Why the Narcissist Says “You’re Too Sensitive!”

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One of the narcissists favorite lines is “You’re too sensitive.”

They often make that statement after passively aggressively or overtly insulting you. The narcissist labels you as too sensitive so that you drop your defenses and accept their abuse without protesting.

The narcissist wishes to dumb down his victim to the point they are so insecure and in need of validation of their own feelings that they judge their own reactions to the abuse narcissist inflict upon them.

If the narcissist says, “You’re too sensitive” repeatedly… he can rewire the victims subconscious mind to accept that false judgement.

The victim will then start to believe they are inadequate and hypersensitive. It’s an insidious form of gaslighting.

The Consequences of accepting Long-term abuse

The danger of accepting long term narcissistic abuse is it has a hypnotic effect on the victim because human beings eventually become what they hear, see and do. It is scientifically proven that our environment has the ability to change our DNA!

Similar to how a verbally abusive parent who calls their child “stupid” can mold the child into having severe learning disabilities by injecting a lack of confidence into the child’s psyche. A very intelligent child can become academically challenged by repeatedly being told they are stupid. Their parents constant banter hunts them like a ghost whispering in their ear You’re Stupid everytime they pick up a book or a pencil and it stops them from trying to learn.

Abuse can supercede your talents and gifts and turn you into a numb, dumb and zombie like spectacle of a human being.

What could be worse?

Accepting long-term narcissistic abuse can actually turn you into an emotional masochist(Someone who is addicted feeling emotional pain). This is deep. Learn more by reading my article Sadomasochism: Are You Subconsciously Addicted to Toxic Relationships?

Is that what you want for yourself? If not, take heed of the long term consequences of choosing to stay in abusive relationships.

Do you find yourself jumping from one abusive relationship to another? I can help. Sign up for 1 on 1, customized coaching today!

By J.Hihi @Copyright 2019

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Sadomasochism: Are You Subconsciously Addicted to Toxic Relationships?

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“My love is toxic and you’re suicidal.”
― Ahmed Mostafa

Sadomasochism is one of the many pervasive pathologies that plagues narcissistic relationships.

Sadomasochism is about power and control. The sexual context in which it is widely known as only scratches the surface of its complex psychological makeup. In this article as it pertains to narcissistic abuse, emotional sadomasochism is the focus.

Sadism is giving pain and Masochism is receiving pain. The narcissist is considered somewhat of an emotional sadist. The victim of narcissistic abuse is the masochist.

Narcissist are both sadist and masochist.

Narcissist torture with a goal in mind unlike pure sadist who have no goal in mind except pure pleasure. Once the narcissist reaches their goal they leave the target and move on to the next.

The goal is to create the same emotional turmoil within their target that they possess within themselves. Narcissists mentally, verbally and sometimes physically abuse their target to the point that their victim is violent, self-neglecting and chronically depressed. Therefore, the narcissist doesn’t have to inflict those emotions onto them anymore because their victim is now self-sabotaging. It’s as if the narcissist is a virus ready to infect vulnerable software that doesn’t have firewalls.

A firewall is just another word for boundaries. It’s having the ability to detect malignant activity and block it from entering your dominion.

The narcissist makes his victim their own worst enemy.

If a narcissist dumps you (discards you) it means you have now taken the role to hurt yourself so they don’t have to continue hurting you. The narcissist Mission is accomplished! If you’re a masochist, you will gladly take the torch and continue to think and act in a self-defeating manner well after the narcissist leaves you.

You know you’re an emotional masochist if you find caring and loving people less sexually attractive. This falls in line with many women’s desire to lust after the Bad Boy.

Many women I’ve coached hyper focus on sexual chemistry with their narcissistic partner while purposely blinding themselves of the character flaws of their partner. They say mentally weak statements such as “But I can’t leave, the sex is too good!” Unaware that they are making themselves an object of sexual gratification rather than a women worthy of love, respect and fulfilling relationships.

Accepting the sadism and masochism dynamic of narcissistic relationships requires both the victim and the narcissist to recognize their contribution to the dysfunction of their relationship. If I could describe it as a dance it would be The Tango. And we all know… It takes TWO to tangle. 

I’ve had endless consultations in the past with women who claim to be victims of narcissistic abuse but deny their willingness to be in abusive relationships as a pathology. The common narrative most victims of narcissistic abuse believe is the helpless ideology that you cannot help who you fall in love with.

Harley Quinn: Have you ever loved someone you knew was wrong for you? Someone who hurt you over and over again but you could forgive them because losing them would hurt even more?
― Tom Taylor, Injustice: Gods Among Us, Vol. 1

Is constantly feeling pain and anxiety a sense of comfort and familiarity to you?

In most cases, I’ve come to the conclusion that most victims of narcissistic abuse possess a deep subconscious desire to be punished and as a result they subconsciously maintain a lifestyle of perpetual pain, abuse, betrayal and drama. The codependent masochist’s subliminal need to feel pain is an addiction.

A great example is Ike & Tina Turner’s relationship.

Tina was from a small town and grew up with a demanding, cruel and dominant mother who was very controlling and materialistic. That environment of toxicity and control was Tina’s comfort and familiarity. She was accustomed to taking a submissive and subservient role as a child.

When Ike Turner laid eyes on Tina, his pervasive Sadist personality was drawn to her innocent, fragile, demeanor along with her compliance to be controlled. Tina’s mother already trained her to be controlled which made Ike’s job very easy.

Ike and Tina’s mother or (Caregiver) were very much alike and built an alliance together to profit off of Tina’s masochism solely for their benefit.

There’s a saying that narcissist hunt in packs like wolves. Most victims of narcissistic abuse are targeted all at once from narcissistic in their family, at work and school.

Narcissist target individuals who will allow mistreatment and abuse. They don’t see these individuals as nice, sweet, caring and compassionate. They see them as stupid, naive and weak.

The funny thing is, women in relationships with narcissist always ask “Why doesn’t he respect me? I am loyal and I do everything he asks me to do.” That’s exactly why he doesn’t respect you. Mostly, because you don’t know the difference between being loyal and being a doormat.

Would TinaTurner classify herself as a masochist? No. Her addiction to be controlled is insidious, subconscious and a form of environmental programming. 

We’re programmed for suffering, not joy. The masochism is built in at a very early age. You’re supposed to work and suffer – and the trouble is: you believe it.
― Erica Jong, Fear of Flying

All addicts deny their addiction. Thus, the cycle continues. If you’re reading this shaking your head, it’s okay. I’ve been there, done that! Untreated mental masochism and codependency will take the victim of narcissistic abuse from one toxic relationship to the next. The victim will feel like they are too nice, they love too hard, their an empath that attracts narcissist. Or worse, they are cursed with bad luck in love. Never will they consider that they’re comfortable living in toxicity.

Some people literally cut their wrist to feel pain. However, others enter relationships that they know will bring them pain and suffering despite their being better options available. For example:

1.) Women who decide to date married men hoping one day he will leave his wife.

2.) Women who continue to pursue relationships with men who tell them they are not interested in a committed relationship but the masochist believes she can change his mind.

3.) Women who continue to date men who show blatant signs of mental, physical and emotionally abusive red flags.

4.) Women who agree to friends with benefits relationships but secretly want a committed relationship

5.) Women who willingly over sacrifice despite their partner not requiring them to and get angry when their unwarranted generosity is not reciprocated.

6.) Idealisation of their partner by overlooking their flaws and only focusing on their good qualities.

Each scenario is self-defeating, covert mechanisms of masochism.

