It’s easy to find a guy to hook up with you but it is not easy to find a man who wants to date you. It’s essential that you know the difference.
The hook-up culture is too accessible. It’s overly abundant and cheap. Every girl, no matter how attractive, intelligent or interesting, has at least 3 guys in her contact list she can call if she needs sex.
More than likely, she has at least one casual sex partner she uses to get by and maintain her sanity. She knows that relationship is going nowhere and she is cool with that. However, when she continues to meet men who also give off the casual sex vibe, she has no real desire to allow them to pursue her.
Sex comes very easily to women. What humors me is that men still have a hard time realizing that if all their offering is dick served on a plastic platter, so is John, Dustin, James and Damien.
Women, unlike men, seek more than the physical aspect of relationships. The reason for this is women are constantly approached with sexual innuendo’s and human nature is to only appreciate that which is scarce.
Therefore, women desire relationships more than men because it is harder to attain than sex. We want what we can’t have.
Casual sex actually gives women the upper hand. I’ve spoken to several men who once believed that casual sex worked in their favor but that only works with extremely promiscuous women.
Women are typically more satisfied with one sex partner. Men, on the other hand, can have several sex partners and still not be satisfied.
Casual sex is not for everyone, but most people do not find out if they can handle it until after they try it.
Some men have become hip to the game and they are more manipulative in their approach. They act as if they want a relationship with you by choice of words and allocation of their attention but when it comes to their actions or lack thereof, their intentions become glaringly clear.
Casual sex is necessary sometimes.
If you do not already have a fuck buddy, (most people already do) and you do not desire a serious relationship, go ahead and indulge. However, I would recommend that it stays on your terms only!
Being used and using others is too entirely different concepts when it comes to no strings attached sex. If all you want is the booty, get it when it is convenient for you, not for him.
Do not interrupt plans in your life to accommodate a casual sex escapade. Instead, make the fuck buddy prospect work around your needs, your schedule, and your convenience.
First of all, what constitutes as casual sex:
- Late night texts, asking to come over.
- When a guy barely knows you and ask if you want to come over and Netflix and chill or drink a bottle (alcohol) at his house…
- All your dates consist of eating food at restaurants, or drinking at bars and going back to his place to finish the night off with sex.
- He doesn’t show interest in your life but is very physically attracted to you.
- Or he does show interest in your life at a minimum just so he can keep getting some ass on a bi-weekly basis.
- He doesn’t ask you out on real dates, only restaurants, bars and chilling at his house.
- He tells you straight up he does not want a relationship.
- Text are shallow. He may text you every day but there is no substance to his communication. It’s always surface, small talk like, “How are you?” – “Hey” etc., when you talk over the phone it’s about the weather or something minuscule and lacking intimacy. He doesn’t really ask questions to get to know you.
- If the relationship isn’t progressing in any way shape or form after 3 months.
- If you feel like you still don’t really know them, and he is not sharing his life with you after several months of eating out, drinking and sleeping together, it’s just casual sex.
- If 4 months roll by and you haven’t met a single friend, co-worker or relative, it’s just casual sex.
- If he is consistently hot and cold with you, meaning one day he is affectionate and the other day he is distant and cold. It’s just casual sex. People who like you are consistent in their behavior for the most part.
- If he just got out of a relationship, you are the transitional booty that is helping him with his sexual withdraws he’s experienced from his recent breakup.
Below are some tips on how to have successful casual sex relations without being used.
Tip# 1 Only answer booty calls/texts when you feel like it. If you’re tired from working all day. Send him to voicemail if he calls wanting sex and you’re not up for it. What he wants doesn’t matter. The number one rule of casual sex is to be selfish and look out for your own interest. It’s about when you want sex, not when they want it. You have no obligation to be accommodating to a booty call. What’s really nice is you do not have to provide any explanations when you don’t feel like hooking up.
