Why He Won’t Commit: Men Respond to Consequences

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Men don’t commit when a women gives off the energy that deep inside, she feels she’s not worthy of a commitment. A man’s behavior is a reflection of the women’s subconscious mind.

If you give him the cow for free, he will never buy the milk. Demanding that a man start paying for something that was given to him freely won’t have any value to him.

He won’t buy it. He won’t commit. What’s the incentive?

Better yet, what are the consequences if he doesn’t commit?

You must set the tone in the beginning of the relationship that you will not perform wife duties for a casual boyfriend.

State your intentions in a sweet and non threatening way so that he doesn’t become defensive.

By simply saying “no” if he asks you to move in with him or have unprotected sex before marriage, will indirectly let him know that he won’t get very far with you without being fully vested in taking his commitment to the next level.

Women who say marriage is just a piece of paper.

Most women who also say they don’t believe in marriage are either filthy rich or come from wealthy families and simply don’t care. Or. their self-esteem is so low that they secretly believe they don’t deserve marriage or a men won’t look at them as wife material. These women never demand much from men and mostly only participate in struggle love.

Simply telling a man “Moving in together and having unprotected sex is for married couples.” Were not ready for that right?” Will set the tone of the relationship that you have standards.

He’ll be shook. And that’s a good thing. Your value will go up tenfold because you showed him you wouldn’t settle!

If you’ve always wanted or been open to marriage, don’t sell yourself short by convincing yourself that the next best thing is the same thing. It’s not. And you deserve to have the bond you dream about – not the one that’s become convenient or “acceptable” today.

What’s trending on the dating scene is a very pessimistic and far left feminist view that marriage is meaningless because the divorce rate is so high.

Instead of reinventing marriage and carefully choosing partners, millenials choose to throw out the concept altogether.  It’s quite disturbing!

Of course if a man doesn’t want marriage he should have no interest in living with you or having children.

Just think about it. If your boyfriend thinks you’re good enough to move in with, why doesn’t he think you’re good enough to marry?

Many women are fucking up the census data because on paper they are not married but they are shacked up with a longterm boyfriend and has children with him. These women are not able to check the “Married” box on paper because they didn’t value themselves enough to protect their own legal rights.

The issue with dating today is everything is backwards now. Women give and give of themselves before commitment and expect to be matched with their efforts and commitments later. They bet their time, energy, sex and love on a future promise or sheer hope that she can love him enough to change his mind about marriage.

The secret to avoiding men who are allergic to commitment is to be the women a man has to come prepared for. You never want to be the women who accepts the man who is not prepared to commit and make it your mission to help him get prepared.

Don’t be the filler girl helping the recently separated man get through his divorce. Don’t help the unemployed guy look for a job and get on his feet.

Instead better yourself and your own situation and wait for a man who is PREPARED to commit.

He’ll leave you regardless of how much you helped him. What’s worse is after he said he didn’t believe in marriage, he’ll marry the next women he meets within a year!

Don’t believe me, just watch! I’ve seen this scenario play out time and time again.

Tyler Perry’s new movie Acrimony that will be released on March 30th is the perfect example.

She believed all her hard work and sacrifices she’s made to help her man will pay off eventually.

It didn’t pay off. He left her and Married another women at the peak of his career. He left her for the women he had to come correct with.

It is imperative to establish time limits with men. Again, men respond to consequences. If they can take everything you have to give without even calling you their fiancé and suffer no consequences… meaning you stay in the relationship and continue to act like a wife when your nothing more then a girlfriend with NO LEGAL PROTECTION.

It‘s important to check a boyfriend when he is out of his jurisdiction. 

If your boyfriend is helping you decide where to live, where to work, how to discipline kids that aren’t his, etc., He is acting like your husband not your boyfriend.

He needs to be put in his place immediately! Set parameters and boundaries for boyfriends drawing a clear line between what boyfriends influence and what a potential husband influences.

Boyfriends get your time when it’s convenient for you. Husbands get your time everyday. Know the difference, a boyfriend does not have the privilege to see you everyday! He get’s limited access and if he wants more he needs to commit more.

Stay away from men who say “Marriage is just a piece of paper” but he wants you to be EXCLUSIVE with him.

Exclusive for what?

Stay away from men who say they don’t believe in marriage. Ask him what he believes in. Watch him explain away that real love isn’t validated my marriage. Yawn and role your eyes while he banters.

