Helping Versus Enabling: Knowing the Difference to Avoid Being Used by Others.

No wants to be used. It’s an awful feeling that can trigger thoughts of unworthiness and low self-esteem.

I get this question often from my followers, “Did he/she really love me or was he just using me for XY and Z?” 

Giving without boundaries almost always creates a situation that invites leeches and psychic vampires into our lives.

Psychic vampires are not creatures from the other side hunting humanity in search of blood for survival.

Instead, psychic vampires are ordinary people who suck the life right out of you. Either they overburden others with their victim mentality by sharing sob stories seeking pity for validation. Or worse, they seek out others only to use them for their resources.

#1 Sign an Individual is a Psychic Vampire

A sure sign an individual you may be dealing with is a psychic vampire is that they have absolutely nothing to offer you but their so-called feelings. In dating situations, beware of anyone who can’t bring anything to the table but their heart.

Unfortunately, the number one reason for divorce is financial issues. Feelings are not currency and therefore bills can’t be paid on feelings alone. Relationships that are solely based on feelings usually end bitterly. Morals, values, political affiliations and yes, “Finances” pay a big role in determining the success of a relationship.

Love and feelings only makes up about 25% of relationships sustainability because feelings and emotions fluctuate. Common morals and values is the glue that keeps couples together when feelings inevitably alternate from high to low.

A leech will always suggest that your resources are used for their benefit because perhaps they are not as well off. However, the difference between a person who is not well off and a person who makes horrible financial decisions is huge.

Low income people living within their means won’t be as irresponsible. Leeches and psychic vampires are fiscally irresponsible because they are internal self proclaimed victims who seek out saviors to help them out of there dire situations.

A stay at home wife who takes pride in caring for her children, her home and the family well being is not a leech. Although her contribution is intangible, it is equally as substantial as her husbands who works to provide for the family financially. Relationships are comprised of give and take. Not just take, take, take!

They always need “Your” help. Whether it’s financing a car, buying a house, etc., However, all they can give in return is the three words, “I love you!.” If you couldn’t “help” them they wouldn’t love you. Period.

For example, they don’t have a house so they have to come to your house all the time, use all your necessities and eat all your groceries. They don’t have a car so you always need to pick them up and drop them off. They jokingly tell you what size shoe they wear as if you’ll run to the mall to buy them a pair. You cook really well so there’s no need in ever going out to eat! They offer their company and nothing else! Even worse, they have no plans to improve their lives and become financially independent.

The Ultimate Test to Determine if Someone is a Leech

Call their bluff and use reverse psychology. Tell them “I love you too! I can’t help you financially but I can give you my heart.” Offer to show them how to save money and fix their credit to buy their own house or car. Without a doubt, they will be out of your life quicker than you can blink.

Psychic vampires seek out lonely people who crave companionship over anything else. People are desperate for friendships and relationships who willingly overextend themselves to help grown men and women are prime targets for leeches.

Helping Versus Enabling

There is nothing wrong with helping people. However, we need to define what helping another grown-up means. Helping someone is not doing something for them. Helping an adult is showing them by example how to be successful and pointing them to the right resources to assist them in their endeavors.

How are we truly helping them by doing for them what we can teach them how to do for themselves?

Enabling a leech is giving up your time, energy and resources without teaching them the “how to do it themselves” methods or demanding a return on your investment. There is no reciprocity. The underlying issues which made the individual a leech in the first place remain unresolved and their bad habits are continued.

Regardless if it’s someone your dating, your child, a sibling, coworker or friend, help them help themselves, so they can grow and never need to ask for help again.

Sincerely yours,

Author J. Hihi

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Do You Love The Narcissist or Are You Addicted to Him?

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Is it love or addiction?

This is the question I often ask myself when I am staring down a dark chocolate truffle before I devour it.

Many singers, poets and writers would say love and addiction is the same thing. However, I highly disagree!

Addiction is an obsession to a desired outcome that is unrealistic. It’s a fantasy-like train of thought that distorts our reality.

According to Psychology Today ” Sex and love addiction are so commonly bonded that there is a 12-step support group for the combination: Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA). Both love addiction and sex addiction are often viewed as disorders of intimacy.”

What we are addicted to is irrelevant but the fact that we may have addictive personality traits is what’s cause for concern.

Loving a narcissist is addictive because the effect they have on the human brain, psyche and soul of their victim fluctuates from the highest of highs and the lowest of lows just as heroine, cocaine and opioids do.

The rollercoaster ride of high adrenaline and the blunt blow of the fall riddled with low serotonin levels which are often attributed to anxiety, depression, panic attacks, insomnia, obesity, fibromyalgia, eating disorders, chronic pain, migraines, and alcohol abuse. Negative thoughts, low self-esteem, obsessive thoughts and behaviors, PMS, and Irritable Bowel Syndrome are also symptoms of low serotonin.

The highs are like no other, it feels like the best love, heaven-sent, breath-taking sex, endless orgasms, charm, compliments, gifts, attention and emotional availability.

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A relationship with a narcissist is like an addiction to a drug because it’s nothing but consecutive highs and lows.

There is never a feeling of calmness, stability and consistency. It’s one drastic extreme to the next.

And just like a drug, it is extremely difficult to get over a narcissist once they discard you! Withdrawal is real. A support group and a team of loving friends and family members is needed to help you get through the struggle of withdrawal without relapsing.

Your body and soul gets so accustomed to the highs and the lows that it can no longer fathom or adapt to stability, calmness and peace of mind.

It can take months or years to re-stabilize after narcissistic abuse. It depends on how long the relationship was and how severe the abuse was.

I suffered from anxiety attacks out of the blue a few years back because I developed minor post traumatic stress disorder for being in two consecutive relationships with narcissist back to back. I left my narcissistic husband only to later get involved in another covert narcissistic relationship.

My recovery took years. And that’s okay. At the time I left my ex husband I did not know what the difference between covert and overt narcissist was so I fell prey to an opportunistic, manic-depressive, covert narcissist.

I didn’t know I was addicted to the drastic highs and lows. I left one, just to get a hit of another. My ex would break up with me out of the blue or when he didn’t get his way and it would hurt me to the core.

Then, out of the blue he would get back together with me professing his undying love. It was like he would create a catastrophe then come in out of the blue as a hero and save me from the pain he caused.

This is why the narcissist simultaneously switches from villain to hero. Similar to how drug companies make up illnesses and then create a medication that supposedly cures the illness but the side effects are more deadly then the illness itself.

I would look ridiculous when he would break up with me out of the blue. It would be after we went out with friends or to dinner or days after a minor disagreement. I would plead with him to reconsider. I felt ashamed and embarrassed that suddenly he could switch off his feelings like a light switch and just leave.

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I felt like I cared too much. It was confusing and I was often shocked. 

The shock is what kept me hooked and coming back for more. I wasn’t in love. I was addicted!

