Gaslighting: The Meaning & the Creation Behind the Term

According to Wikipedia, “The term originates in the systematic psychological manipulation of a victim by her husband in the 1938 stage play Gaslight, known as Angel Street in the United States, and the film adaptations released in 1940 and 1944.[7] In the story, a husband attempts to convince his wife and others that she is insane by manipulating small elements of their environment and insisting that she is mistaken, remembering things incorrectly, or delusional when she points out these changes. The play’s title alludes to the dimming of the gas lights in the house while the husband was using the gas lights in the sealed-off attic to search for jewels belonging to a woman whom he had murdered. The wife complains about the dimming lights to her husband, but he insists that she merely imagined it”

Below is the actual full Film Gaslight released in 1944. Enjoy!

What’s the Real Problem? Your Self-Esteem or The Narcissist?

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This question came to mind today while I read a post from a victim of narcissistic abuse in a private facebook group.

Since the narcissist isn’t putting a gun to your head forcing you to be in a relationship with them, why do victims often choose to stay?

Is the determining factor self-esteem?

Why is it that some women can walk away from a narcissist in a heartbeat at the first sign of mental, emotional or verbal abuse (Devaluation stage) but other women cannot?

The only plausible answer is self-esteem.

Women with high self-esteem easily find the courage to leave at the first signs of abuse. They usually don’t stick around waiting for things to change because their self-esteem reminds them that they can do better.

If your self-esteem is telling you that you can’t do any better than the narcissist, more than likely the real culprit is your lack of self-worth, not so much the narcissist’s abuse.

Afterall, there’s only so many times they should be allowed to manipulate us until we see the ugly truth of who they are and walk away once and for all.

Today, ask yourself what’s the real reason you stay trapped in a relationship with a narcissist?

Is it because YOU don’t believe YOU have the strength to walk away?

Is it because YOU don’t feel YOU can do any better?

Journal the answer and reflect on that. Feel free to comment below!

Remember…

“What really frightens and dismays us is not external events themselves, but the way in which we think about them. It is not people that disturb us, but our interpretation of their significance.”
― Epictetus

Self-esteem is determined by how we rate others significance to our existence. Are you putting the narcissist on a pedestal by exaggerating their significance in your life?

It seems as though victims of narcissistic abuse idealize the narcissist to justify why they continue to accept narcissistic abuse. Today, stop idealizing the narcissist and see them for who they are. More importantly, look in the mirror and see you for who you are. You deserve better!

Sincerely,

J. HIhi @Copyright 2019

eBook Release! How to Defeat a Narcissist

How to Defeat a Narcissist 

eBook Available Now on Amazon & Barnes & Noble

Audio book & Paperback available April 29, 2019.

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It’s time to take back your power.

This book will breakdown narcissistic myths and replace them with raw and unfiltered facts that will arm you with the mental weaponry to take down a narcissist effortlessly. Be prepared to bookmark word for word comebacks that will shut down gaslighting, mental, and verbal abuse. Remember, dealing with a narcissist is a battle that consist of prey and the predator. Are you sick and tired of being helpless prey to narcissistic abuse and toxic relationships? After reading this book you will be well equipped to calculate the narcissist every move and protect yourself against abuse using the tools and techniques formulated by in depth research, personal triumph, proven psychological and spiritual tactics.

This book is different from the rest.

It goes beyond the limits of the psychological aspects of narcissism and explores the narcissist through the perspective of society, culture, spirituality and metaphysics. Also, this book takes a deep dive into the physical symptoms of enduring narcissistic abuse that trigger stress and disease to manifest into the victim’s body. A relationship with a narcissist is very dangerous. This book provides counter techniques that will assist in defeating narcissist on every level. Mind, body and soul.

This book will reveal the glitch in the narcissistic matrix.

It’s your way out! For far too long, victims of narcissistic abuse played checkers while the narcissist was playing chess. It’s time to upgrade your game and play to win! In this book, winning is about regaining your power, values, and boundaries that the narcissist relentlessly tried to strip away from you. It’s about beating them at their own game while at the same time becoming a better and stronger person. Are you ready?

Click here to buy now! 

By Janell Hihi @copyright2019

20 Quotes To Help You Heal From Narcissistic Abuse

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“Invalidation is about dismissing your experiences, thoughts and above all your emotions. Indeed the intention is to not even allow you to have those thoughts, experiences and emotions. It‟s a way of invading your head and reprogramming it. It‟s psychological abuse (messing with your thoughts) and emotional abuse (messing with your feelings).”
― Danu Morrigan


“Stay away from lazy parasites, who perch on you just to satisfy their needs, they do not come to alleviate your burdens, hence, their mission is to distract, detract and extract, and make you live in abject poverty.”
― Michael Bassey Johnson


“Hate is the complement of fear and narcissists like being feared. It imbues them with an intoxicating sensation of omnipotence.”
― Sam Vaknin, Malignant Self-Love: Narcissism Revisited


“Playing the victim role: Manipulator portrays him- or herself as a victim of circumstance or of someone else’s behavior in order to gain pity, sympathy or evoke compassion and thereby get something from another. Caring and conscientious people cannot stand to see anyone suffering and the manipulator often finds it easy to play on sympathy to get cooperation.”
― George K. Simon Jr., In Sheep’s Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People


“Narcissists are consumed with maintaining a shallow false self to others. They’re emotionally crippled souls that are addicted to attention. Because of this they use a multitude of games, in order to receive adoration. Sadly, they are the most ungodly of God’s creations because they don’t show remorse for their actions, take steps to make amends or have empathy for others. They are morally bankrupt.”
― Shannon L. Alder


“Nobody should be in a position where they are suffering abuse at the hands of another, and if this is the case for you, stopping the abuse by leaving the situation is the only course of action to take.”
― Theresa Jackson


“Gaslighting is a distorted alternate reality.”
― Tracy Malone


“The narcissist is like a bucket with a hole in the bottom: No matter how much you put in, you can never fill it up. The phrase “I never feel like I am enough” is the mantra of the person in the narcissistic relationship. That’s because to your narcissistic partner, you are not. No one is. Nothing is.”
― Ramani DurvasulaShould I Stay or Should I Go?: Surviving a Relationship with a Narcissist