“Ana was a perpetual victim in a never-ending search for a victimizer.”
― Travis Luedke, The Nightlife: Las Vegas

Many women I’ve coached say self-defeating statements like “The narcissist destroyed me!” No one can destroy you unless they kill you and if that was the case you wouldn’t be on my phone line complaining.

The truth is, victims of narcissistic abuse subconsciously wish to experience pain and the narcissist wants to give pain. Both are trapped in the pain body vortex and that is the epitome of the relationship dynamic of sadomasochism.

Due to a mentally, emotionally or physically abusive upbringing both narcissist and victims of narcissistic abuse feel comfort and familiarity within relationships that mimic the abusive environment of their childhood. Genetics also play a part but I will emphasize more of the genetic aspect in my upcoming book How to Defeat a Narcissist.

Below is a list of the mental narrative victims of narcissistic abuse have on replay.

NEGATIVE CORE BELIEFS that (Masochist) Victims of Narcissistic Abuse Possess.

– “I will be loved as long as I submit to the will of others.” “If I assert my independence, I will be abandoned”

– “To get love, I must please others.” “I can never say no.”

– “I must never express my negativity.” “I will hurt myself to prevent others from hurting me.”

– “If I feel too much, I will explode.”

– “I am inferior and disgusting because of my negative feelings.”

– “Life is hard and suffering unavoidable.

The victim’s over emphasis of the narcissists abuse while denying their own willingness to participate in the relationship is evident. That in of itself makes them a narcissist too! Victims of narcissist abuse become obsessed with analyzing the narcissist mind without examining their own.

The true definition of the Victim Mentality is not crying over spilled milk. Victims of crimes and abuse should be encouraged to release their pain and testimony without judgement.

However, the victim mentality pertains to individuals who repeatedly enter toxic situations or relationships that will cause them harm. This is due to the fact that the perpetual victim needs to appoint a villain so they can maintain their position as a victim. In addition, they neglect to get the help they need whether it’s traditional therapy or alternative measures to heal their trauma and break the cycle.

All victims of abuse have the responsibility to get the help they need to heal. In fact, if they don’t their victim mentality transforms into a form of narcissism. Afterall, narcissism is the inability to see fault in oneself and take the necessary steps to change.

Masochist have an inability to let go of pain even years after a relationship ends.

Healing to a masochist is counterproductive and will take away their victim card. This is why they hold onto the pain years after their relationship with the narcissist ends. They use words like “He DISCARDED me.” The word Discard is a masochistic word to self-punish and validate their inner feelings of unworthiness.

The psychological community enables healing by injecting such disturbing words when describing narcissism which in of itself is an entirely new blog topic. As a result of repeating self-sabotaging words and phrases they plague themselves with negative, self-defeating thoughts that give them anxiety and depression while blaming it ALL on the narcissist.

It doesn’t make sense to leave the narcissist if you’re going to take them with you. Carrying pain is masochistic after the grieving process. It doesn’t take years to get over a narcissist. If it does, you’re coddling that pain. You like it!

The key to healing is examining what you tolerate not conducting endless research on why narcissists are abusive.

Knowledge is power, but knowledge of self is the ultimate power because it’s impossible to change a narcissist. Therefore, focusing on changing yourself to prevent entering toxic relationships by acknowledging your own free will is imperative to overcome emotional masochism. It’s an essential step that must be taken to defeat a narcissist.

A mantra I tell most of my clients to write, recite out loud and contemplate is…

“I choose who I love. Why did I choose my partner?”

The above statement followed by the question gives the victim back their power to choose.

If you’re ready to break the cycle of your subconscious addiction to pain I can help! Be sure to read my book to be released on Feb 5, 2019 (How to Defeat a Narcissist – Available on Amazon)

Book a customized coaching session today to get on the path of healing!

Book a Coaching Session Click here

By Janell Hihi Copyright@2019

Scorpio: The Worst Sign Of The Zodiac

All my life I’ve struggled to understand why everyone I meet who annoys me to no end, just happens to be a Scorpio!

Sadly, that’s not where it ends. Many corrupt moguls, psychopaths, serial killers and con artist I Google just happen to be Scorpios.

That’s when I realized this was not some personal vendetta I had against Scorpios. Rather it was a generalized opinion most people shared that is backed up by facts.

Below is a list of the most common reasons Everyone Hates Scorpios!

1. Scorpios are loyal to their secrets.

They have a graveyard of skeletons in their closet. They love secrets, not people. Scorpio will take a lifetime of secrets to the grave. The best thing about this dark characteristic is their less likely to snitch even if tortured or threatened.

Scorpios get off on knowing things others don’t know. Unlike Aquarius who like to share and pour out knowledge, Scorpios hoard and monopolize knowledge.

2. They use their intuition to manipulate and deceive others.

They aren’t as pyschic as the astrological community claims them to be. They’re more demonic then they are angelic and can sense weaknesses like vampiric parasite.

They sneak attack when victims least expect it like the venomous scorpion they are named after. They can and will kill you eventually. Maybe not your body, but definitely your soul.

3. Scorpio has a dominating alter ego

Women in the streets but a whore in the sheets is an understatement! The Scorpio is the Preacher who has congregation of 10,000 people at his mega church who spends summers in Thailand raping children.

Spy on a Scorpio and you’ll witness their double life. Be prepared to be shocked to the core as their contradicting identities are revealed before your very eyes.

4. Scorpios are Perverts

My sister dated a psycho Scorpio once. Every time he breathed I was annoyed. He was a lying, cheating and abusive lunatic. One day my sister was doing laundry, emptied out his gym bag and guess what she found?

A PROSTHETIC PUSSY! With a bottle of lube.

These people are school teachers by day and Swingers by night. Sex is just as important as water. Especially kinky, taboo sex with their best friends boyfriend type of shenanigans.

Not to mention porn addiction and weird fetishes not limited to beastiality.

5. Scorpios are extremely paranoid

Any perceived threat or slight to their ego ignites extreme paranoia. Scorpios are always looking out the side of their eyes. They have a tendency to believe everyone is out to get them.

Appointing everyone around them as enemies gives Scorpio a narcissistic grandiose image that everyone is jealous of them or hating on them.

However, it’s their guilty conscience that makes them believe others are untrustworthy.

They remain quiet to remain observant because they always have to size every up around them in order to come out of their shell.

6. Scorpios believe in Petty Revenge

If you don’t replace the roll of toilet paper instead of telling you how that annoys them, they’ll give you the silent treatment for two weeks!

If you asks them what’s wrong, they’ll unemotionally retort, “Nothing!”

They’d rather get even by stone walling people then being an adult and talking about their feelings.

Scorpios don’t get mad, they get even! In fact, they have a secret vault of animosities and they must invoke revenge upon the perpetrators. The revenge will be enacted when the victim least expect it. Sometimes years later!

7. Scorpios are so quiet it’s creepy!

You’ll notice a Scorpio in a crowded night club sitting in the back alone in a corner with a expensive bottle of Champagne, wearing all black, people watching with a Charles Manson grin on their face.

They are loners who crave love and sex. They hate the spotlight but love dark alleys.

When asked a question Scorpios take a very long time to answer. They’re not slow. They have to strategically calculate everything they say. Unlike they’re tactless opposite sign Aries.

Scorpios want to be around people, but they don’t want to be around people.

They’ll go to a party or event and act hella anti-social confusing everyone around them. You might find yourself thinking, “If they aren’t going to socialize, why’d they come to the event?’

Just give them a few drinks! They’ll suddenly turn into a social butterfly gracing the room with their bipolar presence.

They’ll talk a lot when drunk but not about anything that allows you to really get to know them. Superficial topics that protect their vulnerability is all you’ll get!

Why are they social yet anti-social at the same time?