Casual sex partners just have this understanding. If you do come across a guy who is pushy and demanding, wanting sex only when he wants it he gets angry when you don’t answer the phone, find a different casual sex partner. He wants a prostitute at his beck and call and there are services he can buy from neighborhood pimps that would be more to his liking
What makes women feel used from casual sex is when they allow themselves to be at the man’s beck and call.
Meaning, when he wants sex he calls you and you deliver but when you want sex you don’t call him because he doesn’t respond. If he only wants it when he wants it, it’s not casual sex, it’s just another case of a girl being used. Casual sex occurs when both parties dictate when the action happens. It should be mutual, not one-sided. If he can’t put out when you demand, there is no mutual exchange of energy and I would suggest you find a new bed buddy.
Tip #2 Know the appropriate time to contact your Sex buddy for action. A great time to indulge in casual sex is after a great date with a guy you really like. A guy who is relationship material. Instead of going home with the new guy, take your time and really get to know him in the next few months before being intimate. Use your sex buddy to satisfy your hormones and keep them under control. I’d say the day before or the day after a great day with a guy you like is a good time to get it in with a casual sex partner so that you remain in control of yourself and relaxed while dating the guy you really like.
I’d say the day before or the day after a great date with a guy you like is a good time to get it in with a casual sex partner so that you remain in control of yourself and relaxed while dating the guy you really like.
Another great time to have Casual sex is when the weather is bad and there is nothing to do. Send him a text, either he is down to come over or not.
When a date cancels on you, call or text your fall back boy, perhaps the two of you can go grab food and drinks at the local bar and go to his place for sex afterward.
Tip#3 Never take it personally when your Casual sex partner flakes on you. Never take it personally if he doesn’t answer booty call request text messages. He has NO obligation to you, so just find something or someone else to do. Casual sex can teach women that sex is an isolated act. It teaches women how to detach from sex. Most women attach feelings and emotions to sex that can be out of context. Casual sex allows the women to experience the detachment men feel with sex. It teaches women that sex is just a physical act, and the heart is an entirely different beast to tame.
Women who think they can use sex as a bargaining tool to get a guy to commit is not in touch with the current times. More than likely, he has a few fallback girls he is sexing while dating you. Your body is not the best part of you! Women who believe that their sex is the most valuable thing they can give to a guy, often try to use it as a weapon and that never works out for them in the end. I am not promoting promiscuity nor am I promoting using sex as a weapon. There is a balance between the two extremes woman should strive to achieve.
This dysfunctional way of thinking allows you to believe once you give a man sex you give him your power. This is only true if you believe it to be.
You’re heart is the most precious thing you can give to a man.
Tip#4 Understand what you can learn from casual sex. Casual sex teaches women that for a man to desire her sexually, means nothing at all. It just means he wants sex, he doesn’t necessarily want her. This knowledge is key on the dating scene. It gives the woman the intuitive knowledge to recognize real intimacy, love and relationship material men when they approach her.
Casual sex also teaches women how to decompartmentalize. Often women confuse sex with love because the hormones that are released into our body after sex creates a feeling of infatuation and euphoria.
Often women confuse sex with love because the hormones that are released into our body after sex creates a feeling of infatuation and euphoria.
To know thyself is the greatest knowledge one can ever attain. Knowing that those hormones after sex are just hormones and have nothing to do with the sanctity of real love teaches us how to defy our own biology. Use this knowledge with caution…
Tip#5 Casual sex has an expiration date. You can’t keep a casual sex partner around forever! I’d say 3 to 6 months max. You want to avoid getting too comfortable with them where your spending prime weekend time hooking up with them when you could be out on the town or online prospecting for a real life partner. Know when to stop, if not you could be formulating an addiction which is a hindrance to your quest to find real love.
A good time to cut off a casual sex partner is when you meet someone you really like and have dated them over four months without them showing any major red flags. Soon you will be seeking intimacy with them instead of your fallback guy so it’s best to cut losses and prepare for potentially finding real love!
Casual sex on your terms is the only casual sex you should be having as a woman.
Have fun and be safe!
by Janell Hihi