Marriage is a smart business decision that secures the child, mothers and fathers future. According to a article on Pyschology.com “Unearned Privilege: 1,000+ Laws Benefit Only Married People” Married couples benefit in the following ways:

Economic:

Access to a partner’s Social Security benefits

The right to inherit property even if your spouse dies without a will

Tax breaks on estate taxes

Tax breaks on inheritance taxes

Exemptions from penalties on IRAs that unmarried people pay

Spouses can give each other huge monetary gifts ($14,000 a year, as of 2017(link is external)) without paying taxes, and together, they can give twice that amount to a recipient and the recipient won’t have to pay taxes

Income tax breaks (for married couples filing jointly compared to solo single people)

Worker’s compensation benefits

Relevant to children:

Married couples can jointly adopt children

They have claims to custody

Health-related:

Greater access to health insurance

Hospital visitation rights

When people get married in the U.S., they become officially special. With their marriage certificate in hand, they automatically qualify for the benefits and protections of more than 1,000 laws(link is external)—and that’s just counting the ones at the federal level.

People who marry do not have to do anything to earn that special treatment denied to people who are not married. They do not have to have a good marriage or a faithful marriage or a loving marriage. They do not have to have kids. They do not need to be new to marriage; they get access to the outpouring of protections regardless of whether their marriage is their first or their twenty-first.

I have mentioned the 1,000+ federal laws many times over the 10 years I have been blogging here at Psychology Today. I just realized that I never offered PT readers a list of some of the most important examples. I did do that for one of my monthly columns for Unmarried Equality(link is external), back in 2015 when the Supreme Court legalized same-sex marriage with its Obergefell v. Hodges(link is external) decision. The list of laws was relevant in that context because gaining access to those advantages was one of the important goals of those who worked so hard to make marriage equality a reality.

With thanks to Unmarried Equality(link is external) for their permission to adapt what I wrote for them, here is a sampling of some of the federal laws that benefit and protect only people who are officially married:

Economic:

Access to a partner’s Social Security benefits

The right to inherit property even if your spouse dies without a will

Tax breaks on estate taxes

Tax breaks on inheritance taxes

Exemptions from penalties on IRAs that unmarried people pay

Spouses can give each other huge monetary gifts ($14,000 a year, as of 2017(link is external)) without paying taxes, and together, they can give twice that amount to a recipient and the recipient won’t have to pay taxes

Income tax breaks (for married couples filing jointly compared to solo single people)

Worker’s compensation benefits

Relevant to children:

Married couples can jointly adopt children

They have claims to custody

Health-related:

Greater access to health insurance

Hospital visitation rights

Authority to make medical decisions

Others:

Next-of-kinship rights

Immigration rights

Survivors’ rights and benefits

Can get listed on a spouse’s death certificate

The privilege of not having to testify against your spouse in criminalcases

The privilege of having your communications with your spouse protected in criminal and civil cases.

In fact, stay away from any man who express extremism. Meaning, he is totally against commitment and marriage. You want a man who is open to possibilities who didn’t let his parent’s divorce taint his idea of love, commitment and marriage.

The man who says marriage is a piece of paper but he wants you to move in with him, cook, clean and even have his child without proposing marriage is a con man.

He will have every excuse in the book not to commit to get married. The most annoying excuse is “The divorce rate is too high” The newest excuse is “I’m not religious.” 

I wish there was a break up rate/statistic out there as a rebuttal. I would advise to steer clear of men who use statistics and focus on the negative aspect of marriage. They will likely focus on the negative aspect of everything.

He will make you’re life a living hell!

The same guy who uses divorce statistics to justify why he’s not mature enough to make a solid commitment will likely participate in other risky behavior that statistically proves to be bad for his health or his pocketbook.

The contradiction is real. So is his bullshit.

I did manage to find a few statistical statements from Andrew Ekleberry on Quora regarding relationship versus marriage statistics.

“A husband has openly, publicly, pledged with his actions, to spend his life, with a particular woman.

A boyfriend may say a bunch of words that no one else hears, but in reality has promised, and pledged nothing.

Statistically, a boyfriend relationship will last on average, about 3 years. Whereas a husband will for the most part spend the rest of his life with someone.

Legally, a wife has protections under the law, when married. A girlfriend has zero protection, and will end up completely on their own, if anything happens.

I’ve even seen where a husband passed away, and the girlfriend, that he had been living with for over 15 years, got zero, while the estranged wife, that the husband was still married too, got the house, the car, everything.

