7 Signs You’re Caught in a Narcissist’s Trap


Do you believe that you fell victim to the narcissist charms and is now trapped in their web of illusions?

You’re not alone! To love a narcissist is to be stuck in a matrix of confusion. Below are five signs you’re a caught in a narcissists trap.

1. You’re confused. The narcissist says one thing then does the total opposite. Then when you confront them they gaslight you into believing they never said it or that you took it the wrong way.

2. You feel deeply misunderstood. The narcissist purposely pretends to deny they understand you. They often say you are irrational or even crazy anytime you try to have a heart to heart talk with them.

3. They came on too strong in the beginning. Romeo swooped in and told you everything you wanted to hear to get what he wanted. You took the bait! Jokes on you now that you see his true colors emerging. Don’t fret! This is a learning experience and happens to the best of us. To get out of the narcissist trap, focus on how the narcissist is treating you in the present moment instead of focusing on how he treated you in the past while love bombing you. If he is treating you badly today, accept it and discard the narcissist. Trust me, it only gets worse if you stick around hoping he’ll change.

4. You’re self-esteem is non-existent. If you finding yourself allowing the narcissist to treat you worse daily and you feel like you love them too much to leave or you make excuses for their behavior, your self-esteem has plummeted. Self-esteem is defined by how you allow people to treat you.

5. You stopped caring about yourself. Suddenly, all you can think about is the narcissist. They have consumed your heart and mind. Your drained, exhausted and depleted of life’s source energy. You shower less, you wear sweats and leggings everyday and you only wear make up or do your hair if he treats you well. You forgot about your friends, stopped going to the gym and completely neglected your Paleo diet. All you care about is the narcissist and how they treat you. You’re obsessed. Everyone see’s it but you.

6. Increased Anxiety. Constant worry and being on edge is the main symptom of narcissistic abuse. Sleepless nights, tossing and turning trying to think your way out of the narcissist trap. Bags under your eyes and your best friend said you look and act like a paranoid crackhead.

7. Depression & Isolation. You went from extrovert to an introverted hermit. Your friends and family never hear from you unless you want to VENT about the narcissist. All you care about is the narcissist and he has you exactly where he wants you to be, focused on him and him alone! The lack of social interaction outside your relationship is causing sadness, loneliness and depression. Reach out and connect with someone besides the narcissist to escape this trap.

Do you need help escaping? Contact me for a consultation.

By J. Hihi @Copyright2020

How to Spot a Narcissist by Physical Appearance


Malignant narcissist are fixated on their appearance. A mentally healthy individual cares about their health and appearance. However, a narcissist is overly invested in their physical appearance which reveals their alarming level of insecurities.

Often times, when we encounter people overly identified with material and physical aspects of themselves we have pity for them. Unfortunately, that pity comes with a price. Feeling sorry for people with low self-esteem is dangerous especially when we allow them into our lives. Their insecurities will be the source of their inevitable betrayal of our trust if we dismiss their fixation on looks as low self-esteem.

We fail to realize, people with low self-esteem are a danger to themselves and others.

Below is a list of signs an individual may be a narcissist based on their physical appearance:

1.) They always arrive to family or outdoor events dressed inappropriately 

An example is a narcissistic women invited to a hiking event who wears extremely tight booty shorts with half her buttocks hanging out and a very low cut tank top to expose her cleavage. This is an attempt to divert attention to her body rather than allowing hikers in the group to enjoy the experience/activity. Narcissist may also go to family events wearing very revealing attire or they may spend an unjustifiable amount of time getting ready just for a trip to the local grocery store.

2.) Unnecessary Plastic Surgery

If an individual has undergone more than 1 plastic surgery procedure to “improve” their looks when they didn’t need to.

The appearance of a narcissist reflects the inner appearance of their soul; artificial, unoriginal and fake. The narcissist could be an 8 on a scale of 1-10 but will still manage to find things wrong with themselves and will invest thousands to change it. Breast implants and buttock implants are glaring red flags you’re dealing with a female narcissist. She will never feel like her physical appearance is good enough and will become addicted to plastic surgery if she can afford it. If she can’t afford it, she’ll find a sugar daddy to fund her or buy undergarments that make her buttocks and breast appear bigger. Of course this does not apply to people born with deformities.

3.) They are overly critical of the physical appearance of others.

People who over-value physical appearance show it in their fixation with other peoples looks and sense of style. They are often very critical of how others body’s are shaped, how they apply their make-up, how they dress and their facial bone-structure.

4.) They praise others based on physical beauty and style rather than personality and character.

