If It’s Meant to Be it Will Be? Or If You Want It, Go Get It?

well wisher

I believe when people say, “If it’s meant to be it will be,” they use it as a cliche’ cop-out.

It’s a way for people who refuse to grow and admit the truth to rationalize everything in life from break ups, getting fired, not getting a job, not closing a deal, etc.,

They get an easy out without going into depth about why they really left, how they didn’t put in enough work to keep their job or how they failed to close a deal because their weak follow up game.

Not wanting to be the bearer of bad news by just being honest with themselves and others is what keeps passive people spewing out that toxic phrase.

It’s an incredibly rude and insensitive thing to say to people who are going through hard times. No one wants to hear, “Sorry for your loss, he’s in a better place now.” After someone you love dies.

Like, really? How would you know if it’s a better place? Have you been there? Fuck out my face!

Or when you get divorced or have a miscarriage passive people say, “It just wasn’t meant to be.” Trying to process a loss and hearing those 6 gut wrenching words is not okay.

Instead say something like, “I am so sorry, I am here if you need anything,” Is more socially acceptable.

Saying, “Well, it just wasn’t meant to be” is a positive indication of a person who lacks personal responsibility. Instead of just saying I chose the wrong partner or I was always late to work because I never planned ahead, is being honest with yourself and others.


It’s not that it wasn’t meant to be, you just didn’t want it bad enough. And that’s okay. Let’s just be adults and keep it real. Miss me with that tired ass phrase lazy people use to dodge responsibility.

Recently, I wrote an article regarding why I hate passive, beta males.

Men who confuse chasing with pursuing, and have major insecurities that give them a timid and hesitant demeanor that most woman I’ve surveyed find very unattractive.

This article is somewhat of a general follow up. I would like to pose this question to my readers:

Are you more likely to say If it’s meant to be it will be?  or Are you more likely to use the phrase, If you want it go get it?”

If you are more likely to say “If it’s meant to be it will be,” You take a more passive and reserved approach to life in general. This is not a bad thing. It just means you believe in the universe, fate, the flow and what is meant to be yours will fall into your lap.

This fate based approach to life has its pros and cons.

You may not be very good in sales. Ambitious people don’t believe if it’s meant to be it will be. They just manifest and make things happen.

Similar to people who complain about being single but don’t take initiative to go out and meet people. They believe the right person will come when it’s meant for them to come and they don’t have to put in any effort to get out the house and meet new people.

This doesn’t mean they beat a dead horse. It means they do the work to show interest, build and develop and if it all falls apart they are not discouraged. Go getters get up and try again, improving their approach and technique. They don’t sulk in resentment and self-pity.

A go getter will never be left contemplating the question, “What if I did more?” or “What if I showed her that I cared in more ways?” Nah. Assertive, ambitious people try and exercise all possibilities before giving up.

That’s why when they walk away they are not sad and depressed. They feel good because they did everything they could. A beta male or fateful person walks away before the chapter is finished.

Chasing someone is pursuing someone who is showing you zero interest. They constantly cancel dates, respond to text messages 24 to 48 hours later, and when they finally meet with you they are inattentive, late and mentally absent. Go getters don’t pursue people who show zero interest. They move on.

Go getters want a return on their investment. Go with the flow, passive people want the other person to do all the work. That’s the fundamental difference.

The go getter at work follows up on leads daily, the passive, “If it’s meant to be it will be,” individual calls the lead once, never follows up and doesn’t care.

They don’t “force,” sales. Whatever the hell that is supposed to mean. Their tiny paychecks is proof of their dependence on the Universe to deliver. Sad!

Passive individuals may hold back when they should move forward boldly and confidently. Taking initiative to them makes them feel like they are being pushy and pressuring other people.

Passive people easily go along with other’s agenda’s because other people’s efforts makes them feel secure.

The major issue with this approach is you may base your efforts on the other persons efforts that your involved with.

If they don’t compliment you, then you won’t compliment them. If they don’t text you first, you won’t text them ever again. If they don’t ask you to hang out, you won’t ask them to hang out.