No one knows the answer to that question. Oh wait! Maybe a psychotherapist does…

8. Scorpios Mastered the Poker Face

Literally! Some of the worlds most famous Poker players are Scorpios sun, Scorpio rising or Scorpio moon.

What’s confusing is astrologers worship these demonic, duplicit, manipulative assholes as if they are in touch with their emotions.

They’re not! They hide, evade and deny their emotions behind a smiling face, a fake friendship, a charitable cause or a poker face.

If you’re supposedly emotional but you hide it all the damn time, what’s the point?

Water signs are Emotionally Imbalanced most of the time, all this hype about Scorpio, Cancer and Pisces being in touch with their feelings is laughable.

9. Bill Gates heavily invest in Monsanto

A classic Scorpio move is to hide an evil agenda behind his fake charity. Is there a company more evil to invest in then Monsanto? This is what makes Scorpios more two faced then Gemini’s.

10. Scorpios are extremely jealous

They must underhandedly one up you. Unlike a Leo who will blatantly one up you, Scorpios try to be sneaky about it.

Highly perceptive people notice Scorpios are so jealous and petty it’s almost pitiful. Anyone whose attractive, talented or smart makes the Scorpio feel small and threatened.

The Scorpio then unloads competing for admiration and attention. They can be fierce yet quiet competitors who secretly want all eyes on them. They are incomprehensibly contradicting.

11. They are terrible parents

Scorpios trust no one! Not even their kids. They can easily dispose of them allowing their parents or the foster care system to take care of them when the Scorpio is in their feelings and just don’t give a damn!

Their kids never, ever come first and are often neglected. Scorpios children feel like they barely know their parents because Scorpios rarely talk to their kids or open up to them.

12. Sarcastic, underhanded comments

You can count on a Scorpio to have a quick sarcastic and sadistic comeback for everything you say to them.

It’s annoying. They’re so defensive and talking to them is like an endless game of ping pong with long spaces of silence in between and psychotic, blank stares.

Side Note: It takes Scorpios too long to open up in relationships.

It’s exhausting dating someone who just wont let you in. Scorpios think vulnerability is a weakness and trusting others is foolish. No wonder they’re relationships are just based on sex the majority of the time!

If they eventually let you in after 4 or 5 years of you fighting to open their heart, the minute you hurt them all hell will break lose. Run!

13. They speak in a soft, fake innocent low volume/tone.

When a Scorpio talks it sounds like a whisper. Nothing annoys an Aquarius more. Speak up or shut up. No one has time for that Michael Jackson soft tone. Lack of base in your tone conversation.

Grab your hearing aids, you’ll need it. They talk low because they think everyone is listening in on them or eavesdropping. Truth is no one gives a damn about what they have to say.

Scorpios strategically talk in inaudible tones so that the person who is asking them a question has to say “huh, repeat that I didn’t hear you.” Until they eventually forget what they were asking in the first place.

Every time a Scorpio speaks they move in on your ear and whisper like they’re telling you Classified government information but you just asked for directions to the Nearest Popeye’s.

14, They’re always looking around like someone’s watching them

They are people watchers. Not because they’re interested in people, but because they’re secretly at war with people.

Scorpios remind me of fugitives on the run. It’s comical how they look around at people like people actually notice their existence.

Scorpios love to “say so and so is stalking me…”

Scorpios put restraining orders on imaginary people. It’s called delusional paranoia, and there’s no cure.

15. Everything is a Strategy

Imagine how it feels hanging out with someone who always has a hidden agenda. Well just hang out with a Scorpio.

Everything they say or do is to appear to you a certain way but under the veil who they really are stays hidden.

They’re motives behind their agenda is for selfish means to attain business, a love interest, money, fame or pity.

There’s nothing authentic about these calculating, selfish, scripted pricks!

16. Low key shoplifters

A Scorpio can be filthy rich but still go to Macy’s and shoplift. They get off on the thrill of tricking people.

It’s orgasmic to a Scorpio to get away with stealing things without people finding out.

They’ll steal your belt or a small accessory and find it amusing to witness you go crazy looking for it while they have it in their pockets all along.

17. They collect things from people

They steal things and collect them. Every Scorpio has a box of trinkets they’ve stole from people at work, past lovers, friends, and strangers.

Don’t be surprised if you find a pair of your underwear, used condoms and a piece of weave in their creepy trinket box. Look through it if you dare!

18. Scorpios are connected to the underworld

They see ghost, monsters, demons and are obsessed with cats and religion. They like Tarot cards and occult artifacts. They like the graveyard shift and volunteer to witness exorcisms.

They have sex dungeons and exotic pet reptiles. Weirdos!

19. Manic depressive control freaks

One day they love you. The next day they hate you. Other days you just don’t exist because they create an eerie space between the two of you out of the blue!

They are mostly depressed and can be really fun to be around one day and really miserable to be around the next.

20. They have a psycho blank stare

You know that feeling you get when someone is staring at you? Then you turn around and it’s a Scorpio staring into your soul.

It’s a blank stare that immediately makes you uncomfortable and uneasy.

Regardless of everything horrible about Scorpios, I still admire a few of them who overcame their darkness or have undergone a successful exorcism.

By Janell Hihi @copyright2017

Narcissistic Bosses: The Real Reason for High Employee Turnover

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Let’s face it. Narcissist are everywhere. They’re literally inescapable. Narcissist have infiltrated the dating scene, the workplace, extended families and every infrastructure and system within the entire world.

Businesses with systems and processes created by narcissistic people become the ideology of twisted narcissistic rhetoric and dysfunction.

Unlike mentally healthy human beings, narcissist and the systems they create to oppress people, are unable to change or adapt to current times. Their ability to evolve is dead.

Instead of working through problems, finding healthy ways to cope and making an effort to become a better person, the narcissist is fixated only by remaining the same and continuing the status quo regardless if it’s in the best interest of the business or employees.

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In my upcoming book, How to Defeat a Narcissist, I make a striking comparison of narcissistic personality disorder and the Return of the Dead. Like a dead species, narcissist are unable to grow, learn or evolve into a new way of thinking. Therefore, when we enter an intimate or work related relationship with a narcissist, the relationship can’t evolve. There is a proverbial glass ceiling and the goal of progression stops at a dead end every time.

Narcissism is maladaptive and only concerned with maintaining power over others regardless of what tangible success the company stands to lose. For example, high performing employees get no where with narcissistic bosses. High performers in the workplace take a fall from grace with narcissistic organizations.

Instead of being acknowledged as an asset, High Performers are despised.

When high performers are hired on, the narcissistic organization idolizes them. However, when they start to ask questions, offer ideas and solutions, essentially going above and beyond being a high performing and engaged employee, the narcissist feels threatened.

The narcissist is threatened in two ways. First, the narcissist weak, under-performing and outdated work processes are being constructively questioned. As I mentioned above, the narcissist is maladaptive and must maintain the status quo. There is no growth possible. Especially if it is not recommended by the narcissist himself.

Second, the narcissist starts to feel like he is losing his sense of superiroity just because an employee suggested an idea to improve a work process. Suddenly

Sooner rather than later, the narcissist will begin to devalue the once idolized employee. Suddenly performance reviews will be below satisfactory and the narcissist may even go far as telling you to stay in your place. Once the narcissist ask for your opinion and input, now the narcissist rejects it because it’s a threat to their ego and their narcissistic organizational structure.

Narcissist will despise the free-thinking, intelligent employee and praise the simple, non-threatening, ass-kissing employee. Most narcissistic organizations promote and hire on management that submit to the narcissist ill-devised narcissistic, power hoarding policies. Any employee questioning the narcissist polices or power will remain in a subservient position despite how awesome the employee is performance wise.

