Healing from Narcissistic Abuse: Closure is a scam

Closure is accepting it’s over and understanding the reasons why don’t matter! Only “Your” reason why matters. Focus on the reasons you decided to leave.

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How to Hurt A Narcissist

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Many victims of narcissistic abuse often wonder how to hurt a narcissist…

The narcissist needs you more than you need them. They live off of your emotional energy and your ability to authentically love. Your love is their narcissistic supply. Now is the time to cut them off.

Abandon the narcissist. It’s their greatest fear!

In one word, I have the answer.

Withhold.

Withhold your attention.

Withhold your praise.

Withhold your time.

Withhold your sympathy.

Withhold your affection.

Withhold your anger.

Withhold your feelings.

Starve the narcissist by giving them nothing except the memory of you.

To hurt a narcissist is simple. Withhold!

Withhold EVERYTHING by becoming a pentacle of indifference.

Regardless of how much they try to act like they don’t care that you don’t care anymore… don’t give in. The narcissist will beg, use trianglization, hoovering and stalking. Don’t give in, withhold! And watch the narcissist wither like a moth to a flame when he loses you!

By J. Hihi @Copyright2019

 

Introducing our New Private Support Group for Survivors of Narcissistic Abuse

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Do you need a private and safe place to vent, get advice, share stories and connect with other survivors of narcissistic abuse that is not open to the general public?

I have created a safe and private facebook support group. Please request to be added to the group today to be a part of a supportive and uplifting community to assist you on your journey of healing.

Click the link below to request to join: My Blog subscribers get Top Priority!

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Gaslighting: The Meaning & the Creation Behind the Term

According to Wikipedia, “The term originates in the systematic psychological manipulation of a victim by her husband in the 1938 stage play Gaslight, known as Angel Street in the United States, and the film adaptations released in 1940 and 1944.[7] In the story, a husband attempts to convince his wife and others that she is insane by manipulating small elements of their environment and insisting that she is mistaken, remembering things incorrectly, or delusional when she points out these changes. The play’s title alludes to the dimming of the gas lights in the house while the husband was using the gas lights in the sealed-off attic to search for jewels belonging to a woman whom he had murdered. The wife complains about the dimming lights to her husband, but he insists that she merely imagined it”

Below is the actual full Film Gaslight released in 1944. Enjoy!

Group Gaslighting: The Dangers of Societal Gaslighting in the Age of the Internet

Netflix recently released Ava Duvernay’s new Series, How They See Us, the story about the young woman raped in Central Park and the five African-American adolescent boys falsely convicted of the crime.

Gaslighting is not isolated to intimate relationships. In fact, some of the most damaging acts of gaslighting come from those in positions of power over vulnerable people.

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation that seeks to sow seeds of doubt in a targeted individual or in members of a targeted group, making them question their own memory, perception, and sanity.

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In the Central Park 5 Case, illegal forms of interrogation forced 5 young men all under the age 18 to confess and snitch on each other for crimes they did not commit with the promise that if they confessed that they witnessed one boy from the group commit the brutal raping of the victim that they would be exonerated and free to go home.

This was a lie. In the end, they were all convicted. They were interrogated without the option of having their legal guardian present or an attorney. The 911 terrorist were given more rights than these five African American citizens.

Narcissist and the systems they create within government and law enforcement give them the authority to use manipulative measures to persuade those alleged to be guilty of a crime confess to it.

Society further enables narcissist within law enforcement and the judicial system abuse vulnerable, low-income citizens by supporting law enforcement and the judicial system 100% despite any evidence presented to the public that foul play was involved.

A public who deliberately ignores the details of the case and disregards the shred of selective empathy they may still have within their soul-less bodies…This is a prime example of societal gaslighting.

What’s most disturbing about narcissistic people with legal power is that when their proven wrong, they still feel no remorse for falsely convicting children of a heinous crime, and like a true narcissist, they absolutely refuse to apologize!