Listen to Rihanna and Justin Timberlake song “Rehab” 

According to an article written by The Ranch, below is a list of all the signs that you may be addicted to love:

Typical signs of love addiction include:

  • Mistaking intense sexual experiences and new romantic excitement for love
  • Constantly craving and searching for a romantic relationship
  • When in a relationship, being desperate to please and fearful of the other’s unhappiness
  • When not in a relationship, feeling desperate and alone
  • Inability to maintain an intimate relationship once the newness and excitement have worn off
  • Finding it unbearable or emotionally difficult to be alone
  • When not in a relationship, compulsively using sex and fantasy to fill the loneliness
  • Choosing partners who are emotionally unavailable and/or verbally or physically abusive
  • Choosing partners who demand a great deal of attention and caretaking but who do not meet, or even try to meet, your emotional or physical needs
  • Participating in activities that don’t interest you or go against your personal values in order to keep or please a partner
  • Giving up important interests, beliefs, or friendships to maximize time in the relationship or to please a romantic partner
  • Using sex, seduction, and manipulation (guilt/shame) to “hook” or hold on to a partner
  • Using sex or romantic intensity to tolerate difficult experiences or emotions
  • Missing out on important family, career, or social experiences to search for a romantic or sexual relationship
  • Using anonymous sex, porn, or compulsive masturbation to avoid “needing” someone, thereby avoiding all relationships
  • Finding it difficult or impossible to leave unhealthy or abusive relationships despite repeated promises to oneself or others to do so
  • Repeatedly returning to previously unmanageable or painful relationships despite promises to oneself or others to not do so

I can’t stress how important it is to heal from narcissistic abuse before re-entering the dating game otherwise you will attract another narcissist who is more covert, manipulative and deceiving.

Treat your break up with a narcissist like you are entering rehab for drug abuse and I promise you, the healing will be more efficient and expedient.

You don’t love the narcissist. You are addicted. Is addiction stronger than love? Yes, because it disguises itself as love and locks the brain and the heart into a state of perpetual confusion.

Sincerely,

Janell Hihi copyright@2018

Can Narcissist Stay In Longterm Relationships?

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The short answer is “Yes!”

Narcissist will stay with women who continually accept their abuse by denying it and making excuses for it.

As long as the narcissist is getting a steady source of quality narcissistic supply, he can maintain relationships that last decades.

The ideal victim who the narcissist will choose to be in longterm relationship with must never question him, never criticize him and never, ever call out his false self.

Narcissist need their partners to help them maintain their grandiose sense of self by continually complementing them, obeying them and trusting their every word.

The minute you question, criticize or investigate shady behavior from your narcissistic partner is the moment you are disregarded as longterm relationship material to the narcissist.

If you’re not robotic, overly optimistic, degradingly submissive and compliant, the relationship will last a few months to a year at the longest.

This doesn’t mean you’re not good relationship material.

This means you have a healthy level of self-esteem and self-respect that you leave when love is no longer being served.

As long as you understand that it’s his way or the highway, you can maintain a longterm relationship with a narcissist!

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A great way to gauge your level of self-esteem is how fast you are able to recognize narcissistic and toxic relationships and how fast you are able to leave them!

Never look at a relationship and assume because a couple was together 12 years, they must have a very strong bond. It’s safe to assume they’ve been through a lot together. However, it is not okay to assume that relationship is healthy or has allowed each partner to grow into a better person.

It’s important to remember when considering the longevity of narcissistic relationships that it’s the quality of the relationship not the quantity of the years the narcissist stayed in the relationship.

In fact, most narcissist never leave a good source of supply. Usually what happens is the codependent partner realizes they are in an abusive relationship and they finally gather the courage to leave the narcissist for good.

The narcissist will stay in play forever, if the victim allows them to . Narcissist favorite line to manipulate their victims to stay with them is:

“We’ve been together all these years, and we’ve been through so much, and you’re just gonna leave?”

The number of years we are in a relationship is no reason to stay in that relationship. It is the quality of those years that determines whether or not we should stay.

Ten years of being with a man in an off again and on again relationship is not ten years of love, loyalty and respect. Instead, it’s ten years of chaos, instability and inconsistency.

The length of time a man stays with a women does not determine how much he loves her. She could be a safe option, a convenience, a financial resource, or an opportunity for a better life.

She could also be a punching bag he can take out all his frustrations on because she is so lost and codependent, the fear of being alone is worse then being in an abusive relationship.

Narcissist often provoke arguments and fights and then blame the victim for being a nag or a drama queen.

As long as you can live your life constantly being labeled a drama queen and accepting your narcissistic partner as the victim of your alleged paranoia, insecurity and jealousy… you will be able to maintain a longterm relationship with a narcissist.

If you’re reading this because you left a narcissist before you could define the relationship as long-term, good for you!

If you’re reading this wondering how your narcissistic ex lover is in a longterm relationship with another women, remember it’s the women who determines how long she will tolerate narcissistic abuse.

Better her then you!

You’re worth is not determined by how long your relationships last. It’s determined by your ability to walk away from abusive and toxic relationships.

By Janell Hihi @Copyright 2018

Why You Can’t Stop Thinking About the Narcissist

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Why can’t you get the narcissist out of your mind?

Narcissist operate from the ego. The ego is of the mind. Narcissist spin a web of illusion so intricate they create a matrix, also known as a mental prison that they’re victims can’t escape from.

The narcissist will literally take full possession of the victims mind. Since most narcissist prey on your subconscious mind, thinking of them and why they do what they do becomes a habitual obsession that is extremely hard to break.

In my upcoming book How to Defeat a Narcissist, I explain how narcissist are like hackers who hack into your mind, corrupt your software and implant a virus that takes over your entire operating system.

Getting a narcissist out of your mind takes reprogramming that is explained in great detail in my upcoming book.

For every negative, toxic thought they implant in your mind by their antisocial, psychotic, selfish and hurtful behavior, a positive affirmation must be repeated daily by the victim to refill the mind with empowering and positive thoughts and beliefs. This takes time, but it’s extremely helpful and almost guaranteed to work every time.

Narcissistic Repellent: Good Listeners Can Never Be Manipulated

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If you listen closely to what people say, how they say it and the words they choose to convey the message they are trying to deliver, you will immediately understand the pivotal art of discernment between facts and fiction.

It is wise to listen and paraphrase immediately after a statement is made, particularly after you’ve had an interaction with a narcissist.

Narcissist sugar coat, generalize, deflect and minimize important issues into casual, unimportant and dismissive conversations so that the other party in the interaction feels crazy for even asking, insinuating or bringing up a matter that appears important to them.

It is absolutely essential to quiet your emotions and your resistance when interacting with a narcissist so that you handle the interaction like an attorney rather than an emotional counterpart.

Narcissist lack human emotion and empathy so interacting with them from an emotional perspective will serve you no leverage whatsoever.

Approach the narcissist like they are your business partner, not your lover. For example, ask direct question, “Why did you tell me you would pay the phone bill but you didn’t?”

The narcissist will respond, “You never told me to pay the bill, you asked me if I would and I never gave you a direct answer. The problem is you always make assumptions and put unrealistic expectations one me. Why didn’t you just tell me to pay the bill?”

Before you act emotionally, dissect what the narcissist just said carefully.

“You never told me to pay the bill, you asked me.”

This is a deflection, if you respond to a deflection it will bring you down an unproductive rabbit hole. Do not respond to that statement.

“The problem is you always making assumptions.” 

This is the narcissist attempt to deflect the responsibility on you. Another form of deflection which does not deserve a respond.

“You always put unrealistic expectations on me.”

This is an accusation not rooted in reality which is another form of deflection. Do not take the bait! Do not respond to this statement directly.

“Why didn’t you just ask me to pay the bill?”

This is the ultimate form of deflection. A manipulative person who dodges personal responsibility puts the nail in the coffin when they ask a question that deflects blame from them to you. If and when you answer, you officially took the bait and you will find yourself explaining yourself instead of them explaining why they didn’t do what they were supposed to do.