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Narcissistic Managers are Passive Aggressive and Lack the ability to give REAL Feedback

Doing a one on one with a narcissistic manager, everything will be all sunshine and rainbows until they have to explain why you didn’t get promoted or why they keep disciplining you in a passive aggressive manner that stunts your growth as an employee. A manager who can’t give employees real and honest feedback doesn’t want them to grow within the organization. Instead of giving an employee constructive ways to improve, the narcissist disciplines his employees by annoying them.

Narcissist boss specialize in Micro aggression’s.

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The narcissist will make indirect threats and snarky comments to destabilize the employee who thinks they are smart or doesn’t know how to properly bow down them. The narcissist will give them extra tedious assignments, move there desks every two-weeks, single them out of special meetings, opportunities or assignments.

The narcissist will talk behind the employees back and berate them yet smile in their face. The narcissist will use micro-aggression like it’s there first language just because they lack the courage to face issues head on. They like to call their passive aggressive, brush over the shoulders nature “soft skills.”

Like all narcissist, honest dialogue between mature adults will never take place. It’s a pipe dream. Talking to them, emailing them, meeting with them or even trying to reconcile with them is virtually impossible. They will act like they are engaged in resolving issues, but they are more engaged, behind the scenes to simply control you and keep you in your place. Your performance is irrelevant, only your ability to submit to their power tactics is what truly matters to the narcissist boss and/or organization.

Narcissistic companies do not have an official training program

This is classic narcissistic bullshit. A company that lacks a training program is trouble. What healthy organization would not take the time to create a training program to ensure their employees are knowledgeable about the company, it’s program, products and objectives?

Simple answer, a narcissistic company that feeds off training people on an individual level so that they can pick and choose who gets what kind of training and why. The narcissist doesn’t want all employees to be on the same page. First off they are lazy and second it gives them more leverage to control employees in a covert and manipulative manner.

The narcissist can hoard information and knowledge that can prevent employees from prospering in their position so that the narcissist remains in control and most knowledgeable. Narcissist hate sharing information. They want you to come to them for answers to stroke their egos and validate their sense of superiority. Start up or not, 3 employees or 100 employees, a company lacking a training curriculum is riddled with narcissistic management.

Narcissistic Employers Have No Policies in Place

Don’t be fooled by a company who lacks an employee handbook and company policies and procedures. The narcissistic company will lie to your face in the interview and tell you that they have an unrestricted environment and implementing policies and procedures creates the kind of rigid corporate environment they want to avoid. They want you to be human and feel free at work. That’s not possible. All companies need policies that act as boundaries to protect the company and it’s employees.

It’s bullshit. Like a narcissistic partner who is unwilling to commit to avoid being held accountable for their behavior, the narcissistic boss operates exactly the same. Without sound policies in place, the narcissistic company can “at will” unfairly discipline you, fire you, harass you, retaliate against you and treat you in a way that doesn’t hold them accountable because of the lack of policies in place.

However, if policies were enacted, the narcissist would have to behave according to standards. What defines a narcissist is their inability to take responsibility. The definition of responsibility in this context is one’s ability to avoid responding. An ambiguous workplace where anything the narcissist does and says goes is ideal for abuse and a toxic work environment. Avoid working for companies who have a “no policy” policy.

Narcissistic companies have a high turnover rate

If in every department of the company, the turn over rate is extremely high with weekly resignations and farewell emails. The company has some narcissistic, toxic and systematically corrupt issues intact. Especially when people in prestigious or higher up positions quickly vacate, there is trouble brewing in paradise and if you are an individual who can’t thrive under narcissistic regime, you’ll be the next one putting in a two week notice.

Narcissistic companies designates a villain and blames them for all the companies problem.

I am guilty for believing the hype. A company I worked for chose to blame all their corruption and their extremely hostile work environment on one person. She left the company and was still being blames. I bought into but I was unaware that they treated her in such a way that changed her behavior and eventually influenced her to seek employment elsewhere. W

When she left, there was no miraculous transformation of the companies policies or hostile environment. The same bullshit remained but it became even worse. Since she left the narcissism on every level of the company was turned up a notch yet and still they continue to blame a manager who left the company months or even years ago. The inability to take responsibility.

Heed the warning and plan for your exit. Your employment with a narcissistic employer will end with you leaving or suing. Your only fighting chance is legal action. Decide now if you want to expend the mental energy and loss of vital life source continuing to work for a company riddled with narcissistic management.

 

Narcissistic Repellent: Good Listeners Can Never Be Manipulated

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If you listen closely to what people say, how they say it and the words they choose to convey the message they are trying to deliver, you will immediately understand the pivotal art of discernment between facts and fiction.

It is wise to listen and paraphrase immediately after a statement is made, particularly after you’ve had an interaction with a narcissist.

Narcissist sugar coat, generalize, deflect and minimize important issues into casual, unimportant and dismissive conversations so that the other party in the interaction feels crazy for even asking, insinuating or bringing up a matter that appears important to them.

It is absolutely essential to quiet your emotions and your resistance when interacting with a narcissist so that you handle the interaction like an attorney rather than an emotional counterpart.

Narcissist lack human emotion and empathy so interacting with them from an emotional perspective will serve you no leverage whatsoever.

Approach the narcissist like they are your business partner, not your lover. For example, ask direct question, “Why did you tell me you would pay the phone bill but you didn’t?”

The narcissist will respond, “You never told me to pay the bill, you asked me if I would and I never gave you a direct answer. The problem is you always make assumptions and put unrealistic expectations one me. Why didn’t you just tell me to pay the bill?”

Before you act emotionally, dissect what the narcissist just said carefully.

“You never told me to pay the bill, you asked me.”

This is a deflection, if you respond to a deflection it will bring you down an unproductive rabbit hole. Do not respond to that statement.

“The problem is you always making assumptions.” 

This is the narcissist attempt to deflect the responsibility on you. Another form of deflection which does not deserve a respond.

“You always put unrealistic expectations on me.”

This is an accusation not rooted in reality which is another form of deflection. Do not take the bait! Do not respond to this statement directly.

“Why didn’t you just ask me to pay the bill?”

This is the ultimate form of deflection. A manipulative person who dodges personal responsibility puts the nail in the coffin when they ask a question that deflects blame from them to you. If and when you answer, you officially took the bait and you will find yourself explaining yourself instead of them explaining why they didn’t do what they were supposed to do.

So how do you respond when you can’t respond to anything they said because it’s full of deflective statements and questions?

You don’t respond to anything the narcissist said.

You simply re-ask the same question you originally asked. Using the example above you would ask, once again… “Why didn’t you pay the phone bill after you agreed to pay it?”

The narcissist will then accuse you of deflecting by not responding to their original statements. Don’t take the bait!

Instead, ask them to pay the bill now by saying, “Can you pay the bill right now?”

One of two things will happen, they will get angry and storm off or they will defend their stance by stating they never agreed to pay the bill so their not paying.

Either way, you probably won’t win if your dealing with a narcissist but you will certainly not have to defend yourself against something they did. In this case, I’d pay the bill and move on with my life… Without the narcissist in it!

Do you need help leaving a narcissist? I am a survivor of narcissistic abuse and I will be happy to listen to your story and give advice. One 35 minute, confidential call for only $14.95. Sign up Today!

Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Consultation

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By Janell Hihi @copyright 2017

When a Narcissist Insults you or Tries to Bait You With An Argument, Do This!

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Narcissists don’t talk, or communicate: they fend off, hide and evade” Sam Vaknin

Narcissist are insidious manipulators. They can get under your skin by disguising insults, giving you compliments with sadistic smirks on their face, or suddenly start ignoring you for no reason.