“Every narcissist is a hero and a legend in his own mind.”
― Oscar Auliq-Ice


“Healthy levels of narcissism and self-enhancement are necessary, with a low level of self-enhancement being detrimental to our wellbeing and success.”
― Theresa JacksonHow to Handle a Narcissist: Understanding and Dealing with a Range of Narcissistic Personalities


“Intuition – Once you have had a narcissist in your life, you must develop your intuition and learn to listen to it and act accordingly.”
― Tracy Malone


“Abuse is never contained to a present moment, it lingers across a person’s lifetime and has pervasive long-term ramifications.”
― Lorraine Nilon, Breaking Free From the Chains of Silence: A respectful exploration into the ramifications of Paedophilic abuse


“A narcissist, on the other hand, is the exact opposite of an empath. Emotionally, narcissists are like brick walls who see and hear others but fail to understand or relate to them. As a result of their emotional shallowness, narcissists are essentially devoid of all empathy or compassion for other people. Lacking empathy, a narcissist is a very destructive and dangerous person to be around.”
― Mateo SolAwakened Empath: The Ultimate Guide to Emotional, Psychological and Spiritual Healing


“It is not accidental that the most unsympathetic characters in Austen’s novels are those who are incapable of genuine dialogue with others. They rant. They lecture. They scold. This incapacity for true dialogue implies an incapacity for tolerance, self-reflection and empathy.”
― Azar Nafisi, Reading Lolita in Tehran: A Memoir in Books


“There came a time in my life when I had to admit to myself that I have some very clear narcissistic tendencies. Ironically, it occurred during the writing of my book The Emotionally Abused Woman. As I listed the symptoms of narcissism, I was amazed to find that I recognized myself in the description of the disorder.

It should have been no surprise to me because I come from a long line of narcissists. My mother and several of her brothers suffered from the disorder, as did her mother. For some reason, though, I imagined that I’d escaped our family curse. I should have known that it’s not that easy to.”
― Beverly Engel, Jekyll and Hyde Syndrome


“Don’t ever believe that Narcissists don’t understand they have hurt you. They know exactly what they did and why they did it. The reason they can’t stop their abuse is because the narcissistic supply is their addiction. Unlike, drug addicts that need their fix to feel normal, narcissists need to feel significant. This is their addiction. Even if it takes destructive ways to have this emotional balance they will pursue it. Your feelings don’t count only the supply does. The greater the supply the greater the drama in your life as they pursue it. So, get over believing they don’t understand. They do understand. You just found out and got in the way of their easy access to greater supply than you.”
― Shannon L. Alder


“Maybe, the lesson we can all learn from the inner sadness of a Narcissist is to see through our own fabrications, our own illusions so that we can be set free to be real once more.”
― Shannon L. Alder


“Some people seem like a bright light during your darkest moment… a beautiful refuge… but it’s a trap… there is only more pain there. Now that I think about it… I imagine that’s what bugs feel like when they fly into the zapper.”
― Steve Maraboli


“Since there was nothing at all I was certain of, since I needed to be provided at every instant with a new confirmation of my existence, since nothing was in my very own, undoubted, sole possession, determined unequivocally only by me — in sober truth a disinherited son — naturally I became unsure even of the thing nearest to me, my own body.”
― Franz KafkaLetter to His Father


 

By J. Hihi @Copyright2019

Why the Narcissist Says “You’re Too Sensitive!”

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One of the narcissists favorite lines is “You’re too sensitive.”

They often make that statement after passively aggressively or overtly insulting you. The narcissist labels you as too sensitive so that you drop your defenses and accept their abuse without protesting.

The narcissist wishes to dumb down his victim to the point they are so insecure and in need of validation of their own feelings that they judge their own reactions to the abuse narcissist inflict upon them.

If the narcissist says, “You’re too sensitive” repeatedly… he can rewire the victims subconscious mind to accept that false judgement.

The victim will then start to believe they are inadequate and hypersensitive. It’s an insidious form of gaslighting.

The Consequences of accepting Long-term abuse

The danger of accepting long term narcissistic abuse is it has a hypnotic effect on the victim because human beings eventually become what they hear, see and do. It is scientifically proven that our environment has the ability to change our DNA!

Similar to how a verbally abusive parent who calls their child “stupid” can mold the child into having severe learning disabilities by injecting a lack of confidence into the child’s psyche. A very intelligent child can become academically challenged by repeatedly being told they are stupid. Their parents constant banter hunts them like a ghost whispering in their ear You’re Stupid everytime they pick up a book or a pencil and it stops them from trying to learn.

Abuse can supercede your talents and gifts and turn you into a numb, dumb and zombie like spectacle of a human being.

What could be worse?

Accepting long-term narcissistic abuse can actually turn you into an emotional masochist(Someone who is addicted feeling emotional pain). This is deep. Learn more by reading my article Sadomasochism: Are You Subconsciously Addicted to Toxic Relationships?

Is that what you want for yourself? If not, take heed of the long term consequences of choosing to stay in abusive relationships.

Do you find yourself jumping from one abusive relationship to another? I can help. Sign up for 1 on 1, customized coaching today!

By J.Hihi @Copyright 2019

Sadomasochism: Are You Subconsciously Addicted to Toxic Relationships?

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“My love is toxic and you’re suicidal.”
― Ahmed Mostafa

Sadomasochism is one of the many pervasive pathologies that plagues narcissistic relationships.

Sadomasochism is about power and control. The sexual context in which it is widely known as only scratches the surface of its complex psychological makeup. In this article as it pertains to narcissistic abuse, emotional sadomasochism is the focus.

Sadism is giving pain and Masochism is receiving pain. The narcissist is considered somewhat of an emotional sadist. The victim of narcissistic abuse is the masochist.

Narcissist are both sadist and masochist.

Narcissist torture with a goal in mind unlike pure sadist who have no goal in mind except pure pleasure. Once the narcissist reaches their goal they leave the target and move on to the next.

The goal is to create the same emotional turmoil within their target that they possess within themselves. Narcissists mentally, verbally and sometimes physically abuse their target to the point that their victim is violent, self-neglecting and chronically depressed. Therefore, the narcissist doesn’t have to inflict those emotions onto them anymore because their victim is now self-sabotaging. It’s as if the narcissist is a virus ready to infect vulnerable software that doesn’t have firewalls.

A firewall is just another word for boundaries. It’s having the ability to detect malignant activity and block it from entering your dominion.

