Astrological Humor: How to Understand Gemini Woman

Disclaimer: Traits below describe a DARK-SIDE Female Gemini. 

How-a-Gemini-Woman-Matches-with-Men-Based-on-Their-Zodiac-SignIf you didn’t make it to advanced calculus in high school or college, unfortunately you will be unable to comprehend the depth of complexity this paradoxical, psychotic, feminine seductress is made of.

The Gemini women is the 8th wonder of the world. 

She is only to be loved “temporarily.” The Gemini is the best sign for a one night stand. Ghosting a Gemini after a night of fun will leave you with a happy and positive memory of them. If you give them anymore of your precious time and attention, get ready to voluntarily admit yourself to a mental asylum within 90 days of the relationship.

I mean the relationshit… Oh no I mean the situationship. Whatever you have with a Gemini is far from the norm and frequently changes depending on how the Gemini feels that day. One minute they’re head over heels in love with you, the next they need their space!

Gemini invented the on and off again relationship.

The only thing constant with the Gemini man or woman is change. Not the kind of change that evolves the soul (although they will try to sell you on how constant change is the way of the universe) But change that shakes you up, causes complete chaos and unrest in your life.

Key thing to remember about Gemini’s in general:

They are not family oriented people. They are not people you marry and start a family with. They are the people you meet at night clubs while highly intoxicated, looking for a night of fun!

You will never, ever be able to figure her out. She can’t even figure herself out. She’s an air sign who is mutable and her esoteric age is the child of the zodiac. Good luck with that!

Her physical beauty will draw you in, and her mind will fascinate you! But after the smoke clears and her inconsistencies and hypocrisies are evident, most men are simply annoyed by her unconventional bullshit.

She’s very creative, has beautiful eyes, but also very unreliable and inconsistent. She lives her life by impulse and desire. Standards, morals and values don’t matter to this “go with the flow” hippie spirited and uninhibited women.

She’s extremely liberal. Conservatism in any form is repulsive. She can’t conform to anything or anyone. If she does it’s temporary or spread out in several increments.

She believes in world peace and is naive enough to think it will actually happen one day. It’s very child-like, innocent and adorable and it’s part of her fierce magnetism that makes us all gravitate towards her.

Her relationships and even her marriage is on again and off again. One minute she’s devoted to her man, the next she’s free and flirty. Following that phase she’s withdrawn and out wandering if the grass is really greener on the other side.

After she returns from the wilderness unable to find anyone to hold her attention she becomes the devoted wife or girlfriend again. And the cycle of mind-fuckery continues.

What respectable man is willing to deal with that level of crazy? 

Don’t hold your breath thinking she’ll stay one way. She’s going to change again and again. At first it’s sexy, seductive and exciting. Later in the relationship it’s exhausting, stressful and not worth pursuing.

She doesn’t usually change for the good. It’s usually a bipolar, schizophrenic type of change that exhibits completely contradicting personalities.

You’ll need therapy when the relationship ends. 

Whatever happens don’t you dare blame her. She is always innocent despite any hard evidence of her wrong doing you present.

The perpetual victim

If you hurt her she will never forgive you. She will cry, sob, endlessly post idiotic quotes and memes on Facebook reflecting her questionable mental state.

What’s worse is she uses how others hurt her as ammo and justification for all the immoral things she was planning on doing all along. It’s not out of revenge because she was planning to sleep with your co-worker Larry 4 months before she discovered you lied about having a drink with an old female friend.

She’s advanced in the art of manipulation and will weave a web of deception so intricate even Einstein couldn’t figure out. She’s sharp, amazingly witty and uses every detail and nuance to her advantage.

She created the dark art of reverse pyschology. No one can pull it off quite like her… she adds feminism, charm and innocence to her next level game to get you where she wants you.

Never look into her eyes unless you don’t mind going into that sunken place!

Gemini women are very shallow. Looks matter, money matters, and material possessions matter. However, they put on a good show and appear to others as very down to earth, moral and spiritual.

They may protest using animal fur one day during an animals rights protest but the next day she’ll secretly purchase a fur mink coat and wear it on an expensive ski trip to Aspen.

Gemini’s are both material and spiritual depending on the day of the week.

Did I mention she’s an opportunist? Any man offering her a better deal or better sex is worth her throwing her wedding vows right out the window.

She’s completely irrational. Gemini’s are air signs which makes her smart, witty and mental… The Gemini women is like the elderly grandparent with dementia when it comes to them being confronted about their lies and bullshit.