So how do you respond when you can’t respond to anything they said because it’s full of deflective statements and questions?

You don’t respond to anything the narcissist said.

You simply re-ask the same question you originally asked. Using the example above you would ask, once again… “Why didn’t you pay the phone bill after you agreed to pay it?”

The narcissist will then accuse you of deflecting by not responding to their original statements. Don’t take the bait!

Instead, ask them to pay the bill now by saying, “Can you pay the bill right now?”

One of two things will happen, they will get angry and storm off or they will defend their stance by stating they never agreed to pay the bill so their not paying.

Either way, you probably won’t win if your dealing with a narcissist but you will certainly not have to defend yourself against something they did. In this case, I’d pay the bill and move on with my life… Without the narcissist in it!

Do you need help leaving a narcissist? I am a survivor of narcissistic abuse and I will be happy to listen to your story and give advice. One 35 minute, confidential call for only $14.95. Sign up Today!

Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Consultation

35 Minute confidential consultation.

$14.95

By Janell Hihi @copyright 2017

When a Narcissist Insults you or Tries to Bait You With An Argument, Do This!

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Narcissists don’t talk, or communicate: they fend off, hide and evade” Sam Vaknin

Narcissist are insidious manipulators. They can get under your skin by disguising insults, giving you compliments with sadistic smirks on their face, or suddenly start ignoring you for no reason.

The narcissist craves for you to ask them, “Why are you acting strange, what’s wrong?”

Just so they can reply with, “Nothing!” And a shoulder shrug to dismiss themselves before you start asking more questions.

Narcissist want unsolved problems to exist within their relationships because it fuels the toxic environment that will eventually strip away your virtues, your patience, and inner peace.

The narcissist wishes to keep their victim in an anxious state. They never want you to be able to calculate or predict their next attack on you.

If you are in a state of anxiety with a narcissist and can’t seem to find your way out of the fog, I have a solution.

Everything the narcissist says and does is bait to drag you down further into their inner hell.

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Fight back with the 6 proven techniques below:

  1. Remain Unreactive: Act as if you didn’t see what they did or hear what they said. Act completely oblivious. They may try harder to bait you for a reaction but keep acting as if you don’t notice and remain unbothered. To release your pain confide in a close friend or family member. Just don’t give the narc the satisfaction of seeing you sad.
  2. Answer every question with a question: This will annoy anyone, especially a narcissist. If a narcissist asks you a demeaning question, never, ever, answer it. Ask them why they asked that question? Then ask them what answer do they expect? Then ask them what motivated them to ask the question? Then ask them why they are asking so many questions. But never, answer the original question. This way, the narcissist is stuck explaining why they asked you a question and you stay unengaged, and you don’t take the bait.
  3. When the narcissist gives you the silent treatment write them letters. Write the letter very sloppy so they don’t understand a single word written. Leave some of the letters on sticky notes and stick them to the fridge or bathroom mirror. Sooner or later they will ask what the hell you wrote in the letter and shazam! The silent treatment is broken. If you don’t live with them, send them a letter in the mail with sloppy handwriting and keep quiet until they ask you about the letter. This works like a charm! If they still ignore you, ignore them back and focus on yourself. Catch up with your friends, hang out and keep posting all your fun pictures on social media. He will realize sooner rather than later the silent treatment isn’t going to work on you.
  4. When they blatantly insult you reply with “Oh stop, you don’t even believe that.” Say it calmly and with a smile. Walk away from the confrontation or quickly change the topic to something more positive. Throw in a goal you just reached or even compliment them with how great they look. Another tactic to use when they verbally abuse you is to compliment them. Instead of insulting them back, give them a compliment for every insult they hurl at you. This will disarm them and throw them off balance. Say the compliments with a sincere loving tone and watch what happens! The narcissist will try harder or storm off to get away from you.
  5. When the narcissist gaslights you and calls you crazy, respond by saying the most annoying questions of all times… “I know you are, but what am I?” If you follow the steps above, it should never get to the point where the narc is able to successfully gaslight you because you’re no longer taking their bait. You can also respond to them calling you crazy by saying, “You know, you’re right. In fact, I just booked an appointment with a psychologist and may get on some meds.” Then ask him what medications he thinks you should try and what mental conditions he thinks you may have… Manic depression? Bipolar? Extreme paranoia? Keep asking him his expert advice on your so-called mental issues as mockery. But act sincerely like you agree that you are crazy and need professional help. Go as far as really booking an appointment with a psychologist on the terms that he has to go to your appointments with you. Watch the reaction. Suddenly, you won’t be so crazy after all.
  6. Never react and never get defensive. Disengage your emotions and respond to the narcissist with tact, strategy, and deflection. Never defend abuse, never explain yourself, always counterattack with clever techniques.

Try the 6 steps above and comment below to share your success story. This works! I’ve done it time and time again with narcissist family members and co-workers. If the narcissist becomes violent, seek help immediately. Leave and then contact the authorities.

Fight back against narcissist abuse by ultimately leaving the narcissist for good. Narcissist never change. It’s them, not you! Get out and do it fast!

By Janell Hihi

Copyright@2017

Codependency: Women Who Become The Men They Date

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When it comes to losing themselves in relationships, women seem to do that best. Women are more eager to conform to the lifestyle of the man she loves while he maintains a strong sense of self and stays on his routine.

Women who completely lose themselves in relationships are prone to divorce quicker than a woman who lives an authentic lifestyle despite being married. When codependent women divorce, it is very freeing. They typically blame their husband for the inability to be themselves and become even more entrenched in powerlessness and codependency than before.

I have a friend I went to high school with who was amazing when she was single. She was easy going, didn’t have a huge opinion on social issues nor was she interested in politics. However, every time she started dating a man, her entire life would begin to mimic his.

The codependent Hot Mess!

She would lose herself completely. I started to question whether she ever had a strong sense of self, to begin with. Whatever the man’s political views were she would adopt them, his food preferences, hobbies, and music taste.

My friend would literally turn into the man she was in love with. Often, she became a stranger as she adopted to one new lifestyle after the next depending on what type of man she was in love with.

If I could make up a medical diagnosis for her ever-changing personas, I’d call it Relationship Schizophrenia.

She would change from democrat to republican, a country girl to a city girl, a meat lover to a vegan, an airhead to a scholar, a book hater to a book lover, and a close friend to a distant friend.

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I realized later, that she was severely codependent and as much as I wanted to continue to be her friend, her recent metamorphosis of becoming a borderline alt-right, neoconservative was the straw that broke the camels back. After scrolling down my Facebook timeline reading a very offensive post that degrades and dehumanize African American people, I officially severed ties.

She was one of those spineless women who eagerly became the man she loved. She has lived many different lives, transforming into different women believing that she can somehow when the ultimate acceptance and validation of a man if she became who he was.

I will always cherish the random pockets of time we spent together when she was single and completely at ease with herself, acting on her own authentic beliefs. She was just a hollow girl waiting to be filled by someone, or something.

There’s a wise saying, “Don’t lose yourself to find someone else.” Every time I read it, I am reminded of how easily she abandoned who she was to become a mirror reflection of a man.

Codependency and attachment issues are the typical, underlying issues that create this dynamic of becoming someone other than yourself in relationships. An inherent fear of losing the man you love if you stay true to who you, are causing codependent women to abandon themselves and literally turn into the man she marries.

