Why Men/Women Play Hot & Cold in Relationships

hotcold-gauge

The game of Hot & Cold is a game of control and fear.

Whether it’s done consciously or unconsciously is irrelevant. It’s about maintaining POWER in a relationship.

It’s about getting the man or women to PURSUE.

It could also be due to financial instability but i’ll touch on that later.

Someone wants to be chased to feel validated. Both the hot and the cold phase are dysfunctional. 

The Hot phase obviously feels better then the cold phase. He showers you with text, phone calls, compliments, interesting dates, invites to events, etc.,

The cold phase he can suddenly go MIA for several days/weeks or even months without calling or texting you. It’s really strange and awkward and it stunts the growth from the momentum that was previously achieved within your interactions.

He takes you all the way to square 7 when he’s hot, but then when he’s cold, you’re back at square one. Not sure what grown woman or man has time for that!

By allowing Mister or Misses inconsistent in your space, you create a tolerance for inconsistent and toxic energy that lowers your vibration.

It’s important that we remember we invite toxicity in our etherial field and we all have a choice not to allow the energy of confusion, indecisiveness and low value attraction, into our space.

Most women email me and they decide to play the game with the guy by allowing themselves to be hot and cold to give him a taste of his own medicine.

That usually leads to nothing but a slow fade out of any desire and passion the relationship had potential for to begin with. Sure, in the short term it will definitely let a man know that two can play that game. However, if he’s just inconsistent in general, that won’t change his hard wired character. It’s a waste of time. He’ll continue to be hot and cold.

Giving into a man’s hot and cold whims is giving him validation of the power he seeks over you as a women. He may have trust issues, fear of intimacy or he may just be a player.

Regardless, he is controlling and he needs to be in charge of the momentum of the relationship.

If you enjoy inconsistency and instability stay and play the hot and cold game. By all means, if you’re not here for the shenanigans of a man who has one foot in and one foot out the door be very clear with him that you expect CONSISTENT communication or none at all.

Ignore his excuses. He’ll have many justifications as to why he has to ghost you once every other week. It’s all bullshit.

However, you should be prepared because he may open up to you and be vulnerable and tell you he is afraid of getting too close in fear of being hurt.

Take your cape off, you can’t save the sad guy. He needs to get over that fear of being hurt by himself. Tell him when he’s ready to take a risk and be vulnerable to hit you up. You may or may not be available.

If he shuts down and doesn’t respond as a result of your direct demand for basic communication, consistency and respect, he doesn’t have the skillset to be in a healthy relationship.

If he agrees to stop his hot and cold behavior but continues the hot and cold game after your discussion, cut him off immediately. Trust me, your time is better spent with someone more functional and mentally stable.

By Janell Hihi Copyright@2018

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