eBook Release! How to Defeat a Narcissist

How to Defeat a Narcissist 

eBook Available Now on Amazon & Barnes & Noble

Audio book & Paperback available April 29, 2019.

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It’s time to take back your power.

This book will breakdown narcissistic myths and replace them with raw and unfiltered facts that will arm you with the mental weaponry to take down a narcissist effortlessly. Be prepared to bookmark word for word comebacks that will shut down gaslighting, mental, and verbal abuse. Remember, dealing with a narcissist is a battle that consist of prey and the predator. Are you sick and tired of being helpless prey to narcissistic abuse and toxic relationships? After reading this book you will be well equipped to calculate the narcissist every move and protect yourself against abuse using the tools and techniques formulated by in depth research, personal triumph, proven psychological and spiritual tactics.

This book is different from the rest.

It goes beyond the limits of the psychological aspects of narcissism and explores the narcissist through the perspective of society, culture, spirituality and metaphysics. Also, this book takes a deep dive into the physical symptoms of enduring narcissistic abuse that trigger stress and disease to manifest into the victim’s body. A relationship with a narcissist is very dangerous. This book provides counter techniques that will assist in defeating narcissist on every level. Mind, body and soul.

This book will reveal the glitch in the narcissistic matrix.

It’s your way out! For far too long, victims of narcissistic abuse played checkers while the narcissist was playing chess. It’s time to upgrade your game and play to win! In this book, winning is about regaining your power, values, and boundaries that the narcissist relentlessly tried to strip away from you. It’s about beating them at their own game while at the same time becoming a better and stronger person. Are you ready?

Click here to buy now! 

By Janell Hihi @copyright2019

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20 Quotes To Help You Heal From Narcissistic Abuse

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“Invalidation is about dismissing your experiences, thoughts and above all your emotions. Indeed the intention is to not even allow you to have those thoughts, experiences and emotions. It‟s a way of invading your head and reprogramming it. It‟s psychological abuse (messing with your thoughts) and emotional abuse (messing with your feelings).”
― Danu Morrigan


“Stay away from lazy parasites, who perch on you just to satisfy their needs, they do not come to alleviate your burdens, hence, their mission is to distract, detract and extract, and make you live in abject poverty.”
― Michael Bassey Johnson


“Hate is the complement of fear and narcissists like being feared. It imbues them with an intoxicating sensation of omnipotence.”
― Sam Vaknin, Malignant Self-Love: Narcissism Revisited


“Playing the victim role: Manipulator portrays him- or herself as a victim of circumstance or of someone else’s behavior in order to gain pity, sympathy or evoke compassion and thereby get something from another. Caring and conscientious people cannot stand to see anyone suffering and the manipulator often finds it easy to play on sympathy to get cooperation.”
― George K. Simon Jr., In Sheep’s Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People


“Narcissists are consumed with maintaining a shallow false self to others. They’re emotionally crippled souls that are addicted to attention. Because of this they use a multitude of games, in order to receive adoration. Sadly, they are the most ungodly of God’s creations because they don’t show remorse for their actions, take steps to make amends or have empathy for others. They are morally bankrupt.”
― Shannon L. Alder


“Nobody should be in a position where they are suffering abuse at the hands of another, and if this is the case for you, stopping the abuse by leaving the situation is the only course of action to take.”
― Theresa Jackson


“Gaslighting is a distorted alternate reality.”
― Tracy Malone


“The narcissist is like a bucket with a hole in the bottom: No matter how much you put in, you can never fill it up. The phrase “I never feel like I am enough” is the mantra of the person in the narcissistic relationship. That’s because to your narcissistic partner, you are not. No one is. Nothing is.”
― Ramani DurvasulaShould I Stay or Should I Go?: Surviving a Relationship with a Narcissist


“Every narcissist is a hero and a legend in his own mind.”
― Oscar Auliq-Ice


“Healthy levels of narcissism and self-enhancement are necessary, with a low level of self-enhancement being detrimental to our wellbeing and success.”
― Theresa JacksonHow to Handle a Narcissist: Understanding and Dealing with a Range of Narcissistic Personalities


“Intuition – Once you have had a narcissist in your life, you must develop your intuition and learn to listen to it and act accordingly.”
― Tracy Malone


“Abuse is never contained to a present moment, it lingers across a person’s lifetime and has pervasive long-term ramifications.”
― Lorraine Nilon, Breaking Free From the Chains of Silence: A respectful exploration into the ramifications of Paedophilic abuse


“A narcissist, on the other hand, is the exact opposite of an empath. Emotionally, narcissists are like brick walls who see and hear others but fail to understand or relate to them. As a result of their emotional shallowness, narcissists are essentially devoid of all empathy or compassion for other people. Lacking empathy, a narcissist is a very destructive and dangerous person to be around.”
― Mateo SolAwakened Empath: The Ultimate Guide to Emotional, Psychological and Spiritual Healing


“It is not accidental that the most unsympathetic characters in Austen’s novels are those who are incapable of genuine dialogue with others. They rant. They lecture. They scold. This incapacity for true dialogue implies an incapacity for tolerance, self-reflection and empathy.”
― Azar Nafisi, Reading Lolita in Tehran: A Memoir in Books


“There came a time in my life when I had to admit to myself that I have some very clear narcissistic tendencies. Ironically, it occurred during the writing of my book The Emotionally Abused Woman. As I listed the symptoms of narcissism, I was amazed to find that I recognized myself in the description of the disorder.