Despite the fact that DNA from semen collected during the Central Park 5 investigation never connected any of the teens to the brutal 1989 rape of a white female jogger—and was ultimately matched to a convicted serial rapist and murderer who confessed to the attack in 2002—Fairstein has continued to defend the prosecution’s judgment that the black teens were guilty.

To no one’s surprise who ever read an American history book, several Americans still support Fairstein in her decision and also believe despite being exonerated these five young men are still guilty. The comments I’ve read online are from other narcissistic gaslighters saying such things like:

“Those boys shouldn’t have been out that late, where were their parents? They were out harassing and robbing people anyways and deserved what they got”

“The guy who confessed is lying, those 5 boys did it!”

“It was a fake confession from Reyes”

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Linda Fairstein still believes the 5 men are guilty even after they were rightfully exonerated. That my friend’s is the epitome of gaslighting from the most maleficent grade of narcissist lurking in positions of power.

Even the victim, who suffered brain injuries who confessed she doesn’t remember any detail of the attack believes that the city should not have settled the case and she now believes that more than one person was involved in her rape… which contradicts her original statement that she has no recollection of the event – even the victim wants the five innocent boys to be the rapist with little or no concern for the real rapist. It’s absolutely unreal!

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“Trisha Meili published a memoir in 2003, I Am the Central Park Jogger: A Story of Hope and Possibility. Currently, the now 58-year-old works with survivors of sexual assault at Mount Sinai Hospital and Gaylord Hospital, according to a Refinery 29 report.

“I do wish the case hadn’t been settled,” Meili told ABC News‘ 20/20 in January. “I wish that it had gone to court because there’s a lot of information that’s now being released that I’m seeing for the first time. I support the work of law enforcement and prosecutors…. They treated me with such dignity and respect.”

Meili has not regained her memory of the brutal attack but has remained skeptical of Reyes’ claim that he acted alone.”

So, someone who is a convicted rapist and murderer confesses he raped and almost killed Meili with a solid DNA match is not enough for her to accept?… him acting alone or not is a theory and she’s focused more on a theory than she is finally getting justice for the heinous crimes committed against her.

The victim wants to know who the unknown DNA belongs to – when it’s already proven the unknown DNA doesn’t match any of the five boys falsely convicted. Hell, I wouldn’t be surprised if this mysterious second strand of DNA even exist… maybe it does in the creative mind of former prosecutor and fiction crime novel writer Linda Fairstein.

The hardest part of the victims interview was hearing her say, She doesn’t think the city should of settled with those wrongly convicted. Who is she to say that when they had nothing to do with her rape???

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It’s hard for her to accept she wasn’t the only victim. The five boys falsely accused faced brutality year after year in adult prisons on a scale that she could never imagine!

Source from https://www.thedailybeast.com/when-they-see-us-central-park-five-prosecutor-takes-fire-over-ava-duvernay-netflix-series

The president is also taking part in collective, group gaslighting confessing that he still believes despite DNA evidence exonerating these young men, they are still guilty! Watch the video below –

 

The left democratic party is also not exempt from gaslighting these young men. Fairstein donated and supported Hillary’s presidential campaign and Barack Obama’s. Clearly democratic legislation especially those enforced by Bill Clinton and Joe Biden increased mass incarceration tenfold. Only God knows how many innocent people are imprisoned right now who are falsely convicted of crimes.

By J.Hihi Copyright@2019

There is No Such Thing as Fear – There is Only the Known and Unknown

Fear is a fragment of the imagination. It’s fictitious and resides in the imaginary binary synapses of the creative, right side of the brain.

Fear doesn’t exist, there is only the known and the unknown. The unknown is frightening because we label it as such – how we label a perceived experience is how we will experience it.

We are our own worst enemies based on how we perceive the unknown. It can either limit us or propel us to be limitless. Ultimately you decide!

Of course, there are societal programmed fears we must part with to evolve. The first step is to sort through which fears are manufactured within from the media, history and it lies, culture, religion and society versus the fears you create out of laziness to prevent yourself from growing…

Make a list of your fears with two columns. 