The narcissist makes his victim their own worst enemy.

If a narcissist dumps you (discards you) it means you have now taken the role to hurt yourself so they don’t have to continue hurting you. The narcissist Mission is accomplished! If you’re a masochist, you will gladly take the torch and continue to think and act in a self-defeating manner well after the narcissist leaves you.

You know you’re an emotional masochist if you find caring and loving people less sexually attractive. This falls in line with many women’s desire to lust after the Bad Boy.

Many women I’ve coached hyper focus on sexual chemistry with their narcissistic partner while purposely blinding themselves of the character flaws of their partner. They say mentally weak statements such as “But I can’t leave, the sex is too good!” Unaware that they are making themselves an object of sexual gratification rather than a women worthy of love, respect and fulfilling relationships.

Accepting the sadism and masochism dynamic of narcissistic relationships requires both the victim and the narcissist to recognize their contribution to the dysfunction of their relationship. If I could describe it as a dance it would be The Tango. And we all know… It takes TWO to tangle. 

I’ve had endless consultations in the past with women who claim to be victims of narcissistic abuse but deny their willingness to be in abusive relationships as a pathology. The common narrative most victims of narcissistic abuse believe is the helpless ideology that you cannot help who you fall in love with.

Harley Quinn: Have you ever loved someone you knew was wrong for you? Someone who hurt you over and over again but you could forgive them because losing them would hurt even more?
― Tom Taylor, Injustice: Gods Among Us, Vol. 1

Is constantly feeling pain and anxiety a sense of comfort and familiarity to you?

In most cases, I’ve come to the conclusion that most victims of narcissistic abuse possess a deep subconscious desire to be punished and as a result they subconsciously maintain a lifestyle of perpetual pain, abuse, betrayal and drama. The codependent masochist’s subliminal need to feel pain is an addiction.

A great example is Ike & Tina Turner’s relationship.

Tina was from a small town and grew up with a demanding, cruel and dominant mother who was very controlling and materialistic. That environment of toxicity and control was Tina’s comfort and familiarity. She was accustomed to taking a submissive and subservient role as a child.

When Ike Turner laid eyes on Tina, his pervasive Sadist personality was drawn to her innocent, fragile, demeanor along with her compliance to be controlled. Tina’s mother already trained her to be controlled which made Ike’s job very easy.

Ike and Tina’s mother or (Caregiver) were very much alike and built an alliance together to profit off of Tina’s masochism solely for their benefit.

There’s a saying that narcissist hunt in packs like wolves. Most victims of narcissistic abuse are targeted all at once from narcissistic in their family, at work and school.

Narcissist target individuals who will allow mistreatment and abuse. They don’t see these individuals as nice, sweet, caring and compassionate. They see them as stupid, naive and weak.

The funny thing is, women in relationships with narcissist always ask “Why doesn’t he respect me? I am loyal and I do everything he asks me to do.” That’s exactly why he doesn’t respect you. Mostly, because you don’t know the difference between being loyal and being a doormat.

Would TinaTurner classify herself as a masochist? No. Her addiction to be controlled is insidious, subconscious and a form of environmental programming. 

We’re programmed for suffering, not joy. The masochism is built in at a very early age. You’re supposed to work and suffer – and the trouble is: you believe it.
― Erica Jong, Fear of Flying

All addicts deny their addiction. Thus, the cycle continues. If you’re reading this shaking your head, it’s okay. I’ve been there, done that! Untreated mental masochism and codependency will take the victim of narcissistic abuse from one toxic relationship to the next. The victim will feel like they are too nice, they love too hard, their an empath that attracts narcissist. Or worse, they are cursed with bad luck in love. Never will they consider that they’re comfortable living in toxicity.

Some people literally cut their wrist to feel pain. However, others enter relationships that they know will bring them pain and suffering despite their being better options available. For example:

1.) Women who decide to date married men hoping one day he will leave his wife.

2.) Women who continue to pursue relationships with men who tell them they are not interested in a committed relationship but the masochist believes she can change his mind.

3.) Women who continue to date men who show blatant signs of mental, physical and emotionally abusive red flags.

4.) Women who agree to friends with benefits relationships but secretly want a committed relationship

5.) Women who willingly over sacrifice despite their partner not requiring them to and get angry when their unwarranted generosity is not reciprocated.

6.) Idealisation of their partner by overlooking their flaws and only focusing on their good qualities.

Each scenario is self-defeating, covert mechanisms of masochism.

“Ana was a perpetual victim in a never-ending search for a victimizer.”
― Travis Luedke, The Nightlife: Las Vegas

Many women I’ve coached say self-defeating statements like “The narcissist destroyed me!” No one can destroy you unless they kill you and if that was the case you wouldn’t be on my phone line complaining.

The truth is, victims of narcissistic abuse subconsciously wish to experience pain and the narcissist wants to give pain. Both are trapped in the pain body vortex and that is the epitome of the relationship dynamic of sadomasochism.

Due to a mentally, emotionally or physically abusive upbringing both narcissist and victims of narcissistic abuse feel comfort and familiarity within relationships that mimic the abusive environment of their childhood. Genetics also play a part but I will emphasize more of the genetic aspect in my upcoming book How to Defeat a Narcissist.

Below is a list of the mental narrative victims of narcissistic abuse have on replay.

NEGATIVE CORE BELIEFS that (Masochist) Victims of Narcissistic Abuse Possess.

– “I will be loved as long as I submit to the will of others.” “If I assert my independence, I will be abandoned”

– “To get love, I must please others.” “I can never say no.”

– “I must never express my negativity.” “I will hurt myself to prevent others from hurting me.”

– “If I feel too much, I will explode.”

– “I am inferior and disgusting because of my negative feelings.”

– “Life is hard and suffering unavoidable.

The victim’s over emphasis of the narcissists abuse while denying their own willingness to participate in the relationship is evident. That in of itself makes them a narcissist too! Victims of narcissist abuse become obsessed with analyzing the narcissist mind without examining their own.

The true definition of the Victim Mentality is not crying over spilled milk. Victims of crimes and abuse should be encouraged to release their pain and testimony without judgement.

However, the victim mentality pertains to individuals who repeatedly enter toxic situations or relationships that will cause them harm. This is due to the fact that the perpetual victim needs to appoint a villain so they can maintain their position as a victim. In addition, they neglect to get the help they need whether it’s traditional therapy or alternative measures to heal their trauma and break the cycle.