Narcissist need to praise and be around people who are very physically attractive to prove that if they can associate with such beauty that relatively they are also highly attractive. Narcissist will strategically become friends with people based solely on how they look just to enhance how they look. Narcissist will praise supermodels and despise those less physically desirable. Narcissist choose their partners based on looks, height and facial features alone and wonder why they can’t find a partner who respects them and treats them right…

5.) Everything they wear has huge logo branding

Narcissist want others to know they only wear the best designer brands to prove their worth. They like logo branded shirts that clearly display brands to validate their sense of importance.

6.) They always seek validation from others by asking insecure questions such as “How do I look?”or “Do you like my new shoes?”

Hanging out with narcissist is exhausting. Immediately upon meeting them they have a strong desire to show off and draw attention to their physical appearance by asking what may seem like innocent questions… in reality they are constantly seeking validation of their worth, their looks and clothing.

7.) They appear sad, angry or depressed when they are not dressed to the nine’s or if they’re having a bad hair day.

Whenever an individual feels terrible because they couldn’t find their favorite shirt or they are out of their favorite mascara and concealer and that appears to ruin their day, run! A few minutes of feeling down and 5 minutes of venting is fine, but if it prevents them from going to work, attending an event or hanging out, they are indeed a narcissist. Never confuse

8.) They appear uneasy and anxious around other attractive people of the same gender.

If a narcissist is competing for the attention of the opposite sex and they are surrounded by very attractive competition, the narcissist may begin to sweat, speak nervously or become to extroverted or introverted. They feel “threatened” by attractive people of the same gender. Internally, the narcissist constantly compares themselves to others and if others appear to be receiving more attention the narcissist may leave the event or retreat to sarcasm or outright insults directed towards the individual(s) igniting their insecurity.

9.) They choose partners based only on physical features.

I recently spoke to an old acquaintance who is single and often complains that she can’t find a good man. I asked her what she’s looking for in a mate so I could possibly hook her up with a friend. She immediately reverted to physical features ONLY. She said he has to be 6 foot 3, light skin or caramel complexion (no dark skin) and a nice face! This women is over 40 years old! A clear indication she was a complete narcissist, I slowly distanced myself from her… I refuse to be in association with such infantile thinking from a mid-aged woman. Narcissistic men also only choose women who are highly attractive then wonder why the relationship feels empty and void of a deeper connection. This is because the people we choose to be with is a reflection of our values.

By J. HIhi @Copyright2020


Beware of Overly Nice & Overly Complimentary People.


We all know that cheesy guy who, whenever we try to have a “normal” conversation with him he injects compliments into the conversation every opportunity he gets!

At first it’s sweet. However, it quickly becomes annoying after the 3rd consecutive compliment within a 60 second time frame.

After the initial feeling of euphoria and the rush of dopamine wears off, the compliments loses their power.

If over the top flattery doesn’t automatically put you on guard, you might be craving external validation.

Unfortunately, if an individual is starving for affection they will eat up flattery like Thanksgiving Dinner. Only to discover later that they were bamboozled and love bombed by a manipulator. The first thing a victim of love bombing questions when they learn the truth is “Did he lie about everything he said to me?” Short answer: Yes!

By all means, a genuine compliment should be accepted and appreciated. The key is discerning what’s over the top and what’s real. Typically over the top flattery will seem superficial.

If every-time you try to ask your super charming date a question of real substance and instead of giving you a response that would allow you to get to know them they dodge the question and compliment your beautiful eyes… its obvious they just want to make you “feel good” without making themselves vulnerable.


In contrast, an overly critical partner is just as toxic as an over the top love bomber. Realness can be found within balance. A genuine partner will not like everything about you. They will have some criticisms. It’s natural and it’s real.

Love happens when we accept the good and the bad. In fact, there is nothing more deeply fulfilling than a partner who see’s the worst in you but loves you despite your flaws! That, my friends is far more powerful then being bombarded with shallow compliments.

Can he love you through your emotional storms, angry outburst and your bad habits? Can he love you through health crisis, depression, layoff’s, terminations and family drama?

That kind of love is best compliment a woman could EVER receive.

By J. Hihi @copyright2019





How to Hurt A Narcissist


Many victims of narcissistic abuse often wonder how to hurt a narcissist…

The narcissist needs you more than you need them. They live off of your emotional energy and your ability to authentically love. Your love is their narcissistic supply. Now is the time to cut them off.

Abandon the narcissist. It’s their greatest fear!

In one word, I have the answer.


Withhold your attention.

Withhold your praise.

Withhold your time.

Withhold your sympathy.

Withhold your affection.

Withhold your anger.

Withhold your feelings.

Starve the narcissist by giving them nothing except the memory of you.

