Narcissistic abuse is insidious, like a poisonous gas that is odorless and invisible to the naked eye.
It creeps up on you like a shadow and craves your fear, not your love. Narcissist collects people like accessories to wear them to embellish their self-image. As soon as the accessory starts to realize the narcissist ill intentions, the narcissist tosses the accessory to the side to find a new one.
No one wants to be in a relationship and feel like they are easily disposable but that is exactly what you will get if you date a narcissist.
I’d rather be proactive than reactive any day! So, what are the early signs the new hot guy or girl your dating may be a narcissist?
I have listed several of them below. However, if you are so thirsty for love that you refuse to see the reality of a situation, the tell-tell signs below won’t save you from the destruction the narcissist is bound to put you through.
The ability to be present and mindful while dating is what will save you from the narcissist. Learning how to be keenly aware of the energy others emit and making a heart centered decision on whether or not the person you are dating will have the privilege of being in your life.
“If you are dating without purpose and from an empty vessel and seeking validation from a man… you are fish in the net for a narcissist.”
Perhaps, the narcissist is here to teach you a lesson. The narcissist will enter into your life when your self-love is low and your boundaries are weak just to teach you a lesson. The lesson is, you have to love yourself first and being happy is a choice, it can’t be found in a relationship.
Keep in mind, you will continue to meet narcissist while your dating. However, your level of self-esteem will determine whether or not you continue seeing them or get rid of them right away!
Self-love is determined by how you treat yourself and how you allow others to treat you!
1. Dominate Conversations:
On your very first date, you will notice how they drive conversation topics revolving themselves, their accomplishments, future goals, like, dislikes and preferences. Most of the rubbish they talk about is superficial. They just can’t be deep because there is no depth to them. Every time you try to insert your opinion, preferences or share information regarding yourself, they quickly redirect the conversation back to them or minimize whatever it is you shared with them. They show an obvious disinterest in ANYTHING you say that doesn’t revolve around them!
2. They are too confident
Narcs come off as way too self-confident, almost cocky. The first few dates this will appear very attractive to you. However, on the third date, it will annoy you to no end. The issue is they are not confident, they are incredibly insecure and trying to disguise it by being a little too sure of themselves. You will start to notice there is something very generic and inauthentic about them.
3. They Come on Too Strong then quickly become disinterested.
The narcissist starts off flooding you with attention. It’s charming and fun the first few weeks, then it becomes overbearing and annoying soon after. They idolize you then they despise you! This can happen in a few week span. It’s very bi-polar like and confusing. Instead of letting a relationship slowly and naturally progress, they take off full speed and then crash and burn. If he’s moving too fast and doing too much too soon, he’s probably a narcissist.
4. They can’t take a joke and lack a general sense of humor.
The best way to discover if you’re on a date with a narcissist is to make a cute little joke at their expense. Mentally healthy people can laugh at themselves. However, narcissist can’t handle minuscule jokes being directed towards them. Tell the joke, (Not a harsh joke) gauge their reaction. If they don’t laugh and they look at you completely dumbfounded then proceed to ask you to explain the joke because “They don’t get it,” You are in fact, dealing with a narcissist!
5. Lacks Empathy
If you walk past a homeless man begging for money on the side of the road on your way to the restaurant together, and the guy you’re with says something very cruel about the homeless man, more than likely, this man has no empathy! If you want to test to see if someone has empathy. Tell them a brief story about something that happened to you and see if they say something empathetic or if they say something judgemental. The narcissist believes perfection exist and they are the epitome of it. So they expect you and everyone else to also be perfect and when you fall short of perfection they usually offer criticism over empathy every time! If they do try to make a scene and empathize with you, it will be one-worded and void of emotion. #Fakelove
6. They playfully challenge you when you say “No.”
The narcissist just doesn’t listen to you, ever! On the first few dates, watch out for subtle signs. Example, they will ask for a kiss and you say “No,” they will keep insisting in a playful way you give them a kiss. They do not accept boundaries. If you hate fish, they will order it and keep pressuring you to try it. They get off by challenging your boundaries and breaking down your virtues. First, it’s kisses, massages and pressuring you to try things, then it escalates to convincing you to have a threesome with him and his friend. No Bueno! The guy who takes no as a challenge is a narcissist.
7. They are Secretive, Reveal half-truths and Tell Vague Stories
Narcissist typically has a lot to hide. They usually have a girlfriend or lingering casual relationships they managed to sustain for years. However, nothing really significant. You will notice inconsistencies, vague stories, and shit that doesn’t add up. After the second date, you will probably be confused about their real intentions because what they say and what they do is not consistent. You will have this nagging feeling something is off because it is! Go with your gut! Do some digging on social media, you will soon find evidence that proves them to be a liar and manipulator.
Needless to say, if your new beau is showing at least 3 of the 7 signs above. Run for the hills and don’t look back. Narcissist wants to devour your soul, it’s not about love and it never was.
By Janell Hihi