How The Narcissist Creates an Army of Defenders by Playing the Victim Role


Victim playing (also known as playing the victim or self-victimization) is the fabrication of victimhood for a variety of reasons such as to justify abuse of others, to manipulate others, a coping strategy or attention seeking. – Wikipedia

The Narcissist is master manipulators. They appear to be normal people who go to work every day, walk their dog, take care of their kids, and may be active in their community.

Narcissist are not losers. Many of them are in politics, they are teachers in schools, nurses at the local clinic and your manager at work.

That being the case, narcissist use their “normal” lives as a mask to appear like they are mentally stable adults.

The narcissist will go out of his way to wine and dine you. He will shower you with respect, attention, and admiration. He will appear as the guy you’ve always dreamed about.

This is how they reel you in. Once they have your undivided attention, the narcissist begins to unload all their stories of victimhood upon you.

Of course, you see them as a responsible and very likable person who has shown you nothing but the utmost respect. Once you hear how other people have wronged them throughout the years, automatically you feel the need to defend them.

Unknowingly, you enlist in the army of victimhood defense that the narcissist has subconsciously persuaded you to join due to their sob stories of alleged betrayal, abuse, and neglect from family members, exes, and friends.

The narcissist invokes your parental instinct and you feel a very strong desire to protect them and believe in their side of the story.

If for any reason, you become the devil’s advocate and ask critical questions by saying to the narcissist, “There are two sides to every story,” they immediately begin to judge you as an unsupportive partner and may even hit you with an ultimatum that if you don’t stand up for them 100% then you gotta go!

victim role

A master manipulator understands that by love bombing you and showering you with attention and respect, once they play victim to alleged character assassinations against them, that you will protect them and defend them despite the evidence presented to you. The desire to protect them will be stronger than your desire to accept the truth.

In fact, you become slightly narcissistic in the process because you adopt the mindset that he’s good to me, he loves me, if his ex or any other person has a problem with his character that is not your problem. If all you care about is how he treats you at the present moment while the two of you are in the honeymoon phase of your relationship, he has you exactly where he wants you.

Consider yourself groomed and a prime source of narcissistic supply. He will love you as long as you never challenge him, or hurt is overly inflated ego.

If you want a partnership dynamic of a relationship, you are with the wrong one. Being with a narcissist is more of a dynamic where you are a cheerleader, cheering for a losing team. Despite their idiotic plays, you have to keep believing somehow the two of you will win in the end.

At some point, as the honeymoon phase ends, you will start to realize that all his friends are mere puppets to his prized victim role scheme. When you begin to experience sudden disrespect from the narcissist, he will shame you for being a drama queen and so will his friends that you once respected and admired.

To earn your sympathy and pity is the narcissist strongest weapon. Do not give it easily. Remain objective and of sound mind so that you can see through the fog. Narcissist are not victims, they create victims instead.


By Janell Hihi @copyright 2017