It should have been no surprise to me because I come from a long line of narcissists. My mother and several of her brothers suffered from the disorder, as did her mother. For some reason, though, I imagined that I’d escaped our family curse. I should have known that it’s not that easy to.”
― Beverly Engel, Jekyll and Hyde Syndrome


“Don’t ever believe that Narcissists don’t understand they have hurt you. They know exactly what they did and why they did it. The reason they can’t stop their abuse is because the narcissistic supply is their addiction. Unlike, drug addicts that need their fix to feel normal, narcissists need to feel significant. This is their addiction. Even if it takes destructive ways to have this emotional balance they will pursue it. Your feelings don’t count only the supply does. The greater the supply the greater the drama in your life as they pursue it. So, get over believing they don’t understand. They do understand. You just found out and got in the way of their easy access to greater supply than you.”
― Shannon L. Alder


“Maybe, the lesson we can all learn from the inner sadness of a Narcissist is to see through our own fabrications, our own illusions so that we can be set free to be real once more.”
― Shannon L. Alder


“Some people seem like a bright light during your darkest moment… a beautiful refuge… but it’s a trap… there is only more pain there. Now that I think about it… I imagine that’s what bugs feel like when they fly into the zapper.”
― Steve Maraboli


“Since there was nothing at all I was certain of, since I needed to be provided at every instant with a new confirmation of my existence, since nothing was in my very own, undoubted, sole possession, determined unequivocally only by me — in sober truth a disinherited son — naturally I became unsure even of the thing nearest to me, my own body.”
― Franz KafkaLetter to His Father


 

By J. Hihi @Copyright2019

Can Narcissist Stay In Longterm Relationships?

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The short answer is “Yes!”

Narcissist will stay with women who continually accept their abuse by denying it and making excuses for it.

As long as the narcissist is getting a steady source of quality narcissistic supply, he can maintain relationships that last decades.

The ideal victim who the narcissist will choose to be in long term relationship with must never question him, never criticize him and never, ever call out his false self.

Narcissist need their partners to help them maintain their grandiose sense of self by continually complementing them, obeying them and trusting their every word.

The minute you question, criticize or investigate shady behavior from your narcissistic partner is the moment you are disregarded as long term relationship material to the narcissist.

If you’re not robotic, overly optimistic, degradingly submissive and compliant, the relationship will last a few months to a year at the longest.

This doesn’t mean you’re not good relationship material.

This means you have a healthy level of self-esteem and self-respect. It means you leave the table when love and respect is no longer being served.

As long as you accept that it’s his way or the highway, you can maintain a long term relationship with a narcissist! He may even marry you due to your compliant and subservient behavior. As long as you can financially benefit him and you never question his intentions, you’re as good as gold and the relationship can last a lifetime!

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A great way to gauge your level of self-esteem is how fast you are able to recognize narcissistic relationships and how fast you are able to leave them!

Never look at a relationship and assume because a couple was together 12 years, they must have a very strong bond. It’s safe to assume they’ve been through a lot together.

It’s important to remember when considering the longevity of narcissistic relationships that it’s the quality of the relationship not the quantity of the years the relationship lasts that should be considered.

Most narcissist never leave a good source of supply. Usually what happens is the codependent partner realizes they are in an abusive relationship and they finally gather the courage to leave the narcissist for good.

The narcissist will stay and play forever, if the victim allows them to. Narcissist favorite line to manipulate their victims to stay with them is:

“We’ve been together all these years, and we’ve been through so much, and you’re just gonna leave?”

The number of years you’re in a relationship is no reason to stay in that relationship. It’s  the quality of those years that determines whether or not one should stay.

Ten years of being with a man in an off again and on again relationship is not ten years of love, loyalty and respect. Instead, it’s ten years of chaos, instability and inconsistency.

The length of time a man stays with a women does not determine how much he loves her. She could be a safe option, a convenience, a financial resource, or an opportunity for a better life.

She could also be a punching bag he can take out all his frustrations on because she is so lost and codependent, the fear of being alone is worse than being in an abusive relationship.

As long as you can live your life constantly being labeled a drama queen and accepting your narcissistic partner as the victim of your alleged paranoia, insecurity and jealousy… you will be able to maintain a long term relationship with a narcissist.

If you’re reading this because you left a narcissist before you could define the relationship as long-term, good for you!

If you’re reading this wondering how your narcissistic ex lover is now in a long term relationship with another women, remember it’s the women who determines how long she will tolerate narcissistic abuse.

Better her than you!

You’re worth is not determined by how long your relationships last. It’s determined by your ability to walk away from abusive and toxic relationships.

By Janell Hihi @Copyright 2018

Q & A: Narcissism & Love Bombing: Is it Possible a Narcissist Can Skip the love bombing Phase & Go Straight to the devaluation Phase in a Relationship?