The narcissist craves for you to ask them, “Why are you acting strange, what’s wrong?”

Just so they can reply with, “Nothing!” And a shoulder shrug to dismiss themselves before you start asking more questions.

Narcissist want unsolved problems to exist within their relationships because it fuels the toxic environment that will eventually strip away your virtues, your patience, and inner peace.

The narcissist wishes to keep their victim in an anxious state. They never want you to be able to calculate or predict their next attack on you.

If you are in a state of anxiety with a narcissist and can’t seem to find your way out of the fog, I have a solution.

Everything the narcissist says and does is bait to drag you down further into their inner hell.

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Fight back with the 6 proven techniques below:

  1. Remain Unreactive: Act as if you didn’t see what they did or hear what they said. Act completely oblivious. They may try harder to bait you for a reaction but keep acting as if you don’t notice and remain unbothered. To release your pain confide in a close friend or family member. Just don’t give the narc the satisfaction of seeing you sad.
  2. Answer every question with a question: This will annoy anyone, especially a narcissist. If a narcissist asks you a demeaning question, never, ever, answer it. Ask them why they asked that question? Then ask them what answer do they expect? Then ask them what motivated them to ask the question? Then ask them why they are asking so many questions. But never, answer the original question. This way, the narcissist is stuck explaining why they asked you a question and you stay unengaged, and you don’t take the bait.
  3. When the narcissist gives you the silent treatment write them letters. Write the letter very sloppy so they don’t understand a single word written. Leave some of the letters on sticky notes and stick them to the fridge or bathroom mirror. Sooner or later they will ask what the hell you wrote in the letter and shazam! The silent treatment is broken. If you don’t live with them, send them a letter in the mail with sloppy handwriting and keep quiet until they ask you about the letter. This works like a charm! If they still ignore you, ignore them back and focus on yourself. Catch up with your friends, hang out and keep posting all your fun pictures on social media. He will realize sooner rather than later the silent treatment isn’t going to work on you.
  4. When they blatantly insult you reply with “Oh stop, you don’t even believe that.” Say it calmly and with a smile. Walk away from the confrontation or quickly change the topic to something more positive. Throw in a goal you just reached or even compliment them with how great they look. Another tactic to use when they verbally abuse you is to compliment them. Instead of insulting them back, give them a compliment for every insult they hurl at you. This will disarm them and throw them off balance. Say the compliments with a sincere loving tone and watch what happens! The narcissist will try harder or storm off to get away from you.
  5. When the narcissist gaslights you and calls you crazy, respond by saying the most annoying questions of all times… “I know you are, but what am I?” If you follow the steps above, it should never get to the point where the narc is able to successfully gaslight you because you’re no longer taking their bait. You can also respond to them calling you crazy by saying, “You know, you’re right. In fact, I just booked an appointment with a psychologist and may get on some meds.” Then ask him what medications he thinks you should try and what mental conditions he thinks you may have… Manic depression? Bipolar? Extreme paranoia? Keep asking him his expert advice on your so-called mental issues as mockery. But act sincerely like you agree that you are crazy and need professional help. Go as far as really booking an appointment with a psychologist on the terms that he has to go to your appointments with you. Watch the reaction. Suddenly, you won’t be so crazy after all.
  6. Never react and never get defensive. Disengage your emotions and respond to the narcissist with tact, strategy, and deflection. Never defend abuse, never explain yourself, always counterattack with clever techniques.

Try the 6 steps above and comment below to share your success story. This works! I’ve done it time and time again with narcissist family members and co-workers. If the narcissist becomes violent, seek help immediately. Leave and then contact the authorities.

Fight back against narcissist abuse by ultimately leaving the narcissist for good. Narcissist never change. It’s them, not you! Get out and do it fast!

By Janell Hihi

Copyright@2017

The Narcissist Favorite Victims: 4 Most Codependent Zodiac Signs

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In a recent article, I pointed out the top narcissistic signs in the Zodiac. This article will do the opposite by listing the 4 most codependent Zodiac signs. The narcissist purposely seeks codependent people because they are the perfect victim to prey upon.

The codependent has low self-esteem, a huge need for validation and a glitch that makes them give and give while accepting very little in return. Codependents accept non-reciprocal relationships and narcissist are inherently incapable of reciprocation which makes these two a match made in heaven.

What does it mean to be codependent?

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#1 Codependent Zodiac Sign: CANCER

Cancers are excellent caregivers. They also make great parents. Their willingness to nurture those around them with love, support, and attention can allow the Cancer to easily be used, abused and manipulated.

The nursery rhyme, “Mary had a Little Lamb,” is a great example of how Cancer’s follow their love interest hopefully and blindly. Mary’s little lamb is the symbolic representation of a Cancer and how they operate in relationships. They like to revolve around their partner.

The narcissist is immediately attracted to the Cancers parental-like characteristic because the narcissist had an abusive or an emotionally unavailable parent as a child. The narcissist wants to feel loved and supported and the Cancer is the only sign who eagerly gives love and attention unconditionally.

The problem with most Cancers is that they don’t know where to draw the line. They give and give and then become resentful. They give selflessly just so they can cry their favorite line, “But I gave you everything!” The Cancer’s dark side is to be a martyr like most water signs. Cancer’s want to be the one to sacrifice it all just to complain and whine about it incessantly.

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The victim role is their favorite role. They purposely attract people into their life who will abuse them, just so they can feed their emotional turmoil and depression. Like, most co-dependents, Cancers manifest toxic relationships into their life believing they can fix the other person. This never works, and the Cancer is always hurt in the end. Never learning from their mistakes.

Cancer’s capitalize off their sadness. The rapper 50 Cent got shot five times yet continuously brags about his so-called immortality in his rap lyrics. Cancer’s don’t share their testimony of their hardships and struggles to be a beacon of light for others. Instead, they use it solidify their proud role as the victim. They want you to know what happened to them. They want you to know how other people went out of their way to hurt them.

Cancer is one of the most intuitive and clairvoyant zodiac signs but they rarely act on their instincts. This is what makes the Cancer so puzzling and hard to figure out.

Cancer, like Pisces and Scorpio, can vacillate between being a codependent and a narcissist. After all, they are two sides of the same coin. They can play both roles simultaneously throughout their lives. However, they are more likely to be the co-dependent than the narcissist. Pisces however, is the only water sign with more narcissistic traits.

One thing you will never, ever hear, is a Cancer taking responsibility for their pain. Instead, they say sadistic things like, “It’s my fault,” or “Everyone thinks I’m worthless.” They want pity more than they want respect. FACTS! The narcissist preys on this desire and usually strings along a Cancer for decades inflicting varying levels of abuse onto them.

How Cancers can heal from narcissistic abuse:

Cancers can use their emotions to heal from narcissistic abuse. Narcissist hate emotions. They don’t want to feel because they are numb from the abuse they endured as a child. The cancer must learn to cut off their nurturing side and feel the toxic emotions and turmoil that the narcissist in inflicting upon them. When Cancers internalize the toxic emotions caused by the narcissist, they will gather the strength to leave.

Cancers must retreat into their shell, go “No Contact,” on the narcissist and “Feel” their way out of love with the toxic narcissistic. Once the Cancer comes out of hiding, their mind and heart will be clear, precise and all-knowing. They will leave the narcissist because they will finally realize that the narc is completely incapable of reciprocating  unconditional love.

#2 Gemini

 

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Gemini’s have a child-like innocence to them that makes them somewhat naive. Narcissist prey on their naivety. The optimistic Gemini wants to see the best in others to their own detriment. Gemini’s typically don’t believe what is being shown to them in front of their own eyes until it’s too late.