All victims of abuse have the responsibility to get the help they need to heal. In fact, if they don’t their victim mentality transforms into a form of narcissism. Afterall, narcissism is the inability to see fault in oneself and take the necessary steps to change.

Masochist have an inability to let go of pain even years after a relationship ends.

Healing to a masochist is counterproductive and will take away their victim card. This is why they hold onto the pain years after their relationship with the narcissist ends. They use words like “He DISCARDED me.” The word Discard is a masochistic word to self-punish and validate their inner feelings of unworthiness.

The psychological community enables healing by injecting such disturbing words when describing narcissism which in of itself is an entirely new blog topic. As a result of repeating self-sabotaging words and phrases they plague themselves with negative, self-defeating thoughts that give them anxiety and depression while blaming it ALL on the narcissist.

It doesn’t make sense to leave the narcissist if you’re going to take them with you. Carrying pain is masochistic after the grieving process. It doesn’t take years to get over a narcissist. If it does, you’re coddling that pain. You like it!

The key to healing is examining what you tolerate not conducting endless research on why narcissists are abusive.

Knowledge is power, but knowledge of self is the ultimate power because it’s impossible to change a narcissist. Therefore, focusing on changing yourself to prevent entering toxic relationships by acknowledging your own free will is imperative to overcome emotional masochism. It’s an essential step that must be taken to defeat a narcissist.

A mantra I tell most of my clients to write, recite out loud and contemplate is…

“I choose who I love. Why did I choose my partner?”

The above statement followed by the question gives the victim back their power to choose.

If you’re ready to break the cycle of your subconscious addiction to pain I can help! Be sure to read my book to be released on Feb 5, 2019 (How to Defeat a Narcissist – Available on Amazon)

Book a customized coaching session today to get on the path of healing!

Book a Coaching Session Click here

By Janell Hihi Copyright@2019

Scorpio: The Worst Sign Of The Zodiac

I actually love Scorpios. Well, there’s a thin line between love and hate. Let me explain…

All my life I’ve struggled to understand why everyone I meet who annoys me to no end, just happens to be a Scorpio! Or a Cancer… but that’s another blog!

Sadly, that’s not where it ends. Many corrupt moguls, psychopaths, serial killers and con artist I Google just happen to be Scorpios.

That’s when I realized this was not some personal vendetta I had against Scorpios. Rather it was a generalized opinion most people shared that is backed up by facts.

Scorpio is of the water element, and fixed in nature. Certainly, everyone has seen the movie Titanic starring Leonardo DiCaprio (who is also a Scorpio)… Scorpios represents fixed water which represents that huge iceberg that slammed into the ship, sinking it to the bottom of the ocean. No wonder Scorpio represents death, destruction and rebirth. Literally!

In addition, Scorpio’s ruling planet is a dwarf planet in an entirely different orbit... it’s a giant ball of ice which is referred to as a plutoid in astronomy. Imagine how it must feel to be ruled by a dwarf planet in a random orbit? Pluto lies in the Kuiper Belt, an area full of icy bodies and other dwarf planets out past Neptune.

To an Aquarius like myself, being ruled by Uranus, the only planet that spins on its side… I kinda think being ruled by a dwarf planet is very unique and mysterious. This is what makes Aquarius and Scorpio’s proud outkast, often celebrating that we are different from the rest!

Just like Aquarius, Scorpios had a changing ruling planet. In 2006, the original ruling planet of Scorpio which is Pluto was declared a dwarf planet. The new planet ruling Scorpio is Mars – which also rules Aries. In a sense, Scorpio energy graduated from Pluto and transmuted into Mars where it can assert itself even more powerfully.

Aquarius was once ruled by Saturn along with Capricorn but when Uranus was discovered on March 13, 1781 by William Hershel BornNovember 15, 1738 in Hanover, Germany – Is it strange that a Scorpio born astronomer discovered the planet that Rules Aquarius and an Aquarius born astronomer discovered the planet that ruled Scorpio?

Aquarius born Clyde William Tombaugh born on Feb. 4, 1906 was the first astronomer to discover the planet Pluto which rules Scorpio. Thus, as an Aquarius we have a gift to truly see the Scorpio for what they are and I must say the findings are both mind blowing and troubling! And vise versa, no one I’ve ever met see’s the true essence of Aquarius like a Scorpio can.

Despite what modern day astrology will call an incompatible connection – Scorpio and Aquarius know each other on a deeper level that transmutes astrology – a higher understanding your average YouTube astrologer couldn’t comprehend! And with this, I present to you why Scorpio is the WORST sign of the Zodiac.

Below is a list of the most common reasons Everyone Hates Scorpios!

1. Scorpios are loyal to their secrets, but they aren’t loyal to you!

They have a graveyard of skeletons in their closet. They love secrets, not people. Scorpio will take a lifetime of secrets to the grave. The best thing about this dark characteristic is their less likely to snitch even if tortured or threatened.

Scorpios get off on knowing things others don’t know. Unlike Aquarius who like to share and pour out knowledge, Scorpios hoard and monopolize knowledge. This is why Scorpio and Aquarius either love or hate each other.

2. They use their intuition to manipulate and deceive others.

They aren’t as psychic as the astrological community claims them to be. They’re more demonic then they are angelic and can sense weaknesses like vampiric parasites.

They sneak attack when victims least expect it like the venomous scorpion they are named after. They can and will kill you eventually. Maybe not your body, but definitely your soul.

3. Scorpio has a dominating alter ego

Women in the streets but a whore in the sheets is an understatement! The Scorpio is the Preacher who has a congregation of 10,000 people at his mega church but spends summers in Thailand raping children. The contradictory nature of a Scorpio is almost as bad as that of a Gemini.

Spy on a Scorpio and you’ll witness their double life. Be prepared to be shocked to the core as their contradicting identities are revealed before your very eyes.

4. Scorpios are Perverts

My sister dated a psycho Scorpio once. Every time he breathed I was annoyed. He was a lying, cheating and abusive lunatic. One day my sister was doing laundry, emptied out his gym bag and guess what she found?

A PROSTHETIC PUSSY! With a bottle of lube.

These people are school teachers by day and Swingers by night. Sex is just as important as water. Especially kinky, taboo sex with their best friends boyfriend type of shenanigans. If they want something you have they’ll stop at nothing to get it. Destroying lives, marriages and friendships without remorse.

