The Anger & Resentment of Settling for Less

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The Number 1 symptom you’re settling for less!

You feel like you’re fighting an uphill battle.

“None of us should expect to tiptoe through tulips all day long, but if you spend most of your time trying to fix, alter, or cope with a situation, there is a good chance it’s not the right one for you. Joy is a natural outcome of being where you should be. So if you’re constantly struggling to feel good, it’s probably time for a change.” Iyanla Vanzant

The saying holds true for a reason, “Never settle for less than what you deserve,”

Settling for less than what you want in a relationship leads to inner hostility, anger and resentment.

Holding a vision of the type of relationship you want but accepting less in reality creates conflicting inner dialogue that will eventually sabotage your relationship.

If you find yourself breaking up and making up with your partner. You’re settling. Oscillating between settling and temporarily breaking up to justify your need to not settle just to take them back and settle again.

What’s worse is feeling self esteem drop a few notches like a plane that was cruising but is now experiencing violent turbulence. Why is that? Because we failed to live up to the promises we made to ourselves by compromising with others.

Whatever we settled for will permanently end eventually end because it’s not what we wanted to begin with.

It’s far better to never start sub-par relationships by passing on them altogether rather than creating more pain and heartache by lowering standards to satisfy the temporary emotion of neediness.

All that’s needed is patience, faith and the ability to say no thanks!

If you order a steak but the waiter comes back and offers you beef flavored Ramen Noodles instead, will you accept it just to be nice and avoid conflict? Will you sacrifice what you want to give others what they want?

Can others easily talk you out of what you want? Are your standards easily lowered to appease others? Or do you think you can turn noodles into steak by forcing people to change?

Do you have the courage and patience to wait for your steak?

Sure, your stomach is growling with ravaging hunger and you really want to eat. However, you have to decide if instant gratification is better than longterm fulfillment.

Steak or Noodles. You Decide!

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J. Hihi

Copyright@2018

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If Someone Truly Wants to Be in Your Life They Will Do Whatever it Takes

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Letting go free’s you.

It allows other people the opportunity to show you how much you mean to them.

If someone truly wants to be in your life, they will do whatever it takes. No excuses!

Again, if someone truly wants to be in your life they will do whatever it takes!

NO. EXCUSES.

Make that your mantra.

Their action or lack of action, is the bittersweet answer. The answer is what it is. Some people come in your life who are meant to leave, some are meant to stay and there is nothing we can do about it.

Surrender control and move on fast!

Accept your part in it. Did you settle for less than what you really want? Did you ignore red flags? Learn. Do better next time!

Acceptance is a small quiet room. Sit there for awhile, be still, then get out and live your best life!

J. Hihi

Copyright@2018

Sarah’s Suppression: The Obsession to Not Feel

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When things suddenly change and you’re supposed to remain un-bothered. It’s all a part of the defiant act of living. Denying our humaneness to appear emotionally stable. There is no stability in emotions. No solid form, it’s like trying to nail jello to a tree.

They will not submit to the subtle choke of a leash. Untamed. They are erratic and unapologetic. Yet we suppress, deny and act as if they don’t matter. Meanwhile, in our disdain, they seethe and start to seep…

They linger in backgrounds like memories taking me back around that time when he was more consistent. When my insecurity was silenced by his predictability.

But what do we do when patterns die and what is left is a faint whisper, an un-returned text and the toothbrush he left weeks ago, sitting as a reminder that he’s there somewhere in the in-between. He hasn’t arrived and he hasn’t completely left.

The gripping pain of the lingering.

And you better be quiet girl. You better keep cool.

Don’t let your humanness emerge and show him something exist inside you besides an orgasm and a sweaty thrill ride with soaked up sheets and bed hair.

Better not show him you care. He wants to know that you don’t so that your love doesn’t smother him. Since when did love become a sinister sadist roaming the earth looking for victims to torture? After all, isn’t love the giver of life? I can’t breathe air into you if you aren’t willing to be revived.

And after weeks of analyzing his sudden plot twist in my romantic story line, he casually replies to a text I sent 16 days ago…

He said, “I’m just doing me.”

In which I replied, “Oh, so that would imply your no longer doing me.”

He paused for about 30 minutes before responding and replied…

“huh?”

Tidbits with the ignorant conversationalist… More to come.