Gemini is the astrological child of the zodiac. Children are often victimized because they don’t know any better. With age, Gemini’s tend to harden and become more skeptical after they’ve been burned 6 or 7 times.

However, while in their younger years, Gemini’s will often be targeted by narcissist. It is vital that Gemini’s study psychology and become keenly aware of their intuitive abilities at a very young age to prevent becoming prey to narcissism.

Gemini’s must learn to trust their inner voice and avoid situations that can take them off the course of their divine purpose. Like a child, Gemini is very curious and experimental. Their desire to wonder off and try new things makes it very easy for narcissist to take the Gemini out of her comfort zone and into new territory almost effortlessly.

Gemini is a mutable sign, which means that they are flexible and can easily adapt to any situation. The narcissist will take the Gemini on a rollercoaster ride of toxic and euphoric emotions and the Gemini will easily adapt. The Gemini must learn how to stand firm and not just go with the flow. This easy going demeanor they inherently inhabit is what get’s them in trouble.

Gemini is the child of the zodiac and is naturally care-free, avoiding major responsibility and using cleverness to get out of the binds they put themselves in. They will depend on others easily like a child and therefore become codependent in a rather innocent and naive way.

The Gemini will try to “Talk it out,” with the narcissistic using their excellent communication skills, blatant honesty and logic to resolve issues with the narcissist until they realize that trying to reason with a narcissist is like trying to nail jello to a tree. It never works. When the Gemini realizes they can’t talk out their problems with a narcissist, they will begin to slip away and prepare to leave the narc behind.

How Gemini’s can heal from narcissism:

Gemini’s are highly gifted artistically. Mostly in writing, song, lyrical composition and speech. The Gemini should write, sing, rap and create stories to heal from narcissistic abuse. Drawing and painting may help too.

Gemini’s get too caught up in the way people make them feel. One of my favorite Gemini’s Lauren Hill, had a hook on one of her songs that sums up the Gemini’s dilemma, “When it hurts so bad, why does it feel so good?”

Feelings are overrated. However, Gemini judges 80% of their relationships with others based on high chemistry and feelings which are both unsustainable, unreliable and do not determine long-term relationship success.

What the Gemini will learn from dealing with a narcissist is to be less mutable and more fixed when it comes to allowing people to come into their lives and sweep them off their feet. They will learn that when something seems to good to be true, it is usually is. The Gemini will begin to shed their naivety and look at things more skeptically. Although in their child-like minds, full of optimism, wonder, and hope, they will always be more inclined to look at the bright side of people, and the world in general.

The narcissist will hate the fact that they can never, ever steal away the happiness and joy of the Gemini. Their bright beautiful souls are there owns for the keeping. Gemini’s will bounce back from narcissistic abuse like no other Zodiac sign can.

#3 Sagittarius

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Sagittarius have big hearts. This is especially true for the women, not so much the man. Sagittarius is ruled by the planet Jupiter. The largest planet in our solar system. What’s so special about Jupiter is that not only is its size but it’s ability to eat up comets that could destroy other planets.

Jupiter gobbles up planets and large meteors to protect other planets and that is exactly what the optimistic, charismatic, fun-loving Sagittarius does on a daily basis for other people.

The narcissist gravitates towards the bubbly Sagittarius with a strong magnetic force. Narcissist are energy vampires and Sagittarius naturally possess a ton of energy the narcissist can feed upon.

The Sagittarius will give and give until it dawns on them that they are being taken advantage of.

When the Sagittarius realizes they are being taken for a ride, the Sagittarius will take action. Sagittarius is a mutable fire sign which they can easily adapt and handle change. Most Sagittarius will confront the narcissist directly with cutting words that will unmask the narcissist.

At that point, the Sagittarius is aware of the narcissist game and she will begin to enact revenge or leave altogether. Leaving will be very hard for her and it is likely to be drawn out for several years.

She will cheat, fight back, inflict abuse and still continue to love the narcissist because of her inability to see a negative situation for exactly what it is.

The Sagittarius optimism can blind her. The Narcissist uses her positive attitude as a tool to keep her hoping and wishing things will be better.

Sagittarius love the idea of love and they get blindsided by the fairytale instead of paying attention to the nightmare that is unfolding in front of them. They love affection, attention, and validation.

Sagittarius needs to feel secure in a relationship. They do whatever they can to solidify that security. The narcissist uses this against them and dangles a carrot in front of the Sag face just to enjoy the chase.

A narcissist cannot possess a negative, overly critical person. This is why narcissist never gets very far with Virgo’s. Although Virgo’s make up some of the most famous comedians in the world, they have a critical eye that can see the flaws in a person or relationship almost immediately. That is what protects the Virgo. The Sagittarius will benefit from a Virgo friend or parent who can help them gather the strength to leave the narcissist for good. 

It’s simple. By using their mutable gifts to transcend beyond the pain of abuse and turn it into power and courage to move on. 

#4 Aries 

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If you look up the definition of codependency in an online dictionary, a picture of an Aries female will appear.

Aries put love over EVERYTHING. This is both an extraordinary gift and a life-altering curse.

Aries is the ride or die chick the narcissist dreams of possessing. She loves unconditionally. She forgives easily because like a good little codependent she takes the blame for everything the narcissist does to her.

“Maybe I should of lost weight and he wouldn’t have cheated,” Aries says things like that. They will blame their mother, their best friend and even their child for abuse caused by the narcissist just so they can hold on to their relationship for dear life!

Aries is the first sign of the Zodiac. Their astrological age is the infant. It is scientifically proven that infants need love, touch, and affection to survive and thrive.

Aries needs love to survive. Literally! They are pure, innocent, adorable and incredibly open to learning with a spark of curiosity, wonder and genius.

Aries are blessed with being both highly intelligent and artistic. I know, it’s not fair. But who could be mad at them, they are like cute, tiny little infants that we want to hold close and spoil.

Aries loves to be spoiled and the narcissist will love-bomb the Aries and completely sweep her off of her feet in the honeymoon stage of the relationship. The Aries will fall in love fast and furious with the narcissist.

When he begins to show his true colors, the Aries would rather live in denial than face the truth that they got played. The narcissist had his mask on and now it’s off. The Aries continues to believe it’s her fault and she spends every moment trying to figure out what she did wrong and why all of a sudden she is unworthy of his love.

Aries is a Cardinal, fire signs so they will confront the narcissist directly with no filters. However, they will never get the truth. Aries are raw and honest individuals and they can’t quite comprehend why they don’t get direct answers from narcissist when they ask them direct questions.

The Aries will react hostile and in some cases even violently to the narcissistic abuse. The problem is she won’t take corrective action. She only reacts emotionally, not strategically. The narcissist is able to play her like a string because of it.

Corrective action is leaving the narcissist. She won’t leave easily. It will take years or even decades of abuse for her to gather the courage to leave someone she loves because she truly believes she needs this man to survive. Expect the police to be called often because Aries is confrontational.

She may do something out of anger to retaliate against her abuser that could land her in prison. She will make the mistake of neglecting her kids, her friends, her family and her health to be with the man she loves. There are no boundaries. Her harshest lesson is that love is NOT sacrifice. Love is a mutual exchange of energy, respect, honesty, and effort.

How can Aries heal from narcissistic abuse?

Aries is a leader. She is a natural born go-getter. If she summons up her determination to leave the narcissist, she can leave without hesitation for good. She has the power to never look back. People gravitate to her fire, she is a warmth comfort to many on a cold night. There are worthy people waiting to receive her love with total devotion and reciprocity.