Not to mention porn addiction and weird fetishes not limited to beastiality.

5. Scorpios are extremely paranoid

Any perceived threat or slight to their ego ignites extreme paranoia. Scorpios are always looking out the side of their eyes. They have a tendency to believe everyone is out to get them. This is because they have a guilty conscious. Their greatest fear is that other people might be as scandalous as them.

Appointing everyone around them as enemies gives Scorpio a narcissistic grandiose image that everyone is jealous of them or hating on them.

Again, it’s their guilty conscience that makes them believe others are untrustworthy.

They remain quiet to remain observant because they always have to size every up around them in order to come out of their shell. They date people who aren’t as mentally swift as them to secure their need to control their partner and the dynamic of their relationships.

6. Scorpios believe in Petty Revenge

For example, if you don’t replace the roll of toilet paper, instead of telling you how that annoys them, a Scorpio will give you the silent treatment for two weeks!

If you asks them what’s wrong, they’ll unemotionally retort, “Nothing!”

They’d rather get even by stone walling people than being an adult and talking about their feelings. They don’t want to give away their power. Sharing their feelings is giving away their power.

Scorpios don’t get mad, they get even! In fact, they have a secret vault of animosities and they must invoke revenge upon the perpetrators. The revenge will be enacted when the victim least expect it. Sometimes years later!

7. Scorpios are so quiet it’s creepy!

You’ll notice a Scorpio in a crowded nightclub sitting in the back alone in a corner with a expensive bottle of Champagne, wearing all black, people watching with a Charles Manson grin on their face.

They are loners who crave love and sex. They hate the spotlight but love dark alleys.

When asked a question Scorpios take a very long time to answer. They’re not slow. They may stall the answer by retorting jokes or sarcasm as deflection. They have to strategically calculate everything they say. Unlike they’re tactless opposite sign Aries.

Scorpios are ruled by Pluto, the farthest planet in our solar system. I believe Pluto is also known as what religions refer to as Hell or the underworld.

Scorpios want to be around people, but they don’t want to be around people.

They’ll go to a party or event and act hella anti-social confusing everyone around them. You might find yourself thinking, “If they aren’t going to socialize, why’d they come to the event?’

Just give them a few drinks! They’ll suddenly turn into a social butterfly gracing the room with their bipolar presence.

They’ll talk a lot when drunk but not about anything that allows you to really get to know them. Superficial topics that protect their vulnerability is all you’ll get!

Why are Scorpios social yet anti-social at the same time?

No one knows the answer to that question. Oh wait! Maybe a psychotherapist does…

8. Scorpios Mastered the Poker Face

Literally! Some of the world’s most famous Poker players are Scorpios sun, Scorpio rising or Scorpio moon.

What’s confusing is astrologers worship these demonic, duplicit, manipulative assholes as if they are in touch with their emotions.

They’re not! They hide, evade and deny their emotions behind a smiling face, a fake friendship, a charitable cause or a poker face.

If you’re supposedly emotionally superior but you hide your true emotions all the damn time, what’s the point?

Water signs are Emotionally Imbalanced most of the time, all this hype about Scorpio, Cancer and Pisces being in touch with their feelings is laughable. All water signs are actors. They can mock emotions but do they really feel emotions?

9. Scorpion Bill Gates heavily invest in Monsanto

A classic Scorpio move is to hide an evil agenda behind a fake charity. Is there a company more evil to invest in then Monsanto? This is what makes Scorpios more two faced and duplicit than Gemini’s.

10. Scorpios are extremely jealous

They must underhandedly one up you. Unlike a Leo who will blatantly one up you, Scorpios try to be sneaky about it.

Highly perceptive people notice Scorpios are so jealous and petty it’s almost pitiful. Anyone who’s attractive, talented or smart makes the Scorpio feel small and threatened.

The Scorpio then unloads, competing for admiration and attention. They can be fierce yet quiet competitors who secretly want all eyes on them. They are incomprehensibly contradicting and intolerably competitive.

11. They are terrible parents (Dark sided Scorpios only, I know amazing Phoenixed Scorpio parents)

Chris Jenner the Scorpion mother of the Kardashians… She made them very wealthy adults but at what cost? Of course sex tapes and sexual finesse is something to do with the beginning of a Scorpios Masterplan to become rich. Scorpios trust no one! Not even their kids. Not even themselves! They can easily dispose of their children allowing their parents or the foster care system to take care of their kids when the Scorpio is in their feelings and just don’t give a damn!

Their kids never, ever come first and are often neglected. Scorpios children feel like they barely know their parents because Scorpios rarely talk to their kids or open up to them. Dark sided Scorpios are physically there but not really present when it comes to their kids.

12. Sarcastic, underhanded comments

You can count on a Scorpio to have a quick sarcastic and sadistic comeback for everything you say to them.

It’s annoying. They’re so defensive that talking to them is like an endless game of ping pong with long spaces of silence in between and psychotic, blank stares.

Side Note: It takes Scorpios too long to open up in relationships.

It’s exhausting dating someone who just won’t let you in. Scorpios think vulnerability is a weakness and trusting others is foolish. No wonder they’re relationships are just based on sex the majority of the time!

If they eventually let you in after 4 or 5 years of you fighting to open their heart, the minute you hurt them all hell will break loose. Run!

13. They speak in a soft, fake innocent low volume/tone.

When a Scorpio talks it sounds like a whisper. Nothing annoys an Aquarius more. Speak up or shut up. No one has time for that Michael Jackson soft tone. Scorpios Lack of base in their tone and appear soft spoken. However, they are from soft spoken. That’s just a disguise, they can and will annihilate you on every level.

Grab your hearing aids, you’ll need it. They talk low because they think everyone is listening in on them or eavesdropping. Truth is no one gives a damn about what they have to say.

Scorpios strategically talk in inaudible tones so that the person who is asking them a question has to say “huh, repeat that I didn’t hear you.” Until they eventually forget what they were asking in the first place.

Every time a Scorpio speaks they move in on your ear and whisper like they’re telling you Classified government information but you just asked for directions to the Nearest Popeyes Chicken. Ughhh back up creep! They have no boundaries and violate others physical space.

14, They’re always looking around like someone’s watching them.