I appreciate every comment, question, like and share I receive from my followers. Although I can’t answer every question or reply to every comment, I appreciate everyone taking the time out to reach out, ask questions and share your stories.

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Below I will share a question I received from one of my cherished follower regarding narcissism and love bombing.

I thought this question was particularly interesting because love-bombing styles and time frames in which they exist is different for every narcissist.

“Hello, Janell! Is it possible that the love-bombing phase could be so short as to barely be noticeable and that the devaluation could start almost immediately? Also, could a narcissist actively try to drive us away while pretending to want to continue a relationship with us (then ignoring us, restricting contact, dictating what we can and can’t talk to them about)? I am trying so hard to get to a place where I can heal but these questions are preying on my mind because I don’t know if I should be dealing with Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome or something else. This person displays almost all of the characteristics of a narcissist but confounds me in these two ways.”

Let’s define love bombing:

Love bombing is an attempt to influence a person by demonstrations of attention and affection.
Of course, at the beginning of every relationship, affection, time and attention is abundant. However, what separates love-bombing from early stages of relationship infatuation is the amount of time, attention and affection that comes on too strong and  too fast!

There is no cookie cutter model or exact time-line of how long the narcissist love bombs and when they start to devalue their partner. Typically it’s the first 6 months of the relationship.

However, from my research and personal experience love bombing will last as long as the victim allows the illusion to continue. If for any reason, you begin to assert your boundaries, your expectations and desires, the narcissist will abruptly end the love bombing phase and begin the process of devaluation.

In some instances, love-bombing is part of a long-term pattern of behavior that starts with love bombing and ends in devaluation. As soon as the victim shows signs of leaving the narcissist, he will begin the pattern again. The narcissist will love bomb the victim to pull them back into the relationship, and as soon as they get them back, the devaluation and abuse starts again!

Devaluation is the beginning to the end of your relationship. A narcissist wants a naive’ docile, and passive woman who believes in fairy tales. Most importantly, she must believe everything he says and does without question. The narcissist’s self-esteem is dependent upon whether or not the victim continues to believe in their false self and illusions.

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Was there anything that you did to question the narcissist intentions?

If so, please take heed, devaluation games will begin soon. Yes, the narcissist will dictate when you talk to him, when you can see him and what subjects you are allowed to discuss.

One day he will love bomb you and the next he will treat you like you don’t exist. The narcissist wants his victim in a state of confusion so that her mind is blurry and she can’t think straight.

Confusion tends to consume the human mind and people can literally become obsessed with trying to free themselves from the confusion by cognitive dissonance or constant arguments and nagging.

If the narcissist senses that his victim is extremely co-dependent and in desperate need of love and validation they may cut the love bombing phase off after the first few dates and begin to abuse their victim almost immediately.

If one person in the relationship dictates the pace and the terms of the relationship without any input from the other party that is a sure sign of a narcissist who must maintain control of the flow, pace and parameters of the relationship.

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Unfortunately, the narcissist will never cease his obsession with control. He will play disappearing acts then suddenly appear out of thin air as if he never left at all to establish complete control over his victim and the relationship.

He is trying to set the standard that he can come and go as he pleases. He will make excuses stating he needs space, he’s an introvert, he works a lot, he doesn’t want to be smothered, he’s stressed or he’s depressed. All are lies to maintain his freedom to keep his options open for other sources of narcissistic supply.

Another important dynamic you should consider is that narcissist who immediately devalues their victims are usually already in a relationship or married and they are looking for a side chick or what some may call a “lower level” source of a supply to keep on the side.

The side supply is not worthy of the love bombing. Therefore, they receive devalue almost immediately!

Typically when the narcissist is devaluing one source of supply he is love bombing another source of supply. 

Most narcissist need more than one source of supply. They may be in long term relationships or even marriages but they need back up supply to sustain their sense of superiority and feed their incessant insecurities. It’s no surprise, most narcissist are cheaters!

The narcissist who are not in a relationship or married who devalue their victims right away are bachelors and players. They have a harem of women they recycle throughout the years. These type of narcissist boast about being single and non-committed yet they dangle the carrot of hope in their victims face that maybe one day, if you act right, they might commit to you. Indeed, that day will never come!

Some will even play the victim.  Narcissist will go so far that they even cry about how women have hurt them in the past and use that as an excuse not to commit to you and keep you on the back burner to utilize you when they are bored, lonely or horny.

The back and forth, on and off again relationship that’s on his terms is 100% narcissistic. You must ask yourself if you want to continue on interacting with an individual who doesn’t value you enough to allow you to mutually dictate the terms of the relationship.

If you want a partnership this is not the relationship for you. 

I wish you the best of luck and most of all, I wish for you to find a partner who respects, cherishes and appreciates all that you have to offer. When you find that man, please send me a message and a wedding picture because I want to share your success story!

Take care!

By Janell Hihi @copyright 2017

The Reason I Haven’t Written in a while

Hey everyone!

Just checking in! To say I’m overwhelmed is an understatement! I’m trying to finish my book, How to Defeat  Narcissist: Proven Techniques to Shut Down Narcissistic Abuse.