The Gemini woman and man will be in and out of your life leaving out of nowhere and returning out of the blue. They are so naive they actually think others will just let them back in without an argument.

The Gemini woman feels entitled to come in and out of your life as she pleases.

Never argue with her. She will deflect, use reverse psychology and flirtation to deter you from coming to a resolution. She loves drama and she will not let any disagreement or argument come to a resolution.

She thrives on letting things fester hoping they will just go away on their own.

If things are going too good, too normal and too well… she will start drama out of thin are just to shake things up so that she’s not bored. Or she just might cheat.

I guess it depends on which twin is running the shit show inside her demented head.

If it’s the good twin she’ll start an argument about leaving the bathroom light on.

If it’s the evil twin she’ll go to a bar with a tight black dress and have unprotected sex in the bathroom with a complete stranger.

Then she’ll come home drunk crying and screaming that you don’t love her anymore.

If you ever hear her say she’s bored… you may get divorce papers from a sheriff soon. She’s a child, boredom is poison to her soul.

She doesn’t pay attention when you speak

She’s a child and because of that she is inherently self-involved and narcissistic. Unless it’s benefiting her she’ll pretend to listen to you while searching for new business ideas on her phone, texting her sister and playing with the dog at the same time.

She’ll give you half ass glances as you tell her about your day and will always appear to be distant and preoccupied. She’ll respond, “Oh, okay.” and “Nice.”

If she’s in a mood to debate and endlessly talk for hours it’s usually about herself and her next, half-ass business venture she hopes to invest in with your money.

She loves to talk about things that don’t matter like feminism, the universe, stars exploding in different galaxies, the meaning of life and whether or not lucid dreaming is worth exploring.

She’s a mindless chatterbox, neo-liberal, airhead who no one should take seriously.

I don’t care how great her overly emotional poetry is, how political and fake-woke she pretends to be, at the end of the day she is everything and nothing at the same time. Utter and complete waste of any man’s life force long-term.

She’s too open minded. Too willing to try new things to her own detriment. Too willing to risk it all on a whim, including your life savings! Proceed with caution!

Apparently everything she does is for a good cause. It’s over the top, fake, and annoying. She’s that individual we all hate, the one who fights for abused children but abuses the kids in her 1st Grade classroom. WHY?

She’ll date a guy she needs to help out financially to be his savior for ego gratification. When he uses her for all her resources she’ll cry bloody murder and take it out on the next guy she dates by refusing to trust again.

Gemini’s aren’t the best parents.

Her children are extensions of her and if they appear to be embarrassing in any way she will hide them and project her odd and non-maternal feelings towards her child onto the father.

Whatever Gemini’s feel bad about they project onto their partner. If they don’t feel close to their children, they will blame the father for not being close to their children. If they’re cheating, they will accuse their spouse of cheating.

If you’re happily married to a Gemini woman and she’s pregnant, don’t be surprised if you get a call from the producers from the Murray Povich show to attend a maternity test showdown airing live next week.

Are you the father? Or is it your best friend Jeff?

How do you know a Gemini woman loves you?

She cries, argues and goes into a verbal rage when she is upset or hurt. If she doesn’t show extreme emotion your probably just a phase.

She is unattainable in the worst way unless she is treating very badly. Gemini women don’t respect good men and they are not aroused by them. If they are married to a nice guy they will cheat and cheat repeatedly throughout the marriage.

The Gemini woman will only fall in love with the man that disregards her and disrespects her. If you’re a narcissist this women is the best candidate to take your abuse and smile while doing so.

Gemini’s are masochist

A masochist is a person who enjoys to feel pain. The more a man hurts her the more attracted she will be to him.

Most people will deny this astrological fact but being raised by two Gemini parents and studying astrology for the last 20 years, I think I’m qualified to generalize this astrological atrocity that we call Gemini.

Gemini’s can’t be tamed because they are mutable air. They change every 5 minutes. You can’t tame something that is formless.

She’ll have a new passion every 3 months. It’s cute at first to see how expressive and creative her mind is. First she’s a real estate agent, then a singer, then a travel agent and now a bitcoin investor.

If you don’t support each endeavor with your attention and money she’ll call you a hater or an unsupportive spouse.

Sooner rather than later in the relationship living with her will feel like you’re stuck in a circus with killer clowns.

Honestly, Gemini’s live up to all the negative stereotypes associated with them. Unfortunately, if you’re a man reading this it’s probably too late. May your sanity rest in peace.

J.Hihi @copyright 2018