A husband is a moral, legal, and religiously affirmed real relationship.

A boyfriend… is basically nothing. A boy…. that’s a friend. That’s what “boy…. friend….” means.”

Furthermore, if a man truly doesn’t want marriage, he will reject the benefits that come with marriage. He will not move in with a women, he will not have children with her and he will not share his finances or resources. He will date and court her only, and he will not expect her to cook, clean or have his children. He won’t expect his girlfriend to have his back like a wife would. Therefore, the relationship should be casual, free and unbinding.

Imagine you’re a sales person at a car dealership and a potential buyer proposes a deal. He would like to drive a car and use it for any purpose he chooses with the option to put as many miles as he would like to on the car. Once he’s done using it, he wants to bring it back to the dealership and trade it in for a newer model.

You offer the customer a deal to buy the car. However, he declines because he doesn’t want the commitment of buying the vehicle but he wants all the benefits that comes with buying a vehicle. You rebuttal the customer by offering him to lease the vehicle but he doesn’t want to lease because he doesn’t want a cap on how many miles he can put on the vehicle without being charged extra.

What would you propose to such a difficult customer? They don’t want to buy the vehicle, however, they want to get over on you. What he wants versus what he’s willing to give is substantially out of balance.

The type of man that seriously does not want marriage will be upfront and should not expect marriage benefits. If he expects marriage benefits but doesn’t believe in a piece of paper, he’s full of shit. He will use you and bend you over every which way until he gets bored and disposes of you.

You offer him NOTHING to look forward to, and nothing to work towards. And the relationship is void of life force and excitement. Your over-giving killed it. May the bond you never let happen rest in peace.

The women who obliges to these foolish demands that men make without demanding any solid commitment of marriage in return are creating monsters for the rest of the women in the dating pool.

If he’s uncertain you’re the one, his uncertainty should cut off all his benefits. Until he becomes certain he shouldn’t be laying up under you and asking you whose texting you. Furthermore, you shouldn’t feel obligated to answer any of his questions.

uncertainty.jpg

When he leaves you after using you up, he believes all women should drain themselves of their resources for a man who doesn’t believe in marriage but does believe in playing house.

When a women gives a man husband privileges without even being engaged she puts a dagger in the progress of the relationship that will forever stunt it’s growth and kill the excitement.

The man who wants you to answer to him, is the man who wants you as his wife. I believe an exclusive relationship is a marriage and a women should never commit until a ring is on her finger.

Boyfriends and exclusivity is like oil and water, they don’t mix. When did women start believing boyfriends have some type of ownership over them with the power to take them off the market?

if you’re both over the age 32… Within 2 years a man should know if you’re the one or not. No exceptions!

If you’re okay with the arrangement of being a girlfriend performing wifey duties, to each it’s own. However, if you’re just pretending to be that type of women to keep a man, stop lying to yourself.

I had a client I coached who dated a guy for 3 years. Finally after 3 years he asked her to move in with him into the house he owned.

He was paying a mortgage. He wanted her to pay half without making her his wife of putting her on the deed. She lived with him for an additional 5 years helping him pay off his house. He never married her. They eventually broke up and she moved out. Basically, he had a roommate with no legal stakes on a mortgage she helped pay. Did she get an equity check from him? NO.

Speaking of equity. Marriage and commitment is your equity. The so-called “Building together” only starts after the marriage license is secured. Everything before that either built up to marriage or was a total waste of time.

Ladies, don’t do it. This something for nothing nonsense with men must stop!

Every good negotiator ensures they get something out of the deal. Stop being weak pushovers!

Stop apologizing for what you want. It’s perfectly okay to want to be a wife. It’s not old school, it’s not old fashioned and it doesn’t make you less of an independent women. It makes you human!

What if your manager at work wanted to give you management responsibilities but refused to promote you, raise your pay or give you the title of a manager? Would you accept that? I hope not, but some of you #%€#! Basic women will.

It’s not about a piece of paper, its about how much he can get from you without giving anything in return! 

If you want more of a commitment but you’re not getting it, pull back.

When he asks you why you’re acting distant and different, tell him nicely and respectfully his inability to commit to you is a clear indication that he does not want you. Let him know you’re going to do you for now and you really don’t believe you need to give him an in depth explanation…

After all, the two of you are not committed. You’re friends! Make sure it is clear the relationship is relabeled as a friendship. The consequence should be clear, no marriage, no marriage benefits! Period, dot com!

By Janell Hihi Copyright@2018

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