They are people watchers. Not because they’re interested in people, but because they’re secretly at war with people.

Scorpios remind me of fugitives on the run. It’s comical how they look around at people like people actually notice their existence.

Scorpios love to say “So and so is stalking me…” 

Scorpios put restraining orders on imaginary people. It’s called delusional paranoia, and there’s no cure.

15. Everything is a Strategy

Imagine how it feels hanging out with someone who always has a hidden agenda? Well just hang out with a Scorpio.

Everything they say or do is to appear to you a certain way but under the veil who they really are stays hidden.

They’re motives behind their agenda is for selfish means to attain business, a love interest, money, fame or pity.

There’s nothing authentic about these calculating, selfish, scripted pricks! Let’s take Colin kaepernick’s kneeling publicity stunt as an example. It did nothing but make “him” look like a social warrior on the surface… And yes he did donate to many charities after the kneeling to add to his resume’ However, ultimately he signed a huge deal landing him a large lump sum of money with Nike. In the end, it’s all for the Scorpios benefit. And since I have a Taurus moon I can’t help but admire the hustle!

16. Low key shoplifters

A Scorpio can be filthy rich but still go to Macy’s and shoplift. They get off on the thrill of tricking people.

It’s orgasmic to a Scorpio to get away with stealing things without people finding out.

They’ll steal your belt or a small accessory and find it amusing to witness you go crazy looking for it while they have it in their pockets all along.

17. They collect things from people

They steal things and collect them. Every Scorpio has a box of trinkets they’ve stole from people at work, past lovers, friends, and strangers.

Don’t be surprised if you find a pair of your underwear, used condoms and a piece of weave in their creepy trinket box. Look through it if you dare!

18. Scorpios are connected to the underworld

They see ghost, monsters, demons and are obsessed with cats and religion. They like Tarot cards and occult artifacts. They like working the graveyard shift and volunteer to witness exorcisms.

They have sex dungeons and exotic pet reptiles. Weirdos!

19. Manic depressive control freaks

One day they love you. The next day they hate you. Other days you just don’t exist because they create an eerie space between the two of you out of the blue! If they don’t believe your unconditionally in love with them or caught in their spell they won’t want to be with you! Scorpios require their mates to be stupid in love with them.

They are mostly depressed and can be really fun to be around one day and really miserable to be around the next.

20. They have a psycho blank stare

You know that feeling you get when someone is staring at you? Then you turn around and it’s a Scorpio staring into your soul.

It’s a blank stare that immediately makes you uncomfortable and uneasy. All Scorpios have small, slanted, beady eyes or lazy eyes as if they’ve been zapped by the Men in Black… Staring into a Scorpio’s eyes is like being sucked into a black hole. It’s extraterrestrial…

Regardless of everything terrible about Scorpios, I still admire a few of them who overcame their darkness or have undergone a successful exorcism.

One of my favorite Novels “Dracula” was written by a Scorpio – Bram Stoker born November 8, 1847. I always knew there was heavy Scorpion influence surrounding that book which ultimately drew me towards it… One of the best gothic novels ever written. Of course Dracula himself was a Taurus, the opposite of Scorpio. Same difference.

Bram Stoker, a beloved Scorpio paved the way for vampire novels starting a trend that is still just as powerful and addicting as it was since its inception 200 years ago!

Bram Stoker wrote 12 novels, including Dracula and The Jewel of Seven Stars, and also published collections of short stories. Dracula was originally titled The Undead. As Dracula says: “My revenge is just begun! I spread it over centuries, and time is on my side.” To date, more than 1000 novels and 200 films have been made about the vampire Dracula.

Getting stung by a Scorpio could actually be a good thing! According to scientific research! 

“In the lab, scientists are finding out that venomous proteins can be used in medicine. Researchers have had success, for example, in using scorpion venom to treat brain tumors in humans. Instead of causing harm to healthy nerve and muscle cells, venom such as chlorotoxin can be used to block signals from cancer cells.” Source -Askabiologist.com

Scorpion venom is worth a whopping $39,000,000 per gallon!

Esoterically you can transmute the Scorpion sting and use it as a cleansing of old toxic habits to renew yourself inside and out. Scorpio comes into your life selling death like selling candy to kids. Death to the old you and birth to the new you. Energy never dies, it can only transform. If you want to live, you can’t be afraid to die. Scorpio philosophy!

Ladies, you know that charming Scorpio is bad. But we all crave the bad boy – to our own demise. But there’s a flip side. There is good in his bad. There is an opportunity to shed old skin we’ve been carrying around for years that won’t intimidate him like it scared off the others. He’s here to shake you. If he succeeds he also evolves. It’s a win-win.

The quote from the book Dracula listed below is the perfect example of the seductive qualities of a Scorpio:

““The last I saw of Count Dracula was his kissing his hand to me, with a red light of triumph in his eyes, and with a smile that Judas in hell might be proud of.”
― Bram Stoker, Dracula

I said all this just to say… I ACTUALLY LOVE ALL MY SADISTIC, ADDICTIVE SCORPIOS!

By Janell Hihi @copyright2017

Narcissistic Bosses: The Real Reason for High Employee Turnover

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Let’s face it. Narcissist are everywhere. They’re literally inescapable. Narcissist have infiltrated the dating scene, the workplace, extended families and every infrastructure and system within the entire world.

Businesses with systems and processes created by narcissistic people become the ideology of twisted narcissistic rhetoric and dysfunction.

Unlike mentally healthy human beings, narcissist and the systems they create to oppress people, are unable to change or adapt to current times. Their ability to evolve is dead.

Instead of working through problems, finding healthy ways to cope and making an effort to become a better person, the narcissist is fixated only by remaining the same and continuing the status quo regardless if it’s in the best interest of the business or employees.

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In my upcoming book, How to Defeat a Narcissist, I make a striking comparison of narcissistic personality disorder and the Return of the Dead. Like a dead species, narcissist are unable to grow, learn or evolve into a new way of thinking. Therefore, when we enter an intimate or work related relationship with a narcissist, the relationship can’t evolve. There is a proverbial glass ceiling and the goal of progression stops at a dead end every time.

Narcissism is maladaptive and only concerned with maintaining power over others regardless of what tangible success the company stands to lose. For example, high performing employees get no where with narcissistic bosses. High performers in the workplace take a fall from grace with narcissistic organizations.