First column should be labeled “Societal Programmed Fears” list all cultural, religious and media based fears you harbor. The second column should be labeled “Fears I’ve Created” List all the fears you created out of your imagination that you use as excuses not to evolve.

Underneath both columns… leave some space to address how you choose to overcome those fears by re-labeling them (transcending them) into opportunities to grow.

Remember, fear comes from the same part of the brain that humans create and tell themselves lies! It’s a cop-out to prevent the mind from expanding. Fear is a timid child afraid to venture out into the unknown because what’s familiar is safe and comforting.

Why are people so afraid of being uncomfortable? Why is it prevented at all cost? Our we afraid of mental expansion.

David Goggins spent his life challenging himself to live outside his comfort zone every moment of everyday.

His best selling book, “Can’t Hurt Me” is the epitome of the point I am trying to drive home in this article – don’t be afraid to suffer, don’t be afraid to go outside your comfort zone and most importantly, stop labeling the unknown as scary.

“It’s so easy to be great nowadays, because everyone else is weak. If you have ANY mental toughness, if you have any fraction of self-discipline; The ability to not want to do it, but still do it; If you can get through to doing things that you hate to do: on the other side is GREATNESS ” – David Goggins Quotes

Unfortunately, the fear of evolving is real!

Whether you’re trying to expand your career, start a new business, end addiction, lose weight or leave a toxic relationship… being honest with yourself about the situation and your own false perceptions that are keeping you stuck is the first step to freedom…

Lying to yourself about your negative labeling and thought processes as well as seeing people and situations as they are is the bolt on the lock that keeps you locked in a mental prison.

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“Denial is the ultimate comfort zone.” 
― David Goggins, Can’t Hurt Me: Master Your Mind and Defy the Odds

Okay, last David Goggins quote to conclude this blog!


“You are giving up instead of getting hard! Tell the truth about the real reasons for your limitations and you will turn that negativity, which is real, into jet fuel. Those odds stacked against you will become a damn runway!”
― David Goggins

By J. Hihi @Copyright2019

The Curse of The Air Signs Libra, Gemini Aquarius: Emotionally Resistant

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Aquarius, Libra and Gemini will drive themselves insane trying to figure out why something doesn’t make sense. 

This can lead to anxiety, compulsive thinking, obsessing and over analyzing everything!

 

Logic rules air signs like emotions rule water signs (Pisces, Cancer, Scorpio).

The issue is logic is only one side of the spectrum regarding overall balanced thinking. Emotion, empathy, sympathy and the ability to feel a situation out is often a challenge for most air signs depending on their overall elements in their birth chart.

The root cause of air signs allergy to emotions is once they emerge within a Libra, Gemini or Aquarius the emotions are so intense the air signs are not sure how to deal with them.

Instead of feeling out those emotions, air signs try to resist them altogether by justifying them with logic. And as the saying goes, what we resist will persist.

What we resist eventually controls us because resistance is such a toxic reaction that it provokes people to go to extremes to prevent the inevitable.

It’s not that air signs can’t feel emotion, their biggest challenge is how to properly channel them.

Water signs know how to use emotion as a tool and air signs should definitely take notes!

Most air signs feel a powerful emotion and tell themselves they don’t want to feel it. It doesn’t make sense to feel it. The feeling is not locked into a definition, it’s just there to be felt, not explained. Air signs simply can’t comprehend that concept!

Each air sign reacts somewhat differently to powerful emotions such as love, jealousy, fear, shame and betrayal…

Gemini avoids feeling strong emotions by trying to communicate why the emotion is… maybe it stems from childhood, a psychological condition, societal programming…

If the Gemini is not able to explain away their feelings or the feelings of others they escape. Gemini is the child of the zodiac and when pressure hits home, Gemini would rather go out and play. They may become inconsistent, disappear for days, give the person provoking their uncomfortable emotions within them the silent treatment. Or worse, they may cheat.

If the Gemini finds out that their partners emotions were insincere, unlike the Aquarius the Gemini may choose to say silent to see how far their partner is willing to go to try to deceive them… and in the meantime, the Gemini is already entertaining other prospects. They emotionally detached from the relationship.