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Unlike other women who lie about who they are and what they like to do to get a boyfriend, then change back into who they really are after they get comfortable in the relationship, women with Relationship Schizophrenia completely change into another person. They assume another identity permanently, or at least until the relationship ends.

If you have a friend who completely transforms into another entity when she falls in love, please share your story. I am certain you have an off and on again relationship with this friend because when they meet a new man, they drop their goals, routines and girls night out ritual to accommodate their new man’s schedule and preferences. Have you lost yourself in a relationship or know someone who has? Please share your story in the comments below!

 This above all: to thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any man.” Polonius (Shakespeare).

By Janell Hihi Copyright@2017 All rights reserved.

The 4 Zodiac Signs That are Prone to be Narcissist

The psychology of narcissism fascinates me just as much as the ancient science of astrology. I’ve combined the two to give you a dose of “Astro-therapy.”

Yassss readers! I have compiled a list of the top Zodiac signs most likely to be narcissist despite their home environment or any other outside factors.

Let’s face it, some Zodiac signs are just natural born assholes. Thankfully, I’ve compiled this list so that you don’t have to learn the hard way like I did!

The Las Vegas Mass Shooter’s astrological profile will shock you. Several mass shooters share the same Zodiac Sign. Find out what sign is more likely to commit a mass shooting? Find out here.

Narcissists can be very powerful. They must choose whether they want to use their power for good or evil. When the Zodiac signs below use their power for good, the world changes and human consciousness elevates. However, when they use it for evil the destruction they cause can be catastrophic.

First, let’s define what it means to be a narcissist:

A person who has an excessive interest in or admiration of themselves.

Below is a list of symptoms of narcissism according to the Mayo Clinic.

  • Having an exaggerated sense of self-importance
  • Expecting to be recognized as superior even without achievements that warrant it
  • Exaggerating your achievements and talents
  • Being preoccupied with fantasies about success, power, brilliance, beauty or the perfect mate
  • Believing that you are superior and can only be understood by or associate with equally special people
  • Requiring constant admiration
  • Having a sense of entitlement
  • Expecting special favors and unquestioning compliance with your expectations
  • Taking advantage of others to get what you want
  • Having an inability or unwillingness to recognize the needs and feelings of others
  • Being envious of others and believing others envy you
  • Behaving in an arrogant or haughty manner
  • Violent
  • Driven by fame and greed
  • Cold, detached, inhumane.
  • Calculating, cunning and callous

If you’re wondering, No, I did not just describe a Leo in the bullet points above. Although it sounds like every aspect of their self-centered, grandiose, sun-ruled, attention-whore like characteristics.

Let’s get started with the list. The 4 zodiac signs most likely to be NARCISSIST:

#4 Most Narcissistic Zodiac Sign: TAURUS

Taurus manages to get themselves on every Zodiac shit-list that I construct.

My Moon sign is in Taurus so spare me the bias bullshit. I am talking about myself to a certain extent.

Taurus just can’t stay out of trouble. This is probably because the Taurus is the Symbolic age of a toddler in astrology and if you’ve ever been around a two-year-old, all you say repeatedly to them is “No,” “Get out of their,” and “You can’t have that!.”

Taurus Marry for Money: Melania Trump is a Taurus and she married Donald Trump. The only thing good about him is his tactless honesty and the zero’s in his bank account. Taurus treat their possessions like Gods. It’s no wonder this Taurus was able to look past Trump’s personality to cash in on his success.

Need help understanding why Donald Trump is the way he is? Read his complete birth chart to understand his unruly and unpredictable behavior.

A sense of entitlement: Like toddlers, most Taurus have a natural sense of entitlement. Hitler, one of the most famous Taurus, grew up torturing animals because he thought he was superior to them and he found torture entertaining…

Taurus truly believes that they deserve more than the average person. This belief gets them far in life because they are able to attract good luck, success, and wealth based on the belief that they deserve it.

However, it also get’s them in deep trouble because they feel entitled to lie, cheat, steal and manipulate others to get what they think, they are entitled to.

Taurus require a lot of attention in general but randomly opt to be alone at the most inconvenient times. Mainly, when you need them!

Dealing with a Taurus you need to understand that it is required that you are always there for them when they need you but it is not required that they are always there for you!

Inability to empathize: Many Taurus are prone to narcissism because it is hard for them to empathize with people. If they didn’t personally go through it, they won’t understand it. Period.

Daddy complex. Taurus men want to be your daddy not your man. They have an annoying, parental style love that wants to take care of you and tell you what to do…

Demonically Persuasive. Taurus has the ability to talk you into things you’d never imagine doing ever! They are the sales rep at the used car lot who sold you a lemon for thousands of dollars over it’s value. They are the boyfriend who tricks you into believing that having a threesome will take your relationship to the next level.

Taurus are the Jehovah witnesses that has you hipnotized and totally brainwashed, following their cult blindly!

The notorious cult leader Jim Jones is a Taurus. He lead a cult and successfully persuaded his loyal followers into commiting a mass suicide of over 918 people!

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Narcissistic Rage: Taurus are bullies and bullies are narcissist. A Taurus is not beneath hitting you or breaking shit to prove a point. Their tempers can lead them into violent rages which are often referred to toddler like tantrums or narcissistic, idiopathic rage. Taurus appear slow, calculating and relaxed but if you wave a red flag in their peripheral they will plow right through you.

Incredibly shallow and materialistic. Narcissist believes material possessions and the illusion of power is what make them happy.

They often use people to get what they want or spoil people, feeding on their desire for material things to manipulate them. The Taurus is either the sugar daddy or the damsel in distress who is milking her sugar daddy for every penny he has to offer.

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One of the biggest Pimps in American history “Iceberg Slim” is a Taurus! They can be womanizers and very successful at it. Taurus will tell you what it is, and what they want from you, so eloquently and disrespectfully, at the same time. They are deliberate and afraid of nothing!

Let’s not forget the famous Taurus, Madam and Politician Sally Stanford who said;

“Romance without finance is a nuisance. Few men value free merchandise.”

Taurus are extremist. Just examine their pedigree… Hitler and Saddam Hussein! If these two tyrants are narcissist to the extreme! They want power by any means.

Niccolo Machiavelli (born May 3, 1469) Though little more than a political brown-noser during his day, Machiavelli gained infamy for his survival guide for despots, The Prince, which set forth the rules of maintaining power through intimidation and unscrupulous cunning.

Taurus are Master Manipulators. Have you seen the movie “Catch Me If You Can,” starring Leonardo DiCaprio? It’s a true story about one of the world’s greatest con artist Frank Abagnale, a former confidence trickster, check forger, and impostor between the ages of 15 and 21.

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He became one of the most famous impostors ever, claiming to have assumed no fewer than eight identities, including an airline pilot, a physician, a U.S. Bureau of Prisons agent, and a lawyer. He escaped from police custody twice (once from a taxiing airliner and once from a U.S. federal penitentiary), before he was 21 years old.

He served less than five years in prison before starting to work for the federal government. He is currently a consultant and lecturer for the FBI academy and field offices. He also runs Abagnale & Associates, a financial fraud consultancy company.

Taurus are very cunning and manipulation and narcissism comes very easy to them because it is a part of who they are. You’ve been warned!


#3 Most Narcissist Zodiac Sign is VIRGO

Virgo’s are walking talking paradoxes.