I’m almost done! It’s going to be epic. I’ve done extensive research on narcissism and I’ve developed a few theories of my own. The book is full of knowledge, much needed humor, and most importantly techniques on how to shut Down narcissistic abuse.

Here’s What’s New!

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For all my astrology fans, checkout my new YouTube channel Zodiac Wars. Fun astrology facts, studies, shit talking, forecast, horoscopes, compatibility videos and much more!!

I was thinking about changing the name of the channel to Zero Fucks Astrology. Comment below and tell me what you think. Zodiac Wars or Zero Fucks Astrology? Help me! Your feedback is priceless and means everything to me!

Checkout a few of my entertaining and informative Astrology videos below!

Why I hate Taurus & You Should Too! Part 1

Why I hate Taurus & You Should Too! Part 2 – Part 3 Coming soon video cut short.

Besides that, I’m just juggling being a mom and a million other things while not totally losing my shit. I appreciate you stopping by reading, commenting, following and sharing!

By Janell Hihi

 

How The Narcissist Creates an Army of Defenders by Playing the Victim Role

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Victim playing (also known as playing the victim or self-victimization) is the fabrication of victimhood for a variety of reasons such as to justify abuse of others, to manipulate others, a coping strategy or attention seeking. – Wikipedia

The Narcissist is master manipulators. They appear to be normal people who go to work every day, walk their dog, take care of their kids, and may be active in their community.

Narcissist are not losers. Many of them are in politics, they are teachers in schools, nurses at the local clinic and your manager at work.

That being the case, narcissist use their “normal” lives as a mask to appear like they are mentally stable adults.

The narcissist will go out of his way to wine and dine you. He will shower you with respect, attention, and admiration. He will appear as the guy you’ve always dreamed about.

This is how they reel you in. Once they have your undivided attention, the narcissist begins to unload all their stories of victimhood upon you.

Of course, you see them as a responsible and very likable person who has shown you nothing but the utmost respect. Once you hear how other people have wronged them throughout the years, automatically you feel the need to defend them.

Unknowingly, you enlist in the army of victimhood defense that the narcissist has subconsciously persuaded you to join due to their sob stories of alleged betrayal, abuse, and neglect from family members, exes, and friends.

The narcissist invokes your parental instinct and you feel a very strong desire to protect them and believe in their side of the story.

If for any reason, you become the devil’s advocate and ask critical questions by saying to the narcissist, “There are two sides to every story,” they immediately begin to judge you as an unsupportive partner and may even hit you with an ultimatum that if you don’t stand up for them 100% then you gotta go!

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A master manipulator understands that by love bombing you and showering you with attention and respect, once they play victim to alleged character assassinations against them, that you will protect them and defend them despite the evidence presented to you. The desire to protect them will be stronger than your desire to accept the truth.

In fact, you become slightly narcissistic in the process because you adopt the mindset that he’s good to me, he loves me, if his ex or any other person has a problem with his character that is not your problem. If all you care about is how he treats you at the present moment while the two of you are in the honeymoon phase of your relationship, he has you exactly where he wants you.

Consider yourself groomed and a prime source of narcissistic supply. He will love you as long as you never challenge him, or hurt is overly inflated ego.

If you want a partnership dynamic of a relationship, you are with the wrong one. Being with a narcissist is more of a dynamic where you are a cheerleader, cheering for a losing team. Despite their idiotic plays, you have to keep believing somehow the two of you will win in the end.

At some point, as the honeymoon phase ends, you will start to realize that all his friends are mere puppets to his prized victim role scheme. When you begin to experience sudden disrespect from the narcissist, he will shame you for being a drama queen and so will his friends that you once respected and admired.

To earn your sympathy and pity is the narcissist strongest weapon. Do not give it easily. Remain objective and of sound mind so that you can see through the fog. Narcissist are not victims, they create victims instead.

Namaste

By Janell Hihi @copyright 2017

The Narcissist Favorite Victims: 4 Most Codependent Zodiac Signs

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In a recent article, I pointed out the top narcissistic signs in the Zodiac. This article will do the opposite by listing the 4 most codependent Zodiac signs. The narcissist purposely seeks codependent people because they are the perfect victim to prey upon.

The codependent has low self-esteem, a huge need for validation and a glitch that makes them give and give while accepting very little in return. Codependents accept non-reciprocal relationships and narcissist are inherently incapable of reciprocation which makes these two a match made in heaven.

What does it mean to be codependent?

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#1 Codependent Zodiac Sign: CANCER

Cancers are excellent caregivers. They also make great parents. Their willingness to nurture those around them with love, support, and attention can allow the Cancer to easily be used, abused and manipulated.

The nursery rhyme, “Mary had a Little Lamb,” is a great example of how Cancer’s follow their love interest hopefully and blindly. Mary’s little lamb is the symbolic representation of a Cancer and how they operate in relationships. They like to revolve around their partner.

The narcissist is immediately attracted to the Cancers parental-like characteristic because the narcissist had an abusive or an emotionally unavailable parent as a child. The narcissist wants to feel loved and supported and the Cancer is the only sign who eagerly gives love and attention unconditionally.