Gemini’s may come off as innocent, naive or immature but they know what’s really going on – sometimes they will communicate with their actions how they really feel about you by totally ghosting you and not having a qualm about it, whatsoever.

Hell, they may be engaged within a month of the break up to a new person. What’s the point of being sad? Gemini’s will get over you and move on fast! It’s not that they never loved you, it’s just that they have the gift of goodbye and remain open to other options. Some think that’s being deceptive, I think it’s incredibly smart! It’s hard to play a Gemini. In the end, you’ll surely realize you were actually the one getting played!

Libra avoids feeling strong emotions by becoming possessive and blaming their partner for imaginary infractions. Libra, one of the most jealous signs of the zodiac has a strong internal need to balance everything out.

Libra’s will mirror their partners to a T. Libra will only give what their partner is willing to give and nothing beyond or extra because everything must be fair and equal. Libra does this with charm and pazzaz and it’s so subtle no one could ever detect it.

I had a Libra friend once say to me, “Don’t get mad, just do exactly what he does to you!”

Libra’s obsession with justice makes them more revengeful than Scorpios believe it or not! Libra’s carry out their revenge with a finesse that only a skilled narcissist could pull off. Try deceiving a Libra… I dare you! They will never forget what you did and make sure you pay for it forever! Similar to America’s justice system.

If you commit a crime it goes on your record and everyone can see it! It’s like a tattoo and everytime you apply for a job or a rental, a crime you committed 10 years ago may be used against you after you paid fines, spent years in jail and paid your dues. The same is true with Libra. They hold on to emotions which allows them to hold grudges like no other! When you cross a Libra, you pay forever.

I know it may not seem that way because of their charm, dashing smiles, fake forgiveness and unmatched beauty – but it’s the harsh truth.

Libra’s replay how others hurt them repeatedly in their heads holding their own selves hostage to pain. Libra’s biggest challenge is to really learn how to forgive to free themselves of toxic emotions.

If it was up to me the Libra would be holding two whips in their hand instead of the scales of justice and lady liberty would be replaced by a prison warden.

If they feel too strongly that their partner is making them jealous or possibly doing them wrong, the Libra will employ every mind game possible to even out the score while using their charm to cover up their vindictive behavior. Libra’s can use the silent treatment or explosive fights in attempt to deal with their feelings… but like every air sign, they must learn how to surrender to their emotions instead.

Aquarius responds to overwhelming emotions using a mixture of both Gemini and Libra tactics but mostly by jumping to conclusions. These conclusions could be a future prophesy of what is about to come. This intuitive flash of the future comes across as irrational to both the Aquarius and their partner.

Of course, Aquarius have deep insight and psychic ability these characteristics directly conflict with their logic, strong intellect and the strong desire to have evidence! To just know something without rhyme or reason drives the Aquarius insane but it’s often the case. Aquarius is a sign that dwells in the future. We represent what is yet to come not what already is. We constantly think about how the behavior and characters of others will affect our future.

Aquarius must spend more time in the present moment!

The Aquarius biggest challenge is to accept their psychic flashes revealing others intentions and motives without going into full investigative mode. However, few Aquarius learn this and most find out in the end that their gut feeling was right.

Aquarius may react as possessive, demanding, manipulative and revenge seeking but the worse reaction is total emotional detachment!

Aquarius would rather not deal with tedious emotions that can’t be explained or justified and would rather compartmentalize them and act as if those emotions don’t exist – or they are insignificant. The Aquarius then becomes cold!

Aquarius would rather end a relationship then be plagued with jealousy, untrustworthiness and bullshit. This may come off as impulsive to others. Too bad the Aquarius doesn’t care how they come off to others. True rebels! Unapologetic.

If you’re dealing with an air sign and you did or said something to trigger their emotions or insecurities be prepared for an ordeal.

The air sign wants to dispose of those emotions immediately – to an air sign holding on to those emotions is intolerable so the air sign will come at the perpetrator from every angle. Most signs say it feels like an attack!