If you have a sun or moon sign in any of the signs above, be strong and be brave. Do not let your love and light be taken for granted. It is because you have so much of it, those deprived of it, purposely seek you out.

By Janell Hihi Copyright@2017

 

 

Narcissist Communication Style: Deflection, Gaslighting & The Silent Treatment.

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Narcissists don’t talk, or communicate: they fend off, hide and evade” Sam Vaknin

Have you ever called a guy you were dating to share some very exciting news?

When he answers the phone he’s excited to hear from you. However, when you share with him your excitement for landing a book deal, or getting that promotion at work, suddenly his tone changes. He’s no longer excited, instead, he is disinterested and bored!

A narcissist doesn’t care about anything significant in your life. It’s torture to even have to listen to anything you do that is outside of your relationship with them.

You are nothing but an extension of them and if you’re not adoring them, praising them, or making plans to see them, they don’t care about what your rambling about.

Some narcissist will even make up a reason to abruptly end the phone call with you as soon as you tell them the good news. This is their passive-aggressive way to tell you that you don’t matter. Instead of saying,”Congratulations, let’s get together sometime this week and celebrate!” The narcissist will respond by saying, “oh, okay!” Then quickly change the subject to something that revolves around them.

This is a covert, and passive-aggressive way to tell you that you are still insignificant to them, despite your accomplishments.

Other narcissists will respond, “Oh, good for you!” Which basically means they want you to stop talking about yourself and start talking about them or your relationship.

Narcissist Dismiss Everything you say that is not about them as “Trivial.” Even if you just left a funeral and your grieving a loved one. They don’t want to hear your sad stories.

Below are 5 communication techniques Narcissist use to reduce you:

#1. They cut you off mid-sentence. A narcissist won’t let you finish a complete sentence because, in their self-centered little world, everything they have to say is more important than listening to you finish a thought. There is a difference between talking to a hyper person who is excited to exchange dialogue with you who cuts you off and a narcissist who cuts you off to change the course of the conversation and make it about them. Example: You are telling the narcissist about a difficult co-worker at your job and they cut you off in the middle of your story and begin to tell you a story about a job they had in the past with difficult co-workers.

#2. They begin to multi-task when you start talking. Since the narcissist finds no value in listening to you unless you’re talking about them, they start to multi-task while your speaking. They do this by getting on their cell phone, updating statuses on social media, texting friends or watching TV as you try to communicate to them something important to you. Again, this is a passive aggressive way to tell you that they don’t care about anything you have to say, ever!

#3. Narcissist Repeat themselves often & Talk in Circles. The narcissist never has anything new to say because a narcissist doesn’t like to think outside of the box. They run on an internal and predictable script and they respond to things with the same dialogue quite often. They tell the same stories over and over again. They don’t care how many times you’ve heard it, they tell the story like they are telling it for the very first time. The story is about them being a hero or a victim depending on what kind of reaction the narcissist needs from you at that particular time. This shouldn’t come as a surprise because self-centered people are not good conversationalist. This is because they only engage in mutual dialogue when the conversation revolves around them.

#4. Avoids Conversations that Involve Confrontation. Since most narcissists are passive-aggressive, when you try to talk to them about something they did or said to hurt you, they try to avoid that conversation by any means necessary. They often say, “I can’t talk about it right now because… I’m busy, I have a headache or I’m tired.” They will keep making excuses not to talk to you to avoid being called out.

The narcissist doesn’t participate in real conversations with people to avoid intimacy, understanding, and problem solving that effective communication in relationships requires. If it is not a superficial conversation, the narcissist will do his/her best to avoid it.

#5. Deflects blame unto you. The narcissist will use reverse psychology to blame everything you accuse them of doing on you! Gaslighting is also put into the mix as you begin to feel like you are the crazy one because the narcissist keeps saying you are making things up in your head. Every conversation that involves you confronting the narcissist on an issue will leave you questioning your own sanity because they are so good at gaslighting and deflecting blame.

Below are a few examples of gaslighting and deflection in conversation:

“I cheated because you know how important sex is to me and you were purposely withholding it from me.”

“I hit you because you made me hit you. I kept telling you I didn’t want to talk and you kept talking.”

“I’ll help you fix your car this time, but your an adult. I want a woman who is independent who doesn’t need anything from me because she can do it herself.”

“If you can’t come over tonight, it just goes to show how much you really love and care about me.”

“I stood you up yesterday because I knew if I would of went to the event with you, I would have been miserable the whole time because you’re always accusing me of things I don’t do.”

“You’re paranoid.”

“You are crazy.”

“I don’t do relationship titles”

“I didn’t answer your phone call last night because I didn’t want to argue with you. I needed a break, you’re always nagging me and giving me a hard time.”

“I’m not ready to take the next step in our relationship until you stop being negative and starting arguments with me.”

“I am not your ex-lover, I won’t cheat on you. Stop blaming me for your exes mistakes.”

In closing, real conversations with a narcissist will never take place. They avoid confrontation or deflect and gaslight their ways out of tough conversations that are necessary for the survival of your relationship.

By Janell Hihi Copyright@2017

Stealing Light: The Cycle of Narcissism

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There are two types of narcissist, the conscious and unconscious. Those who are consciously aware of their evil and destructive pathology, and those who are not aware of their vile and destructive behavior. The unconscious narcissist is completely oblivious to his own condition whereas the conscious narcissist is deliberate and calculating.

Both conscious and unconscious narcissist are equally destructive.

Victims of abuse and neglect can become narcissist and the cycle of abuse is repeated. A few months ago I seen the movie Split. It’s a thriller about a psychopath who suffered psychologically trauma as a child. He developed multiple personality disorder and kidnapped a few girls. His rage from his abuse was left untreated for too long and he was so enraged evil and demonic entities entered him.

Abuse opens up a gateway and evil is released through vile behavior acted out by human beings.

More than likely, the unconscious narcissist was abused by a caregiver or a stranger and when the abuse took place, their light was stolen by the abusive and predatory narcissist who took something from the victim without permission.

Violators steal light. 

They charge through others boundaries like a raging bull who see’s red. They believe they are empty inside because someone took something from them at a very young and tender age. They were not able to defend themselves and there was no one around to save them when the abuse took place.

Statistically, the judicial system fails to protect victims of abuse and more than likely justice is never served. This creates, even more, fear, hatred, anger and powerlessness within victims of abuse.

As a result, the victims feel an internal deficit. They are dim and in search of the light that was taken from them. 

The only way they feel they can obtain the light that they lost is by stealing it from others because that is how it was taken from them. Once they begin stealing light from others, the high is similar to a drug addict getting his fix.  When justice is not served on behalf of victims within our judicial system, anger festers and it is transmuted into resentment. Resentment seeks vengeance

Resentment seeks vengeance and initiates the cycle of abuse. If the narcissist who was abused doesn’t have children of their own to abuse, they will abuse others. They will seek out the vulnerable and they have a sixth sense in identifying them because they remember how it felt being vulnerable, powerless and an easy target of abuse. They like to work in schools, daycares, old folks homes or with people who have disabilities.

Narcisssist seek out single mothers to target and abuse their children. Every part of their life is set up to be in close proximity of people who are vulnerable, naive and full of life force, positive energy that narcissist can extract.

Untreated victims of abuse whose violators were never punished seek revenge. They morph into what they hate, an abuser! This is not the case for all victims of abuse, but it is true for some. An endless cycle of abuse is created and child abuse and spousal abuse continues it’s dreadful saga.

The powerless need to derive power from others by abusing them. This is true in every aspect of reality. If you’ve ever had a narcissistic manager, which I am certain you have because narcissist seeks careers in management and law enforcement where they can exercise power and dominance over others daily.