The problem with most Cancers is that they don’t know where to draw the line. They give and give and then become resentful. They give selflessly just so they can cry their favorite line, “But I gave you everything!” The Cancer’s dark side is to be a martyr like most water signs. Cancer’s want to be the one to sacrifice it all just to complain and whine about it incessantly.

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The victim role is their favorite role. They purposely attract people into their life who will abuse them, just so they can feed their emotional turmoil and depression. Like, most co-dependents, Cancers manifest toxic relationships into their life believing they can fix the other person. This never works, and the Cancer is always hurt in the end. Never learning from their mistakes.

Cancer’s capitalize off their sadness. The rapper 50 Cent got shot five times yet continuously brags about his so-called immortality in his rap lyrics. Cancer’s don’t share their testimony of their hardships and struggles to be a beacon of light for others. Instead, they use it solidify their proud role as the victim. They want you to know what happened to them. They want you to know how other people went out of their way to hurt them.

Cancer is one of the most intuitive and clairvoyant zodiac signs but they rarely act on their instincts. This is what makes the Cancer so puzzling and hard to figure out.

Cancer, like Pisces and Scorpio, can vacillate between being a codependent and a narcissist. After all, they are two sides of the same coin. They can play both roles simultaneously throughout their lives. However, they are more likely to be the co-dependent than the narcissist. Pisces however, is the only water sign with more narcissistic traits.

One thing you will never, ever hear, is a Cancer taking responsibility for their pain. Instead, they say sadistic things like, “It’s my fault,” or “Everyone thinks I’m worthless.” They want pity more than they want respect. FACTS! The narcissist preys on this desire and usually strings along a Cancer for decades inflicting varying levels of abuse onto them.

How Cancers can heal from narcissistic abuse:

Cancers can use their emotions to heal from narcissistic abuse. Narcissist hate emotions. They don’t want to feel because they are numb from the abuse they endured as a child. The cancer must learn to cut off their nurturing side and feel the toxic emotions and turmoil that the narcissist in inflicting upon them. When Cancers internalize the toxic emotions caused by the narcissist, they will gather the strength to leave.

Cancers must retreat into their shell, go “No Contact,” on the narcissist and “Feel” their way out of love with the toxic narcissistic. Once the Cancer comes out of hiding, their mind and heart will be clear, precise and all-knowing. They will leave the narcissist because they will finally realize that the narc is completely incapable of reciprocating  unconditional love.

#2 Gemini

 

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Gemini’s have a child-like innocence to them that makes them somewhat naive. Narcissist prey on their naivety. The optimistic Gemini wants to see the best in others to their own detriment. Gemini’s typically don’t believe what is being shown to them in front of their own eyes until it’s too late.

Gemini is the astrological child of the zodiac. Children are often victimized because they don’t know any better. With age, Gemini’s tend to harden and become more skeptical after they’ve been burned 6 or 7 times.

However, while in their younger years, Gemini’s will often be targeted by narcissist. It is vital that Gemini’s study psychology and become keenly aware of their intuitive abilities at a very young age to prevent becoming prey to narcissism.

Gemini’s must learn to trust their inner voice and avoid situations that can take them off the course of their divine purpose. Like a child, Gemini is very curious and experimental. Their desire to wonder off and try new things makes it very easy for narcissist to take the Gemini out of her comfort zone and into new territory almost effortlessly.

Gemini is a mutable sign, which means that they are flexible and can easily adapt to any situation. The narcissist will take the Gemini on a rollercoaster ride of toxic and euphoric emotions and the Gemini will easily adapt. The Gemini must learn how to stand firm and not just go with the flow. This easy going demeanor they inherently inhabit is what get’s them in trouble.

Gemini is the child of the zodiac and is naturally care-free, avoiding major responsibility and using cleverness to get out of the binds they put themselves in. They will depend on others easily like a child and therefore become codependent in a rather innocent and naive way.

The Gemini will try to “Talk it out,” with the narcissistic using their excellent communication skills, blatant honesty and logic to resolve issues with the narcissist until they realize that trying to reason with a narcissist is like trying to nail jello to a tree. It never works. When the Gemini realizes they can’t talk out their problems with a narcissist, they will begin to slip away and prepare to leave the narc behind.

How Gemini’s can heal from narcissism:

Gemini’s are highly gifted artistically. Mostly in writing, song, lyrical composition and speech. The Gemini should write, sing, rap and create stories to heal from narcissistic abuse. Drawing and painting may help too.

Gemini’s get too caught up in the way people make them feel. One of my favorite Gemini’s Lauren Hill, had a hook on one of her songs that sums up the Gemini’s dilemma, “When it hurts so bad, why does it feel so good?”

Feelings are overrated. However, Gemini judges 80% of their relationships with others based on high chemistry and feelings which are both unsustainable, unreliable and do not determine long-term relationship success.

What the Gemini will learn from dealing with a narcissist is to be less mutable and more fixed when it comes to allowing people to come into their lives and sweep them off their feet. They will learn that when something seems to good to be true, it is usually is. The Gemini will begin to shed their naivety and look at things more skeptically. Although in their child-like minds, full of optimism, wonder, and hope, they will always be more inclined to look at the bright side of people, and the world in general.