It may come off as if air signs don’t know how to control their emotions. And it’s true they don’t! However, that alone doesn’t make them inefficient, or less than… rather it makes them demand explanations that catches other zodiac signs off guard.

Are you in love with an air sign?

I suggest you be prepared to deal with confrontation. And never under any circumstances try to lie, cover up or later change your story. We remember EVERYTHING and we already did the research – we got the answer… we just want to hear it from you.

To air signs, if it doesn’t make logical sense, it doesn’t matter. Approach us with logic not sappy emotions – especially if we caught you slipping… and if we didn’t already, we will! After all, we gather knowledge, store knowledge and use it to bust through bullshit!

By J.Hihi @Copyright2019

 

How Narcissism is Expressed in Each Zodiac Sign: Aries

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Every sign of the zodiac is capable of being a narcissist! Narcissism can be expressed overtly or covertly and each sign has a unique way of expressing narcissistic characteristics.

The most perplexing dynamic of narcissistic abuse is its amorphous and chameleon characteristics. Narcissistic abuse is not one-note, it’s a unique expression of self-hate, anger, unresolved childhood issues, astrological make up and biological genetic indicators.

It’s important to be able to recognize and overcome the narcissist hiding inside of you and others. For example, a Leo narcissist expresses his narcissistic characteristics very differently than a Pisces Narcissist.

It’s also important to consider the victims zodiac sign to determine how narcissistic abuse will be received and dealt with. Some zodiacs signs are more prone to accept narcissistic abuse while others won’t tolerate a mere second of it! Which one are you?

This article will briefly explain narcissistic expression in each Zodiac sign… in July 2019 you’ll be able to purchase the book that will go into a deep analysis of narcissistic expression in each sign and how to combat it!

Let’s start with the first sign of the zodiac…

Aries

The first sign of the zodiac. The natural born leader who is fire by element and cardinal by nature. Aries is a trailblazer, never a follower. Aries is bold and assertive in their approach. Energized by their no nonsense, get the job done planet Mars… there’s no wonder why Aries are bursting with boldness, creativity, intelligence and ENERGY!

Aries is the astrological infant. Aries is about self but blooms from the love, validation and affection of others. Their internal need to be loved at all times is what makes them seek validation from others and if uncontrolled that attention they crave from others could turn into their need to receive narcissistic supply. Aries need people, but they don’t need people. Their complex nature is unsettling at times.

Aries have an infant like attraction that makes people gravitate to them with awe and wonder. They smile often, laugh hard, work hard and play hard. They can debate any air sign on any topic, show as much passion and emotion as a water sign yet still be as grounded and logical as an earth signs. I’m an Aquarius and it’s pretty hard to impress me but Aries seems to do it all the time. It’s always some craft, sport or study that they are phenomenally good at. I’m a captivated student gushing at their level of expertise.

However, I’m not a fan of the Aries anger. Again, Aries symbolizes the astrological infant. Infants cry, some have tantrums and despite any attempts to console them they may continue to scream and cry at the top of their lungs. Don’t piss off an Aries. Please!

It’s unfortunate that about 60% of the mass shooters in America were born under the sun sign Aries. Read my article. Their anger is dangerous and can be the downfall of their life. It could land them in prison or the grave. And all those gifts they are born with can go to waste with one angry outburst. Aries can get so angry they have a tendency to black out and forget the crazy behavior they exhibit while they were in a rage!

Childhood Narcissist: Aries are often bully’s as Children

My neighbor growing up was a grade A, Textbook bully born at the end of March. She would often bully my happy go lucky Sagittarius older sister. She tried me once and I put her in her place swiftly (Aquarius and Aries typically don’t get along) Aquarius hate controlling and arrogant people and institutions. Aquarians are rebellious by nature and if a Mars ruled Aries approaches us trying to get us to submit to an unreasonable law, concept or demand we will not conform. The result could be brutal, even deadly. Most world changing activist were born in January and February. A fixed sign and a Cardinal sign will always bump heads.