Instead of being acknowledged as an asset, High Performers are despised.

When high performers are hired on, the narcissistic organization idolizes them. However, when they start to ask questions, offer ideas and solutions, essentially going above and beyond being a high performing and engaged employee, the narcissist feels threatened.

The narcissist is threatened in two ways. First, the narcissist weak, under-performing and outdated work processes are being constructively questioned. As I mentioned above, the narcissist is maladaptive and must maintain the status quo. There is no growth possible. Especially if it is not recommended by the narcissist himself.

Second, the narcissist starts to feel like he is losing his sense of superiroity just because an employee suggested an idea to improve a work process. Suddenly

Sooner rather than later, the narcissist will begin to devalue the once idolized employee. Suddenly performance reviews will be below satisfactory and the narcissist may even go far as telling you to stay in your place. Once the narcissist ask for your opinion and input, now the narcissist rejects it because it’s a threat to their ego and their narcissistic organizational structure.

Narcissist will despise the free-thinking, intelligent employee and praise the simple, non-threatening, ass-kissing employee. Most narcissistic organizations promote and hire on management that submit to the narcissist ill-devised narcissistic, power hoarding policies. Any employee questioning the narcissist polices or power will remain in a subservient position despite how awesome the employee is performance wise.

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Narcissistic Managers are Passive Aggressive and Lack the ability to give REAL Feedback

Doing a one on one with a narcissistic manager, everything will be all sunshine and rainbows until they have to explain why you didn’t get promoted or why they keep disciplining you in a passive aggressive manner that stunts your growth as an employee. A manager who can’t give employees real and honest feedback doesn’t want them to grow within the organization. Instead of giving an employee constructive ways to improve, the narcissist disciplines his employees by annoying them.

Narcissist boss specialize in Micro aggression’s.

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The narcissist will make indirect threats and snarky comments to destabilize the employee who thinks they are smart or doesn’t know how to properly bow down them. The narcissist will give them extra tedious assignments, move there desks every two-weeks, single them out of special meetings, opportunities or assignments.

The narcissist will talk behind the employees back and berate them yet smile in their face. The narcissist will use micro-aggression like it’s there first language just because they lack the courage to face issues head on. They like to call their passive aggressive, brush over the shoulders nature “soft skills.”

Like all narcissist, honest dialogue between mature adults will never take place. It’s a pipe dream. Talking to them, emailing them, meeting with them or even trying to reconcile with them is virtually impossible. They will act like they are engaged in resolving issues, but they are more engaged, behind the scenes to simply control you and keep you in your place. Your performance is irrelevant, only your ability to submit to their power tactics is what truly matters to the narcissist boss and/or organization.

Narcissistic companies do not have an official training program

This is classic narcissistic bullshit. A company that lacks a training program is trouble. What healthy organization would not take the time to create a training program to ensure their employees are knowledgeable about the company, it’s program, products and objectives?

Simple answer, a narcissistic company that feeds off training people on an individual level so that they can pick and choose who gets what kind of training and why. The narcissist doesn’t want all employees to be on the same page. First off they are lazy and second it gives them more leverage to control employees in a covert and manipulative manner.

The narcissist can hoard information and knowledge that can prevent employees from prospering in their position so that the narcissist remains in control and most knowledgeable. Narcissist hate sharing information. They want you to come to them for answers to stroke their egos and validate their sense of superiority. Start up or not, 3 employees or 100 employees, a company lacking a training curriculum is riddled with narcissistic management.

Narcissistic Employers Have No Policies in Place

Don’t be fooled by a company who lacks an employee handbook and company policies and procedures. The narcissistic company will lie to your face in the interview and tell you that they have an unrestricted environment and implementing policies and procedures creates the kind of rigid corporate environment they want to avoid. They want you to be human and feel free at work. That’s not possible. All companies need policies that act as boundaries to protect the company and it’s employees.

It’s bullshit. Like a narcissistic partner who is unwilling to commit to avoid being held accountable for their behavior, the narcissistic boss operates exactly the same. Without sound policies in place, the narcissistic company can “at will” unfairly discipline you, fire you, harass you, retaliate against you and treat you in a way that doesn’t hold them accountable because of the lack of policies in place.

However, if policies were enacted, the narcissist would have to behave according to standards. What defines a narcissist is their inability to take responsibility. The definition of responsibility in this context is one’s ability to avoid responding. An ambiguous workplace where anything the narcissist does and says goes is ideal for abuse and a toxic work environment. Avoid working for companies who have a “no policy” policy.

Narcissistic companies have a high turnover rate

If in every department of the company, the turn over rate is extremely high with weekly resignations and farewell emails. The company has some narcissistic, toxic and systematically corrupt issues intact. Especially when people in prestigious or higher up positions quickly vacate, there is trouble brewing in paradise and if you are an individual who can’t thrive under narcissistic regime, you’ll be the next one putting in a two week notice.

Narcissistic companies designates a villain and blames them for all the companies problem.

I am guilty for believing the hype. A company I worked for chose to blame all their corruption and their extremely hostile work environment on one person. She left the company and was still being blames. I bought into but I was unaware that they treated her in such a way that changed her behavior and eventually influenced her to seek employment elsewhere. W

When she left, there was no miraculous transformation of the companies policies or hostile environment. The same bullshit remained but it became even worse. Since she left the narcissism on every level of the company was turned up a notch yet and still they continue to blame a manager who left the company months or even years ago. The inability to take responsibility.

Heed the warning and plan for your exit. Your employment with a narcissistic employer will end with you leaving or suing. Your only fighting chance is legal action. Decide now if you want to expend the mental energy and loss of vital life source continuing to work for a company riddled with narcissistic management.

 

Narcissistic Repellent: Good Listeners Can Never Be Manipulated

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If you listen closely to what people say, how they say it and the words they choose to convey the message they are trying to deliver, you will immediately understand the pivotal art of discernment between facts and fiction.

It is wise to listen and paraphrase immediately after a statement is made, particularly after you’ve had an interaction with a narcissist.

Narcissist sugar coat, generalize, deflect and minimize important issues into casual, unimportant and dismissive conversations so that the other party in the interaction feels crazy for even asking, insinuating or bringing up a matter that appears important to them.

It is absolutely essential to quiet your emotions and your resistance when interacting with a narcissist so that you handle the interaction like an attorney rather than an emotional counterpart.