“Dear Virgo’s how can you be powerful and insecure at the same time?” Hood X (Checkout his video on the dark side of Virgo click here)

Virgo’s are earth signs. If they wish, they can be very successful. Earth signs are manifestors and they typically make shit happen.

However, some of them are too self-destructive and narcissistic to ever see true success unless of course, it is stepping on the backs of everyone they know.

Virgos want you to be successful but not more successful than them, this is why the movie Horrible Bosses was inspired by an employee with a Virgo manager…

Narcissist secretly does not want you to succeed, neither does a Virgo.

Narcissists/Virgos are never satisfied with ANYTHING you do ever! They will find something wrong with everything you do and point it out without hesitation.

Virgos are detail oriented, but they pay attention to the WRONG details. They pay attention to IRRELEVANT details no one else pays attention.

If a Virgo is reading this now, they are angry and in total disbelief. Many narcissists cannot handle people calling them out neither can a Virgo. 

It is very easy to irritate a Virgo because they are so insecure. They get so easily annoyed, they probably won’t get past the 2nd paragraph of this blog without closing the browser.

Virgos make people feel like they are walking on egg shells. People find it hard to be themselves around Virgos because Virgos are too sensitive to take a joke and are easily annoyed by anything you do and say, just like narcissist.

Virgos have Political or money motivated agendas. Virgos are famous snipers who kill to manipulate politics and earn a huge payout. A famous Virgo, Charles J. Guiteau shot and killed President James Garfield.

Another Virgo on a killing spree with a political agenda is Eric Robert Rudolph, also known as the Olympic Park Bomber. He’s an American domestic terrorist convicted for a series of anti-abortion and anti-gay-motivated bombings across the southern United States

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Virgos live a double life like most Narcissist. Virgo’s, like Gemini’s, can be incredibly two faced. Most abusive male Virgos that I know are charming and very social outside of their home. They are respected and admired by many. However, at home, and behind closed doors, they are monsters to their wives and children.

Stubborn: Narcissist, like Virgo’s, never change their mind or consider others points of view.

You are only there to serve them: Your opinion doesn’t matter so stop talking.

Controlling: Virgo’s need you to be what they assigned you to be. As their lover, you have job responsibilities you must not falter from. Get on your job! No slacking or the berating and nagging will never end.

Easily irritated: They walk around like Ebenezer Scrooge, grumpy, tired and full of complaints.

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Possessive: You belong to them. You are a possession. They are insecure and jealous and they need to know where their possessions are at all times.

Virgos Can’t keep secrets. They are ruled by Mercury, never tell a person ruled by Mercury any of your secrets. They will put your business out there in the streest for entertainment purposes.

Judgemental: Virgos love to judge, especially people who are different from them in any way. Virgos are simple minded and they believe everyone should live their lives the same way. Diversity and change frightens them.

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Routined Robots: They hate being surprised and don’t you dare try to be spontaneous with them.

Neat Freaks. Most Virgos spend too much time cleaning and not enough time living. Everything has to be perfect according to the Virgo.

Insecure: Virgos are special because they act insecure and powerful at the same time. They are confident in one breath but then they say or do something that shows that they are also totally insecure and self-conscious. WTF?

They are psychoanalytical and too identified with the mind and the ego. They need to get in touch with their heart and their feelings!

Bottle up anger and then explode. When a Virgo unleashes everything they’ve bottled up, they are not verbal, they are physical and you might end up dead. Be very careful.

Virgos are Revengeful. Bad Girls Club star Tanisha Thomas let’s it be known how immature, reckless and vengeful she can be every minute of the show.

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Narcissistic Perfectionism: Virgos believe in the illusion of perfection which makes them absolutely unbearable to be around at times.

Michael Jackson a pyscho perfectionist. Beyonce’ another pyscho perfectionist. These people MUST be the best and when it comes to their careers, many of them are. Like a true narcissist their fame comes before everyone and everything in their LIFE.

Virgos often suffer from OCD and they believe EVERYTHING has its place. Even you! And your place is beneath them!

They need to THINK about everything and are slow to make decisions to the point where it tortures you and everyone involved! They have to think about what they will wear, where they want to eat, what they want for breakfast, blue socks or white socks, like really just make a fucking decision already! Geesh

Virgos will sell out for coins. They will sell out for prestigious positions. Ben Carson who is a Virgo is Donald Trumps bitch! Go Figure

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Most Virgos are condescending and talk to you like you’re a child in true Narcissistic fashion. Virgo’s astrological age is the adult, and they think they have authority over everyone including you.

Virgos think everything is permanent often confusing temporary emotional states with permanent characters traits.

Virgos are habitual but not progressive. They have strict routines but an inability to change to be progressive. This is why they are prone to narcissism!

Virgos make the list of the most Notorious Serial Killers – Check it out here!

When Virgos loosen up and give in into the fact that they are imperfect, they are quite gifted human beings with a sense of humor that is magnetic! Dave Chappelle is a Virgo, and when I tell you he is one of the funniest, most controversial comedians ever, that is an understatement!

Virgos will pick apart every little flaw you have effortlessly and with child like enthusiasm. They pay attention to everything negative about you, never the positive. This is why they are textbook narcissists.

Virgos’s can’t forgive themselves or others, ever! If they do something embarrassing or if someone hurts their sensitive little egos, they over analyze the situation and continue to relive it until it drives them absolutely insane.

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The 2nd Most Narcissistic Zodiac Sign is LEO

I was debating whether or not Leo should be number one but I gave them a pass because there is one more sign in the Zodiac more narcissistic than Leos, believe it or not!

Poor Leo, with an ego the size of their ruling planet which isn’t even a planet, it’s the sun… how can they NOT be narcissistic?

The sun is the life force of the Universe. Without it, we’d all be dead. Everything and every planet revolves around the sun.

The Leo truly believes the world revolves around them. The minute you stop stroking their egos and not making them the center of your world is the minute the Leo goes into a narcissistic rage!

Secretively Insecure: Leo’s brag a lot, they are known to be conceited but they manage to hide their insecurity very well behind their exaggerated self-confidence! I’m sure you’ve seen The Wizard of Oz The Lion without a heart is the perfect example of the tragedy that is the Leo!

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Selective Honesty: Just like a narcissist, Leo’s only share half truths and half stories. They are liars plain and simple. I’m certain the father of all lies, Satan was a Capricorn sun and a Leo moon because these people stay lying.

The sad part is they suck at lying. So, it’s pretty easy to see through their bullshit.

Leos are People who say ‘no offense but…’ just before saying something really offensive.

Leos are a slave to pleasure: They will do ANYTHING that makes them happy regardless of who they hurt. This is why they are born Narcissist!

Leos dangle carrots of hope in your face: Classis narcissist tactic, promise but never deliver! Leos are full of shit and never deliver on their promises. President Barack Obama promised the black community that voted him into office so much! But he only delivered on about 3% of what he promised. He has 1,000 excuses for why he couldn’t do anything for African Americans.

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They Demonize their exes: Leo’s demonize their ex to ensure the two of you never meet. Typically, the Leo was the one doing all the dirt but they will never admit that. They have to play the victim to gain your sympathy. It’s part of their deceptive, narcissistic charm.