The child Aries will walk around with their head in the sky, bold and eager to challenge anyone to anything. They find entertainment in scaring people to death and they can smell fear like a lion sniffs out prey. The Aries bully is capable of inflicting abuse on other children for years on in as long as they can get away with it. Their bullying is both mental and physical, covert and overt. They develop a sick sense of humor and their demonic jokes can break the happiest child’s spirit.

Parents of Aries children must keep them in line and put them in sports or creative activities to help harness the influx of energy they receive from their aggressive planet Mars. Aries must create and expend energy, if it’s left pent up they have a tendency to become full fledged narcissist. Aries children not involved in sports or creative outlets often get diagnosed with ADHD.

Aries expresses narcissism with passive aggressive behavior.

Aries is unpredictable but a controlled Aries won’t lash out immediately upon threats of ego injury. They may wait and lash out later when it’s a little more appropriate and there’s no witnesses. Other less controlled Aries may resort to physical violence immediately. They may push, yell and get in others faces violating personal physical boundaries.

Aries the Covert Narcissistic is a Ticking Time Bomb!

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Aries has a tendency to let aggression build up and then explode. Their narcissism is mostly expressed covertly until they are pushed to the point of overt abuse.

In regards to narcissistic expression they may come off as codependent by allowing bad behavior from others to slide for a long period of time. Finally, when they’ve had enough they’ll explode on the victim with a vicious verbal assault and erratic behavior if not physical violence.

An Aries will punch you in the face! Be warned! Imagine a new born baby crying and throwing out their hands clutching, scratching and pinching anything they can grasp.

If the Aries is evolved and no longer resorts to physical violence he may abruptly and unexpecting DISCARD his partner out of the blue for things their partner did or did not do. It’s just that the Aries perceived them to have done certain things and feels like a victim and as a cardinal sign they feel they are entitled to abruptly ghost people and doesn’t owe ANYONE an explanation whatsoever.

Aries employs a cold and heartless Discard without Closure

Aries Men express narcissism different from women obviously. The Aries man will observe behavior of others with an Eagles eye similar to Scorpio and then make a decision without feeling the need to consult his partner that the relationship is now OVER.

The partner of the narcissistic Aries is often left shocked and confused by the sudden break up. The Aries man will not provide closure or an explanation. He’s gone. Maybe he’ll come back, maybe he won’t… he’s a cardinal sign. He does what he wants without shame.

Aries Narcissist Respond Negatively to Confrontation 

If you come for an Aries, you better come correct. It’s very similar to approaching a Scorpio. Make sure you rehearse before you dish out your criticism to them. Mars is the ruler of war and if you approach them even with the slightest gesture of aggression, you better be prepared to battle.

Communicating with an Aries born narcissist is like walking on eggshells. Speak softly and use language that is feminine and non-intimidating in nature.

Example, “Hi honey, I love you so much, do you have time to talk for a minute?” Yesterday, when you told me I looked like a troll because of my short stature and recently died blue hair doesn’t mix, that really hurt my feelings. I feel sad.”

The above approach is non-threatening and the Aries or Scorpio will respond positively. It’s unfortunate, if the victim of Aries narcissistic abuse has no tact (If their an Air sign Gemini, Libra, Aquarius) that soften approach will never happen and a full on fight may ensue. Aries has the right to blow up on other people but no one better not dare lose control in their presence. I know. It’s not fair! Nothing is ever fair dealing with a narcissist!

Aries Narcissistic women

Aries women are mostly codependent by nature but their are a few narcissistic Aries women out lurking, hungry for victims! Narcissistic Aries women often use their codependency as a mask to abuse others. The Aries women will go so hard for her man that she will feel like he is forever obligated to repay her. Of course, he never asked her to empty her savings to buy him studio time for the album he’s working on. Being an Aries she just took the initiative and did it herself.

