If Someone Asks You Why Are You Still Single, Say This.


Have you ever met a guy, he seems great, you’re on your first date and he begins to play 21 questions?

After he asks a few normal questions, and he finally hits you with the dreaded question, So, why are you still single?

No one really knows how to answer this question without feeling deliberately put on the spot and slightly embarrassed. Some women even feel insulted or disrespected.


First of all, it’s a stupid question. A smart man knows he won’t get an honest answer anyway so he won’t bother asking that inconsiderate question.

A smart man will make a statement instead. He will say, “Your amazing, I’m lucky you’re still single and I have a chance.” There can be several different reasons why your still single, and one of them can be by choice. There is no need to go into great detail as to why your still single because the question is a setup.

This open-ended, loaded and manipulative question is asking you to defend your status of being single. When a person puts you on the defensive they are digging for information about you so they can use that information to get what they want from you.

This question should be dodged and not answered directly. A smart knee-jerk reaction to that dreaded question is answering it with a question. For example, He asks, “Why are you still single?” Instead of answering the question you ask him the same question, “Why are you still single?”

Or instead of asking the same question, ask him a different question. Example ask him, “Why do you think I am still single?” This question will force him to answer you and you can use that information to uncover his motives and how he views you as a woman.

Smart women don’t answer stupid questions.

If the date is not going so well and you’re already highly annoyed by the time they ask you this question then answer like a bitch, “I’m still single because of assholes like you.” Then slam the rest of your drink like a sailor, slam the empty glass on the table, look him in the eye and walk off flipping your hair and swinging your hips like a boss.

Smart women answer stupid questions sarcastically, with a question or with complete and utter deflection. No one needs to know why you’re still single, they just need to be grateful that you are. Otherwise, they wouldn’t have a chance with you.

By Janell Hihi Copyright@2017

7 Early Signs You are Dating a Narcissist

Narcissistic abuse is insidious, like a poisonous gas that is odorless and invisible to the naked eye.

It creeps up on you like a shadow and craves your fear, not your love. Narcissist collects people like accessories to wear them to embellish their self-image. As soon as the accessory starts to realize the narcissist ill intentions, the narcissist tosses the accessory to the side to find a new one.

No one wants to be in a relationship and feel like they are easily disposable but that is exactly what you will get if you date a narcissist.

I’d rather be proactive than reactive any day! So, what are the early signs the new hot guy or girl your dating may be a narcissist?

I have listed several of them below. However, if you are so thirsty for love that you refuse to see the reality of a situation, the tell-tell signs below won’t save you from the destruction the narcissist is bound to put you through.

The ability to be present and mindful while dating is what will save you from the narcissist. Learning how to be keenly aware of the energy others emit and making a heart centered decision on whether or not the person you are dating will have the privilege of being in your life.

“If you are dating without purpose and from an empty vessel and seeking validation from a man… you are fish in the net for a narcissist.”

Perhaps, the narcissist is here to teach you a lesson. The narcissist will enter into your life when your self-love is low and your boundaries are weak just to teach you a lesson. The lesson is, you have to love yourself first and being happy is a choice, it can’t be found in a relationship.

Keep in mind, you will continue to meet narcissist while your dating. However, your level of self-esteem will determine whether or not you continue seeing them or get rid of them right away!

Self-love is determined by how you treat yourself and how you allow others to treat you!

1. Dominate Conversations:


On your very first date, you will notice how they drive conversation topics revolving themselves, their accomplishments, future goals, like, dislikes and preferences. Most of the rubbish they talk about is superficial. They just can’t be deep because there is no depth to them. Every time you try to insert your opinion, preferences or share information regarding yourself, they quickly redirect the conversation back to them or minimize whatever it is you shared with them. They show an obvious disinterest in ANYTHING you say that doesn’t revolve around them!

2. They are too confident

Narcs come off as way too self-confident, almost cocky. The first few dates this will appear very attractive to you. However, on the third date, it will annoy you to no end. The issue is they are not confident, they are incredibly insecure and trying to disguise it by being a little too sure of themselves. You will start to notice there is something very generic and inauthentic about them.

3. They Come on Too Strong then quickly become disinterested.

jay z

The narcissist starts off flooding you with attention. It’s charming and fun the first few weeks, then it becomes overbearing and annoying soon after. They idolize you then they despise you! This can happen in a few week span. It’s very bi-polar like and confusing. Instead of letting a relationship slowly and naturally progress, they take off full speed and then crash and burn. If he’s moving too fast and doing too much too soon, he’s probably a narcissist.

4. They can’t take a joke and lack a general sense of humor.


The best way to discover if you’re on a date with a narcissist is to make a cute little joke at their expense. Mentally healthy people can laugh at themselves. However, narcissist can’t handle minuscule jokes being directed towards them. Tell the joke, (Not a harsh joke) gauge their reaction. If they don’t laugh and they look at you completely dumbfounded then proceed to ask you to explain the joke because “They don’t get it,” You are in fact, dealing with a narcissist!

5. Lacks Empathy


If you walk past a homeless man begging for money on the side of the road on your way to the restaurant together, and the guy you’re with says something very cruel about the homeless man, more than likely, this man has no empathy! If you want to test to see if someone has empathy. Tell them a brief story about something that happened to you and see if they say something empathetic or if they say something judgemental. The narcissist believes perfection exist and they are the epitome of it. So they expect you and everyone else to also be perfect and when you fall short of perfection they usually offer criticism over empathy every time! If they do try to make a scene and empathize with you, it will be one-worded and void of emotion. #Fakelove

6. They playfully challenge you when you say “No.”



The narcissist just doesn’t listen to you, ever! On the first few dates, watch out for subtle signs. Example, they will ask for a kiss and you say “No,” they will keep insisting in a playful way you give them a kiss. They do not accept boundaries. If you hate fish, they will order it and keep pressuring you to try it. They get off by challenging your boundaries and breaking down your virtues. First, it’s kisses, massages and pressuring you to try things, then it escalates to convincing you to have a threesome with him and his friend. No Bueno! The guy who takes no as a challenge is a narcissist.

