He hurt you. You grieved, fussed, complained and cried.It’s over. Is it time to let go and move forward?
Are you afraid to let him go or let go of the pain?
Letting go of him is the easy part, letting go of the awful ways in which he hurt you is the difficult part.
Staying attached to the pain is a form of self-punishment. Victims of abuse believe that holding on to pain is them not letting their ex partner off the hook so easily. However, it’s the opposite… Victims of abuse are so accustomed to feeling pain, anxiety and punishment that when the relationship ends with the narcissist they go on continuing to hurt and abuse themselves with thought and behavior patterns that perpetuate self-sabotage.
I’ve coached so many women who are complacent in their pain. Gripped by it’s confines because feeling pain is their new normal.
Feeling pain is their comfort zone. Whether it started in their childhood and resurfaced in their adult relationships, it’s there. It’s palpable.
Their palate is accustomed to the familiar taste of pain. They are afraid to grow past it. To use it for their rise rather than sulking in it.
The best advise I can give to women healing from mental and emotional abuse is to do one thing everyday that scares you.
You’re no longer broken hearted after you’ve grieved… you’re afraid!
Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” – deuteronomy 31-6.
Religious or not, call it God, the universe or divine energy. Cling on to whatever you believe in to get you out of your place of fear. You’re not alone!
Practice being more courageous in your own life until bravery becomes a habit.
What can you do today that will take you out of your comfort zone? The more you explore other spaces to be in the faster your heart will learn to love again. We go back, we replay stories in our head and re-experience trauma because walking through a new door is so frightening.
Ask yourself this “Are still in love with your ex or are you just afraid to move forward with your life?”
The price of anything is the amount of life we exchange for it.
– Henry David Thoreau
How many more days will you spend reliving the past instead tasting the sweet nectar of the future?
It’s time to…
By Janell Hihi @Copyright2018