Top Relationship Fears Men have:
Fear of not being able to provide. Men who are financially unstable can’t make love and marriage a priority. The primary focus is obtaining financial security so he will feel secure in his role as a provider. There is no way around this. It’s not you! It’s his pockets!
Fear of a loss of individual freedom. Men fear losing their identity in relationships. They need to feel secure that the women they are with will let them have a life outside of the relationship without bitching and complaining or accusing him of cheating.
Fear of DRAMA. A tactless women who can’t control her mouth or her urge to get revenge on any perceived threat is the drama queen all men avoid. Sure he’ll sleep with her, but he’ll never wife her.
Why? Because she never turns down. She goes zero to 100 without thinking about how her words and actions can devastate her relationship. She is exhausting! One argument after the next, one complaint after the next, one temper tantrum after the next. She’s literally an inevitable heart attack waiting to happen.
Never date a fearful man.
It’s better to date a man who is eager and naive, not sure how things will turn out in the end, but he is certain he will give it all he has to make it work. The fears listed above are general fears mentally healthy men can overcome when they are with a strong, mentally healthy, trustworthy woman.
However, among all fears men have regarding love, fear of failure is a deal breaker!
Effort trumps knowledge and perceived security when it comes to successful relationships. Millennial love has it’s own unique challenges. My parents have been married for over 55 years and their generation had it’s own set of traditional, economic and societal challenges that they had to get through as a couple to sustain their marriage.
A huge mistake most millennials make is trying to duplicate their parents love. It’s important to recognize our generations unique challenges and re-frame a love that works for us in the present moment instead of trying to resurrect a template of love that is not compatible with today’s operating system.
The number one fear most men and women have today is the fear of unrequited love. We’re afraid to give it all we’ve got because we are obsessed with the outcome. Fear is always associated with outcomes. Courageous people never focused on outcomes, they focused on the big picture and the goal at hand because the outcome was depended on effort.
The outcome of a relationship or marriage is dependent on effort. Any man who speaks of fear of commitment has a deep rooted fear of failure in general.
People who are afraid to fail generally suck at relationships as well as every other endeavor they were afraid to take on in their lives because of fear of the outcome.
They’re life is lived off of paranoia and perfection. A fearful man is too safe. He is terrified by risks. He is a control freak and if he can’t guarantee the outcome of any situation he won’t get involved. At least not on a level of deep commitment. He will sleep with you and play house but he won’t marry you.
He needs distance between the two of you to maintain his illusion of control, perfectionism and safety so that he can stay tightly tucked into his cocoon.
Unfortunately, a man that is fearful and afraid to fail is not going to change if you love him harder. In fact, it will push him away even more. Overcoming fear of failure is as intense as overcoming drug addiction and it is something that a fearful man must do on his own.
Do you love a man who has a fear of failure?
Be his friend. Help him get help. Don’t be intimate with him. Just be there as a friend in the distance encouraging him to take small risks. Maybe he’ll overcome his fear, maybe he won’t, but your life keeps moving forward and you wait for a man who believes committing to you is a risk worth taking!
Because even if it doesn’t work out, you were worth the the memories and the lessons.
Nama’Slay – Every day!
By Janell HIhi Copyright@2017