Leos Love Bomb: Narcissist love bomb too! What a coincidence! Love bombing is being the women’s night in shining armor during an extended honeymoon phase. Buying her flowers, sending good morning and goodnight texts daily, phone calls twice a day, fun, expensive and adventurous dates… you name it! All to get you hooked on them so they can go in for the narcissistic kill!

If Leo’s are nice to you, best believe there is an agenda behind it to get something from you whether its sex, a relationship, money or an ego stroke, Leos attention comes with a price.

Cheap: Leos are financially tight-fisted, selfish and cheap. It’s not to save money, it’s to show you how they feel about you. A narcissist doesn’t believe that you deserve much if anything and as soon as the honeymoon phase is over, be prepared to hear them gripe and complain about money. Be prepared to open your wallet more than 50% of the time.

Selfish: They will never do ANYTHING for you without first weighing the benefit they stand in gaining from it. Doing things from their heart is not an option. Natural born narcissist!

They Brag. A Lot!: Leos love to hear themselves talk about themselves like true narcissist. Leo’s are either complete losers or complete winners. The Leo’s who are successful, you’ll never hear the end of it! The Movie Meet the Fockers is a great example of how narcissistic Leo’s love to brag about their careers and so-called humanitarian efforts. Watch!

Leos love to one-up people: Leo’s just can’t congratulate someone and move on. They find it hard not to be a hater in general so when you tell them good news about yourself, they tell you something about them that’s even more spectacular then what you just accomplished.

Leo’s philosophy – Life is a competition and they just gotta win. Regardless of the cost!

Leos are passive aggressive like most Narcissist. They don’t mean what they say and they don’t say what they mean. They communicate honestly only through their actions. They purposely ignore you, they don’t return your calls and they make jokes that are not funny at your expense to express their repressed aggression.

Sarcasm is their 2nd language. Leos gaslight as a first language. They always avoid the point of the conversation and deflect onto issues that revolve around you questioning your own sanity.

Leos love to answer every accusation with, “You’re crazy!”

Leos are clingy: They have to see you every day and talk to you or text you every hour. They smoother and suffocate you with attention and expect you to do the same to them.

Leos feel that they are superior to everyone just like most narcissist.

Leos are CONTROL freaks. Fidel Castro is the perfect example. They are tireless in their attempts to control everyone and everything. 

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“Fidel Castro promoted younger men only to discard them if they aspired openly to succeed him. Fidel was the inspirational leader, the man of action, the master strategist, the obsessive control-freak who micromanaged everything from hurricane preparedness to the potato crop. He was, above all, tireless. In marathon sessions, often beginning after midnight and ending after dawn, he would interrogate visitors about every facet of the political situation in their country.”

Leo’s need to know that they come before your kids. Leo’s want to see you put their needs before your child’s needs consistently to feel loved and supported. Narcissist look at kids as competition to gain your attention. It’s pretty sickening if you think about it.

Leo’s can’t be alone. They always NEED someone. Whether it’s someone to fuck, someone to talk to, someone to hang out at their house, someone to go to the damn grocery store with them, someone to watch them while they take a shit. They NEED someone all the time.

Leo’s will bargain with their life. Leo’s would rather die than be alone. If you were the one to leave them they may say they will kill themselves if you don’t come back.

However, if they leave you, bye bye! And don’t you dare come back unless you want to give them no strings attached sex and leave as soon as he’s finished with you. A Leo will pimp you if you let him, he will put you on a corner 1.5 seconds.

Leo’s discard you when there is no more benefit from being with you. Leos’s invented the discard because they invented narcissism.

Leos are walking talking contradictions. Leo’s never practice what they preach, they are the pope that is secretly a pedophile, the Civil Rights Movement leader who is a secret Klans man, the nun who preaches abstinence by day but is a pornstar by night.

Get a restraining order if you break a Leo’s heart. If you leave him while he is still in love with you or not finished using you, he will stalk you, harass you and even threaten you because he has NO self-control. He’ll even ask you to pay you back for all the dates he took you on and that time you used his car and didn’t put gas in it. Pathetic! It’s hard for Leos to believe anyone could leave them! So they don’t take your restraining order seriously either… Be safe and protect yourself.

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Covert & Overt Racist. Leo’s are either extremely Alt right or extreme Neo Liberals. The keyword is extreme. Narcissist are extreme, they cannot be well-balanced even when medicated by a psychologist. Tami Lahren is the newest generation of covert racist born on August 11th.

Pure example of how all Leos talk when they are passionate about their extreme ideologies that swirl around in their tiny little brains.

Leo’s preach constant narcissist rhetoric like “All lives matter,” and “I’m colorblind.” Leo’s look on the bright side only to cover up their darkside… they are completely and utterly UNREALISTIC. Jennifer Lopez is the classic Leo air head, read her tweet below.

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Leo’s have addictive personalities like Narcissist: They are addicted to alcohol, tattoos, weed, prescription drugs, anti-depressants, food, sex… you name it, their addicted!

Leos are narcissist, proceed with caution. Sad thing is, there is NO known cure for narcissism. So good luck, you’ll need therapy when your relationship is over!

#1 Most Narcissistic Zodiac is Capricorn

Selfish, sadistic, self-centered, egotistical, opportunistic, narcissistic Capricorns take the number one spot!

Narcissist quietly plot, just like Capricorns. They are conniving and strategic in their endeavors to attain money, status, and power!

Lack empathy. Capricorns don’t want to know your point of view, your feelings or what your going through. All they hear is their own voice, your feelings, wants and needs are irrelevant.

Capricorns are the supervillains with the most staying power. Deeply resentful of their inability to love or be loved by others, evil Capricorns apply themselves to an overall strategy of world domination.

Capricorns are slaves to money, status, titles and power.

The tarot card that represents the Capricorn is the devil. Need I say more?

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Being in a relationship with Capricorns requires you to sacrifice your life, your goals, your health, and your soul for the sake of submitting yourself to their mission.

It’s all about them! There ain’t no you! When you’re in love with a Capricorn you disappear and only they exist! Are you willing to completely lose yourself? If so, the Capricorn man is perfect for you.

Capricorn Quotes: “By any means necessary!”

Capricorns are too logical and not in touch with their hearts! They are too logical and cerebral. They rarely think with their hearts and this is why they are generally HEARTLESS people!

Capricorns literally judge a book by its cover. How something looks is more important to them then how someone actually is in the inside.

Capricorns won’t commit until the very end of dating, when you’ve had enough and ready to leave, that’s when they’ll commit. It’s an obligatory commitment that doesn’t feel real.

They won’t commit unless they have something to gain from you, a ride to work, a place to stay, sex on demand, money….

Two-faced & Disloyal. They will turn on you to cut a profit, get a promotion or win a bid that will financially benefit them. They will have no remorse! Capricorn, narcissistic logic is “It’s just business, never personal.”

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The most famous traitor in the world was a Capricorn by the name of Benedict Arnold. Benedict Arnold (1741-1801) was an early American hero of the Revolutionary War (1775-83) who later became one of the most infamous traitors in U.S. history after he switched sides and fought for the British.

Racism, classism, sexism and all the negative connotated isms are Capricorn philosophically derived ideologies that have literally ruined the world!

Saturn is the ruling planet of Capricorn, and Saturn rules systems and systems are killing off millions of people and disenfranchising nations all in the name of colonialism and capitalism.

Thankfully the age of Aquarius is dawning and these systems will be torn down to pieces.

Capricorns, if awakened and conscious can help change the world in a positive way. However, it is their obsession with power that they need to overcome to meet their salvation.