If they don’t go down on you, then you won’t go down on them. Sex with passive people sucks! They are too dependent on what you do and how much you show you care before they make any moves on their own.

It’s borderline codependent. Yet, they think taking a backseat to everything all the time makes them appear strong and confident. Nah, they look like pussies.

If you want it go get it!

The freedom in this phrase is undeniable. Do we get everything we go after? No! But do we learn a ton in the process? Yes!

The fruit of knowledge is in the journey not in the destination.

The number one regret on the death beds of many is that they regret they didn’t follow their dreams and love harder!

Who wants to live their lives everyday knowing that they are pre-destined to a certain fate and they can’t do anything about it but let it play out?

Not me! That’s a delusional way to live. Free will and choice does play a part to a certain extent. The only time it doesn’t is when people are faced with systematic oppression and that’s another blog.

They didn’t pay enough attention, show enough affection and they didn’t risk enough to win! They never reconciled differences, resolved grudges nor did they have the courage to ask those they’ve hurt for forgiveness.

Nothing risked, nothing gained. Is your soul’s bank account drained?

What approach do you take and why? Please comment below, “like” and share.


J. Hihi Copyright@2017

14 Reasons why I hate Beta Males


Generally, I do not get along very well with passive people. Being an alpha female, beta males just don’t do it for me.

Since I have no interest in controlling a man, and I’d much rather let a man be a man, beta males are too passive in nature to ever appeal to my straight forward, and very assertive personality type.

Straight forward people enjoy the company of other straight forward people. If you are too passive, you can pass your ass along to the next female. If a man is waiting for me to pursue him, or be an aggressor in moving a relationship forward, he will be waiting forever.

If he pursues, I respond with excitement and appreciation. If he doesn’t pursue, nothing will happen. This is because my femininity doesn’t have a desire to pursue. I do have a desire to be pursued. That’s about it!

This is partly due to my home environment as a child. My father was an alpha male, and I find it very difficult to look for a man who doesn’t have that alpha, take charge, type of attitude.

For women who grew up with a more passive father, she may have witnessed her mother taking charge and internalized that as a normal relationship dynamic. This is okay too. There is somebody for everybody.

Beta males have an over abundance of female friends they orbit hoping to get lucky with one of them one day.

Beta’s fail to understand that the friendship never turns into romance because they don’t know how to initiate intimacy and properly pursue a woman. In fact, most of them confuse pursuing with chasing. Poor little pea brains!

Most beta males put themselves in the friend zone because they are afraid of a deeper connections.

If you are not sure if a beta male will light your fire or burn it out, check out the 14 most common signs of a beta male below.

1.  – Beta, passive aggressive males tend to be smart but will be condescending if he notices you’re his intellectual equal or superior.

2. Beta males hate to hear you talk about your accomplishments. It’s like hearing nails scrape across a chalk board. Every thing you accomplished in life is a threat to his ego and his existence. He may even mock you in conversation to show in a passive aggressive way that he really doesn’t care.

3. Will sulk in self-pity for being single yet he is so unrealistically picky, for the most trivial reasons, no women measures up to his grandiose idea of what she should be. Although he is very average looking, and tends to be on the shorter side of the male height spectrum, his standards surpass what he is able to give in return.

He lies about his height adding 3-4 inches. When you see him in person it’s almost comical. Like, you didn’t tell me you were 5’5 and balding!

Women aren’t the only one’s manipulating pictures, beta males do it all the time!

4. They expect women to always make the first move and move things forward. Beta males don’t pursue. This is another reason they are ALWAYS single. They want women calling them and chasing them like they’re the prize.

5. He will never be direct about what he wants. Regardless if it’s dinner plans, picking a movie to watch, whether or not he likes you, etc., He is indirect, he will tap dance around every little thing and still not say what he means. He has poor communication. Most of his relationships have failed miserably because of it.

He is also very defensive. He’s the type that will tell you something sad then get defensive when you make a supportive statement.

Beta male: “I’m worried about the results of the test.”

Normal woman: “I’m sure you’ll pass, just keep hoping for the best.”