The narcissist will hate the fact that they can never, ever steal away the happiness and joy of the Gemini. Their bright beautiful souls are there owns for the keeping. Gemini’s will bounce back from narcissistic abuse like no other Zodiac sign can.

#3 Sagittarius

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Sagittarius have big hearts. This is especially true for the women, not so much the man. Sagittarius is ruled by the planet Jupiter. The largest planet in our solar system. What’s so special about Jupiter is that not only is its size but it’s ability to eat up comets that could destroy other planets.

Jupiter gobbles up planets and large meteors to protect other planets and that is exactly what the optimistic, charismatic, fun-loving Sagittarius does on a daily basis for other people.

The narcissist gravitates towards the bubbly Sagittarius with a strong magnetic force. Narcissist are energy vampires and Sagittarius naturally possess a ton of energy the narcissist can feed upon.

The Sagittarius will give and give until it dawns on them that they are being taken advantage of.

When the Sagittarius realizes they are being taken for a ride, the Sagittarius will take action. Sagittarius is a mutable fire sign which they can easily adapt and handle change. Most Sagittarius will confront the narcissist directly with cutting words that will unmask the narcissist.

At that point, the Sagittarius is aware of the narcissist game and she will begin to enact revenge or leave altogether. Leaving will be very hard for her and it is likely to be drawn out for several years.

She will cheat, fight back, inflict abuse and still continue to love the narcissist because of her inability to see a negative situation for exactly what it is.

The Sagittarius optimism can blind her. The Narcissist uses her positive attitude as a tool to keep her hoping and wishing things will be better.

Sagittarius love the idea of love and they get blindsided by the fairytale instead of paying attention to the nightmare that is unfolding in front of them. They love affection, attention, and validation.

Sagittarius needs to feel secure in a relationship. They do whatever they can to solidify that security. The narcissist uses this against them and dangles a carrot in front of the Sag face just to enjoy the chase.

A narcissist cannot possess a negative, overly critical person. This is why narcissist never gets very far with Virgo’s. Although Virgo’s make up some of the most famous comedians in the world, they have a critical eye that can see the flaws in a person or relationship almost immediately. That is what protects the Virgo. The Sagittarius will benefit from a Virgo friend or parent who can help them gather the strength to leave the narcissist for good. 

It’s simple. By using their mutable gifts to transcend beyond the pain of abuse and turn it into power and courage to move on. 

#4 Aries 

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If you look up the definition of codependency in an online dictionary, a picture of an Aries female will appear.

Aries put love over EVERYTHING. This is both an extraordinary gift and a life-altering curse.

Aries is the ride or die chick the narcissist dreams of possessing. She loves unconditionally. She forgives easily because like a good little codependent she takes the blame for everything the narcissist does to her.

“Maybe I should of lost weight and he wouldn’t have cheated,” Aries says things like that. They will blame their mother, their best friend and even their child for abuse caused by the narcissist just so they can hold on to their relationship for dear life!

Aries is the first sign of the Zodiac. Their astrological age is the infant. It is scientifically proven that infants need love, touch, and affection to survive and thrive.

Aries needs love to survive. Literally! They are pure, innocent, adorable and incredibly open to learning with a spark of curiosity, wonder and genius.

Aries are blessed with being both highly intelligent and artistic. I know, it’s not fair. But who could be mad at them, they are like cute, tiny little infants that we want to hold close and spoil.

Aries loves to be spoiled and the narcissist will love-bomb the Aries and completely sweep her off of her feet in the honeymoon stage of the relationship. The Aries will fall in love fast and furious with the narcissist.

When he begins to show his true colors, the Aries would rather live in denial than face the truth that they got played. The narcissist had his mask on and now it’s off. The Aries continues to believe it’s her fault and she spends every moment trying to figure out what she did wrong and why all of a sudden she is unworthy of his love.

Aries is a Cardinal, fire signs so they will confront the narcissist directly with no filters. However, they will never get the truth. Aries are raw and honest individuals and they can’t quite comprehend why they don’t get direct answers from narcissist when they ask them direct questions.

The Aries will react hostile and in some cases even violently to the narcissistic abuse. The problem is she won’t take corrective action. She only reacts emotionally, not strategically. The narcissist is able to play her like a string because of it.

Corrective action is leaving the narcissist. She won’t leave easily. It will take years or even decades of abuse for her to gather the courage to leave someone she loves because she truly believes she needs this man to survive. Expect the police to be called often because Aries is confrontational.

She may do something out of anger to retaliate against her abuser that could land her in prison. She will make the mistake of neglecting her kids, her friends, her family and her health to be with the man she loves. There are no boundaries. Her harshest lesson is that love is NOT sacrifice. Love is a mutual exchange of energy, respect, honesty, and effort.

How can Aries heal from narcissistic abuse?

Aries is a leader. She is a natural born go-getter. If she summons up her determination to leave the narcissist, she can leave without hesitation for good. She has the power to never look back. People gravitate to her fire, she is a warmth comfort to many on a cold night. There are worthy people waiting to receive her love with total devotion and reciprocity.

If you have a sun or moon sign in any of the signs above, be strong and be brave. Do not let your love and light be taken for granted. It is because you have so much of it, those deprived of it, purposely seek you out.

