Just Leave: The Timing is Never Going to Be Right

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I looked through some of my old diaries today. I finally had some time to reflect on what I’ve been through but most importantly what I was strong enough to overcome.

When I was faced with the decision to leave toxic relationships, the timing was always bad and the circumstances, even worse.

I learned the hard way that there is never a perfect time to leave. There’s never a good time or a more convenient day. Today is the only day. Tomorrow is not promised and yesterday is dust lingering, quickly fading. Gone.

If you’re in a toxic relationships and you’re telling yourself, “I’ll wait until I get a job, I’ll wait until I save more money, or I’ll wait to see if he changes…” Stop prolonging the inevitable. You will need to leave eventually. You can’t continue to breath poison and survive. Leave now!

Either you’ll get discarded by the narcissist and have no choice but to move on or you will reach your breaking point and be forced to leave!

The funny thing about finally deciding to really leave is that when you build up the courage, the circumstances couldn’t be more dire.

But wait…

This is your chance to live the courageousness that you feel. This is the time to push through and make due with tears streaming down your face and uncertainty overwhelming you…

Sometimes we don’t have an exit plan. Sometimes the only exit plan is to GO! We make a plan as we go along. If you have to stay in a women’s shelter, live with a family member or friend or drive across the country for refuge. Just go!

And somehow, with the grace of God, when we leave doors begin to open. Resources become available, helpers come along the way to assist us in our struggle of rebirth mentally, physically and financially.

It’s a journey.

There isn’t a map you can download… No GPS to guide you- Just courage, faith and determination!

Nothing is holding you back.

Just.

Leave.

Please share in the comment section if you’re a survivor of narcissistic abuse and how you decided to leave… what was your breaking point? What obstacles did you face? Most importantly, how did you overcome? Your stories will inspire others! I look forward to reading!

By Janell Hihi @Copyright 2019

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The Number 1 Reason You Can’t Get Over Him

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Regardless if you were in a relationship with a narcissist or not, if you’re grieving beyond a reasonable time frame – you invested too much into the relationship.

It’s easy to place all the blame on a narcissist and their so-called abusive behavior. It’s an entire other issue to avoid acknowledging that perhaps you invested too much time, energy, money or emotion into that relationship.

When one person gives too much, the scale is left unbalanced. The person who did the most feels extremely slighted when the relationship ends.

The individual that gives more to others then they give to themselves will always have a very difficult time getting over an ex. The resentment developed from feeling like you wasted time, energy and resources on a man that you could of invested in yourself triggers anger that is hard to resolve.

This is why we must always put ourselves first. Otherwise, we’ll put unrealistic demands on our partners to satisfy needs they aren’t required to that would make us feel happy and secure about ourselves.

Believe it or not, the bigger an individuals ego, the harder it will be to get over heartache and pain.

The ego has a difficult time accepting that a relationship didn’t work out because the ego believes that the self is perfect and anyone who doesn’t recognize that perfection by expressing disinterest is held captive in the victims mind like a hostage.

Letting go of someone who hurt you shouldn’t feel like you’re giving them a pass. If it does, check your ego at the door. No one is above getting hurt, being betrayed or deceived. A mentally mature person not overly identified with the ego doesn’t allow heartbreak to change how they feel about themselves.

Self-esteem should not waver from high to low based on whether or not a man decides to leave or stay.

Getting over an ex first requires you to get over yourself.

Nothing annoys me more when I hear women say, “I can’t believe he hurt me.” I always ask them why they can’t believe it?

After a long pause, most women reply by stating how many guys are waiting to date them, how often they get asked out, some even point out how much money they make or their social status as if it’s impossible just because they model part-time that any guy would think of leaving them or cheating on them.

My favorite answer is “I gave him everything!” If you give him everything, you gave too much. Keep some of yourself for yourself and the next time a relationship ends letting go will be a lot easier.

By Janell Hihi @Copyright 2018