By Janell Hihi Copyright@2017

If A Man Comes on Too Strong, More Than Likely He is on The Prowl for a Rebound or Worse…

First of all, I want to thank all my followers who send me emails for advice which gives me great blog topics to write! I thank you several times over…

If I haven’t answered you by writing a blog, I will reply to your email within 7-10 days. Please, keep the emails coming!

A common theme in recent emails I’ve noticed is women dating men who come on way too strong in the beginning.

It’s an eerie, stalker-like, artificial feeling that emerges in our guts when we date a guy who is just doing way too much!

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We get this feeling in our guts because the high level of emotion and attention they are giving us is unrealistic in proportion to how little they know us and how little time they’ve actually spent with us.

The man who comes on too strong has an agenda. The agenda does not benefit you. Sorry. The agenda is to come quickly and go quickly. They turn up the heat to the max in a very short time and then turn it off in a very short time.

This is because they got too excited too fast and then crashed and burned. Unfortunately, when they crash and burn they get bored and ghost you. Moving to the next fast thrill.

They are kind of like sprint runners or adrenaline junkies. They reach the climax way too fast then stop abruptly when the thrill is over.

The guy who is coming on too strong is not connected to you or your emotions. He is selfish, he needs to fill a void within himself and he is obsessed with getting his own needs met.

The man who comes on too strong is NOT interested in investing into a long-term connection with you. Investing is not gambling, it’s a long drawn out process of getting to know someone.

He won’t truly open up to you and you will notice this in his frequent, yet shallow phone calls and text messages. He communicates way too much, most of the time his text/ voicemail messages sound more like a personal monolog than a genuine interest in getting to know you. Example:

“Hey babe just got off work, now I’m heading to my Yoga class, then I’m meeting my friends for drinks.” 

“Man, I’m busy, this day just won’t let up.”

“I’m glad the cafeteria here at work added chicken breast to the salad bar.”

If he is calling you Babe, baby, boo or boo thang within only 2-3 weeks of knowing you. He is not in this for you, he is in this for himself.

Most guys realize that telling the new chick they just met that they just broke up with their girlfriend like a week or two ago is an instant dealbreaker. So most men like to say, “I broke up with my ex 3-6 months ago.” This gives you, who is the unsuspecting victim, a false idea that he is well over his ex while in reality, he is still very much in love.

A little digging will reveal the truth if you can spare 15 minutes on the internet you are bound to find the truth. And for those of you who think that is stalker-like behavior, you obviously don’t mind being played. To each it’s own, but I prefer the proactive approach. Reactivity is for weak B****’s

A guy who is rebounding will be completely emotionally distant or unavailable, OR he will come on too strong! He will be so desperately trying to ignore the pain of his recent breakup, that he will smother you with text, phone calls, dates, attention and unwarranted affection. It’s a huge turn off if you have self-esteem. If you are low on self-love and desperate for affection, you are fish in the net for this asshole.

The guy who is rebounding will try to seamlessly slip you right into the role their ex played. His ex that he was with for over a year or so and this is why it seems unreal and superficial. He is trying to make an entry level employee a CEO after a week on the job.

What comes fast, goes fast! This is spiritual and physical law. This means you have to pump the breaks, slow things down and take the wheel and drive at a speed that is comfortable for you. He can ride along or get off at the next stop, either way, you stay in control.

So, what are the signs a man is coming on too strong?

  1. He calls you Babe, Bae, Girlfriend, Boo or Honey way too soon. Like within a week of knowing you.
  2. He is way too physical, way too fast. He touches you like he’s known you for years and you are creeped out.
  3. He always wants to know WYD. Like really? Tell that boy you are grown, and there is no need for him to know everything that goes on in your day. Geesh (The Pressure… in my Jhene’ Aiko Voice)
  4. He talks a lot, about shallow and vague topics. He talks just to talk. You start to feel like your a sounding board and not a real love interest.
  5. You find out he lied about how long ago he broke up with his ex by doing a little social media research. However, you don’t feel it’s worth it to bring it up and it’s better to just move on and leave him on the back burner just in case one day in the future you’re really desperate… and need some attention or an ego stroke. Besides, that is what he is doing to you!
  6. He is a serial monogamist. He has never taken a break from relationships. One girl after the next, back to back… This is scary. People who can’t be alone scare the living shit out of me!

Well, there you have it. So be on the watch and if you are dating a guy who does the most, pump the breaks. Don’t allow yourself to be used.

By Janell Hihi

Copyright@2017