Beta male: Ummm I’m good I always hope for the best. I’m not that worried just slightly concerned. I know I’ll pass the test I was just throwing all possibilities out there. I’ll do just fine, and thanks.

(Notice how he makes 3 contradicting thoughts in one sentence, now that’s how you know a person is not dealing with a full deck.)

Normal woman is thinking: “Why is this 5’5 balding midget getting defensive about a supportive statement I made?

Because he hides his insecurity behind defensiveness. He’s so delusional he takes kind words and morphs them into personal attacks on himself. He also tries too hard to be funny to overcompensate for his loss of hair, height and microscopic penis.

6. He has a weak ass handshake or half-ass hug  upon meeting you.  Like limp wristed, dainty, maybe just slips the tips of his fingers into your hand, handshake. This makes me cringe!

7. He’s scared to touch women. Again, the woman has to lean in and give him a kiss. It’s just awkward. He’s scared of many things, and touching a woman is a huge hurdle for him. Being truly intimate is hard for him, he has been friend-zoned more than the average man. He has tons of female friends, but no girlfriends, ever! Sometimes a woman wants a man to pull her hair gently and give her a passionate kiss, but beta males just don’t get it!

8. He’s too accommodating and generally let woman sail the ship. Everything SHE wants he bends to make it happen. I’d get bored with a beta in 5.2 seconds, like really? Grow some balls and tell me “No!” Even Siri is has more of a back bone than a beta male.

9. Gets hung up over rejection. It takes a beta male every bit of energy he has to ask a girl out and if it doesn’t workout he sulks internally. He literally hates putting himself out there and expressing interest is very hard for him to do because he takes rejection too personally.

10. He’s a neoliberal. Nothing worse than a fake champion for humanity. He believes in justice so people can like him more. He is too liberal about everything! A normal person has some bias. It’s unrealistic not to have a spec of bias. He believes people should be able to marry animals. He’s so far left, I can’t see him. He will never be in my view for a potential partner. Ever!

11. They always ask, “Where do you want to go?” Like damn! Why do I have to decide. Download Yelp and find a restaurant with good reviews and just tell me where were going. As long as we have fun it doesn’t matter anyways. No lady wants to brainstorm about where to go on a date for 20 minutes on the phone. Wow, use Google! The beta is always on social media so he shouldn’t have a problem looking for recommendations.

Alpha males post 40% less than beta males. Since beta males are in their feminine they are always posting selfies, trying to be witty to attention and talk to damn much to be masculine.

They are too damn nonchalant. Like there is no fire in them. They answer most questions like, “I don’t know, whatever you think is best.” Damn, you don’t have an opinion? Yawn.

They are stoic and stiff in passionate moments and happy, humorous and outgoing in moments where silence or serious conversation between adults is required. Stating that beta males are socially awkward is an understatement.

12. Beta males are liars. Telling the truth is an alpha move, it’s a hard thing to do. Of course beta males are incapable of handling anything difficult in life and would rather take the short cut. Be prepared to find out many white lies. Lies that were not even worth lying about. It’s immature, pathetic and unnecessary drama.

13. They panic when something goes wrong. They keep Xanax in their car. They lack rational problem solving skills. When something goes wrong they sweat, pace back and forth, call their female friends to complain, choose someone to blame, act violently against soft targets like woman, children, handicap or elderly. They cry too. More than the average man. They resemble a raging toddler. It’s pretty pathetic and I just can’t!

14. He takes a woman out of her feminine. Beta males want women to be the masculine aggressor. They have everything twisted and confused. Maybe they lacked a father figure. A woman cannot feel like a woman with a beta male because she always has to be in charge, always has to plan everything and she must always try to read between his blurred line. His constant need for validation is exhausting.

Most conversations with beta males start with the woman in his life asking, “What’s wrong?” He is sulking, giving her the silent treatment and acting like a grown ass kid afraid to tell a grown ass woman what it is. I’ll pass. Masculine women looking for beta males, you’re lucky! There are plenty of them out there waiting for you to take charge!

By Janell Hihi Copyright@2017