By Janell Hihi Copyright@2017

 

 

Narcissist Communication Style: Deflection, Gaslighting & The Silent Treatment.

narc communicate

Narcissists don’t talk, or communicate: they fend off, hide and evade” Sam Vaknin

Have you ever called a guy you were dating to share some very exciting news?

When he answers the phone he’s excited to hear from you. However, when you share with him your excitement for landing a book deal, or getting that promotion at work, suddenly his tone changes. He’s no longer excited, instead, he is disinterested and bored!

A narcissist doesn’t care about anything significant in your life. It’s torture to even have to listen to anything you do that is outside of your relationship with them.

You are nothing but an extension of them and if you’re not adoring them, praising them, or making plans to see them, they don’t care about what your rambling about.

Some narcissist will even make up a reason to abruptly end the phone call with you as soon as you tell them the good news. This is their passive-aggressive way to tell you that you don’t matter. Instead of saying,”Congratulations, let’s get together sometime this week and celebrate!” The narcissist will respond by saying, “oh, okay!” Then quickly change the subject to something that revolves around them.

This is a covert, and passive-aggressive way to tell you that you are still insignificant to them, despite your accomplishments.

Other narcissists will respond, “Oh, good for you!” Which basically means they want you to stop talking about yourself and start talking about them or your relationship.

Narcissist Dismiss Everything you say that is not about them as “Trivial.” Even if you just left a funeral and your grieving a loved one. They don’t want to hear your sad stories.

Below are 5 communication techniques Narcissist use to reduce you:

#1. They cut you off mid-sentence. A narcissist won’t let you finish a complete sentence because, in their self-centered little world, everything they have to say is more important than listening to you finish a thought. There is a difference between talking to a hyper person who is excited to exchange dialogue with you who cuts you off and a narcissist who cuts you off to change the course of the conversation and make it about them. Example: You are telling the narcissist about a difficult co-worker at your job and they cut you off in the middle of your story and begin to tell you a story about a job they had in the past with difficult co-workers.

#2. They begin to multi-task when you start talking. Since the narcissist finds no value in listening to you unless you’re talking about them, they start to multi-task while your speaking. They do this by getting on their cell phone, updating statuses on social media, texting friends or watching TV as you try to communicate to them something important to you. Again, this is a passive aggressive way to tell you that they don’t care about anything you have to say, ever!

#3. Narcissist Repeat themselves often & Talk in Circles. The narcissist never has anything new to say because a narcissist doesn’t like to think outside of the box. They run on an internal and predictable script and they respond to things with the same dialogue quite often. They tell the same stories over and over again. They don’t care how many times you’ve heard it, they tell the story like they are telling it for the very first time. The story is about them being a hero or a victim depending on what kind of reaction the narcissist needs from you at that particular time. This shouldn’t come as a surprise because self-centered people are not good conversationalist. This is because they only engage in mutual dialogue when the conversation revolves around them.

#4. Avoids Conversations that Involve Confrontation. Since most narcissists are passive-aggressive, when you try to talk to them about something they did or said to hurt you, they try to avoid that conversation by any means necessary. They often say, “I can’t talk about it right now because… I’m busy, I have a headache or I’m tired.” They will keep making excuses not to talk to you to avoid being called out.

The narcissist doesn’t participate in real conversations with people to avoid intimacy, understanding, and problem solving that effective communication in relationships requires. If it is not a superficial conversation, the narcissist will do his/her best to avoid it.

#5. Deflects blame unto you. The narcissist will use reverse psychology to blame everything you accuse them of doing on you! Gaslighting is also put into the mix as you begin to feel like you are the crazy one because the narcissist keeps saying you are making things up in your head. Every conversation that involves you confronting the narcissist on an issue will leave you questioning your own sanity because they are so good at gaslighting and deflecting blame.

Below are a few examples of gaslighting and deflection in conversation:

“I cheated because you know how important sex is to me and you were purposely withholding it from me.”

“I hit you because you made me hit you. I kept telling you I didn’t want to talk and you kept talking.”

“I’ll help you fix your car this time, but your an adult. I want a woman who is independent who doesn’t need anything from me because she can do it herself.”

“If you can’t come over tonight, it just goes to show how much you really love and care about me.”

“I stood you up yesterday because I knew if I would of went to the event with you, I would have been miserable the whole time because you’re always accusing me of things I don’t do.”

“You’re paranoid.”

“You are crazy.”

“I don’t do relationship titles”

“I didn’t answer your phone call last night because I didn’t want to argue with you. I needed a break, you’re always nagging me and giving me a hard time.”

“I’m not ready to take the next step in our relationship until you stop being negative and starting arguments with me.”

“I am not your ex-lover, I won’t cheat on you. Stop blaming me for your exes mistakes.”

In closing, real conversations with a narcissist will never take place. They avoid confrontation or deflect and gaslight their ways out of tough conversations that are necessary for the survival of your relationship.

By Janell Hihi Copyright@2017

Stealing Light: The Cycle of Narcissism

energy vamp

There are two types of narcissist, the conscious and unconscious. Those who are consciously aware of their evil and destructive pathology, and those who are not aware of their vile and destructive behavior. The unconscious narcissist is completely oblivious to his own condition whereas the conscious narcissist is deliberate and calculating.