To hurt a narcissist is simple. Withhold!

Withhold EVERYTHING by becoming a pentacle of indifference.

Regardless of how much they try to act like they don’t care that you don’t care anymore… don’t give in. The narcissist will beg, use trianglization, hoovering and stalking. Don’t give in, withhold! And watch the narcissist wither like a moth to a flame when he loses you!

By J. Hihi @Copyright2019


Introducing our New Private Support Group for Survivors of Narcissistic Abuse

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Do you need a private and safe place to vent, get advice, share stories and connect with other survivors of narcissistic abuse that is not open to the general public?

I have created a safe and private facebook support group. Please request to be added to the group today to be a part of a supportive and uplifting community to assist you on your journey of healing.

Click the link below to request to join: My Blog subscribers get Top Priority!

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Gaslighting: The Meaning & the Creation Behind the Term

According to Wikipedia, “The term originates in the systematic psychological manipulation of a victim by her husband in the 1938 stage play Gaslight, known as Angel Street in the United States, and the film adaptations released in 1940 and 1944.[7] In the story, a husband attempts to convince his wife and others that she is insane by manipulating small elements of their environment and insisting that she is mistaken, remembering things incorrectly, or delusional when she points out these changes. The play’s title alludes to the dimming of the gas lights in the house while the husband was using the gas lights in the sealed-off attic to search for jewels belonging to a woman whom he had murdered. The wife complains about the dimming lights to her husband, but he insists that she merely imagined it”

Below is the actual full Film Gaslight released in 1944. Enjoy!

Group Gaslighting: The Dangers of Societal Gaslighting in the Age of the Internet

Netflix recently released Ava Duvernay’s new Series, How They See Us, the story about the young woman raped in Central Park and the five African-American adolescent boys falsely convicted of the crime.

Gaslighting is not isolated to intimate relationships. In fact, some of the most damaging acts of gaslighting come from those in positions of power over vulnerable people.

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation that seeks to sow seeds of doubt in a targeted individual or in members of a targeted group, making them question their own memory, perception, and sanity.


In the Central Park 5 Case, illegal forms of interrogation forced 5 young men all under the age 18 to confess and snitch on each other for crimes they did not commit with the promise that if they confessed that they witnessed one boy from the group commit the brutal raping of the victim that they would be exonerated and free to go home.

This was a lie. In the end, they were all convicted. They were interrogated without the option of having their legal guardian present or an attorney. The 911 terrorist were given more rights than these five African American citizens.

Narcissist and the systems they create within government and law enforcement give them the authority to use manipulative measures to persuade those alleged to be guilty of a crime confess to it.

Society further enables narcissist within law enforcement and the judicial system abuse vulnerable, low-income citizens by supporting law enforcement and the judicial system 100% despite any evidence presented to the public that foul play was involved.

A public who deliberately ignores the details of the case and disregards the shred of selective empathy they may still have within their soul-less bodies…This is a prime example of societal gaslighting.

What’s most disturbing about narcissistic people with legal power is that when their proven wrong, they still feel no remorse for falsely convicting children of a heinous crime, and like a true narcissist, they absolutely refuse to apologize!

Despite the fact that DNA from semen collected during the Central Park 5 investigation never connected any of the teens to the brutal 1989 rape of a white female jogger—and was ultimately matched to a convicted serial rapist and murderer who confessed to the attack in 2002—Fairstein has continued to defend the prosecution’s judgment that the black teens were guilty.

To no one’s surprise who ever read an American history book, several Americans still support Fairstein in her decision and also believe despite being exonerated these five young men are still guilty. The comments I’ve read online are from other narcissistic gaslighters saying such things like:

“Those boys shouldn’t have been out that late, where were their parents? They were out harassing and robbing people anyways and deserved what they got”

“The guy who confessed is lying, those 5 boys did it!”

“It was a fake confession from Reyes”


Linda Fairstein still believes the 5 men are guilty even after they were rightfully exonerated. That my friend’s is the epitome of gaslighting from the most maleficent grade of narcissist lurking in positions of power.

Even the victim, who suffered brain injuries who confessed she doesn’t remember any detail of the attack believes that the city should not have settled the case and she now believes that more than one person was involved in her rape… which contradicts her original statement that she has no recollection of the event – even the victim wants the five innocent boys to be the rapist with little or no concern for the real rapist. It’s absolutely unreal!


“Trisha Meili published a memoir in 2003, I Am the Central Park Jogger: A Story of Hope and Possibility. Currently, the now 58-year-old works with survivors of sexual assault at Mount Sinai Hospital and Gaylord Hospital, according to a Refinery 29 report.