7. They are Secretive, Reveal half-truths and Tell Vague Stories

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Narcissist typically has a lot to hide. They usually have a girlfriend or lingering casual relationships they managed to sustain for years. However, nothing really significant. You will notice inconsistencies, vague stories, and shit that doesn’t add up. After the second date, you will probably be confused about their real intentions because what they say and what they do is not consistent. You will have this nagging feeling something is off because it is! Go with your gut! Do some digging on social media, you will soon find evidence that proves them to be a liar and manipulator.

Needless to say, if your new beau is showing at least 3 of the 7 signs above. Run for the hills and don’t look back. Narcissist wants to devour your soul, it’s not about love and it never was.


By Janell Hihi



If A Man Comes on Too Strong, More Than Likely He is on The Prowl for a Rebound or Worse…

First of all, I want to thank all my followers who send me emails for advice which gives me great blog topics to write! I thank you several times over…

If I haven’t answered you by writing a blog, I will reply to your email within 7-10 days. Please, keep the emails coming!

A common theme in recent emails I’ve noticed is women dating men who come on way too strong in the beginning.

It’s an eerie, stalker-like, artificial feeling that emerges in our guts when we date a guy who is just doing way too much!

too much

We get this feeling in our guts because the high level of emotion and attention they are giving us is unrealistic in proportion to how little they know us and how little time they’ve actually spent with us.

The man who comes on too strong has an agenda. The agenda does not benefit you. Sorry. The agenda is to come quickly and go quickly. They turn up the heat to the max in a very short time and then turn it off in a very short time.

This is because they got too excited too fast and then crashed and burned. Unfortunately, when they crash and burn they get bored and ghost you. Moving to the next fast thrill.

They are kind of like sprint runners or adrenaline junkies. They reach the climax way too fast then stop abruptly when the thrill is over.

The guy who is coming on too strong is not connected to you or your emotions. He is selfish, he needs to fill a void within himself and he is obsessed with getting his own needs met.

The man who comes on too strong is NOT interested in investing into a long-term connection with you. Investing is not gambling, it’s a long drawn out process of getting to know someone.

He won’t truly open up to you and you will notice this in his frequent, yet shallow phone calls and text messages. He communicates way too much, most of the time his text/ voicemail messages sound more like a personal monolog than a genuine interest in getting to know you. Example:

“Hey babe just got off work, now I’m heading to my Yoga class, then I’m meeting my friends for drinks.” 

“Man, I’m busy, this day just won’t let up.”

“I’m glad the cafeteria here at work added chicken breast to the salad bar.”

If he is calling you Babe, baby, boo or boo thang within only 2-3 weeks of knowing you. He is not in this for you, he is in this for himself.

Most guys realize that telling the new chick they just met that they just broke up with their girlfriend like a week or two ago is an instant dealbreaker. So most men like to say, “I broke up with my ex 3-6 months ago.” This gives you, who is the unsuspecting victim, a false idea that he is well over his ex while in reality, he is still very much in love.

A little digging will reveal the truth if you can spare 15 minutes on the internet you are bound to find the truth. And for those of you who think that is stalker-like behavior, you obviously don’t mind being played. To each it’s own, but I prefer the proactive approach. Reactivity is for weak B****’s

A guy who is rebounding will be completely emotionally distant or unavailable, OR he will come on too strong! He will be so desperately trying to ignore the pain of his recent breakup, that he will smother you with text, phone calls, dates, attention and unwarranted affection. It’s a huge turn off if you have self-esteem. If you are low on self-love and desperate for affection, you are fish in the net for this asshole.

The guy who is rebounding will try to seamlessly slip you right into the role their ex played. His ex that he was with for over a year or so and this is why it seems unreal and superficial. He is trying to make an entry level employee a CEO after a week on the job.

What comes fast, goes fast! This is spiritual and physical law. This means you have to pump the breaks, slow things down and take the wheel and drive at a speed that is comfortable for you. He can ride along or get off at the next stop, either way, you stay in control.

So, what are the signs a man is coming on too strong?

  1. He calls you Babe, Bae, Girlfriend, Boo or Honey way too soon. Like within a week of knowing you.
  2. He is way too physical, way too fast. He touches you like he’s known you for years and you are creeped out.
  3. He always wants to know WYD. Like really? Tell that boy you are grown, and there is no need for him to know everything that goes on in your day. Geesh (The Pressure… in my Jhene’ Aiko Voice)
  4. He talks a lot, about shallow and vague topics. He talks just to talk. You start to feel like your a sounding board and not a real love interest.
  5. You find out he lied about how long ago he broke up with his ex by doing a little social media research. However, you don’t feel it’s worth it to bring it up and it’s better to just move on and leave him on the back burner just in case one day in the future you’re really desperate… and need some attention or an ego stroke. Besides, that is what he is doing to you!
  6. He is a serial monogamist. He has never taken a break from relationships. One girl after the next, back to back… This is scary. People who can’t be alone scare the living shit out of me!

Well, there you have it. So be on the watch and if you are dating a guy who does the most, pump the breaks. Don’t allow yourself to be used.

By Janell Hihi