When the Aries woman discovers her outlandish sacrifices are not being matched by her partner she becomes enraged! She will sulk for her man’s sympathy and pity and try to make him feel bad for “taking advantage” of her kindness in attempt to make him sacrifice for her in return. If that doesn’t work she may start petty arguments, violent fights or become mentally and verbally abusive. She may become very jealous and possessive of her partner when her narcissistic mask is removed and the monster underneath emerges. Her anger is unmatched and she is more likely to end up on an episode of “Snapped” as the suspect, not a victim.

Aries narcissistic women are extremely passive aggressive and do too much too soon when they are romantically interested in someone. They are too emotional and get too attached too fast. They are therefore the queens of love bombing and have unrealistic expectations too early in relationships.

J.Hihi @Copyright2019

5 Most Common Lies Narcissist Tell

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Narcissist lie to cover up their true self and paint an ideal image they perceive as better than who they actually are.

Narcissist are actors playing the role of someone they wish they were. That someone is usually very smart, attractive, successful and confident.

Narcissist lie to themselves more than anyone else. They must keep up the appearance as a good person and the only way to do so is to compulsively lie about EVERYTHING.

Some of the lies they tell are purposeless, white lies just because they get entertainment from deceiving others in the most miniscule ways. For example, you can ask a narcissist what they ate for dinner and they may have had pizza but they will lie and say they had steak. There’s no point in telling that lie but they still do.

Below are five common lies and exaggerations narcissists often use to manipulate people:

1.) “I love you!”

Most Narcissist will spew the words “I love you,” within a few weeks or months of a relationship… some even only days after meeting a love interest. Love is only shown through action and words should only be trusted when they are backed up with behavior that proves them right. When the narcissist professes his love he does this to love bomb his target and butter them up for the unexpected abuse that is soon to come. The narcissist doesn’t love himself so he cannot love others. Therefore his love confessions are lies!

2. “I’m sorry.”

The narcissist apologies are weak, insincere and used only to appease their partners. First of all their never sorry because they believe whatever they did was their partners fault anyways. If they cheated it was due to their partners neglect, if they lied it was because they are afraid of their partner can’t handle the truth… narcissist are blameless. Therefore, their apologies are laughable.

3. “I’ll change.”

Perhaps this is the biggest lie! Narcissist are maladaptive meaning they can’t change unless they undergo years of psychiatric treatment and mind altering medication. The only thing the narcissist can do is lie by promising they will change but never actually change. It’s not you, it’s them! Their behavior is hardwired into their psyche and no matter how hard you love them they will not change until they are ready to get the professional help they need to do so. As explained in my book How to Defeat a Narcissist the only thing narcissist can give is hope! They offer no solid tangibles or intangibles. As soon as their partner loses hope in the narcissist promises to change they begin the first step to leaving the narcissist for good.

4. “My ex was abusive/cheated/betrayed me.”

The narcissist must control the narrative of every relationship in their life. Narcissist understand the power of appearing as a victim in previous relationships. The narcissist may have in fact abused his ex but will paint him/her as the abuser. Basically, the narcissist lies by twisting the roles in the story to earn his new partners sympathy and pity. Narcissist understand the power of getting others to feel sorry for them so they can continue to remain unaccountable for every disastrous relationship in their past. Soon, they will do the same to you by painting the picture that you’re a horrible person. Let the smear campaigns begin! And as a general rule of thumb, never believe the stories the narcissist makes up about their ex and resist the urge to give them unwarranted pity.

5. I own (XYZ) or make a six or seven figure income.

The narcissist wants to appear to be more successful and affluent than he actually is. He won’t accept himself for who he is, therefore he can’t change and grow to become the person he pretends to be. It’s a matrix of self lies and self deception that spill over into the narcissist relationships. In the love bombing stage the narcissist will make comments about his income even though you never asked, and subtly brag about cars or homes they own that may be put away in storage or given to friends and family. When it’s time to show and prove the narcissist won’t have anything to show. It’s all a lie. Further down in the relationship they may even ask you to borrow money or finance an expensive item for them because they don’t have liquid cash and their 1.5 million is frozen in some investments for the next year or so. Don’t believe their fables of fame and fortune. Only believe what you can see!

By J. Hihi Copyright@2019