Extreme Opportunist: Capricorns are high paid whores. They will sleep with you for money for the right price or the right promotion.

Capricorns are stuck in the past. They are NOT progressive people. They only wish to maintain the laws, rules, and cultures of the past to ensure humanity does not evolve into something better.

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Rush Limbaugh is a Capricorn, I’ll just leave that there…

They will sell their bodies, their soul and even their children for fame, fortune, stardom, and power. 

Capricorns always go too far for success. They go too far to achieve wealth and status. They need power like they need water and oxygen and that is the epitome of everything a narcissist is!

Capricorns are Ambitious, Hardworking, and The Stickler For Rules.

They follow rules and laws and systems without questioning whether the rules, laws and systems are even humane!

Capricorns are loyal, but they are loyal to the wrong things! They are loyal to power!

Capricorns are Superior, Snobbish and Aloof. They are aloof until money or power is involved then all of a sudden you have their full and undivided attention.

They lack empathy like most narcissist and they never feel sorry for anyone, not even themselves. Capricorns beat themselves up behind closed doors and they typically suffer from low self-esteem. They keep their insecurities hidden so you’ll never know their weakness.

They will kill you if it advances their career. The president of North Korea killed his own brother to earn his current title. Talking about heartless and scandalous! He also launches test missiles as a cherished hobby.

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Capricorns show their love by buying you things and taking you to expensive places. They rarely compliment you, unless they can get something out of it. They hardly ever tell you they love you, they’d rather buy you a designer handbag and then leave in the middle of your anniversary dinner date to go back to the office and finish a proposal.

Dating a Capricorn is like dating someone in the military.

Shape shifters: they are fake and will mirror you, act like they have the same interest and hobbies just to carry on an agenda to get something from you.

Capricorns are boring! Hanging out with them is like watching paint dry! Unless they are doing something that really interests them! Of course, when that happens, they are so involved in the activity they forget you are there.

Capricorns marry brainless trophy wives who they can control with money.

A Capricorn see’s women who are intelligent and independent as too much of a challenge. They don’t want an intellectual match, they wany a submissive doormat who will tolerate their narcissistic abuse.

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American Billionaire Howard Hughes was a Proud born, tirelessly ambitious American billionaire who was once kicked out of a hotel in Vegas, and as a response in true Capricorn fashion, he bought the hotel just to prove to them:

“No one kicks out a Capricorn.” A Capricorn will literally buy you and one of their favorite lines is, “Everyone has a price!”

Capricorns are intuitive: They know how to sniff out fear and weakness within you and use it to exploit you for anything you have that can benefit them.

Cold as a corpse: Capricorns are cold people, born in the dead of winter, they have no feelings! They are also as rigid as a skeleton.

Capricorns are Snitches: they get people locked up!

Alpha personality: Capricorns demand you make them your priority or they won’t even deal with you.

Capricorns are Corrupt: J. Edgar Hoover, a sadisitic and evil Capricorn, was the first FBI Director was the most corrupt federal agent ever, killings thousands, framing many and setting up systems and traps of racism, harassment and mockery of African Americans including the Civil Rights Movement and the black panther party.

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FBI spied on MLK religiously. The FBI used some of this information obtained from spying to break into one of King’s hotel rooms and recorded evidence of an extramarital affair.

Afterward, they sent a letter to King directly, claiming they would blackmail him and implying they would leak the information if he didn’t commit suicide in the next 34 days.

The FBI  Director Edgar Hoover told King, “You are done. There is but one way out for you. You better take it before your filthy, abnormal fraudulent self is bared to the nation.”

Capricorns invented scandals. Let’s not talk about President Nixon and the Watergate Scandal. He was the first and only president to Resign as president after he was exposed for manipulative and cunning conspiracies.

They ALWAYS have something up their sleeves.

I know a Capricorn female who calls my sister for advice asking her, “How can I get guys to buy me things and pay my bills?” It’s really quite pathetic how ruthless they are.

Slaves to Lust. Like most narcissist, all Capricorns are slaves to lust. They can’t turn down a good time even at the risk of them being exposed and losing millions of dollars in advertisement endorsements.

If a Capricorn is breathing, they are cheating on you. They are skilled cheaters who come home every night but somehow manage with their excellent time management skills to sneak in an affair during a 15 minute break at work.

The narcissist never think they’ll get caught cheating. However, they always do eventually! You’ve heard about the infamous Capricorn Tiger Woods scandal, right?

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Actor, comedian and talk show host Steve Harvey ex-wife is suing him for murdering her soul… because he probably did. Most narcissists take every virtue from you and suck you dry, leaving you on the side of the road to die!

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Don’t say I didn’t warn you. Proceed with caution and understand if you plan on dating, getting into a business deal or starting a friendship with any of the above Zodiac signs, you are out of your Goddamn mind.

They are all prone to Narcissistic Tendencies naturally.

Stay safe out there…

By Janell Hihi Copyright@2017

Narcissist Communication Style: Deflection, Gaslighting & The Silent Treatment.

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Narcissists don’t talk, or communicate: they fend off, hide and evade” Sam Vaknin

Have you ever called a guy you were dating to share some very exciting news?

When he answers the phone he’s excited to hear from you. However, when you share with him your excitement for landing a book deal, or getting that promotion at work, suddenly his tone changes. He’s no longer excited, instead, he is disinterested and bored!

A narcissist doesn’t care about anything significant in your life. It’s torture to even have to listen to anything you do that is outside of your relationship with them.

You are nothing but an extension of them and if you’re not adoring them, praising them, or making plans to see them, they don’t care about what your rambling about.

Some narcissist will even make up a reason to abruptly end the phone call with you as soon as you tell them the good news. This is their passive-aggressive way to tell you that you don’t matter. Instead of saying,”Congratulations, let’s get together sometime this week and celebrate!” The narcissist will respond by saying, “oh, okay!” Then quickly change the subject to something that revolves around them.

This is a covert, and passive-aggressive way to tell you that you are still insignificant to them, despite your accomplishments.

Other narcissists will respond, “Oh, good for you!” Which basically means they want you to stop talking about yourself and start talking about them or your relationship.

Narcissist Dismiss Everything you say that is not about them as “Trivial.” Even if you just left a funeral and your grieving a loved one. They don’t want to hear your sad stories.

Below are 5 communication techniques Narcissist use to reduce you:

#1. They cut you off mid-sentence. A narcissist won’t let you finish a complete sentence because, in their self-centered little world, everything they have to say is more important than listening to you finish a thought. There is a difference between talking to a hyper person who is excited to exchange dialogue with you who cuts you off and a narcissist who cuts you off to change the course of the conversation and make it about them. Example: You are telling the narcissist about a difficult co-worker at your job and they cut you off in the middle of your story and begin to tell you a story about a job they had in the past with difficult co-workers.

#2. They begin to multi-task when you start talking. Since the narcissist finds no value in listening to you unless you’re talking about them, they start to multi-task while your speaking. They do this by getting on their cell phone, updating statuses on social media, texting friends or watching TV as you try to communicate to them something important to you. Again, this is a passive aggressive way to tell you that they don’t care about anything you have to say, ever!

