was it perhaps Amanda’s strong demeanor and complete disinterest in Russell Simmons that turned him off? I think so. I think Amanda was very clear! I don’t think the other women who are accusing Russell Simmons of rape and sexual misconduct clearly stated their boundaries.
I truly believe that they felt like they would lose something if they didn’t indulge in his sexual demands.
I’ve been to a Hip-Hop video shoot, I had a choice to stay and be groped in disrespected all for a chance to land on a music video or maintain my self-respect and leave the set immediately.
I worked for a modeling agency where the boss aggressively pursued me sexually. I had a choice. I sacrificed that paycheck for my self-respect and dignity. I left.
Now every night I sleep soundly, not needing drugs or alcohol to put a bandaid over poor choices I’ve made in the past. Not everyone can say that!
The truth of the matter is. Narcissists must be shut down completely. In order to avoid their abuse you must not be willing to work with them or interact with them at all!
A psychopath will pop up out of the bushes and rape a women during her evening run. A narcissist will test the waters and any sign of weakness or uncertainty in a women will encourage him to continue his demands and get his way.
To a narcissist, the victims desperation for fame, money or validation is his green light to abuse his power.
By Janell Hihi @copyright 2017
Picture the symbol for the sign of Aquarius… a male or sometimes female, pouring out water that symbolizes knowledges.
The internet is the dawning of the age of Aquarius. Today, the freedom, power and knowledge that is available at our fingertips, just a click away, is under attack.
This is just the beginning of the threat to take away our freedom one inch at a time. Before we know it, we’ll be living under the heavy thumb of a regime that will censor and control content, to maintain societal conditioning.
Currently, we live in the age of Pisces. The Pisces energy that we see manifested in the world is the darker side which highlights illusion, deceit, and trickery. Nothing is as it really appears to be and the internet is threatening to lift the veil of the deception the age of Pisces was built upon.
Pisces energy in it’s positive element represents righteous religion practices, spirituality, divine imagination, psychic and telepathic abilities, emotional freedom and creativity. Musically gifted using sound, lyric, rhythm and beats to heal and reshape consciousness.
However, the gifts of the Piscean age are being corrupted and used for evil and deception. Music is being used to reinforce negativity, gender rivalry, promiscuity and drug use. On the flip side, there is conscious music circulating but it is not being promoted by mainstream media.
Everything beautiful about Pisces is being exploited in this age and now that the Age of Aquarius is approaching we must as a collective bring out the higher vibration and consciousness that the gifts of the age of Aquarius has to offer.
The age of Aquarius is about freedom and knowledge. Today, a vote will be casted to take away access to knowledge, freedom of choice and expression. The dark side of Aquarius is rebellion. However, being an Aquarius myself I believe there is a time for rebellion. It is needed and it is necessary!
Rebelling against a system that disguises itself as just, fair and a free democracy will be exposed for the tyrannical, dictating, and oppressive systematic injustices that it’s been long trying to hide.
The internet is the alarm clock that is awakening us to the lies and deception. It is the catalyst for change that is inevitable. It is a threat to the powers that be. Will you allow them to dictate what you can read and see?
By Janell Hihi @Copyright 2017
Can male and females just be friends?
I was naive’ enough to believe once that men and women can just be friends without one person eventually catching very strong feelings. Recently, I’ve become aware of a very common phenomenon that test the authenticity of male/female friendships.
Is a very common phenomenon where either a male or female who has romantic feelings agrees to just be friends. The beginning of a dysfunctional relationship begins because one friend is pretending that they’re not madly in love with the other. Therefore, the friendship is a fraud.
I consider myself a pretty deep thinker but somehow I disregarded the fact that friendship is the strongest form of love. In fact, my parents are coming up on their 56th wedding anniversary and the glue that has kept them together is their strong friendship.
Today, society has us believing that in order to fall in love with another person, sex must be involved. Of course, that’s not always true, especially considering that many men who become friends with women do so because the women is not interested in a relationship.