Narcissist lack human emotion and empathy so interacting with them from an emotional perspective will serve you no leverage whatsoever.

Approach the narcissist like they are your business partner, not your lover. For example, ask direct question, “Why did you tell me you would pay the phone bill but you didn’t?”

The narcissist will respond, “You never told me to pay the bill, you asked me if I would and I never gave you a direct answer. The problem is you always make assumptions and put unrealistic expectations one me. Why didn’t you just tell me to pay the bill?”

Before you act emotionally, dissect what the narcissist just said carefully.

“You never told me to pay the bill, you asked me.”

This is a deflection, if you respond to a deflection it will bring you down an unproductive rabbit hole. Do not respond to that statement.

“The problem is you always making assumptions.” 

This is the narcissist attempt to deflect the responsibility on you. Another form of deflection which does not deserve a respond.

“You always put unrealistic expectations on me.”

This is an accusation not rooted in reality which is another form of deflection. Do not take the bait! Do not respond to this statement directly.

“Why didn’t you just ask me to pay the bill?”

This is the ultimate form of deflection. A manipulative person who dodges personal responsibility puts the nail in the coffin when they ask a question that deflects blame from them to you. If and when you answer, you officially took the bait and you will find yourself explaining yourself instead of them explaining why they didn’t do what they were supposed to do.

So how do you respond when you can’t respond to anything they said because it’s full of deflective statements and questions?

You don’t respond to anything the narcissist said.

You simply re-ask the same question you originally asked. Using the example above you would ask, once again… “Why didn’t you pay the phone bill after you agreed to pay it?”

The narcissist will then accuse you of deflecting by not responding to their original statements. Don’t take the bait!

Instead, ask them to pay the bill now by saying, “Can you pay the bill right now?”

One of two things will happen, they will get angry and storm off or they will defend their stance by stating they never agreed to pay the bill so their not paying.

Either way, you probably won’t win if your dealing with a narcissist but you will certainly not have to defend yourself against something they did. In this case, I’d pay the bill and move on with my life… Without the narcissist in it!

Do you need help leaving a narcissist? I am a survivor of narcissistic abuse and I will be happy to listen to your story and give advice. One 35 minute, confidential call for only $14.95. Sign up Today!

By Janell Hihi @copyright 2017

When a Narcissist Insults you or Tries to Bait You With An Argument, Do This!

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Narcissists don’t talk, or communicate: they fend off, hide and evade” Sam Vaknin

Narcissist are insidious manipulators. They can get under your skin by disguising insults, giving you compliments with sadistic smirks on their face, or suddenly start ignoring you for no reason.

The narcissist craves for you to ask them, “Why are you acting strange, what’s wrong?”

Just so they can reply with, “Nothing!” And a shoulder shrug to dismiss themselves before you start asking more questions.

Narcissist want unsolved problems to exist within their relationships because it fuels the toxic environment that will eventually strip away your virtues, your patience, and inner peace.

The narcissist wishes to keep their victim in an anxious state. They never want you to be able to calculate or predict their next attack on you.

If you are in a state of anxiety with a narcissist and can’t seem to find your way out of the fog, I have a solution.

Everything the narcissist says and does is bait to drag you down further into their inner hell.

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Fight back with the 6 proven techniques below:

  1. Remain Unreactive: Act as if you didn’t see what they did or hear what they said. Act completely oblivious. They may try harder to bait you for a reaction but keep acting as if you don’t notice and remain unbothered. To release your pain confide in a close friend or family member. Just don’t give the narc the satisfaction of seeing you sad.
  2. Answer every question with a question: This will annoy anyone, especially a narcissist. If a narcissist asks you a demeaning question, never, ever, answer it. Ask them why they asked that question? Then ask them what answer do they expect? Then ask them what motivated them to ask the question? Then ask them why they are asking so many questions. But never, answer the original question. This way, the narcissist is stuck explaining why they asked you a question and you stay unengaged, and you don’t take the bait.
  3. When the narcissist gives you the silent treatment write them letters. Write the letter very sloppy so they don’t understand a single word written. Leave some of the letters on sticky notes and stick them to the fridge or bathroom mirror. Sooner or later they will ask what the hell you wrote in the letter and shazam! The silent treatment is broken. If you don’t live with them, send them a letter in the mail with sloppy handwriting and keep quiet until they ask you about the letter. This works like a charm! If they still ignore you, ignore them back and focus on yourself. Catch up with your friends, hang out and keep posting all your fun pictures on social media. He will realize sooner rather than later the silent treatment isn’t going to work on you.
  4. When they blatantly insult you reply with “Oh stop, you don’t even believe that.” Say it calmly and with a smile. Walk away from the confrontation or quickly change the topic to something more positive. Throw in a goal you just reached or even compliment them with how great they look. Another tactic to use when they verbally abuse you is to compliment them. Instead of insulting them back, give them a compliment for every insult they hurl at you. This will disarm them and throw them off balance. Say the compliments with a sincere loving tone and watch what happens! The narcissist will try harder or storm off to get away from you.
  5. When the narcissist gaslights you and calls you crazy, respond by saying the most annoying questions of all times… “I know you are, but what am I?” If you follow the steps above, it should never get to the point where the narc is able to successfully gaslight you because you’re no longer taking their bait. You can also respond to them calling you crazy by saying, “You know, you’re right. In fact, I just booked an appointment with a psychologist and may get on some meds.” Then ask him what medications he thinks you should try and what mental conditions he thinks you may have… Manic depression? Bipolar? Extreme paranoia? Keep asking him his expert advice on your so-called mental issues as mockery. But act sincerely like you agree that you are crazy and need professional help. Go as far as really booking an appointment with a psychologist on the terms that he has to go to your appointments with you. Watch the reaction. Suddenly, you won’t be so crazy after all.
  6. Never react and never get defensive. Disengage your emotions and respond to the narcissist with tact, strategy, and deflection. Never defend abuse, never explain yourself, always counterattack with clever techniques.

Try the 6 steps above and comment below to share your success story. This works! I’ve done it time and time again with narcissist family members and co-workers. If the narcissist becomes violent, seek help immediately. Leave and then contact the authorities.

Fight back against narcissist abuse by ultimately leaving the narcissist for good. Narcissist never change. It’s them, not you! Get out and do it fast!

By Janell Hihi

Copyright@2017