#3. Narcissist Repeat themselves often & Talk in Circles. The narcissist never has anything new to say because a narcissist doesn’t like to think outside of the box. They run on an internal and predictable script and they respond to things with the same dialogue quite often. They tell the same stories over and over again. They don’t care how many times you’ve heard it, they tell the story like they are telling it for the very first time. The story is about them being a hero or a victim depending on what kind of reaction the narcissist needs from you at that particular time. This shouldn’t come as a surprise because self-centered people are not good conversationalist. This is because they only engage in mutual dialogue when the conversation revolves around them.

#4. Avoids Conversations that Involve Confrontation. Since most narcissists are passive-aggressive, when you try to talk to them about something they did or said to hurt you, they try to avoid that conversation by any means necessary. They often say, “I can’t talk about it right now because… I’m busy, I have a headache or I’m tired.” They will keep making excuses not to talk to you to avoid being called out.

The narcissist doesn’t participate in real conversations with people to avoid intimacy, understanding, and problem solving that effective communication in relationships requires. If it is not a superficial conversation, the narcissist will do his/her best to avoid it.

#5. Deflects blame unto you. The narcissist will use reverse psychology to blame everything you accuse them of doing on you! Gaslighting is also put into the mix as you begin to feel like you are the crazy one because the narcissist keeps saying you are making things up in your head. Every conversation that involves you confronting the narcissist on an issue will leave you questioning your own sanity because they are so good at gaslighting and deflecting blame.

Below are a few examples of gaslighting and deflection in conversation:

“I cheated because you know how important sex is to me and you were purposely withholding it from me.”

“I hit you because you made me hit you. I kept telling you I didn’t want to talk and you kept talking.”

“I’ll help you fix your car this time, but your an adult. I want a woman who is independent who doesn’t need anything from me because she can do it herself.”

“If you can’t come over tonight, it just goes to show how much you really love and care about me.”

“I stood you up yesterday because I knew if I would of went to the event with you, I would have been miserable the whole time because you’re always accusing me of things I don’t do.”

“You’re paranoid.”

“You are crazy.”

“I don’t do relationship titles”

“I didn’t answer your phone call last night because I didn’t want to argue with you. I needed a break, you’re always nagging me and giving me a hard time.”

“I’m not ready to take the next step in our relationship until you stop being negative and starting arguments with me.”

“I am not your ex-lover, I won’t cheat on you. Stop blaming me for your exes mistakes.”

In closing, real conversations with a narcissist will never take place. They avoid confrontation or deflect and gaslight their ways out of tough conversations that are necessary for the survival of your relationship.

By Janell Hihi Copyright@2017

7 Early Signs You are Dating a Narcissist

Narcissistic abuse is insidious, like a poisonous gas that is odorless and invisible to the naked eye.

It creeps up on you like a shadow and craves your fear, not your love. Narcissist collects people like accessories to wear them to embellish their self-image. As soon as the accessory starts to realize the narcissist ill intentions, the narcissist tosses the accessory to the side to find a new one.

No one wants to be in a relationship and feel like they are easily disposable but that is exactly what you will get if you date a narcissist.

I’d rather be proactive than reactive any day! So, what are the early signs the new hot guy or girl your dating may be a narcissist?

I have listed several of them below. However, if you are so thirsty for love that you refuse to see the reality of a situation, the tell-tell signs below won’t save you from the destruction the narcissist is bound to put you through.

The ability to be present and mindful while dating is what will save you from the narcissist. Learning how to be keenly aware of the energy others emit and making a heart centered decision on whether or not the person you are dating will have the privilege of being in your life.

“If you are dating without purpose and from an empty vessel and seeking validation from a man… you are fish in the net for a narcissist.”

Perhaps, the narcissist is here to teach you a lesson. The narcissist will enter into your life when your self-love is low and your boundaries are weak just to teach you a lesson. The lesson is, you have to love yourself first and being happy is a choice, it can’t be found in a relationship.

Keep in mind, you will continue to meet narcissist while your dating. However, your level of self-esteem will determine whether or not you continue seeing them or get rid of them right away!

Self-love is determined by how you treat yourself and how you allow others to treat you!

1. Dominate Conversations:

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On your very first date, you will notice how they drive conversation topics revolving themselves, their accomplishments, future goals, like, dislikes and preferences. Most of the rubbish they talk about is superficial. They just can’t be deep because there is no depth to them. Every time you try to insert your opinion, preferences or share information regarding yourself, they quickly redirect the conversation back to them or minimize whatever it is you shared with them. They show an obvious disinterest in ANYTHING you say that doesn’t revolve around them!

2. They are too confident

Narcs come off as way too self-confident, almost cocky. The first few dates this will appear very attractive to you. However, on the third date, it will annoy you to no end. The issue is they are not confident, they are incredibly insecure and trying to disguise it by being a little too sure of themselves. You will start to notice there is something very generic and inauthentic about them.

3. They Come on Too Strong then quickly become disinterested.

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The narcissist starts off flooding you with attention. It’s charming and fun the first few weeks, then it becomes overbearing and annoying soon after. They idolize you then they despise you! This can happen in a few week span. It’s very bi-polar like and confusing. Instead of letting a relationship slowly and naturally progress, they take off full speed and then crash and burn. If he’s moving too fast and doing too much too soon, he’s probably a narcissist.

4. They can’t take a joke and lack a general sense of humor.

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The best way to discover if you’re on a date with a narcissist is to make a cute little joke at their expense. Mentally healthy people can laugh at themselves. However, narcissist can’t handle minuscule jokes being directed towards them. Tell the joke, (Not a harsh joke) gauge their reaction. If they don’t laugh and they look at you completely dumbfounded then proceed to ask you to explain the joke because “They don’t get it,” You are in fact, dealing with a narcissist!

5. Lacks Empathy

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If you walk past a homeless man begging for money on the side of the road on your way to the restaurant together, and the guy you’re with says something very cruel about the homeless man, more than likely, this man has no empathy! If you want to test to see if someone has empathy. Tell them a brief story about something that happened to you and see if they say something empathetic or if they say something judgemental. The narcissist believes perfection exist and they are the epitome of it. So they expect you and everyone else to also be perfect and when you fall short of perfection they usually offer criticism over empathy every time! If they do try to make a scene and empathize with you, it will be one-worded and void of emotion. #Fakelove

6. They playfully challenge you when you say “No.”

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The narcissist just doesn’t listen to you, ever! On the first few dates, watch out for subtle signs. Example, they will ask for a kiss and you say “No,” they will keep insisting in a playful way you give them a kiss. They do not accept boundaries. If you hate fish, they will order it and keep pressuring you to try it. They get off by challenging your boundaries and breaking down your virtues. First, it’s kisses, massages and pressuring you to try things, then it escalates to convincing you to have a threesome with him and his friend. No Bueno! The guy who takes no as a challenge is a narcissist.

7. They are Secretive, Reveal half-truths and Tell Vague Stories

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Narcissist typically has a lot to hide. They usually have a girlfriend or lingering casual relationships they managed to sustain for years. However, nothing really significant. You will notice inconsistencies, vague stories, and shit that doesn’t add up. After the second date, you will probably be confused about their real intentions because what they say and what they do is not consistent. You will have this nagging feeling something is off because it is! Go with your gut! Do some digging on social media, you will soon find evidence that proves them to be a liar and manipulator.

Needless to say, if your new beau is showing at least 3 of the 7 signs above. Run for the hills and don’t look back. Narcissist wants to devour your soul, it’s not about love and it never was.

 

By Janell Hihi

Copyright@2016