Narcissistic managers have a past. They have a story of abuse and victimization. Something happened to them that stole their light and now they make it a priority to extract light from you in every way possible the entire duration of your shift at work.

Being an empath, every time I am in the presence of a narcissist, I see right past their abusive behavior and I see a scared and defensive child, seething in the pain of neglect, abuse, abandonment and anger. I sympathize with the innocence that was stolen from them immediately. However, I no longer let my sympathy allow them to steal my light.

I have strong boundaries narcissist cannot break. I do not allow my smpathy towards them to enslave me into a savior role. I know that I cannot save them. However, I do know that I can point them in the right direction towards healing.

Every victim of abuse who turns narcissist needs to learn and practice the ancient art of mental transmutation.

“Mind may be transmuted, from state to state; degree to degree; condition to condition; pole to pole; vibration to vibration. True Hermatic Transmutation is a mental art.

Turning pain into power is your only refuge. It’s the only way to recognize your light is infinite and it was never stolen, you were forced to believe it was.

Instead of allowing the narcissist to steal my light, I give it to them willingly. This means before they try to extract it from me, I send healing and positive energy to them. Burglars who are greeted at the door of the house they’ve been plotting to rob with gifts would be immediately neutralized of their desire to steal. In subtle ways, I let the narcissist know that I am intuitively aware that they are suffering.

I invite them to like my “Kids Lives Matter,” page on Facebook, I let them know that I advocate for abused children. I speak to the broken child within them and do not allow their charm or persuasive ways to manipulate me or alter the course of my life.

I know that they can’t steal my light if I do not allow it! I trust my intuition and I am guided by my instincts. Therefore, I am not able to be used as an accessory to the narcissist. 

I protect the vulnerable. I protect my child from predatory influences, I protect my light not by hiding or protecting it, but by giving it freely to those who have been dimmed and robbed of their own.

I am a radiating fountain of endless light and those who need it can absorb it. If you know you are a source of infinite good will, you will know that your light can never, ever be taken! Other’s may try to steal from it but the flow never stops. Your soul is self-replenishing and it replaces the light that is stolen. I guess what I am here to tell victims of abuse is, they didn’t steal your light, you are not dim, you are an infinite fountain flowing with light and that belief allows you to heal from abuse.

The abuser’s goal was to disconnect you from infinite flow and infinite source by planting the seed of worthlessness, lack and deficit within your being. Pull that seed from the dirt and do not allow it to flower. It’s a lie!

Being replenished with light starts with a simple belief and that is; your divinity can never be depleted, to begin with.

Your light is still there. Stop the cycle of narcissistic abuse.

By Janell Hihi

Copyright@2017

7 Early Signs You are Dating a Narcissist

Narcissistic abuse is insidious, like a poisonous gas that is odorless and invisible to the naked eye.

It creeps up on you like a shadow and craves your fear, not your love. Narcissist collects people like accessories to wear them to embellish their self-image. As soon as the accessory starts to realize the narcissist ill intentions, the narcissist tosses the accessory to the side to find a new one.

No one wants to be in a relationship and feel like they are easily disposable but that is exactly what you will get if you date a narcissist.

I’d rather be proactive than reactive any day! So, what are the early signs the new hot guy or girl your dating may be a narcissist?

I have listed several of them below. However, if you are so thirsty for love that you refuse to see the reality of a situation, the tell-tell signs below won’t save you from the destruction the narcissist is bound to put you through.

The ability to be present and mindful while dating is what will save you from the narcissist. Learning how to be keenly aware of the energy others emit and making a heart centered decision on whether or not the person you are dating will have the privilege of being in your life.

“If you are dating without purpose and from an empty vessel and seeking validation from a man… you are fish in the net for a narcissist.”

Perhaps, the narcissist is here to teach you a lesson. The narcissist will enter into your life when your self-love is low and your boundaries are weak just to teach you a lesson. The lesson is, you have to love yourself first and being happy is a choice, it can’t be found in a relationship.

Keep in mind, you will continue to meet narcissist while your dating. However, your level of self-esteem will determine whether or not you continue seeing them or get rid of them right away!

Self-love is determined by how you treat yourself and how you allow others to treat you!

1. Dominate Conversations:

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On your very first date, you will notice how they drive conversation topics revolving themselves, their accomplishments, future goals, like, dislikes and preferences. Most of the rubbish they talk about is superficial. They just can’t be deep because there is no depth to them. Every time you try to insert your opinion, preferences or share information regarding yourself, they quickly redirect the conversation back to them or minimize whatever it is you shared with them. They show an obvious disinterest in ANYTHING you say that doesn’t revolve around them!

2. They are too confident

Narcs come off as way too self-confident, almost cocky. The first few dates this will appear very attractive to you. However, on the third date, it will annoy you to no end. The issue is they are not confident, they are incredibly insecure and trying to disguise it by being a little too sure of themselves. You will start to notice there is something very generic and inauthentic about them.

3. They Come on Too Strong then quickly become disinterested.

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The narcissist starts off flooding you with attention. It’s charming and fun the first few weeks, then it becomes overbearing and annoying soon after. They idolize you then they despise you! This can happen in a few week span. It’s very bi-polar like and confusing. Instead of letting a relationship slowly and naturally progress, they take off full speed and then crash and burn. If he’s moving too fast and doing too much too soon, he’s probably a narcissist.

4. They can’t take a joke and lack a general sense of humor.

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The best way to discover if you’re on a date with a narcissist is to make a cute little joke at their expense. Mentally healthy people can laugh at themselves. However, narcissist can’t handle minuscule jokes being directed towards them. Tell the joke, (Not a harsh joke) gauge their reaction. If they don’t laugh and they look at you completely dumbfounded then proceed to ask you to explain the joke because “They don’t get it,” You are in fact, dealing with a narcissist!

5. Lacks Empathy

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If you walk past a homeless man begging for money on the side of the road on your way to the restaurant together, and the guy you’re with says something very cruel about the homeless man, more than likely, this man has no empathy! If you want to test to see if someone has empathy. Tell them a brief story about something that happened to you and see if they say something empathetic or if they say something judgemental. The narcissist believes perfection exist and they are the epitome of it. So they expect you and everyone else to also be perfect and when you fall short of perfection they usually offer criticism over empathy every time! If they do try to make a scene and empathize with you, it will be one-worded and void of emotion. #Fakelove

6. They playfully challenge you when you say “No.”

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The narcissist just doesn’t listen to you, ever! On the first few dates, watch out for subtle signs. Example, they will ask for a kiss and you say “No,” they will keep insisting in a playful way you give them a kiss. They do not accept boundaries. If you hate fish, they will order it and keep pressuring you to try it. They get off by challenging your boundaries and breaking down your virtues. First, it’s kisses, massages and pressuring you to try things, then it escalates to convincing you to have a threesome with him and his friend. No Bueno! The guy who takes no as a challenge is a narcissist.

7. They are Secretive, Reveal half-truths and Tell Vague Stories

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Narcissist typically has a lot to hide. They usually have a girlfriend or lingering casual relationships they managed to sustain for years. However, nothing really significant. You will notice inconsistencies, vague stories, and shit that doesn’t add up. After the second date, you will probably be confused about their real intentions because what they say and what they do is not consistent. You will have this nagging feeling something is off because it is! Go with your gut! Do some digging on social media, you will soon find evidence that proves them to be a liar and manipulator.

Needless to say, if your new beau is showing at least 3 of the 7 signs above. Run for the hills and don’t look back. Narcissist wants to devour your soul, it’s not about love and it never was.

 

By Janell Hihi

Copyright@2016