Both conscious and unconscious narcissist are equally destructive.

Victims of abuse and neglect can become narcissist and the cycle of abuse is repeated. A few months ago I seen the movie Split. It’s a thriller about a psychopath who suffered psychologically trauma as a child. He developed multiple personality disorder and kidnapped a few girls. His rage from his abuse was left untreated for too long and he was so enraged evil and demonic entities entered him.

Abuse opens up a gateway and evil is released through vile behavior acted out by human beings.

More than likely, the unconscious narcissist was abused by a caregiver or a stranger and when the abuse took place, their light was stolen by the abusive and predatory narcissist who took something from the victim without permission.

Violators steal light. 

They charge through others boundaries like a raging bull who see’s red. They believe they are empty inside because someone took something from them at a very young and tender age. They were not able to defend themselves and there was no one around to save them when the abuse took place.

Statistically, the judicial system fails to protect victims of abuse and more than likely justice is never served. This creates, even more, fear, hatred, anger and powerlessness within victims of abuse.

As a result, the victims feel an internal deficit. They are dim and in search of the light that was taken from them. 

The only way they feel they can obtain the light that they lost is by stealing it from others because that is how it was taken from them. Once they begin stealing light from others, the high is similar to a drug addict getting his fix.  When justice is not served on behalf of victims within our judicial system, anger festers and it is transmuted into resentment. Resentment seeks vengeance

Resentment seeks vengeance and initiates the cycle of abuse. If the narcissist who was abused doesn’t have children of their own to abuse, they will abuse others. They will seek out the vulnerable and they have a sixth sense in identifying them because they remember how it felt being vulnerable, powerless and an easy target of abuse. They like to work in schools, daycares, old folks homes or with people who have disabilities.

Narcisssist seek out single mothers to target and abuse their children. Every part of their life is set up to be in close proximity of people who are vulnerable, naive and full of life force, positive energy that narcissist can extract.

Untreated victims of abuse whose violators were never punished seek revenge. They morph into what they hate, an abuser! This is not the case for all victims of abuse, but it is true for some. An endless cycle of abuse is created and child abuse and spousal abuse continues it’s dreadful saga.

The powerless need to derive power from others by abusing them. This is true in every aspect of reality. If you’ve ever had a narcissistic manager, which I am certain you have because narcissist seeks careers in management and law enforcement where they can exercise power and dominance over others daily.

Narcissistic managers have a past. They have a story of abuse and victimization. Something happened to them that stole their light and now they make it a priority to extract light from you in every way possible the entire duration of your shift at work.

Being an empath, every time I am in the presence of a narcissist, I see right past their abusive behavior and I see a scared and defensive child, seething in the pain of neglect, abuse, abandonment and anger. I sympathize with the innocence that was stolen from them immediately. However, I no longer let my sympathy allow them to steal my light.

I have strong boundaries narcissist cannot break. I do not allow my smpathy towards them to enslave me into a savior role. I know that I cannot save them. However, I do know that I can point them in the right direction towards healing.

Every victim of abuse who turns narcissist needs to learn and practice the ancient art of mental transmutation.

“Mind may be transmuted, from state to state; degree to degree; condition to condition; pole to pole; vibration to vibration. True Hermatic Transmutation is a mental art.

Turning pain into power is your only refuge. It’s the only way to recognize your light is infinite and it was never stolen, you were forced to believe it was.

Instead of allowing the narcissist to steal my light, I give it to them willingly. This means before they try to extract it from me, I send healing and positive energy to them. Burglars who are greeted at the door of the house they’ve been plotting to rob with gifts would be immediately neutralized of their desire to steal. In subtle ways, I let the narcissist know that I am intuitively aware that they are suffering.

I invite them to like my “Kids Lives Matter,” page on Facebook, I let them know that I advocate for abused children. I speak to the broken child within them and do not allow their charm or persuasive ways to manipulate me or alter the course of my life.

I know that they can’t steal my light if I do not allow it! I trust my intuition and I am guided by my instincts. Therefore, I am not able to be used as an accessory to the narcissist. 

I protect the vulnerable. I protect my child from predatory influences, I protect my light not by hiding or protecting it, but by giving it freely to those who have been dimmed and robbed of their own.

I am a radiating fountain of endless light and those who need it can absorb it. If you know you are a source of infinite good will, you will know that your light can never, ever be taken! Other’s may try to steal from it but the flow never stops. Your soul is self-replenishing and it replaces the light that is stolen. I guess what I am here to tell victims of abuse is, they didn’t steal your light, you are not dim, you are an infinite fountain flowing with light and that belief allows you to heal from abuse.

The abuser’s goal was to disconnect you from infinite flow and infinite source by planting the seed of worthlessness, lack and deficit within your being. Pull that seed from the dirt and do not allow it to flower. It’s a lie!

Being replenished with light starts with a simple belief and that is; your divinity can never be depleted, to begin with.

Your light is still there. Stop the cycle of narcissistic abuse.

By Janell Hihi

Copyright@2017