“I do wish the case hadn’t been settled,” Meili told ABC News‘ 20/20 in January. “I wish that it had gone to court because there’s a lot of information that’s now being released that I’m seeing for the first time. I support the work of law enforcement and prosecutors…. They treated me with such dignity and respect.”

Meili has not regained her memory of the brutal attack but has remained skeptical of Reyes’ claim that he acted alone.”

So, someone who is a convicted rapist and murderer confesses he raped and almost killed Meili with a solid DNA match is not enough for her to accept?… him acting alone or not is a theory and she’s focused more on a theory than she is finally getting justice for the heinous crimes committed against her.

The victim wants to know who the unknown DNA belongs to – when it’s already proven the unknown DNA doesn’t match any of the five boys falsely convicted. Hell, I wouldn’t be surprised if this mysterious second strand of DNA even exist… maybe it does in the creative mind of former prosecutor and fiction crime novel writer Linda Fairstein.

The hardest part of the victims interview was hearing her say, She doesn’t think the city should of settled with those wrongly convicted. Who is she to say that when they had nothing to do with her rape???


It’s hard for her to accept she wasn’t the only victim. The five boys falsely accused faced brutality year after year in adult prisons on a scale that she could never imagine!

Source from https://www.thedailybeast.com/when-they-see-us-central-park-five-prosecutor-takes-fire-over-ava-duvernay-netflix-series

The president is also taking part in collective, group gaslighting confessing that he still believes despite DNA evidence exonerating these young men, they are still guilty! Watch the video below –


The left democratic party is also not exempt from gaslighting these young men. Fairstein donated and supported Hillary’s presidential campaign and Barack Obama’s. Clearly democratic legislation especially those enforced by Bill Clinton and Joe Biden increased mass incarceration tenfold. Only God knows how many innocent people are imprisoned right now who are falsely convicted of crimes.

By J.Hihi Copyright@2019

There is No Such Thing as Fear – There is Only the Known and Unknown

Fear is a fragment of the imagination. It’s fictitious and resides in the imaginary binary synapses of the creative, right side of the brain.

Fear doesn’t exist, there is only the known and the unknown. The unknown is frightening because we label it as such – how we label a perceived experience is how we will experience it.

We are our own worst enemies based on how we perceive the unknown. It can either limit us or propel us to be limitless. Ultimately you decide!

Of course, there are societal programmed fears we must part with to evolve. The first step is to sort through which fears are manufactured within from the media, history and it lies, culture, religion and society versus the fears you create out of laziness to prevent yourself from growing…

Make a list of your fears with two columns. 

First column should be labeled “Societal Programmed Fears” list all cultural, religious and media based fears you harbor. The second column should be labeled “Fears I’ve Created” List all the fears you created out of your imagination that you use as excuses not to evolve.

Underneath both columns… leave some space to address how you choose to overcome those fears by re-labeling them (transcending them) into opportunities to grow.

Remember, fear comes from the same part of the brain that humans create and tell themselves lies! It’s a cop-out to prevent the mind from expanding. Fear is a timid child afraid to venture out into the unknown because what’s familiar is safe and comforting.

Why are people so afraid of being uncomfortable? Why is it prevented at all cost? Our we afraid of mental expansion.

David Goggins spent his life challenging himself to live outside his comfort zone every moment of everyday.

His best selling book, “Can’t Hurt Me” is the epitome of the point I am trying to drive home in this article – don’t be afraid to suffer, don’t be afraid to go outside your comfort zone and most importantly, stop labeling the unknown as scary.

“It’s so easy to be great nowadays, because everyone else is weak. If you have ANY mental toughness, if you have any fraction of self-discipline; The ability to not want to do it, but still do it; If you can get through to doing things that you hate to do: on the other side is GREATNESS ” – David Goggins Quotes

Unfortunately, the fear of evolving is real!

Whether you’re trying to expand your career, start a new business, end addiction, lose weight or leave a toxic relationship… being honest with yourself about the situation and your own false perceptions that are keeping you stuck is the first step to freedom…

Lying to yourself about your negative labeling and thought processes as well as seeing people and situations as they are is the bolt on the lock that keeps you locked in a mental prison.


“Denial is the ultimate comfort zone.” 
― David Goggins, Can’t Hurt Me: Master Your Mind and Defy the Odds

Okay, last David Goggins quote to conclude this blog!

“You are giving up instead of getting hard! Tell the truth about the real reasons for your limitations and you will turn that negativity, which is real, into jet fuel. Those odds stacked against you will become a damn runway!”
― David Goggins

By J. Hihi @Copyright2019