The friendship is a way for the male to still keep one foot in the door in hopes that the female changes her mind. The male usually goes out of his way to get out of the friend zone by trying to impress the female by being there for her when she needs him, buying her expensive gifts, loaning her money and always lending an ear when she needs to vent.
The female then lowers her defenses and spends more time with her male friend believing that his friendship is genuine and there’s no motive behind it.
The female may slip on one night while hanging out with her male friend, drinking and partying and human biology takes over and they have accidental, drunk sex.
The male friend will automatically assume after the accidental act of sex that he is now in a relationship with the female. He will become clingy, call her his girlfriend and will want to be around her 24/7.
The female will get annoyed and eventually tell the pestering, fake male friend, who had a hidden agenda all along that she only wants to be friends and she’s sorry about what happened.
The male friend won’t understand or he’ll act as if he does for a few weeks until his rage, jealousy and delusion takes over him.
At that point, the female will come to the conclusion that her male friend wants to be more then just friends and it’s best to cut the entire relationship off.
Personally, I’ve had to break up with male friends. They didn’t take it very well. I believe it is out of narcissism and delusion that indicate a severe personality disorder that makes a platonic friend pursue someone who clearly indicates repeatedly that they are not romantically interested.
The Obsessed Male Friend Plays it Cool but They use Generosity to Mask their ill will.
True kindness comes from the heart. Not the ego. The male friend who is generous with hidden strings attached is the beta male who does not have the courage to admit to himself that the rejection he is experiencing from his idolized love interest is real.
He ignores reality and lives in denial and pursues a fantasy in his head he has with you. Unfortunately, when you cut him off because he won’t just be your friend, he will stalk you.
The illusion of you being his girlfriend will remain a constant, obsessive, fantasy that he’ll cling to. He may call you from blocked numbers, slash your tires, follow you in his friends cars, set up fake social media accounts to spy on you. He may go as far as trying to sue you in court for all the gifts he’s given you as a friend.
Some women can end up hurt or even killed by obsessed platonic friends.
Every women should strongly consider being friends with a male that is attracted to them because he may be using the friendship to pursue a delusional relationship with her that can potentially turn dangerous.
I always strongly advise against being friends with men who women have had flings with or even long-term relationships with. I personally only prefer friendships with homosexual men based on the drama I experience with male friends in the past who have fallen in love with me.
Unrequited love hurts.
Some men can’t handle rejection. I’ve heard horror stories of some women even being raped by their so-called male friends. Predators pretend to be understanding, helpful angels disguise but that is all an act just to lower the victims defenses. Once you let them in, they won’t let go.
How to Protect Yourself
Set up surveillance.
I found an inexpensive car monitoring devices/video cameras to protect my vehicle. The first thing a psycho stalker will do is tamper with your car.
Purchase a highly sensitive car alarm. It’s worth the investment. It will call your phone as well when your vehicle is even grazed by a bystander it will go off very loud and obnoxiously.
95% of victims know their stalkers. Most are disgruntled friend zoned men, rejected men, and ex-boyfriends that have mental disorders.
Alert your neighbors.
I put a sign up on my apartments bulletin board advising all residents to look out for a vandalizer. I put a picture of him along with the make, model and plate number of his vehicle on the flyer along with my email address. I asked if anyone seen this person to call 911 immediately.
I always make your neighbors aware of what is going on despite your fears of being looked down upon by them. There is no need to feel embarrassed. People are usually very alert and willing to listen to their neighbors when it comes to possible crime and vandalism.
Take pictures and file police reports.
Regardless of how little damage they did to your car or other property take pictures and report it to the police immediately.
Get a restraining order.
If you don’t act fast, they will continue to level up on the stalking techniques. Try your best to get a free restraining order. However, if you have to pay for it, It’s worth it in the end especially if you have a child to protect. Eventually, the stalker will understand you are quick to act and establish strict boundaries.
21% of stalking victims end up getting hurt or even killed by their stalkers. This is not a game. Ladies be careful out there and act swiftly and accordingly.
By Janell Hihi @copyright@2017